Wedding stress

[robbie3982]

FI keeps putting off asking his family if they''re going to be contributing (I don''t think they will contribute much if anything beyond the rehearsal dinner seeing as how they have another kid in college). He says he wants to ask them in person. Too bad we spent the entire week after the proposal with them and also saw them last weekend. We''ve been engaged for over 3 weeks now. We need to get the ball rolling or we''re not going to be able to have this wedding anywhere! Why does no one but me understand this???

. If they can''t contribute, that''s fine, but we need to know what kind of a budget we''re looking at.

It looks like my family will be paying or the wedding and my mom won''t stop pushing reception places that are out of budget. She doesn''t want to spend more than $10k and she said she''d prefer to spend a lot less, but she keeps pushing these places that don''t fit into that budget that she set and then says we''ll just cut back in other places. When I ask what other places she says music, videography, photography. Basically what will make the party and help us remember it. I told her that''s not an option. I want to have a good time and have pictures and video to remember it. She counters with, it''s not just about us. If we expect people to fly or drive from far away we need to put on a good event and that means the food has to be good. AGH

. This wedding is about ME and FI if being there to witness us getting married isn''t enough, then they just shouldn''t come!

FI and I cannot afford to contribute at all as of right now and if I end up getting that job, it will still only be very little. A couple thousand at the most.

My dress budget is already $500 including alterations (no, I haven''t found anything to fit in that yet). We''re looking at inviting 150 people. We might be able to cut it to 125, but beyond that is just not going to happen. FI has 18 people with his parents, brothers and sisters and their kids and there are at least 2 aunts and their kids that we need to invite (his family''s actually much bigger, but his mom and her sisters don''t talk to most of their other siblings because certain familiy members kids didn''t get invited to a wedding oh so long ago when everyone else''s kids did...). And I know my mom won''t cut any of our family or it will cause problems also.

I''m so frustrated with everything I seriously just want to elope. I feel like things just aren''t going to come together and there''s no way my wedding is going to be anything like I always imagined it would be

. FI won''t hear of eloping, so I''m stuck.

Seriously, can I please just wake up and we''re already married???

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Ah, I am sorry you are so stressed! Money is always stressful. My inlaws only paid for the RD. With that said they did an amazing job and spared no expense (even rented limos) but I can relate to not knowing who was going to pay for what and I think my parents expected them to offer to contribute to something. In the end my parents paid for 95% of the wedding (FI and I covered the usual expenses like honeymoon, ring, gifts, invites & programs, lots of plane tickets for planning

) and my dad (who is frugal on his best days) even said everything was worth what they paid which was a huge relief for me. Where are you getting married? I am sure there is SOMETHING out there that will be in your budget. We''ll all help you find it!!!!

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks Tacori. We''re getting married in Pittsburgh. I know that FI and I are going to pay for our rings, the honeymoon and I''m expecting to pay for the attendant gifts (they''re our friends after all).

We actually found a couple places that seem to fit into the budget rather nicely, but my mom always has something negative to say about them. It''s so frustrating that she''s the one setting the budget and she''s the one who keeps overstepping that boundary and then telling me I need to cut back on other stuff.

 

[E B]

Hi Robbie! I'm sorry you're stressed. You know you can count on several of us to help you find anything you need.

Regarding your guest list, I'd try to cut that back. 25 people at *however much* a head can really add up. Have you looked on craigslist for a possible photographer? Also, have you seen www.juliusbridal.com? They have lots of ballgowns (what you were looking for, right?) for like, $100-$600. They've got a pretty good reputation on theknot.com, and I think they can copy dresses from the more expensive designers if you have your heart set on one. Here's the Julius Bridal bio (Julius Bridal Bio) containing pictures and stories from brides who've ordered from them. It's worth a look.

If you need any help, just let me (us) know!

 

[robbie3982]

Ebree, we haven''t looked for a photographer yet. We figured we should wait until we have a date set first. I''d never heard of Julius Bridal before, but OMG! Thank you so much for showing it to me! I''m so excited that I can make a combination of my favorite dresses for a reasonable price. And to think that I won''t need alterations!

I''m so glad I found pricescope

 

[E B]

Have you set a budget yet for everything you want/need? I know you have for your dress and alterations, but if you do this for everything else (in a neat Excel Spreadsheet) you can better show your mom how much things cost. But...before you do this, shop around and see how much things in your area cost. I did this, and it''s been really helpful.

I know it''s early, but it never hurts to research. Here''s a photographer in Pittsburgh that offers a complete package (all day shooting with album, CD, etc.) for $950:

http://www.photo-guru.net/wedding.asp

 

[robbie3982]

What do you think of a dress like this? It has the bodice of one of the first dresses that I loved (didn''t like the skirt though) and a fuller ball gown style skirt with organza overlay in the style that I love. I changed the bodice a bit and was thinking maybe having it in a matt satin with silver beading/embroidery.

 

[robbie3982]

This is the original Alfred Angelo dress that I based it off of

 

[onedrop]

Robbie it is funny that you would post the photohop pic of the dress that you really want. My best friend just today tried on a similar style of dress. It was beaded on top and the bottom was this "plainer" crinkly material. It look fabulous on her!! I believe the owner of the shop (who is also the designer) said it was a two piece, but I might be wrong. I tried to sneak a pic but no dice. All that to say I think you will be happy with that style.

ETA: I am so sorry about your wedding stress. It is unfortunate that sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. Hopefully all will work out in the end!!

 

[RoseAngel04]

I'm so sorry the wedding planning has been stressful so far for you Robbie!!

I know how veryvery stressful finances/budget can be. The week after our proposal I looked all over the net researching venues etc and found myself very overwhelmed and worried about the cost. My parents are contributing as much money as they can, but once they have spent their limit, FI and I will contribute to make the ends meet. Now, that most likely means we won't have an all out honeymoon like we would be able to afford if my parents were able to foot the entire bill, but we will wait until we can afford a nicer honeymoon. We, like you, want to have a wedding day that we will remember for the rest of lives, and one that we will be happy with. We also talked about eloping, and FI is fine with it, but that will be an absolute LAST resort for us. I have always dreamed of being surrounded with family/friends, and that's what we hope and plan to have for our day.

Just try to stay positive and keep researching places in your area!! Good luck and keep us posted!

Oh and it looks like the wedding dress place will work out perfectly!!

 

[E B]

I love the dress mockup! It''s simple and elegant and ball-gowny. Perfect.

 

[ephemery1]

Hi Robbie, I just wanted to toss out the idea of doing the wedding on a Friday night instead of a Saturday? That can sometimes really help cut costs... the venue and even some of the vendors (photographer, etc) are likely to charge much less than they would for a Saturday wedding. Time of year helps too. We have been to a few Friday weddings and they have been just lovely... something to think about!

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 9/5/2006 8:04:01 AM
Author: ephemery1
Hi Robbie, I just wanted to toss out the idea of doing the wedding on a Friday night instead of a Saturday? That can sometimes really help cut costs... the venue and even some of the vendors (photographer, etc) are likely to charge much less than they would for a Saturday wedding. Time of year helps too. We have been to a few Friday weddings and they have been just lovely... something to think about!

We''re actually discussing that. The only problem is that 12/14 bridal party members (I''m including chuppah holders) live far away (one in London, 1 in Israel, 2 in Oregon...) and I''m worried about them being able to make it if they''re going to have to take an extra day off to make a thursday rehearsal. I''m about to send them all an email asking if they could make it though.

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 9/5/2006 8:36:46 AM
Author: robbie3982

Date: 9/5/2006 8:04:01 AM
Author: ephemery1
Hi Robbie, I just wanted to toss out the idea of doing the wedding on a Friday night instead of a Saturday? That can sometimes really help cut costs... the venue and even some of the vendors (photographer, etc) are likely to charge much less than they would for a Saturday wedding. Time of year helps too. We have been to a few Friday weddings and they have been just lovely... something to think about!

We''re actually discussing that. The only problem is that 12/14 bridal party members (I''m including chuppah holders) live far away (one in London, 1 in Israel, 2 in Oregon...) and I''m worried about them being able to make it if they''re going to have to take an extra day off to make a thursday rehearsal. I''m about to send them all an email asking if they could make it though.

Well, if you''re having a Jewish wedding, you can''t get married on a Friday night anyway. (I mean, you can... but you''re not ''supposed to'').

What about a Sunday afternoon wedding? Much less expensive, people can make the rehersal dinner and their flights back Sunday night if necessary...

 

[TBeck2000]

We''re currently planning a $7-8k budget wedding for next June in Pittsburgh.

We have found some terrific vendors that offer a lot for very little.

For example, our DJ is Andy Hutelmyer ([email protected]). He is providing 6 hours of music for only $450. Our first photographer choice Jenni Stringhill (www.jennisphotography.com) is $800 for all day coverage. Unfortunately, she isn''t available for our date. We ended up picking Tony Urban (www.tonyurbanstudios.com) at $1000 for all day with a free engagement photo session. Our caterer (Bob Loutsion, 724-745-0623) is providing a buffet-style meal for about $11/person. We are having hors d''oeuvres (fruit, meat/cheese, bread/crackers), 3 entree choices, and 2 or 3 vegetables. We''re doing the alcoholic beverages ourselves, but keeping it simple with two choices of beer (light and dark) and wine (red and white). My fiancee is taking care of the florist, so I''m not sure of the details, but I''m assured that it will be very reasonable (he''s a friend of her family).

Good luck planning your day!

-Tim

 

[mercoledi]

Hi again. Sorry your mom is putting a lot of preassure on you about the venue. Maybe you can look around on your own and find something nice that''ll be more affordable. It sounds like she just wants something really nice for you. I don''t have anything helpful to say other than "hang in there!"

My fiance is fond of saying that the worst thing you can do to any relationship is plan a wedding, and sadly is sounds like that might apply to your relationship with your mom. You''ll work out something; it just takes time.

In other news, I ran across one of your Jasmine gowns for sale here. It''s unworn, size 10, and you can probably talk her down on the price. There''s also this Maggie which looks like other things you liked.

If you go with julius, their work looks really good, but it can take up to twice as long as the originally tell you, so be sure to budget some delays into your timeframe.

chin up!

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks everyone!

Amanda, I''m not sure if we''re going to really have a jewish wedding or just try to incorporate some of the parts of a jewish wedding. I''m really not feeling an afternoon wedding, especially on Sunday. Some of the briday party is far away, but close enough to drive (about a 7 hr drive) and I think that''s what they''ll do instead of flying, so that would put them getting home very late on Sunday. I also feel like there''s so much that goes into getting ready that I would have to get up sooo much earlier to get things done. My friend had her wedding around 3 or 4 pm on a Saturday and we got up at 8am and were going non stop until I went home that night. I also want people to be able to stay and drink at the reception. I don''t want people to feel like they have to rush or not drink because they have to get home that night.

Tbeck, thanks for the vendor tips! I''ll definitely check those out. Where are you having your reception?

Thanks, mercoledi for the dress heads up. I think I''m going to go the custom route. The prices seem better and I do have tons of time to allow for shipping delays. I''m not sure yet if I''ll have them make a knock off (perhaps that pronovias?) or if I''ll do something more custom like I posted above.

 

[TBeck2000]

^^ We are using the Buffalo Inn in South Park. It''s a county building, but it''s pretty nice. We rented it for $335 (with the $50 alcohol permit).

Buffalo Inn

There is also a nice gazebo that overlooks a pond there. It costs $45 to rent it for 4 hours, but we haven''t decided if we absolutely need it or not:

 

[robbie3982]

Hmmm...intersting. I''ll have to check it out. FI''s parents actually live right by South Park in Bethel.

 

[robbie3982]

So, FI talked to his parents and they said they should be able to give about 5k, so our budget just increased by 50%. Perhaps some of the things that my mom was looking at are possible

.

It looks like our families will finally be meeting on the 16th. I''m a bit nervous about it and my mom is acting like a girl being set up on a blind date (what should I wear? does his mom wear a lot of jewelry? how formal are they?)

. I hope everyone gets along.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Nice to hear that you''ve overcome the "budget hurdle". Now you can move forward with the planning!

Ahhhh- the meeting of the parents. Ours met earlier this summer, and I totally remember my mom asking me a ton of questions about FMIW. I told her to chill!

 

[RoseAngel04]

Wow!!! That''s awesome that your FI family is putting in 5k. Very nice!! YAY!

See...things are working there way out......