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Wedding registry gifts. IYO, How much is too much for a single item?

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by Dancing Fire, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Jul 16, 2019
    Nowadays, I heard wedding couples have items up to $2k on their wedding registry wish list. :eek-2: Is that a norm for these days?. I thought most items would be in the $25 - $250 range.
     
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  2. missy
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by missy » Jul 16, 2019
    Maybe the couple is hoping a few friends or a few family members will go in on the gift together? Or maybe they are thinking a close family member or close friend is going to splurge on their gift. There are many possibilities/options.
     
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  3. tyty333
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by tyty333 » Jul 16, 2019
    I'm curious what would cost $2k that a new couple would need? A kitchen appliance? Nice bedding? A piece of art? I heard most newlyweds are
    not wanting China/Crystal these days. Silverware?

    I think it really depends on the budget of your guest. At some weddings a $2k gift might not be out of the question. At other weddings a $2k gift
    probably wont get bought and might raise some eyebrows.

    A $2k gift on a registry would not be the norm in my neck of the woods.
     
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  4. the_mother_thing
    Ideal_Rock

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    by the_mother_thing » Jul 16, 2019
    Agree with @missy ... having one or two ‘big ticket’ items is a good opportunity for a couple friends/families to go in on something together. I’ve seen office team members and colleagues go that route on occasion.
     
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  5. missy
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by missy » Jul 16, 2019
    We never even had a registry. Most of my friends didn’t. Cash was the norm in our social circles in those days.
     
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  6. arkieb1
    Ideal_Rock

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    by arkieb1 » Jul 16, 2019
    No, these days EVERYONE expects money, no gifts, we get a little card or message from friends or nieces and nephews saying no gifts just cash.....
     
  7. missy
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by missy » Jul 16, 2019
    Well imo that rude. One shouldn’t ask for cash. It’s one thing if that is what the guest wants to give but it shouldn’t be expected. But maybe I’m just too old fashioned.
     
  8. arkieb1
    Ideal_Rock

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    by arkieb1 » Jul 16, 2019
    Yes I think it's a generational thing, my mother thinks it's rude as do most of her peers, I used to think it rude but now I'm kind of used to it, (the last 10 weddings in I've been invited to, all stated no gifts and their version of polite is they are having a wishing well or something like it where it is suggested you give them cash, a few just stated no gifts just cash) but I agree there is a certain lack of tact when people demand their guests pay for their seats. Gone are the days when you were just happy to have all your guests enjoy the day with you, that was how it was when I got married if they gave you blaah gifts (which some of them did) you just had to accept it.
     
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  9. jbake
    Shiny_Rock

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    by jbake » Jul 16, 2019
    I don’t remember my bridal registry very well, but items left on my baby registry after the baby shower were available at a discount for us to purchase.
    So potentially someone could add things they didn’t expect others to buy for them so they could get them on sale later.
     
  10. AV_
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by AV_ » Jul 16, 2019
    I have not been to very many weddings, but very different - anything between no gifts at all, to overt fundraiser yielding a household; I am game... & don't they know it!
     
    


    


  11. bludiva
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by bludiva » Jul 16, 2019
    I don't think that's ok but I have never liked registries, especially if the couple has means - it just seems tacky to me to be asking for stuff. I also don't like people asking for monetary contributions to their honeymoon etc.. That being said, I've both bought off of registries and contributed to honeymoons, I just stick to whatever my budget would have been anyway.

    A 2k gift on a registry either is trying to get people to feel like they should spend more (well we're not going to spend 2k, but we can do $100 instead of $50) or the couple feels very entitled. Parents or in the case of a wealthy community a close family member or friend are the only people I can think of who would spend that much.

    I didn't have a registry or a shower. I have one friend, who is super generous, ask me what I wanted and insisted on me giving her an answer. I told her a piece of cookware which was less than $40. She kept trying to get me to pick something else that was more expensive but that was the only thing I could think of that we actually needed. Maybe some people also want the opportunity to express their love for the couple by buying something splurgy for them, I don't know. I do think a lot of the newer rituals/trends around engagement/marriage/baby in the US are over the top.
     
  12. telephone89
    Ideal_Rock

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    by telephone89 » Jul 16, 2019
    People know cash is always welcome, asking for it is very rude IMO.
    That said, there are a few reasons I've heard for putting big ticket items on a registry (baby/wedding/house, any really)
    -Group gifts, ie everyone from the office goes in for that kitchen aid mixer
    -Completion discount - If your registry isn't fully purchased by your event most places give you 10-25% off the remaining stuff
    -Make everyone else feel cheap - maybe they won't buy the $2k item, but maybe seeing it they won't buy the $10 item and will bump up to the $50 one.
     
  13. bludiva
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by bludiva » Jul 16, 2019
    trying to nudge people to spend more is super tacky imho
     
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  14. nala
    Ideal_Rock

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    by nala » Jul 16, 2019
    Tbh, I used to think having a registry was rude. Telling people what to buy you implies that you don’t trust them to be thoughtful enough to gift you something meaningful, etc. After a while, the registry idea grew on me Bc i realized some people are rude and buy crappy gifts.
    I guess this helped prepare me for the asking for money trend. Lol. I try to view it as the most helpful way to honor a couple who is spending thousands on a special day. Most couples will go out of their way to provide the best for their guests so why shouldn’t guests do the same for the happy couple?
     
  15. telephone89
    Ideal_Rock

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    by telephone89 » Jul 16, 2019
    Yep. I've had someone tell me straight up that's why they added more expensive things in =\
     
    


    


  16. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Jul 16, 2019
    Still is for Chinese weddings..[​IMG]
     
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  17. bludiva
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by bludiva » Jul 16, 2019
    I hear that and I think it's a fine line....I dunno, I could be just a cranky ol' lady. I thought the idea of wedding gifts & baby showers was to help give a young couple starting out in life what they need to start a household or prepare for the arrival of their first child. The "it takes a village" idea. Now I see people using it as what seems like an excuse to upgrade things in their lives if you know what I mean, especially when a lot of the time the couple is a bit older and already pretty established (home ownership, career, etc.). So there's a line to me at which it just feels kinda grabby.
     
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  18. Rubymal
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Rubymal » Jul 16, 2019
    This reminded me of a friend of mine who got married recently. Shes in her 50s and it's her second marriage but has a good career and a house. She sent a registry link to me and a bunch of other people in a chat which asked for money to supplement her honeymoon. None of the people in the chat were even invited to the wedding.
     
  19. bludiva
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by bludiva » Jul 16, 2019
    Argggh nooooo! I think the thing to do for a later marriage or 2nd marriage etc. Is one of 3 options:

    No registry, no mention of gifts. People can give something if they want.

    A tactfully worded no gifts please

    A tactfully worded, in lieu of gifts, please make a donation to x...

    The last 2 both assume you will be getting gifts which is also uncomfortable to me...
     
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  20. Rubymal
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Rubymal » Jul 16, 2019
    Yeah, I think the sticking point for me was that none of the people (including me) were even invited to the wedding, but were expected to give money. :(2
     
  21. Austina
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Austina » Jul 16, 2019
    We didn’t have a wedding registry, when people asked, we said that their presence was enough.

    I suppose with couples living together and already having homes before they’re married these days (yes, I’m old), they don’t ‘need’ the things people used to buy as wedding gifts.

    I don’t really like people asking for money, and in the case of the person asking for money when she’s not even inviting people to the wedding, words fail me! (Well, they don’t, but they’d be unprintable here!!!).
     
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  22. bludiva
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by bludiva » Jul 16, 2019
    Yeah that was not just tacky but ballsy!
     
  23. smitcompton
    Ideal_Rock

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    by smitcompton » Jul 16, 2019
    Hi,

    I have changed with the times. Giving money is easier. The only time I mind is when it is suggested I cover my plate or the couple need the money to pay for the wedding. To me, the couple look irresponsible and show-offey. If you can't afford the wedding , you can't expect your guests to pay for it.
    But I still give the money, but with the scowl of disapproval.

    Annette
     
  24. kipari
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by kipari » Jul 16, 2019
    Hmmmm... Echoing the reasoning of some others here : imho registries do make sense. We never had any except for our wedding and we only gave the info to people who asked about it. It's much more convenient for both parties. In my experience people still give gifts if they want to, even if you nicely tell them their presence is enough. Those who don't want to pick from the registry won't (that's how we ended up with some seriously odd expensive pieces )


    For our babies we insisted on no gifts and ended up with 30onesies in size 1month (yes, one for every day, basically..) and some expensive bottle warmers etc when I breastfed exclusively. In hindsight a registry would have made sense...

    But 2 k items? No, tacky, unless your social circle is full of billionaires .
     
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  25. dk168
    Ideal_Rock

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    by dk168 » Jul 16, 2019
    I have a default wedding present which is a sterling silver photo frame.

    The size of the frame is dependent upon how well I know the bride or the groom, or both.

    I never give cash or pick anything from a list.

    The smallest was about 30 GBP, and the largest was nearly 200 GBP.

    I found an eBay store based in Italy with a huge selection of designs in various sizes, and have not shopped for silver photo frames anywhere else.

    DK :))
     
  26. chemgirl
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by chemgirl » Jul 16, 2019
    I don’t have an issue with expensive items if there’s a range.

    Maybe there’s a grandparent looking to buy the couple a dining room set. Who knows?

    It’s tacky when there is literally nothing affordable on the registry. I’m not buying someone a $500 blanket. That was the case with a friend years ago. She wanted to open gifts, but she didn’t register for normal things like a toaster or a serving dish. It was all high-end $500 or more. It totally changed my perception of her as a person.
     
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  27. marymm
    Ideal_Rock

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    by marymm » Jul 16, 2019
    On the flip side, my nephew just got married and their registry had a lot of below-$15 items and only a few items over $50.

    I wouldn't be offended if a registry had large-ticket items as long as there were sub-$100 and sub-$50 options as well.

    I will buy off of registries if an item rings true as something I'd pick out even without the benefit of the registry, otherwise I buy a wedding gift off-registry.

    I don't give money as a gift.
     
  28. tyty333
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by tyty333 » Jul 16, 2019
    The last wedding we attended was a second marriage for both and they did the in lew of gifts a donation to your favorite charity would be appreciated.
    It was not worded like that...it was a while ago and I cant remember. I really liked that idea.
     
  29. Bron357
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Bron357 » Jul 16, 2019
    For my second marriage we had a “no gifts” request. Instead we asked that a donation be made to a charity. The fact was we were older and had an already established home. We didn’t need or want any more “stuff”.
    In the “olden days” are married couple was starting from scratch and gifts were a way of helping set up a home.
    These days you have “wishing wells” a so called polite way of saying “give us cash”. The wedding I don’t like is where, as a guest, you have to pay for your meal and/or pay for any drinks you have. In my book, if you can’t afford a 3 course sit down wedding, have a BBQ or have a cocktail style reception.
    And I am very anti “destination weddings” where guests are required to pay thousands to go to some exotic location. Not everyone has $5,000 spare and not everyone can take 3 or more days off work/ away from home to attend.
     
  30. strawrose
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by strawrose » Jul 16, 2019
    Cash is normal in my culture, and IMO, more useful than gifts. 8-) There was a registry so Caucasian friends wouldn’t feel awkward.

    We did get cheap daiso plates and bowls, which funnily enough, get used 3 years later.

    Yeah, 2k is way too much...
     
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