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Wedding Invitation Requesting Monetary Gifts...

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sap483

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So I got a wedding invitation in the mail yesterday, and on both the invite and the response card was the phrase "No boxed gifts please." I was absolutely floored. That''s basically saying cash only. It''s bad enough to mention gifts at all, but to request what type of gift, wow.

So anyway, all rudeness aside, I have already purchased something for the couple. When they visited my home several months ago, the bride raved about this hand blown glass bowl that I had made and how it would go perfectly with her furnishings. So, I had a similar bowl made. I was going to give them that plus a smaller monetary gift. I know I really loved getting unexpected gifts like that. Everytime I look at them, it brings back fond memories of my wedding, and of the guests that gave me the items. Should I forget about giving them the bowl though since clearly all they care about is cash?
 

panda08

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"No boxed gifts please" I have NEVER heard of that before and have no idea what that means! If it is a euphemism for "cash please", it''s tacky.

Your gift sounds lovely and I see nothing wrong with giving it since you know the bride likes it. If you''re still feeling generous after that request for $, then include the small monetary gift with it.
 

Winslet

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Although this is the ABSOLUTE TACKIEST way of handling things, she is probably also implying that she just won''t have a place for boxed gifts at the reception. I would send your beautiful, thoughtful gift to her house and pretend that her card didn''t also kind of imply cash gifts only.
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Date: 4/15/2009 2:21:03 PM
Author:sap483
So I got a wedding invitation in the mail yesterday, and on both the invite and the response card was the phrase ''No boxed gifts please.'' I was absolutely floored. That''s basically saying cash only. It''s bad enough to mention gifts at all, but to request what type of gift, wow.


So anyway, all rudeness aside, I have already purchased something for the couple. When they visited my home several months ago, the bride raved about this hand blown glass bowl that I had made and how it would go perfectly with her furnishings. So, I had a similar bowl made. I was going to give them that plus a smaller monetary gift. I know I really loved getting unexpected gifts like that. Everytime I look at them, it brings back fond memories of my wedding, and of the guests that gave me the items. Should I forget about giving them the bowl though since clearly all they care about is cash?
Gifts are not obligatory which is why preferences on gifts should never be specified on invitations. It''s just NOT DONE!!! That being said, you fully intended to gift them with something prior to getting the invitation and I think you should give them what you planned on giving them. Your friend (if she has half a brain) will realize what a nice gesture having the bowl made was and be thankful. I wouldn''t give them any money at all.
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
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Maybe they are moving near the time of the wedding? I would give/send the gift that I was planning to give them. It''s the thought that counts!
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Date: 4/15/2009 2:50:01 PM
Author: Winslet
Although this is the ABSOLUTE TACKIEST way of handling things, she is probably also implying that she just won''t have a place for boxed gifts at the reception. I would send your beautiful, thoughtful gift to her house and pretend that her card didn''t also kind of imply cash gifts only.
While it would be nice to give the bride the benefit of the doubt that there just isn''t room at the venue, clearly it was easily misconstrued which makes me think that it''s not the case at all.
 

kama_s

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Date: 4/15/2009 2:50:01 PM
Author: Winslet
I would send your beautiful, thoughtful gift to her house and pretend that her card didn''t also kind of imply cash gifts only.
Exactly what I would do - send it to her house and just because of that attitude, I wouldn''t even include the smaller monetary gift you were initially intending on giving.
 

Winslet

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Date: 4/15/2009 2:53:10 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Date: 4/15/2009 2:50:01 PM

Author: Winslet

Although this is the ABSOLUTE TACKIEST way of handling things, she is probably also implying that she just won''t have a place for boxed gifts at the reception. I would send your beautiful, thoughtful gift to her house and pretend that her card didn''t also kind of imply cash gifts only.

While it would be nice to give the bride the benefit of the doubt that there just isn''t room at the venue, clearly it was easily misconstrued which makes me think that it''s not the case at all.

Hudson, I have a sneaking suspicion that you are absolutely right, but I''m hoping beyond hope that this girl is just REALLY oblivious to how her invite would be construed. Yikes!
 

Inanna

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565
I've also never heard that before. Really tacky, but I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt...

Is there any chance whatsoever that "No boxed gifts" means something along the lines of please don't bring gifts to ceremony/reception? Is it a destination wedding? I dunno, I'm probably stretching here.

Your gift sounds wonderful! They'd be lucky to get it... I would either give it to them or keep it for myself
.

ETA: I would absolutely not include any sort of monetary gift as well.
 

Italiahaircolor

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Date: 4/15/2009 2:53:36 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 4/15/2009 2:50:01 PM
Author: Winslet
I would send your beautiful, thoughtful gift to her house and pretend that her card didn''t also kind of imply cash gifts only.
Exactly what I would do - send it to her house and just because of that attitude, I wouldn''t even include the smaller monetary gift you were initially intending on giving.
Ditto.
 

sap483

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Messages
988
I want to give the bride the benefit of the doubt too. Our families are old friends, and we spent a lot of time together when we were growing up. I''m skeptical though because she did just buy a house, and has already moved into it. She was actually talking about how they don''t have much for the house yet in terms of housewares and furnishings because they both lived with their parents prior to buying the house. So I don''t think space or moving is really an issue. Plus the wedding is very close to their home, so I don''t think transporting the gifts is an issue either.

I was planning on dropping it off in advance anyway (I''m afraid to mail it, as it''s pretty fragile). When I got married, we had to enlist the help of friends to bring presents home, so I figured I would save her the hassle. So it seems like the consensus is give her the gift, leave out the cash?
 

Kelli

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That seems pretty tacky to me. I''d give them the gift you got them anyway, or nothing at all since their request seems a little rude.
 

marchswallowbird

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It''s not really up to them to dictate what gifts their guests should give. Registries aside, it''s a GIFT. They should be happy to get anything.
 

doodle

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Just give them a few bucks and send the bowl to ME! What? I like glass!
 

CNOS128

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Give 'em the bowl. Put it in a bag instead of a box!!


ETA: Oh, man, I didn't read the response right above mine. I'm SO not clever.
 

havernell

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Date: 4/15/2009 4:38:15 PM
Author: TheBigT
Give 'em the bowl. Put it in a bag instead of a box!!



ETA: Oh, man, I didn't read the response right above mine. I'm SO not clever.
No, we're equally clever! Great minds, after all, do think alike.
 

bee*

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Date: 4/15/2009 2:53:36 PM
Author: kama_s
Date: 4/15/2009 2:50:01 PM

Author: Winslet

I would send your beautiful, thoughtful gift to her house and pretend that her card didn''t also kind of imply cash gifts only.
Exactly what I would do - send it to her house and just because of that attitude, I wouldn''t even include the smaller monetary gift you were initially intending on giving.
I agree with this. I hate hearing "money only" gifts.
 

CNOS128

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Date: 4/15/2009 4:42:49 PM
Author: havernell

No, we''re equally clever! Great minds, after all, do think alike.
LOL, you''re sweet, havernell!
 

sap483

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Messages
988
Haha, DH also suggested putting it in a bag. Very funny.

So I''m tempted to give the bowl to my mom instead. I know that the cash only thing wasn''t directed specifically at me, but it has left a sour taste in my mouth. I spent a lot of time having this piece made. In case any of you are familiar, it''s made using something called the incalmo technique. Basically they layer multiple pieces of glass together. It''s very difficult to do because you have to get each layer just right. The end results are definitely worth the time and effort though. I loved it for a wedding gift because to me it''s like a methaphor for marriage (sorry if that''s a little cheesy). I''m thinking my mommy may appreciate it more.

It''s making me sad because I really love giving gifts. I was really looking forward to giving this to them, but no so much anymore. Lesson learned.
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Date: 4/15/2009 5:07:30 PM
Author: sap483
Haha, DH also suggested putting it in a bag. Very funny.


So I''m tempted to give the bowl to my mom instead. I know that the cash only thing wasn''t directed specifically at me, but it has left a sour taste in my mouth. I spent a lot of time having this piece made. In case any of you are familiar, it''s made using something called the incalmo technique. Basically they layer multiple pieces of glass together. It''s very difficult to do because you have to get each layer just right. The end results are definitely worth the time and effort though. I loved it for a wedding gift because to me it''s like a methaphor for marriage (sorry if that''s a little cheesy). I''m thinking my mommy may appreciate it more.


It''s making me sad because I really love giving gifts. I was really looking forward to giving this to them, but no so much anymore. Lesson learned.
So are you debating between giving them the bowl or giving them cash, or not giving them a gift at all? I know the situation is rude, but you had the bowl made specifically for the bride. I think it would be unfair and equally tacky to not give her your gift because you''re bitter. However, I don''t think you should bend to their level by giving them money. You intended to give them a gift, do it. Just do it on your terms, not theirs.
 

sap483

Brilliant_Rock
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Messages
988
Oh hmm, I guess my post came out wrong. I wouldn''t not give her a gift- I''m just considering giving her a check and giving the bowl to someone who would probably appreciate it more. The bowl was about $450, so I was thinking of giving her a check for $200. I know that''s what she would prefer. Bad idea? Again, it''s just a thought....
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Date: 4/15/2009 5:17:40 PM
Author: sap483
Oh hmm, I guess my post came out wrong. I wouldn''t not give her a gift- I''m just considering giving her a check and giving the bowl to someone who would probably appreciate it more. The bowl was about $450, so I was thinking of giving her a check for $200. I know that''s what she would prefer. Bad idea? Again, it''s just a thought....
Personally, I think giving her money is validating her rudeness.
 

neatfreak

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Feb 17, 2007
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14,167
Ugh how RUDE.

I also would send the gift to her house and call it a day. No money is needed.

I''m **hoping** that they just meant that they didn''t/couldn''t haul big gifts home from the wedding...but regardless it''s tacky tacky tacky.
 

VRBeauty

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From what you''ve written, I assume this is someone you care about. If it were me I''d send them the gift I had ready and call it a day. No need to send a check (you are extraordinarily generous, in my book) no need to hold it against them in any way.

I understand that asking for cash, or referring to a gift in any way is considered "the height of rudeness," but inversely, I think that forgiveness is the height of charity. So... (since you''ve asked
) give the gift in the spirit in which it was bought... as a celebration of your friend''s marriage, and as something that you hope will remind them of their special day for many years to come.
 

Vancity

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Messages
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I had to laugh when I read this about "No Boxed Gifts"....

My cousin was married back in the 90''s. Adrian is my Mum''s godson. My parents are extremely generous when it comes to family...

Their wedding gift to Adrian and his new bride was cash....to give them a start in purchasing their 1st home.

My mother found a beautiful box, and we decorated it with an actual wedding bouquet on the top, in their chosen colours.

When they opened the box, they discovered 10 X $1,000.00 bills = $10,000.

(In Canada, there was such a thing at the time...the bills were the most beautiful shade of pink. They have since been pulled from circulation by the Bank of Canada.)

Wonder if the bride would object to that kind of "Boxed Gift"??? *wink*

sap483, if you do give the couple your generous & thoughtful gift, throw a shiny new penny in it... for good luck, of course....


~Allyson
 

Bia

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Date: 4/15/2009 5:17:40 PM
Author: sap483
Oh hmm, I guess my post came out wrong. I wouldn''t not give her a gift- I''m just considering giving her a check and giving the bowl to someone who would probably appreciate it more. The bowl was about $450, so I was thinking of giving her a check for $200. I know that''s what she would prefer. Bad idea? Again, it''s just a thought....
That is very generous...my gosh. You''re a great friend! I understand how you feel because I like giving something personal along with money.

I also like to give the benefit of the doubt. BUT, this couple doesn''t deserve this lovely gift because they specifically said they don''t want it. Their loss...

Give them a check...but not $200. I say $100 and call it a day. It''s one thing to ask for non-boxed gifts if they are getting married far away, or if they are giving to a charity, but just because, is in bad taste. Unless I am just outdated in terms of proper wedding etiquette.
 

diamondseeker2006

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Wow, that is an extremely generous gift! I absolutely would send it to her and NOT give a monetary gift. Their request is the ultimate in tackiness.
 

Loves Vintage

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I think you should give her the glass bowl. It was such a thoughtful gift, and generous too! I really couldn''t imagine if she had the choice, that she would prefer cash over the bowl. I mean, that was really very, very thoughtful of you to have the bowl made for her because you knew she would like it. A gift with that type of thoughtfulness behind it is really the best gift of all.

Although the language on the invitation was inappropriate, sometimes people just don''t know it. I wouldn''t begrudge her for that, but I would also ignore the request and give her the gift that you originally intended.
 

Inanna

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So, if you do give her the bowl, perhaps you should put a pretty envelope in it with a printed copy of this article inside (highlight #1 in bright pink!).



In all seriousness though, you are incredibly thoughtful and generous. I hope your friend realizes this.
 
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