Wedding Ceremony and Rehearsal Stress!!

[oobiecoo]

So FI and I had planned on not hiring any type of wedding coordinator at first, then we decided to do one just for the rehearsal and ceremony, and now I think we are back to not having one at all. The thing I am MOST stressed about is making sure everyone knows what order they walk in and when to start and when to cue the music and all of those kinds of details. How did you handle these at your rehearsal and wedding? I am totally unsure about how to direct the ceremony or if it even needs to be done at all? Does it all kind of fall into place without much direction? Any opinions or tips would be VERY useful! (Our wedding is Catholic performed by a Deacon with no mass, in case that matters)

 

[Haven]

I haven''t had my own wedding yet, but I''ve stood up in too many weddings, so I can at least tell you about my experience.

Every single wedding I''ve been in has been held at a location that required an on-site coordinator to be there for the rehearsal. The churches seem to have either volunteers or a member of their office staff running the rehearsal, and clubs and hotels have employees. At all of these rehearsals the site representative has been in charge of the actual rehearsal, so even when the couple has had a wedding coordinator they weren''t necessary.

I definitely don''t think it all falls into place without direction--the brides have always set up a schedule with the coordinators that includes names, processional/recessional orders, specific details about readings and other activities. This seems to be an intrinsic part of the planning process with your minister/priest/deacon/rabbi, so my guess is that the order falls into place easily once you''ve planned out your wedding.

The best thing a bride has ever done was to give me a detailed schedule of the day before and day of activities for her wedding. I knew exactly what was expected of me, where I should be, where everyone else should be, and when.

Hope this helps! Don''t stress out!

 

[blondie23]

I could have written your post. I am feeling this exact same way too....I think i''m going to hire a weekend coordinator just for my sanity!

 

[Pandora II]

Being a total control freak, for all the events I do I write a minute by minute running order with timings down one side and instructions down the other with each person''s name above their bit.

I send it out to everyone involved in the event a week before and make sure all my co-ordinators on the day/night have a copy. My wedding will be no different.

You definitely need someone there on the day to run everything - this can either be a trusted friend or a professional organiser, either way step-by-step instructions and a list of all the mobile no.s etc of any vendors/band/photographer etc are an essential to make sure nothing is overlooked or forgotten.

I can post a page or two of one of my running orders if anyone wants to see the sort of thing - it''s long though.

 

[ladyciel]

I was feeling the same way, but between a book I just received as a gift and Haven's advice above I'm feeling more calm. The book I got was the Wedding Ceremony Planner (link), and it has a section on the rehearsal and tips for getting through it. It also talks about everything from figuring out where everyone should stand, how they enter, what order to have sections of the ceremony, example introductions/vows/unity ceremonies/etc that I'm feeling really confident that we can put together (and smoothly run) a ceremony we love without the help of a coordinator. I'm definitely going to do what Haven suggested and make a schedule to give all the important players. It's something we'll have to plan anyway, and it will make ours and everyone else's lives easier if it's all down on paper (and therefore really thought out).

 

[FacetFire]

Even though our wedding will only be 40 people or so, with one MOH and one BM (no additional bridesmaids or groomsmen), we are still using a day-of wedding planner. I feel like the minor cost for day-of service is WELL worth it for me. I know that I will be stressed about a ton of details unless I feel that I have given the duties to someone else. And I really prefer not to make my mother take care fo that kind of thing...I want her to enjoy herself too. Every wedding I have been to has either had an on-site coordinator or a wedding planner, which always seemed to make things go more smoothly.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think that if it''s going to stress you out and hiring somebody would make you feel better, you should. We had a 35-person wedding with only my MOH and two groomsmen. We had the ceremony at a private residence (so no on-site coordinator) and we told the JOP he didn''t need to come to the rehearsal because there were so few people in the wedding party. The day of the wedding the wedding party simply walked out to our ceremony spot, the musician started playing the processional, I walked and that was it! When the ceremony was finished, I looked at my husband and said "which direction would you like to recess--he pointed to the right, we walked, the MOH and groomsmen followed and that was it! No stress!

For a large bridal party with multiple bridesmaides, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, grandparents, etc. I think hiring a coordinator just to ease your mind and let you focus on non-logistical stuff is a good idea. The last thing you want to think about right before walking down the aisle is "who goes when? Who follows? When should they go?"

 

[robbie3982]

Our site''s coordinator couldn''t make it to our rehearsal so I ended up running it. It was definitely really stressful, but I got through it. I guess if you decide to do it yoursel, have a plan of exactly what you want to happen. We had a rather large bridal party with 6 kids under the age of 10 in it and it was somewhat chaotic at points. The part that stressed me out the most was that everyone (and I mean everyone) kept asking me questions. I couldn''t even get an answer out before someone else would pull me away to ask me something else.

Our DJ played the ceremony music and he wasn''t at the rehearsal. I just told him what songs were for which people. He had his assistant with us and they signaled to eachother to keep everyone and all the songs on time.