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We looked at rings...at Graff!

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Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 12, 2006
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So, M claims to be 98.9% sure he wants me to marry him, but I want to give it a few more months (it's only been 6ish months). But on our long weekend trip, I could hardly say no to a visit to Graff - where heart stopping jewels abound, for those of you ladies unlucky enough to never have visited one of their shops! They specialize in 3 ct plus stones... and especially 3 ct plus D IF stones. Oh oh oh!

M has heard me rave about Graff, and claims not to really 'get' my obsession with diamonds, so I figured what better place to introduce him than where my own obsession began? We looked at a few 2 ct stones, a boring cushion and a couple of beautiful rounds flanked by dainty baguettes... But nothing that made my heart sing. Then we asked to look at wedding rings and there was an eternity band with about 1.25 cts (I'm a size 4 finger, so that's plenty!) of bezel set D colour stones and dainty as can be. A really lovely setting. We both fell in love with it, and it was decently priced. The man said it would take about four weeks to have one custom made in London for me if and when it was needed.

What we discussed is this: M - who had NO savings when we started dating, has frantically been saving up since then, but will have nowhere near enough to buy me the sort of diamond I'd someday like to have by, say, the end of summer when we'll probably get engaged (or break up...due to complicated impending job related decisions). But he will have plenty to purchase this lovely eternity ring for me. So, I'd wear that as an engagement ring and then use it as a wedding ring. Someday, when we're more comfortable, I'll get my nice solitaire. That's not the important thing at the moment.

I know it's unconventional, but it's fine with me. And sure, people might mistake me for married, and I'd lose the fun of 'ARE YOU ENGAGED?' but again, that's not the important thing.

And for those of you thinking 'Wait! wait! Graff's prices are so inflated!', he quoted us a fairly decent price and then basically told us there was plenty of wiggle room from there. And sure the price he quoted was more than, say, Facets, for the same quality stones but not THAT much more (a few hundred). And I bet the setting is nicer than Facets. And this way we'd have the comfort of a solid old B&M to fix, clean, redip, etc. and one with truly excellent customer service. The price difference vs. internet would be huge for a solitaire, but doesn't seem to be that huge for an eternity ring.

So, the Graff man took down our info. Just in case.

Before we left, I asked if he had anythign really spectacular he could show us, just for fun, and he pulled out a gorgeous 3 ct D IF emerald cut... the most beautiful one I have EVER seen, set in my favourite Graff setting (pink gold, with bezel set pink diamond melee). The second most perfect ring I've seen there. The first was a cushion in the same setting.

Then over dinner M and I played 'What would you do with 100K, if you had to spend it on something frivolous?' He said 'Without doubt, I would get you that spectacular ring at Graff'. But if you HAD to spend it on yourself? 'It would make me so much happier to thrill YOU with a ring like that. And then I'd get to look at it too.'

what a guy!


And yes, I know it's putting the cart before the horse. I'm not 100% sure yet. But it was fun anyway. And besides, I'm about 92.6% sure.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
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7,485
IG,

Your enthusiasm for life, and your SO, are so apperant in your posts, I so enjoy reading them. I have never been brave enough to venture into Graff, as you know. Maybe one day!

But it sounds like such a fun adventure. And who cares if it''s ering-ish enouogh, if you love it that''s all that matters.

Here''s to that 1.1% disapating (although I believe it exists in any relationship/marriage) and near future pics of your e-ring!

~K
 

Dee*Jay

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 26, 2006
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13,356
IG, good for you for indoctrinating your boyfriend to the world of bling at Graff! We have one in my neighborhood and I find myself in there on more weekends than I care to admit, LOL.

The eternity band sounds lovely and I think it would be perfectly fine to have that as your e-ring if that what you want and if the time comes.
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2004
Messages
29,570
I love the idea of the eternity band. Many people think their prices are highly inflated, but recently I have read posts from people that have refuted that rep. Whatever you decide will be right for you. And boy oh boy do I want to see pics!!!! Glad you had fun!! I loved what he said about how to spend 100K, what a sweetie pie.
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
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2,216
98.6% sure? not 98 or 99?


What the heck is with the if we don''t break up by the end of the summer thing??
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
5,471
Ladies, thanks for your good wishes!

Kimberly, I figure why not be enthusiastic when there is so much to enjoy! Of course, there is plenty to worry about too, and I do my share of worrying, but I think that, to an extent, we choose whether or not we want to be happy (for example, whether to dwell on the worries or on all the wonderful enjoyable things), and that''s a choice I''ve made.

Kaleigh: There''s no question that Graff''s prices on solitaires are REALLY inflated, but it seemd not on the eternity ring. I''m going to do a little price comparison and start a thread about it. I''m curious and maybe others are too.

Dee Jay, yes! I''m glad M now ''gets'' diamonds. But I''m also worried I intimidated him a bit. He''s got a bit of a thing about the fact that he has no money and my ex was quite wealthy. I keep telling him it doesn''t matter to me, that I can make my own money (adn buy my own diamonds) if I want to, and that I didn''t want to marry the ex, but I think I might like to marry him, and if that''s not proof what is? But he still frets about it sometimes. Poor boy.

IndieJ: Re the get engaged or break up by the end of summer thing, that''s not totally set in stone (and not just because I won''t get an e-ring! haha). I have an offer for something close to a dream job in my home country. It''s in my home town, where I still have my closest friends and close family, and where there''s an extremely high quality of life. The work would be diverse and interesting and open up new possibilities if I decide on a career change. Plus, the pay would be twice as much as I make now. Problem is, M couldn''t do what he loves there, and he is a man with a vocation, if you will, and could never be happy if he wasn''t doing the work he does. My parents got very concerned about me turning down the job to be with a man I had only been dating for half a year, so they suggested (and I thought, why not?) that I ask the organization to hold the job for me until the end of the summer. The organization agreed to do that. So, basically, I''m hoping to decide, or at least to be pretty sure, whether I want to spend teh rest of my life with M by then. If i''m still not sure, we can always wait longer. I''ll just have to give up the job possibility. Which would be ok, I guess. But a big sacrifice.

Also, M wants to move in with me at the end of summer, when his lease is up. I''m not keen on that unless we''ve made a decision about our future.

So, there it is!
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 27, 2006
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935
How is 3-4 months going to make or break the decide if you want to be with him for the rest of your life?
Sounds like you are pressured by your family.
If you are looking at rings you should pretty much have a handle on where the relationship is heading, it''s only fair to him to not get his hopes up.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
Hi Mustang,

You make a very good point about not leading him on! But we have very good communication and he knows that I''m "only" around 92% sure. I knew within a couple of months that he was probably the one (or rather, ''a'' one, since I don''t believe in fated matches). At that point you can know in your gut and love begins growing, and by that time you can know that the person has all the POSITIVE qualities you would really want: I could see all the reasons I adore him.

But for me, I decided it would be wise to wait several months after that to make sure there are no surprises in terms of NEGATIVE qualities I really couldn''t live with that might only come out over time. After 6 months, you can feel pretty confident that someone is honest, has integrity, etc. After a year or so, you''re more likely to have seen them in their worst mood, to see how they handle disappointment or sadness. So, I''m at the 92% mark because so far he is the most wonderful man I''ve ever dated and I adore him, and by now he I''m fairly sure he''s honest, well adjusted, etc., but I''d like to wait a little longer before actually getting engaged to feel even more confident that I wouldn''t end up wtih any nasty surprises.

My parents view was that since I''m not actually engaged, it would be silly not to keep the door for the job open if I could. Just in case. I told M about it and he completely understood. We agreed that at that point, we could get engaged, break up, or discuss a new timeline. But I strongly suspect we''ll both ''know'' by that point what the right thing is.

I also made the situation fairly clear to the potential employer. They said that while they would be disappointed if I didn''t take the job, that they are happy to give me time to decide, and can manage without someone in that position for a while. So I think they''re ok too in the ''leading ''em on'' department.

The only thing I could see really coming up between us is that we really will have a lot of trouble both being able to work in our chosen professions. His heart would break if he had to leave his, whereas I love my work, but could conceivably do something else. I want to feel sure in my heart that I wouldn''t resent him if I had to change professions in the long run so we could live in the same city. I''ve been thinking that over very carefully.

Other than that, and barring any surprises, he''s the one for me. We''re such a nicely fitted pot and lid.
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
This is probably an annoying question. But, have you considered going long distance with him? Just wondering.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Kit, how could a suggestion that's intended to be helpful be annoying? I'm glad of any and all suggestions!


Yes, we've talked this over. We both feel pretty clearly that that life is not for us. First, we'd miss each other.

Second, since we first met 2 years ago, of the four couples we knew who lived apart and planned to continue this indefinitely because of work pressures, 1 couple are basically still married but living essentially separate lives, 2 got divorced (one of those after discovering his wife was having an affair) and 1 couple live on different continents half the year, with the husband carrying on an affair while they're apart pretty much openly.

I think long distance can be OK if there's a set time period. But once you decide to live apart indefinitely, things seem to start to fall apart.

Third, we'd like to have kids soon (he'd like to have them tomorrow, ... I think that a marriage and gestation period of 9 months or so might be better!). If we lived apart, one of us would have to single parent while working full time. I know some people are strong enough to do that and I admire them, but why choose that extra challenge if you don't have to?

So (sigh) that doesn't seem to be the solution for us. It might work for others, but wouldn't suit us.
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
Well, I did't really mean LD indefinitely. That sounds horrid to me too. I guess what I meant is, I am not sure of the nature of your job, but things change over some time and also...it seems from the words you were using that there was a possibility of breaking up. You only have been dating for a few months and while you two like each other a lot, maybe the LD would kind of shake things out a bit. I feel from experience that this is the case. Either your relationship will intensify to the point that you will be 100% sure, or the LD will bring things into perspective that he really isn't marriage material for whatever unforseen reason.

It just seems like, you have a good thing going, why break up when you can stay together LD for a period of time and you can try out this new job? It does seem like a dream job now, but you never know it could be a disaster with nasty internal politics, crappy boss, bla bla bla. Or it could be great, and he could see how happy you were in that job and move to you...you never know.

Right now FI and I are LD and we started out LD...and while it's NOT fun and very hard it also has helped our relationship grow in many ways. But there was a time limit to ths current LD of one year, so that does make it more manageable emotionally.



ETA: IMHO, if you are a couple who uses work pressures as a reason to live apart indefinitely from your sig other, then there is a prob with the relationship in one way or another. What is the point of finding your best friend and soulmate, and then prioritizing work over the awesomeness of that? I think if you really have a solid relationship then one of you makes a sacrifice for the other--that's just how it works IMO.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
Hiya Kit,

Yeah, if I took the job, I could expect to be there at least for a few years. That''s kinda how it goes in my profession.
It would be as good as ''indefinitely''.

We would not break up BECAUSE of the job. But IF we decided not to get married, we would break up because of that (I ain''t 20 anymore). And only in that case would I take the job. I think that''s sensible. But the job wouldn''t really be a factor in my decision. Except insofar as, if I think the job is more important, that''s probably a good indicator that he''s not the right man for me! I''m pretty sure this is more important.


I completely agree with what you said at the end of your post. When M was recently talking to the guy who''s having the affair and with his wife only 6 months of the year. He was telling him how he might have to move and leave this particular job (but not his profession) to be with me and the guy said to him "I''m glad you decided to put family first. We put our careers first and NOW look at us." I will always need challenging and meaningful work, but I''ve always known that family will come first, and ultimately, M knows that too. If everything still feels right in a few months, we''ll just have to take the risk and hope we can both find something meaningful to do in the same place.

How much longer do you guys have to be LD? I did it with my first serious BF for a year and it sucked.
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
Okay, I gotcha!
Sounds like you are in a tough place. Why must life be so agonizing?!?


Well, FI and I were friends first, we met in 99. Then we hooked up in 01, but by that time he had moved many states away (an hour flight away from me). So we spend the first 1.5 years LD. Then we decided to move in together and we both relocated to DC. Kinda crazy in retrospect. Anyhoo, about a year ago I decided to go to grad school for my MPA in upstate NY at a prestigious instituion. They were offering me the most aid, and it was the best school in terms of financials and academics. So, we made the tough choice for me to move away for 12 months. We will be reunited July 1! Although...recent news is that I might be able to do my master''s project in DC which would be for all of May and a bit of June. So that might be nice! Either way, I have a countdown clock on my laptop so I can tell you I have 2 months and 27 days till graduation...can''t wait.


THe upshot is that I landed a job that will double my salary. I start in Sept. So, I kind of accomplished all my goals for the moment, career wise. I told FI, if you want you can quit your job and write screenplays all day, I will 100% support you because you''ve been so supportive to me--although I don''t think he''ll actually do this. Maybe with you and M, you can have this kind of trade-off thing too, where for a few years he sucks it up so you can have the brilliant job of your dreams, and then you trade off with him (and maybe stay at home with the baby for a while) while he pursues his thing, and then switch off again. I know a couple like this.
 

emmylou

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
17
Independant Gal,

Congrats on finding a great guy! They are few and far between, but when you find one, ya know it!

I am so jealous that you got to see the Graff bling up close and personal!!! What a thrill! I picture blinding sparkle all over, sparkle and rainbows and a singing choir of angels!! I love browsing their site, such droolworthy pieces!

That eternity band sounds gorgeous! I was proposed to with an eternity band, much much smaller than the beauty that you and your guy had looked at, and like your thoughts - we used that as my wedding band!

I hope things work out in the job situation, it is hard doing LD relationships!! Its always a tough call when dealing with love and careers, I do hope it works out for both!

 
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