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Vent.

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
As I've posted before, we are doing a cruise wedding. My future in-laws don't travel, nor do they have the money to travel, so we are paying for their entire trip. If we didn't, they wouldn't be able to go.

Well, to go on a cruise you need a passport or birth certificate. My F-MIL doesn't have either. I've been working on getting her a birth certificate. We all live in Nevada and she was born in Pennsylvania. Several problems here. They don't have internet. They don't have credit cards. They don't even have a freakin' bank account. How that's possible? No idea. But apparently it is. The problem is to get a birth certificate the billing address has to match the shipping address which has to match the ID address. They moved about a year ago, so the ID address doesn't match the shipping address. Vitalcheck told me to fax in a bill in her name that has her current address. The only thing that is in her name is DirecTV, and that doesn't work apparently. And we still have that little problem of the credit card address, since I was using my card, so obviously the billing address won't match the shipping/ID address.

Okay, fine...immediate relatives can also order them, so I started doing a new order in my fiance's name. The problem? His mailing/billing address is a PO Box. And to ship to a PO Box they have to send the certificate via regular mail, and for some reason the PROCESSING of the order takes 20 business days when you do it that way, but somehow only 10 business days when you pay $18 freakin extra to have it shipped UPS. But UPS doesn't ship to PO Boxes.

So I think my solution is to have my fiance change his bank address temporarily to where we live. Of course, then his ID address won't match his billing/mailing address. And no utilities are in his name. So I'll have to make up a fake lease (which is acceptable) to have something so that his ID can be linked to his billing/mailing address.

Vent over.
 

lulu66

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 21, 2009
Messages
1,304
oh my. what a nightmare! and i'm sure just what you want to be worrying about. lots of good luck to you, amc!!
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
lulu66|1317152506|3027111 said:
oh my. what a nightmare! and i'm sure just what you want to be worrying about. lots of good luck to you, amc!!
I know, right? Just what a bride needs when trying to finalize wedding stuff...for a wedding that's two months from today ;(
 

sillyberry

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,792
Ugh. That's exceptionally freaking annoying.

I don't know if this makes sense for you two, but along with changing FI's bank address, does it make sense for him to get a new ID with your current address? And perhaps F-MIL should go ahead and get a new ID as well? Make a family trip out of it?
 

wwmd8118

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2011
Messages
146
Man, I got exhausted just reading this. I can't believe you have that in addition to normal wedding stress. Oy. I have no helpful advice but I'm wishing you lots of luck in finding a simple, smooth solution! :)
 

Novel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2009
Messages
1,199
Wow, that's obscene. Seriously! You poor thing. I also have no real advice, unless FI has a sibling who has a "real" address and would be willing to do this, so you don't have to go through the whole fake lease thing?
 

SB621

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
7,863
OMG you are a way better person then I am...you have an immense about of patience. I would be in tears saying screw everyone by now. I hope everything works out for you and you have a relaxing cruise wedding.

TIP from a friend who had a cruise wedding. Refuse to tell anyone your actual room number. Apparently they had a lot of people stop by their room the entire cruise and it really annoyed them. I'm not sure if this is realistic but I do love the idea of being ont eh ship with everyone but not having them have immediate access to me.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
sillyberry|1317163744|3027323 said:
Ugh. That's exceptionally freaking annoying.

I don't know if this makes sense for you two, but along with changing FI's bank address, does it make sense for him to get a new ID with your current address? And perhaps F-MIL should go ahead and get a new ID as well? Make a family trip out of it?
His ID is actually current. He has a PO Box by his work (which is in a different county) so that he can keep his car registered there, and he gets some of his mail there as well (so he can get it all in one place). If you register vehicles in that county they don't have to be smogged...whereas in the county where we live they have to be smogged every single year. He has a crazy suped up Mustang (like 800hp) that wouldn't pass. And his parents moved out of state but are keeping NV residence for reasons I can't get into...but let's just say it falls into the "God I hope this doesn't catch up with you one day" category.

Novel said:
Wow, that's obscene. Seriously! You poor thing. I also have no real advice, unless FI has a sibling who has a "real" address and would be willing to do this, so you don't have to go through the whole fake lease thing?
I wish, he's an only child! Yep, so we get to be the ones to deal with his parents 100% of the time.

Okay, updated with good (well, better) news. Apparently he does use our address for his bank. So all I need to do is get a copy of his license and have him print out a bank statement (since that will work as proof of address) and *I think* we'll be good to go.

Is it wrong that a tiny little part of me wishes his parents weren't going to the wedding? Mind you, these are the people who took 5 months of convincing to go on a free vacation (flight, hotel, cruise)...you know, for their only child's wedding.
 

mogster

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2011
Messages
364
I'm sure it is not the case, but I feel a bit infuriated for you that you're the one who is dealing with this and not someone else who has less to worry about. ETA: I just saw your update that he is an only child.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
Sarahbear621|1317166267|3027365 said:
TIP from a friend who had a cruise wedding. Refuse to tell anyone your actual room number. Apparently they had a lot of people stop by their room the entire cruise and it really annoyed them. I'm not sure if this is realistic but I do love the idea of being ont eh ship with everyone but not having them have immediate access to me.
Good tip. The only person I'd be worried about is my mom. But luckily her two childhood friends are going, so I think they will entertain each other. Maybe I'll make a doorhanger that says "Do not disturb- we're busy consummating our marriage." That should keep people away.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
mogster|1317167361|3027384 said:
I'm sure it is not the case, but I feel a bit infuriated for you that you're the one who is dealing with this and not someone else who has less to worry about. ETA: I just saw your update that he is an only child.
Agreed. But at the end of the day, it's less stressful to deal with it myself than worry about whether or not it's getting done. My fiance is on graveyard right now, so he sleeps all day. I, on the other hand, sit at a desk and am in front of the computer, so it's a little easier.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
21,161
HI:

No drivers lisence? Health Care #? Social Security? How do they cash (pay) cheques? Get insurance? Vote? etcetc... I am confounded....

cheers--Sharon
 

ChloeTheGreat

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 25, 2009
Messages
682
What a hassle! Hope you get it all sorted out soon. Good luck!
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
canuk-gal|1317171127|3027448 said:
HI:

No drivers lisence? Health Care #? Social Security? How do they cash (pay) cheques? Get insurance? Vote? etcetc... I am confounded....

cheers--Sharon
She has a drivers license, but the address doesn't match her current address. Neither social security nor health insurance cards have addresses.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
21,122
Oh... wow. amc - just - wow.

I am completely baffled - how do they *live*? And yikes, I'm so sorry for you, having to deal with all of this now!

Ugh. I hope you can get everything sorted out okay!!
 

lulu66

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 21, 2009
Messages
1,304
amc80|1317167292|3027382 said:
Is it wrong that a tiny little part of me wishes his parents weren't going to the wedding? Mind you, these are the people who took 5 months of convincing to go on a free vacation (flight, hotel, cruise)...you know, for their only child's wedding.
girl, i'd be thinking the *exact* same thing right about now!

btw, i have a passport & don't pass up free vacations if you need a stand-in ;)) LOL
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,163
amc80|1317173785|3027480 said:
canuk-gal|1317171127|3027448 said:
HI:

No drivers lisence? Health Care #? Social Security? How do they cash (pay) cheques? Get insurance? Vote? etcetc... I am confounded....

cheers--Sharon
She has a drivers license, but the address doesn't match her current address. Neither social security nor health insurance cards have addresses.
Um can't she be fined for this? I know I'm in a different country, but yeah...seems wrong.
 

gem_anemone

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Messages
682
wwmd8118|1317164200|3027330 said:
Man, I got exhausted just reading this. I can't believe you have that in addition to normal wedding stress. Oy. I have no helpful advice but I'm wishing you lots of luck in finding a simple, smooth solution! :)
This is exactly how I feel after reading your post. Sheesh! Sorry you have to deal with that...you're going to make a wonderful wife :D
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2004
Messages
10,763
I have a migraine just reading that. No bank account? how do they pay bills???
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
12,513
ame|1317222360|3027810 said:
I have a migraine just reading that. No bank account? how do they pay bills???
That's what I was wondering too!
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
junebug17|1317223799|3027826 said:
ame|1317222360|3027810 said:
I have a migraine just reading that. No bank account? how do they pay bills???
That's what I was wondering too!
I actually have no idea. I know they come into town once a week when my F-FIL gets paid. They get his check cashed at a check cashing place and I think just get money orders/cashiers checks for everything, or pay in cash when they can.

It boggles the mind...really. I know one time my debit card wasn't working (it was demagnetized and I ordered a new one, so they canceled my old one) and I was out of checks...and I felt paralyzed. But at least I still had a credit card, you know?

I just hate when a person chooses something unconventional and it ends up being inconvenient for the rest of us. Oh, and I forgot to mention- when I found out that the DirecTV bill wouldn't work, I tried calling both of them on their cell phones...and both went straight to voicemail. No landline. Sigh.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2004
Messages
10,763
I just feel like that's dangerous. It's like they're asking for it. If they just have money in a box and they get robbed or have a fire, then what? They're broke!

My DH did not have a credit card ever before he met me. It boggled my brain. He had a debit and that's it. I just could not fathom that. I HATE to use my debit, I hate that someone could copy the number so easily or somehow get to my card and then Im hosed.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
ame|1317224617|3027848 said:
I just feel like that's dangerous. It's like they're asking for it. If they just have money in a box and they get robbed or have a fire, then what? They're broke!
They're broke anyway...they live paycheck to paycheck so it's not like they have hoards of money laying around. But I totally agree.

You have to keep in mind, we're not talking about the world's most ciritical thinkers here. They moved from NV to CA because rent was cheaper...but didn't factor in 1) NV doesn't have state income tax, and 2) F-FIL now commutes about 60 miles each way to work...in an suv that probably gets 20 MPG. I tried to tell them before they moved that he'd have to pay CA income tax as a CA resident, and he didn't believe me...thought he wouldn't have to because he was still working in NV. So I tried to tell him again at a later time, before he switched his residency. Do you know why he wanted to become a CA resident? C'mon, guess.

Because a fishing license is cheaper as a CA resident than for out of state residents. By like $50 for the season.

So that's what I'm dealing with.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2004
Messages
10,763
I seriously just smacked my head on my desk. What. The. Hell. :nono:
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
ame|1317227320|3027901 said:
I seriously just smacked my head on my desk. What. The. Hell. :nono:
My thoughts exactly.

OKAY, some good news!

I reordered the birth certificate with my fiance's info and credit card...and it went through! They didn't even ask for a copy of his ID or anything.
 

wwmd8118

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2011
Messages
146
Yayy!!! Woohoo, a step in the right direction. We have to celebrate the little things in this situation. :bigsmile:
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
21,122
amc - what an utterly bizarre situation :-o

I'd be ripping my hair out if I had to deal with half of that mess - good lord. Critical thinking deficits indeed :errrr:

Glad you're getting somewhere with it!
 

marymm

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
4,278
To the OP - I realize this is a "vent" thread and you are probably typing off the top of your head rather than with measured, reasoned thought. I also recognize that you have gone through a frustrating bureaucratic experience in obtaining this birth certificate.

But I do want to point out that nothing you've listed about his parents' way of life is that unusual - many people choose to live "off the grid" so to speak for many reasons - and many, many people choose not to travel especially internationally. And, not being travelers or savvy people, and given their chosen way of life, I imagine this whole cruise experience will be particularly difficult for his parents. The fact that it took you 5 months to talk them into accepting this gift cruise is quite telling. As much as you must be looking forward to your cruise wedding, I would imagine his parents are viewing it more as an ordeal they will endure because they love their son and wish to be present at your wedding. I find it sweet that you are willing to do the legwork and foot the bill in order to have them there, and that they are willing to go so far outside their comfort zone, all in order to accommodate your wedding preference.

I sincerely wish for you and yours a beautiful, memorable cruise/wedding experience.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
marymm|1317393828|3029673 said:
To the OP - I realize this is a "vent" thread and you are probably typing off the top of your head rather than with measured, reasoned thought. I also recognize that you have gone through a frustrating bureaucratic experience in obtaining this birth certificate.

But I do want to point out that nothing you've listed about his parents' way of life is that unusual - many people choose to live "off the grid" so to speak for many reasons - and many, many people choose not to travel especially internationally. And, not being travelers or savvy people, and given their chosen way of life, I imagine this whole cruise experience will be particularly difficult for his parents. The fact that it took you 5 months to talk them into accepting this gift cruise is quite telling. As much as you must be looking forward to your cruise wedding, I would imagine his parents are viewing it more as an ordeal they will endure because they love their son and wish to be present at your wedding. I find it sweet that you are willing to do the legwork and foot the bill in order to have them there, and that they are willing to go so far outside their comfort zone, all in order to accommodate your wedding preference.

I sincerely wish for you and yours a beautiful, memorable cruise/wedding experience.
Ditto marymm. I'm glad you were able to get the birth certificate, and I hope everything goes smoothly.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
The thing I kept wondering about is why it's up to you to get your FMIL's birth certificate for her. Why isn't she taking care of this herself?
 
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