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Ugly cry today

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by Begonia, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 18, 2019
    Had an ugly cry today. Long story but I have a back issues stemming from a work injury which is affecting all aspects of my life and broke down at the chiro’s office. Think I’m Just. Fed. Up. On the hamster wheel of pain and tension. Now I feel like a shmuck for crying. Embarasssed, self conscious and vulnerable. Can anyone relate to these feelings? I’m not getting enough sleep so that must have a lot to do with it but here I am several hours later thinking WTF was that about?

    I’m not much of a cryer either. Huh.
     
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  2. foxinsox
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    by foxinsox » Apr 18, 2019
    I can relate.
    I've been struggling at work recently - got made project manager of a major project when I have zero PM experience and I've been asking for a 'real' PM to be added to the project so I can focus on development/delivery which is my actual role. We finally got one who is ferociously competent.. I am torn between being incredibly relieved and deeply mortified that I was nowhere near as organised, competent etc as this very senior PM who has oodles of experience. Which is kinda silly because I had done alright given my complete lack of experience but.. I've never actually encountered a situation at work I couldn't handle but this one, I was badly out of my depth on and having a months-long low-lying quiet panic over it because it took a while to get the PM on board. I'd struggled with conflicting emotions over it but hadn't realised how much until a colleague asked me if I was doing ok, unexpectedly last week and I dissolved in tears that wouldn't stop. I think sometimes crying is just a really good way to purge pent up emotions and vent tension we struggle to admit.
    I felt a lot better for it - did your ugly cry help you feel better. I did feel really really vulnerable and raw afterwards for a while though.
     
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  3. AV_
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    by AV_ » Apr 18, 2019
    Not because of back pain, but yes... life made me cry once or twice; it doesn't do anything & somewhow works.

    _
    @foxinsox It is the hardest thing to do & they know it. Many idiots I know prefer to wreck everything rather than ask whatever, let alone invite a senior person above them. Just as well that the stakes are very, very low (research).

    2c
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2019
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  4. Karl_K
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    by Karl_K » Apr 18, 2019
    Yea I can relate.
    Being in pain sucks and after a while it just gets to you and you have to release it or explode.
     
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  5. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 19, 2019
    Well it did make me feel better on some levels and strangely my back discomfort is better today than it has been. Just when I've had a major meltdown and insisted on some help/intervention to get off the damn hamster wheel too. Then the embarassment and self doubt started. Mind you I am so freaking tired so I don't believe anything I think at this point. But thank you for sharing and making me remember people can always relate to whatever I'm going through. Trying to challenge those negative feelings about it. Go to bed begonia, go to bed. I need a holiday from my brain.
     
  6. Calliecake
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    by Calliecake » Apr 19, 2019
    @Begonia, Please don’t be embarrassed or feel bad because you had a good cry. Some times an ugly cry is really good for the soul, especially if you aren’t a crier. Being in pain is hard and not sleeping makes everything seem 100 times worse. We are all human and I bet many people have cried at to the chiro’s office. Do you feel better now?

    @foxinsox , Your response was perfect to Begonia. Life can be overwhelming at times. Your job sounded like a baptism by fire situation. Nothing is worse than being thrown into a position at work you don’t have experience with and having to hit the ground running, while you are feeling like you are drowning at the same time. My guess is you did a much better job than you think you did. In fact, I bet a year from now you will look back, and know you handled the situation much better than you are giving yourself credit for. Hang in there. It sounds like things will get more manageable. You were new to this situation and I seriously doubt anyone would expect you to have the expertise as a senior project manager.

    I hope your pain situation gets better @Karl_K . My brother has been dealing with chronic back pain for the past few years. It’s hard.
     
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  7. tkyasx78
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    by tkyasx78 » Apr 19, 2019
    I am sorry today was a boiling point moment. Pain , especially long term pain can be wearing for even the toughest of us.
    Sending a virtual hug ((( hug)))
    I can relate, you are not alone.
     
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  8. Karl_K
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    by Karl_K » Apr 19, 2019
    Thank you, it has been a rough week.
     
  9. foxinsox
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    by foxinsox » Apr 19, 2019
    I think when you've finally got some support when you've been doing it hard for a while is precisely when your ugly cry will help you release some of that tight deep tension you hold in from trying to keep it together. No wonder your back feels better today!
    I've had low-level chronic pain on and off (more on than off tbh) for years from being hypermobile and the various joint issues that result. It's hard and it is so so tiring.
    You're not alone even when you feel like you are. Please don't feel embarrassed - I'm not a cryer either but the kindness of people when you need them is amazing and healing.
    @Karl_K back pain is just the worst - so hard to get comfortable, so pervasive and wearying. I hope yours gets better or your pain becomes more manageable.
     
  10. missy
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    by missy » Apr 19, 2019

    Yes I relate very much to your feelings dear @Begonia. I cry easily but find it cathartic when I do generally so I am OK with that. I would usually not cry in public but in private and most always feel much better after a big cry. However, more recently, I seem to not care where I cry and do it in public at times. And I don't think I cry pretty either lol. Sometimes life is so challenging that a release of tears is necessary to give us the strength to make it through that moment. And it is OK. One should not feel embarrassed to cry. It is human to cry and a response to an emotional state. Absolutely normal and often helps us feel better.

    https://www.sciencedirect.com/sdfe/pdf/download/eid/1-s2.0-S1542012412701842/first-page-pdf
    I am so sorry you are dealing with all this cra* and I get it. Chronic pain in addition to everything else is overwhelming. Sending you hugs and good thoughts and hope things improve for you soon sweet Begonia. (((Hugs))).

    And (((HUGS))) to @foxinsox and @Karl_K and anyone else who needs hugs. Life is challenging and dealing with chronic pain makes it that much more difficult. Sending all of you healing vibes and good thoughts and best wishes.
     
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  11. tyty333
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    by tyty333 » Apr 19, 2019
    I can also relate Begonia. A couple of months ago I had to have a tooth pulled and an implant installed. I spent about 5 days in pain. I just couldnt
    get on top of the pain. When I went back in to see the dentist he ask how I was doing and I just couldnt stop the tears. I told him I was in constant pain.
    Come to find out I could have taken multiple pain killers but thats another story. Anyway, I finished my ugly cry in the car and instead of feeling
    embarrassed about it like I normally would have, I told myself it was justified. I then cleaned myself up and took myself to the mall to find something
    pretty because I deserved it!

    I hope everyone that has an "ugly cry" takes it as a message that your body/mind is having a hard time dealing with something. Nothing to be embarrassed
    about. Its just a release that your body needs. Hopefully, it will help you to refocus, come up with a new plan, or ask for the needed help.
     
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  12. missy
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    by missy » Apr 19, 2019
    Here's my ugly cry 52 years ago. Not much has changed lol but I do not have any recent crying photos to prove it. :lol:

    uglycry.jpg
     
  13. House Cat
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    by House Cat » Apr 19, 2019
    Hugs. I believe it takes real strength to cry. Case in point, I cry a lot. :mrgreen2:

    Please don’t be embarrassed to show real human emotion. You are allowed to break down. Bottling up emotion can be very toxic and can add to your pain. Now that you’ve released that pent up emotion, try to allow yourself to move on in a more healthy manner.

    I’m so sorry you’re having so much pain. I do hope it’s temporary.
     
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  14. lissyflo
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    by lissyflo » Apr 19, 2019
    I whole-heartedly agree with this. Every pressure cooker needs a release valve. Sometimes we’re in control of that release and can manage the process. At other times your body just needs to do what it thinks you need to get back towards equilibrium. Zero shame in that. I find an ugly cry under a hot shower particularly cathartic for some reason. At worst, at least your body has signalled to you and others the stress you’re under. At best, it’s done that plus released some tension along the way.

    I really hope you’re feeling better today.
     
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  15. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 19, 2019
    I’m finding great comfort from the advice about the cry. I don’t cry much so when it went on for such a long time I was a little freaked out.

    Foxinsox - I hope your stress is calming down. Your cry response sounds a lot like mine! Thanks for sharing.

    Karl - pain and discomfort suck. Mine has settled today. How is yours doing?

    Missy - that photo made me laugh. At how cute you were and how spot on it is right now LOL.

    Lissyflo - I particularly like that last statements: the at best and at worst!

    House cat - hug right back. Damn pain has eased up today! There is a psychological component I can’t ignore here. Wish I could get help for that.
     
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  16. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 19, 2019
    Tyty - exactly!! You’re so wise. Coming up with a new plan and asking for help. Damn girl. That’s exactly what I was complaining about to hubbie! Chiro, massage therapist, doctor, physiology, friends, work, Worksafe - everyone has an opinion and yet here I am 18 months later “all better”, but not doing the things I love: gardening, hiking and swimming, so I gained weight and lost my mental health.
     
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  17. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 19, 2019
    Tkyasx - perfect. Thank you. Hugging a long time.

    Callie - I do feel better and along with the snot and tears I advocated for myself. I feel a bit sheepish bc what I have is more along the lines of discomfort: tightness, tension, twinges, radiation, twangs, aches. It’s not full on like maybe (?) Karl may have, although on a bad day that pain in my butt (no joking) can be a really screaming Mimi. I started to cry cuz I had an ah hah moment realizing how my world had shrunk. If I do the things I love I get flare ups and then spend a lot of money on chiro and massage fixing it. Money I can’t really afford (around $500 or more per month) not to mention expensive work shoes, and all sorts of paraphernalia. Just got so damn fed up yesterday when my chiro tried to enforce a sketchy return to work plan.
    I’m ready to RTW but after the cry she ordered me off for the long weekend. Now I’m worried about what I’ve started. Sigh. Well I see her on Tuesday and hopefully my doc too so maybe he can come up with a better thought out RTW plan.
     
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  18. smitcompton
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    by smitcompton » Apr 19, 2019
    Hi Begonia,

    I went thru a period that I refer to as "the long cry". I could not stop crying for months. I had three big-big surgeries every month for three months. On top of that my brother hurt me so badly I just couldn't stop crying. People would come up to me, perfect strangers, and ask if they could help. I shook my head and just kept crying. Of course it stopped some of the time but I never knew when it would erupt again. Like Missy, I just cried in public and did not care. I am sure this was a weakened physical and mental state, that did finally pass. I think it could be a good book title--"The Long Cry".

    I believe crying rids you of toxins in the body, I may have just made that up or I read it somewhere.

    Don't be afraid of crying. Its a natural outlet.

    Annette
     
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  19. missy
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    by missy » Apr 19, 2019

    Hi Annette, perhaps you read it here.
    https://www.sciencedirect.com/sdfe/pdf/download/eid/1-s2.0-S1542012412701842/first-page-pdf

    I am glad that terrible time in your life is over and done. Perhaps one day you will write that book "The Long Cry". You already have a good title. :))
     
  20. Alex T
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    by Alex T » Apr 19, 2019
    I had a break to my neck many years ago. The break was a straight forward snap to my C7 vertebrae, no spinal chord damage. But the bony spine of my vertebrae was snapped off so violently that they found it 4 vertebrae lower, between my shoulder blades. The nerves & muscles attached were wrecked. I had constant dizziness & a feeling of drunk woosie for a year. I couldn’t raise my right shoulder up towards my ear without excruciating pain. I cried a lot. It didn’t help physically, but the emotional release was huge.

    As an aside, I am pretty hard. Nothing gets to me & generally speaking, up to that point, I was fairly icy. But that whole episode taught me that it was ok to just have a good cry. I think i’m a better person for gong through it.

    Sending you lots of healing dust & hugs.
     
  21. lyra
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    by lyra » Apr 19, 2019
    I feel like crying is just a means of stress relief, nothing to be ashamed of, or think you are alone in doing it. I think it's also a sign that you are in great pain, and it's useful for your docs to really GET that. I have had to advocate HARD for my physical and mental health at times, trying to get through red tape/referrals/wait times, you name it. It has been a ridiculously big part of my life. I understand your stress and what chronic pain is like. I hope you find a treatment plan that works for you, and I hope you find it sooner rather than later. Take care.
     
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  22. Arcadian
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    by Arcadian » Apr 20, 2019
    Sometimes that ugly cry is the best thing you can do for yourself. You have to relieve the stress somehow, and sometimes....its just how it releases. don't feel bad about it or embarrassed because you are not alone (hugs) I ugly cry about once a month.
     
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  23. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 20, 2019
    Thanks Arcadian!
    I’m changing my view of the ugly cry. Or trying to...mindsets are so resistant. If the cry was about release of emotions, least I can do is not derail that by punishing myself!
     
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  24. jeweln
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    by jeweln » Apr 21, 2019
    Crying is good for the soul , releases tension .I cry a lot and look ugly afterwards !
     
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  25. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 22, 2019
    I’m very glad I wrote in as I now have questions for myself about crying. I don’t do it very often - maybe once a year, but when I do, oh boy. I think my self consciousness comes from being an INFJ and considered very sensitive. At times people have hinted that being sensitive means there is something wrong with me. My whole frigging life. So I think I try not to show this side of myself. Huh. Something to reflect on bc the cry did release some tension, but I was fighting these feelings of shame and embarrassment. Would be nice to lose that, and accept the benefit of the cry. I’ll work on it.

    Thank you all so very very much.
     
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  26. AV_
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    by AV_ » Apr 23, 2019
    I had not thought much of the word 'ugly' in the title of this thread... - it just passed me by; I woud not think crying ugly - who'd think of that seeing anyone else crying, never mind while at it!
     
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  27. missy
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    by missy » Apr 23, 2019
    LOL I hear you @AV_ but need to add that when one is intensely crying that is to me the definition of "ugly" cry. It's just so intense a cry ones face has to be "ugly". Scrunched up crying, eyelashes were, face pink with emotion and it just means one is releasing the tension and ugliness and getting it out so one can feel better. See my photo upthread. The classic (IMO) "Ugly" cry. :cry2: :P2
     
  28. Tekate
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    by Tekate » Apr 23, 2019
    Begonia, I am so sorry for your pain, but I do understand it. I have arthritis everywhere and a replacements in my hips that still hurt. You are not alone. It's frustrating to wish for a life that is pain free, but I understand it. Wish I had words of wisdom but I don't. I do say that heat works for me and cold, then again not for long but it does for a while. Just remember it's a journey. all my concern and caring coming your way. Kate
     
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  29. Begonia
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    by Begonia » Apr 23, 2019
    Ahhh, thank you Kate. I’m sorry to hear about your ongoing pain. So sorry. That really sucks.

    Journey. Yes! I got so so tired of fretting and trying to figure my injury out in my head, I felt like exploding. Do you ever get really really tired of thinking about your arthritis? Is that part of the journey to the next step? Not very good with words...
     
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