Turning the tables?

[RTols88]

So...
My bf and I have talked about the possibility of engagement many times. But he's dragging his feet a bit, hes worried about finances and want's to spend a lot of money on my ering to which I have said if I like the design how much he spent isn't going to matter. In the end I'm sort of sick of the back and forth so I'm thinking of taking matters in to my own hand and turning the tables and proposing to him. BUT he never wears jewelry and I'm not sure what to do in terms of the ring no do I know where to go to get it done at a reasonable price. My Idea is A Faux tension set red garnet ring in titanium with either a blue patina inlay or a lapis chip inlay. I'm unsure if he will like it though since he has never worn anything with stones in it.If you're curious about the colors well his birthday is in January and we are both huge cubs fans.
Any advise?

 

[Maisie]

When you discuss getting married what does he say? Is he eager to get married but is worried about the financial side of things?

 

[RTols88]

We both want a long engagement. Neither of of us want to get married very soon we were thinking 2013 maybe.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Do you think he'll be ok with you asking?

Its kinda a big deal for guys to ask their girls at some point in their minds too.

 

[kittybean]

How traditional is your boyfriend? It sounds, from what you've said about his concerns regarding finances, that he might be of the school of thought that believes that men need to be able to provide for their partners in a marriage, and for many men, that begins with the proposal and the engagement ring. I'm not saying that that's the "right" way to do things, but consider how he would feel if you surprised him with a proposal and an engagement ring if that's something he's been wanting to give to you. Would that be a good surprise or a bad surprise for him? I think that's what you need to consider very seriously here, because if it's not a good surprise, you may not get the answer you want.

 

[fieryred33143]

I think proposing to the man because you want to is great. It's NMS but if it works for you then go for it!

My only concern with your post is that you seem to want to propose because he is dragging his feet. I know it's frustrating to wait, especially when you are ready, but I would take some time to really consider why you want to propose before moving forward. Proposing because he is dragging is feet may make you feel some resentment in the future.

 

[amc80]

I think it totally depends on your bf. I know mine would be sort of insulted and possibly hurt.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

I have asked my SO previously what he would say if I asked, and he said he would probably just say no, because its the boys question to ask.

 

[HappyNewLife]

I asked my partner (we are both women) and it felt GOOD (yet weird) to be asking, since in the past I was the one who was asked.

That said, I asked her because I love her and want to spend my life with her. Seeing her wear my ring makes me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy.

I think you know your BF best if he'd like that. If you want to ask him because you love and adore him and can't wait to marry him, do it. If you want to ask him because he's taking too long, don't-- you might resent it later.

I personally think it's time for old-school traditions to change.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi, Rtols88, You could propose to him if it wouldn't freak him out too much.

My response to my FI's lag on the engagement front was to get the ring myself and then give it to him to propose with (Which he was totally ok with)

Some guys just get overwhelmed with the cost of the ring and the design details - there's a lot of pressure there to get the "perfect" ring.

 

[sonnyjane]

I think it totally depends on your bf. I know mine would be sort of insulted and possibly hurt.

This, but also add embarrassed. My husband is a real "man's man" (tough military guy) and there is no way he would tell the guys he works with that his wife proposed to him with a ring.

Based on what you've written, to me, it sounds like he is making excuses and dragging his feet because he just isn't ready to be married yet. I really fear you proposing to him would backfire, and you might end up quite hurt. I wouldn't do it, but that's just me.

 

[Indylady]

I'm fairly certain that my SO wouldn't mind a proposal from me, and would probably enjoy it. I know certainly that our friends would think that it would be really cool. That being said, he probably wouldn't like me to gift him with a ring as he doesn't wear any jewelry and probably won't until we exchange wedding bands. If I were to propose, I probably wouldn't do it with a ring on bended knee, ya know? I don't plan on proposing, so I don't really have an idea of what I would actually do if I were to, but I wouldn't do it in a 'traditional' sort of way.

So this is the problem: He wants to spend a lot on your e-ring, but doesn't have the $$? So, why not go in 50/50 for the e-ring, or fund it altogether if it is a serious financial issue? Why do you want an engagement now when you have both agreed on a wedding date nearly 2-3 years away? If he is 'not ready' yet, then that gives him plenty of time to 'become ready' (emotionally, financially, etc.) and propose still in advance of the year 2013.

Both may be slow processes, but there is a difference between a) dragging his feet and b) saving his pennies. Which one is he doing?

 

[Amys Bling]

OK- is the issue that he wants to give you a ring he cannot afford (maybe split the cost of the ring??) or is it that he might be using that as his excuse because he isn't all the way ready to be engaged yet. Maybe bring it up again and say that you would only feel right if you split the cost of the ring- since he feels like financially he can't get you want he wants.....

I am just nervous for you that he isn't exactly there yet and you proposing to him- especially if he is a very traditional type guy- will only make him more anxious/unsure/embarrassed. I think it's a touchy thing for a guy to be proposed to. I think that most guys I know, would feel like "less of a man" if they were proposed to and maybe even cheated out of this tradition and excitement of proposing with a ring they picked specially for you.

 

[sctsbride09]

I agree with Sonnyjane and AmysBling, it sounds like he isnt "ready" yet. If you both dont want to get married until 2013, whats the big rush to be engaged anyway?

 

[Jessie702]

I proposed to C on V-Day in 2010, he said yes of course, but than said he wanted to propose to me, and in time. We talked about a timeline, and have no made any wedding plans, because i/we are waiting on my proposal. It was nerve racking as all hell, and i planned to it, about the day before. I had been thinking about it, but finally decided on the last minute. Oddly enough i went to walmart, yes walmart, and bought him a ring, it a pearl inlay, and silver, its actually pretty cool, but a bit too big for him. I only bought him the ring, because it was a cheapy "place setting" ring until he proposes, and than he will get his real band. He has already told me what he wants and he wears his ring on the weekend all the time. So my advice is, if you think it would be cool and sweet to him, than propose, only you know he might react, it actually might get his butt in motion. Also, if you do it, do it more fun, than a serious proposal maybe. That way you can leave the romantic planning to him,which is what i did. I proposed outside our favorite bar, and i put his ring in a box of conversational hearts. He Loved it.....Now, if he would only do the same thing.

 

[sonnyjane]

I proposed to C on V-Day in 2010, he said yes of course, but than said he wanted to propose to me, and in time. We talked about a timeline, and have no made any wedding plans, because i/we are waiting on my proposal. It was nerve racking as all hell, and i planned to it, about the day before. I had been thinking about it, but finally decided on the last minute. Oddly enough i went to walmart, yes walmart, and bought him a ring, it a pearl inlay, and silver, its actually pretty cool, but a bit too big for him. I only bought him the ring, because it was a cheapy "place setting" ring until he proposes, and than he will get his real band. He has already told me what he wants and he wears his ring on the weekend all the time. So my advice is, if you think it would be cool and sweet to him, than propose, only you know he might react, it actually might get his butt in motion. Also, if you do it, do it more fun, than a serious proposal maybe. That way you can leave the romantic planning to him,which is what i did. I proposed outside our favorite bar, and i put his ring in a box of conversational hearts. He Loved it.....Now, if he would only do the same thing.

So Jessie, would you now officially consider yourselves engaged? Do you refer to him as your fiance now that you've asked? I only wonder because while it sounds like a cute, and as you said, "fun" gesture, you also mention that you're still waiting to make wedding plans until his proposal to you. It seems like the OP is more interested in making this the "official" proposal since she is tired of waiting around, and I'm not sure that's the right way to go about it.

 

[Jessie702]

I proposed to C on V-Day in 2010, he said yes of course, but than said he wanted to propose to me, and in time. We talked about a timeline, and have no made any wedding plans, because i/we are waiting on my proposal. It was nerve racking as all hell, and i planned to it, about the day before. I had been thinking about it, but finally decided on the last minute. Oddly enough i went to walmart, yes walmart, and bought him a ring, it a pearl inlay, and silver, its actually pretty cool, but a bit too big for him. I only bought him the ring, because it was a cheapy "place setting" ring until he proposes, and than he will get his real band. He has already told me what he wants and he wears his ring on the weekend all the time. So my advice is, if you think it would be cool and sweet to him, than propose, only you know he might react, it actually might get his butt in motion. Also, if you do it, do it more fun, than a serious proposal maybe. That way you can leave the romantic planning to him,which is what i did. I proposed outside our favorite bar, and i put his ring in a box of conversational hearts. He Loved it.....Now, if he would only do the same thing.

So Jessie, would you now officially consider yourselves engaged? Do you refer to him as your fiance now that you've asked? I only wonder because while it sounds like a cute, and as you said, "fun" gesture, you also mention that you're still waiting to make wedding plans until his proposal to you. It seems like the OP is more interested in making this the "official" proposal since she is tired of waiting around, and I'm not sure that's the right way to go about it.

I do not consider us engaged, i am waiting on him to propose. If it had been oficial, and wedding plans made, than yes, i would call him my fiance, but as it stand right now, no, he is not my fiance. We are a non-traditional couple, hence, me asking him, but he is wanting this to be something of a tradition, i guess. Its hard to explain, but no, we will be engaged when he asks me.