To Register or Not To Register

[Tigarlily1]

Hey everyone! My Fiance and I are a little on the older side (27 & 2 and will be getting married next summer. When it comes to registries and gifts for the bridal shower/wedding I am clueless on what to do...
My Fiance and I bought a house back in February (had a family housewarming party in May) and were living together for a year before we bought. In total, I've been living on my own for the past 10 years so we really don't need too much stuff for the house. Traditionally registries were for things for your new house and beginning life together. I could probably go and register for a bunch of stuff I *want* but I don't really need it... and on top of that I really don't want to clutter my house up! I have thought about registering for money toward the honeymoon but I am not sure how that would work. The travel agent we booked through can set one up for me but all of the "gifts" must be in before May 27 and we aren't getting married till July so I just don't think thats going to work. Maybe I can set one up separately online?

Maybe I should not register at all then all we would get (I hope) are meaningful gifts that people really want to give us and money? What do you think? Is anyone else in this situation? Thanks!

 

[stephbolt]

If I were in your shoes, I would probably create a small registry. Some people really do like the suggestions, and even if someone wants to get you something off the registry, it can give them a sense of your style to see some other items you've registered for. Are there any household items that you want to upgrade?

The honeymoon registry is a great idea too! There are several websites that allow you to create them, I've never heard of them cutting out a few months before the wedding. Off the top of my head, a friend of mine used honeyfund.com.

 

[Pushin40]

Hi Tigerlilly

I am 41 and FI is turning 49 before we get married. He has been married before, I haven't, and we have a house and a summer home, so we already have 2 of everything. Plus we are having a very small DW.

I wasn't going to register, and FI almost felt stupid about registering. In the end, I did a small registry at Macys' and BB&B. What turned me in the end was a comment my MOH made. She said - you ARE having a shower. your work will more than likely throw you a shower too, so you really should register because people will want to buy you a gift. This just helps them.

My registry is basically "wants" and upgrades of things I already have. New towels, 2 new coffee makers, curtains, and luggage. Stuff like that. In the end, I won't care what I get at all!

 

[vc10um]

Both FI and I will be 27 when we get married. We'll have been living together for over two years by the time we get married. I feel like we're kind of in a similar situation.

What we plan to do is register for things we want to upgrade (our food processor, for example, which has a whopping 1.5 cup capacity at the moment) or replace (the average age of our pots and pans is roughly 8 years...none of our plates really match...etc.). We'll be moving in a couple of years when we buy a house, so I'm not registering for any decor-type stuff, since what I would really want doesn't really go with our current residence.

We may also do a honeymoon registry, and I've heard good things about both honeyfund.com and travelersjoy.com

 

[nkarma]

I am 27 and I just got married. I also have been living on my own for 10 years. I registered for about 17 items...things that we needed or wanted replacement of some things that were pretty well used. I also asked for money for the honeymoon. Some say this is tacky, but I think it depends on the generation and culture. My husband is Russian and they always give cash which is nice and all our friends are in the same position and understand why registeries are a bit dated and don't work so well. I just did the registery for older guests and it seemed to have worked. We also made some suggestions for gifts if they didn't want to give cash...wine of the month club, cooking class (which we got), gift certificates to restaurants in our area, etc...

 

[amc80]

I will have the same debate. I just don't really like the idea of registries. I think in the beginning they were pretty useful to act as a guide. But these days, they seem more like a "you must buy from this list" sort of thing. I've seen brides upset after receiving non-registry gifts, which is really sick and rude. I would rather have a guest put some thought into a gift than just mindlessly choose something off a registry. I think when my time comes I'll make a small registry of really nice things...stuff that I'll hopefully still be using 20 years down the road. I'd love to pull out a serving platter in 20 years and remember that so-and-so gave it to me for my wedding *cue flashback of wedding*.

 

[sillyberry]

Yep, same debate here. We'll be 29 and 30 at the wedding, so it seems a bit silly. I also kind of hate getting gifts.

But I've decided to register. I'm aching for a certain crystal pattern and I would love to upgrade our pots and pans to higher quality stuff. Better flatware not purchased in a large box from Target would be nice, too. It helps that we're officially moving in together post-wedding (as opposed to him living with me and all the stuff I've bought over the years), so we'll probably register for new bedding and towels.

And if people want to give cash (or nothing at all)? That's cool too!

 

[Tigarlily1]

I'm glad to see that other people are in the same position. I think the fact that we just had a housewarming party (and got gifts) when we bought the house in May is another thing that has me feeling a bit strange about the whole thing. But I am probably going to have a shower and work will probably throw one too so I think I will register. Will it be bad if it is very small? Will guests be annoyed if everything has been bought? If I register for 20 or 30 things and invite 150 people is that going to be a problem?

 

[amc80]

I'm glad to see that other people are in the same position. I think the fact that we just had a housewarming party (and got gifts) when we bought the house in May is another thing that has me feeling a bit strange about the whole thing. But I am probably going to have a shower and work will probably throw one too so I think I will register. Will it be bad if it is very small? Will guests be annoyed if everything has been bought? If I register for 20 or 30 things and invite 150 people is that going to be a problem?

I would think that most people would just give you gift cards or cash. Darn.

 

[rosetta]

Make it easier for your guests by registering. Let the news spread by word of mouth. Those who really want to use it will find it

Honeymoon

Charity

Whatever

Your closest will get you a meaningful gift anyway.

 

[Pandora II]

I'm in the UK where we don't have showers and in my circle it is very rare for someone to give money as a gift and a total no-no to ask for money - in fact no-no to even mention a registry... luckily 99% of people here register at the same place so it's easy enough to find!

Anyway, I was 35 and DH 33 when we got married - both of us left home at 18 and we'd been living together for 4 years before we got married so we had everything.

So... I registered for fine bone china, nice flatware and glassware, new saucepans, kitchen utensils and bakeware, new bedlinen and table linen plus the top of the range Kenwood Mixer. Also added a few things like a digital bathroom radio.

Everything on our registry was bought - I even had to update it 3 times! None of what I chose was very expensive - I didn't want to need a bank loan if I broke a plate - but it was definitely a step up from what we had and was the sort of thing that would have felt like an unecessary extravagance to have gone and bought ourselves.

We ended up buying a new house a few months later and kept the old one as a rental property which was ideal - we left all the old stuff in the rental property and had the sparkly new stuff for ourselves!

 

[kelpie]

We didn't register. We have been living together for years and are about to dismantle our house and move overseas so it really did not make sense. This is all I posted on our wedding website:

Bridal Registry
Our needs are very limited since we are about to embark on our big African adventure!

Good luck!

 

[zoebartlett]

My husband and I got married in our mid-thirties, so we didn't see the need to register.I was prettty against it, actually. We lived together by that point, so there wasn't really anything that we needed (that we couldn't just get for ourselves). In the end, my mom convinced us to register anyway. She said that it makes it somewhat easier for the guests, especially those who may not know your taste/style. We decided to upgrade a bunch of things, and it was actually fun to register. I'm glad we did it.