Those of you living together--how do you work out who pays for what?

[gwendolyn]

Ok, I feel like a bit of a jerk posting this, but I have to get things cleared up with J about our finances. I haven''t done it officially yet because his job is only temporary (holiday work, not well paid), but there''s a little thing (yes, I *know* it''s not a big deal) that''s really irking me at the moment that''s only happened because we haven''t worked this out.

Some things to know:

J is currently making 18% of my salary.
We live in one of the most expensive cities in the world: London.
My job as a teacher in a special needs high school is VERY demanding and draining. I sometimes feel like I won''t possibly be able to make it through another week.
I have been supporting both of us since August. J got his first pay check last week.
Once he paid our electricity bill out of his pay check, we got a Wii (a Christmas present to ourselves).

The plan was to get the Wii and an extra remote ourselves, and not get any games or anything because we''ll ask for them for Christmas from other people. It was a stretch to get it considering all the things we need to pay for bills-wise (and immigration-wise).

No, he didn''t buy a game. He did buy a game magazine, though, which was £5 (I know, not much money at all!). Even though we''ve been looking at game info for free online since before we got the Wii.

I get that he''s excited, and I''m glad he''s excited, but I haven''t bought myself anything frivolous in MONTHS. No magazines, no CDs, no nothing. And I''ve had a few breakdowns from all the pressure of having to support both of us with not enough money to do it. We have no spare cash--anything that didn''t go towards the Wii should go towards bills, or Christmas presents, or food or be put on our Oyster cards to get to work. No magazines.

I don''t want him to have to come and ask me for money, but at the same time, I want to know he''s not spending that money (which should be used for food or travel) on stupid crap we don''t need. He sometimes will stop at a bakery and get fresh sausage rolls because he''s in the mood for them. But, with what money? For luxuries? No. Especially when I''m busting my @ss to take care of us and I''ve not had anything for ME yet.

Does that make sense? I know I''m overreacting because the magazine was only £5, but still--we didn''t need it, so why? Why didn''t he offer me the rest of the money for our bills? Or use it towards food for us both? Am I being unreasonable and stingy or do I have a right to feel a bit peeved? I never said, "Give me your whole pay check because it is tiny and we need every penny of it," but I kind of want him to realize the huge amount of pressure I''m under and, if he won''t volunteer more money for bills (he''d give it if I asked), at least he can refrain from spending it on things we can get for free on the net! ...right?

So, a few questions, really. Do you think I should try to work out some sort of financial arrangement now even though it''ll all change after the next pay check anyway? Should I show him a breakdown of our finances to see how much money actually gets paid out by me every month (not sure he realizes)? And don''t you think that, if anyone is going to have spending money for dumb stuff, it should be me, since I''ve been working longer and doing the supporting?

And, how do you figure out how much each of you pay for things when you make vastly different salaries? How do you figure out how much spending money each person has?

I don''t really want to have this talk with him tonight because we already had a big disagreement this week, but I don''t like letting things sit and fester.

 

[cbs102]

I think that you should sit down and figure exactly what you pay for what each month and then go over it. ask him what he is willing to pay and share ect... it is SO important that you do this NOW because you are going to really start resenting it... i mean, you already are a little but it will get worse..

my now fi and i sat down together when i moved in and broke down all the finances. i actually pay half of everything and thus far, we have no issues.. i know what i pay every month and that is that.

 

[ladypirate]

Aww, Gwen *Hugs*

Kris makes more than I do, but we both work similar hours and have similar workloads. We just throw it all in our joint account and don't worry about who makes what. We're working on getting a bit more solvent and having some money in savings. Once we've accomplished that, we'll each take a certain amount out of each paycheck to put into separate "fun-money" accounts that we don't have to answer to the other person for. We can also use this money for gifts for each other.

For now, we're just trying to be really cognizant of what we're spending and ok larger purchases (anything over about $15) with each other before making them.

I understand why James thought 5 pounds wasn't that big a deal, but he also probably didn't realize how much stress you've been under. Maybe sit him down and explain how carefully you have to budget and that every 5 pounds really counts. Once he sees how expensive everything is first hand, he may be a bit more careful. You could also try putting him in charge of keeping the budget or do it together--keeping all your receipts and entering them into a spreadsheet once a week can be a very enlightening experience and really makes you think about frivolous spending before doing it.

 

[Bia]

LOL. I''m not laughing at you and J, I am just thinking: Welcome to the world of "Co-habitation."

Firstly, I think you need to do one thing. Write/type out your budget for each month, broken down by your expenses (bills) and your incomes, each week. Detail how much every little thing costs, no matter if its an electric bill or a $.50 cent pack of gum--if you buy it each month, then you add it to the list. This way, you have something that you and J can refer to every week. Those little sausage rolls or morning cups of coffee add up at the end of the month--it doesn''t seem like it, but they do.

In that list, add a column for savings, if you are trying to save. Even if its only $3 a month, you should add that to your budget. Another thing you might want to account for is miscellaneous or extra expenses--because we all have them--and how much money you can afford to give to those expenses.

My BF helped me set this up for my own expenses, in order to start my own savings--I am not good with saving, just spending. It has worked. Although I don''t make a lot of money right now, I am still able to pay my small bills and have money at the end of each month for savings. Its just about how you allocate your money. If you use those little $5-10-20 bills to pay for "this" and "that," and you don''t keep track, the money vanishes and many times you have nothing to show for it.

If you''re the main breadwinner, it is most important for you to have a budget for J to see, this way he knows what you''re both working with. No excuses.

 

[misskitty]

B and I just had the money talk, because we''ll be moving in together at the beginning of the new year. He makes more money than I do, but we''ll be splitting bills evenly. After the bills get paid, we have some common saving goals (a down payment, etc) and some individual ones (he wants to pay off his car, I''m putting money away for tuition, he''s been putting money aside for a ring, etc). We both agree that our common goals -- present ones like paying rent and bills and future ones like saving for a down payment and putting money aside for a wedding -- get first priority. After that, within reason, our money is our money.

We''re waiting a little bit on getting completely joint accounts; for now, we''re going to open a "bills" account that we''ll each transfer money into each month so we don''t have to deal with writing checks back and forth. Later on, probably after we''re married, we''ll merge our bank accounts.

I don''t really want to have this talk with him tonight because we already had a big disagreement this week, but I don''t like letting things sit and fester.

Definitely don''t let it sit and fester - you''ll only get more heated about it when you do have that talk. Also, don''t connect it to your disagreement from earlier this week. Just sit down and have a calm conversation about your financial situation(s) and goals.
Instead of bringing it up as a confrontation (I wouldn''t mention the game magazine unless he really seems to be clueless about spending), just say that since money is very tight right now, you''d like to work out a spreadsheet or something for your finances.
It''s possible that he doesn''t realize what your expenses are. If the conversation starts to get tense, step back and say that you''re not trying to argue about it, you just want the both of you to be comfortable -- and that includes making household expenses a priority. Is he looking for more permanent work? It might help to mention that even though money is tight right now, things will be getting better.

Good luck with the conversation!

 

[gwendolyn]

Thanks, ladies. I've planned on doing a budget with him, but it seemed kind of pointless to me for him to do it now when his pay isn't steady. We have talked about how stressed I have been about money and work, and he tends to feel helpless when we talk about it because he isn't making more money, but I think it's kind of gone to his head a little that there's some money in his bank account--well, maybe not gone to his head since that implies extravagance which £5 certainly isn't, but feeling like we have more money than we do. Except, there isn't really any money in his bank account, because we had to use his credit card last month to cover our utility bills! So....there really is no extra. Any extra should either go to me for bills, or to pay off the credit card.

So, he knows I'm stressed, and he knows he has a credit card bill coming up. He probably forgot and bought it spur of the moment because he figured 'what's £5?' And so I'll sit down to talk to him about it, and I'll bet it's going to go badly, but it has to be done. Because I get the idea (even though he keeps telling me he's good with money) that he doesn't realize how the little things add up, and how big the big things are.

I hate this kind of thing. I hate feeling like his mother ("No, no, you can't buy that"), and I get this feeling a lot... I just hope this is a transition-from-living-at-home-and-with-a-partner thing, and not a forever thing.

ETA: Oh yeah, we also are hoping to save for things for our flat, a car and, eventually, maybe, an engagement ring (although that feels years and years away). So, definitely savings is a big part too. We've just barely been breaking even. (Not even last couple of months.) But we haven't had a chance to put anything away yet. I'd love to buy a house next year or the year after, but that doesn't look likely either with the way things are going. He is looking for a steady job, but the job market is crap and he doesn't have tons of qualifications so it's difficult. I just got him a CD-ROM of some material to study for regarding the job he really wants, so hopefully that will help matters.

I just feel so incredibly worn down between my job, and paying all the bills, and being away from home. I just wish J understood. I'm not sure he does, even though I have told him.

 

[cbs102]

that feeling of being his mother will go away if you work with him on certain things that he has to pay. give him the resposibilty of the electric bill everymonth..or the water. that way, he knows that he is in charge of that utility and explain that any extra he may have he should really fork over to help you because it is all a bit much.

 

[misskitty]

What was the situation like before you moved to London? Was he living with his family, or flatmates, or what? How was he managing his money then?

Also, I really like the suggestion in the post above mine. Maybe if he's not really that great with managing money, giving him some small (but real) responsibility will help him adjust and make him feel like he's contributing.

 

[Bia]

Date: 12/4/2008 1:22:36 PM
Author: cbs102
that feeling of being his mother will go away if you work with him on certain things that he has to pay. give him the resposibilty of the electric bill everymonth..or the water. that way, he knows that he is in charge of that utility and explain that any extra he may have he should really fork over to help you because it is all a bit much.

This is a good idea, especially if his income is not steady right now. I can see how an argument might ensue after discussing finances--particularly when you ask him not to buy impulsively. Its natural for him to get defensive if he feels that he''s not making enough or feels like he can''t support you--even though you know he is supporting you, just not financially. He''s a man and needs to feel like one. If you delegate an expense that he can easily afford to pay each month, maybe it will help him feel like he''s contributing more. Just make sure he knows how much you appreciate him and that the hard money times are just temporary (most of us feel it in some way) and will get better.

Its hard. I went through this with my BF because he pays the majority of the bills. I sometimes feel like I don''t contribute enough and I feel guilty because I want to do my part. Luckily he does okay, so we aren''t financially strapped. My BF tells me all the time that I am in "the works." Meaning, soon I will be in my career, and deservedly so, making much more money. If I save the little I can now, one day all the money I squirrled away might really come in handy. So in a way, I feel like I am doing my part. Does that make sense?

 

[gwendolyn]

He was living at home, working for the family business. All of his bills were taken care of because he didn''t make very much working there (mostly because his parents knew they didn''t have to, because he lived at home--self-fulfilling prophecy, sorta, since it made it really difficult for him to live on his own).

I know I need to have patience because it''s his first experience living away from home (we''ve been here just over 3 months), but it''s really hard under these circumstances. I feel like it''s testing my patience and strength to the breaking point, and have felt this way since we moved in together.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/4/2008 12:43:31 PM
Author: Bia
Welcome to the world of 'Co-habitation.'

We've all been there. One person is the relationship is always going to be a bigger/more frivilous spender than the other. It drives me nuts sometimes, the stuff that C will spend money on. However, "C has the money for it, and they are things he loves"... That is what I repeat to myself multiple times a week.

To be completely honest, IMO, if you've been supporting the relationship for over 4 months now, then I think every bit of his paycheck should be going to help you pay rent and bills. If there is anyleft over, then he can keep that.

FI and I split our finances like this:
Rent: 50/50
Water: We switch each month (It's paid with rent)
Cable: We switch each month
Cell phone: I pay each month and then every quarter I submit an "invoice" to him for his half of those months bills.
Electricity: (same as cell phone)

If I didn't make enough to cover my half of everything, then my entire paycheck would be going to C to pay for as much as I could. At least that's is what we did when I was getting unemployment checks for 3 months. I could only cover my half of the rent and a $10 water bill every month, so that is what I paid. I didn't have a penny left over.

 

[CheshireSmile]

I think doing a budget would help no matter what - then you'll know exactly where your money is going each month, and maybe it will help show him necessities vs. luxuries and how much running a household actually costs. Having a list of what goes where every month is so helpful.

My bf and I moved in together in the summer of 2007 - and had the money talk right away - we contribute equal amounts toward the household expenses, and have never had a fight about money. We each have our own savings and checking accounts so that we can buy the little things we want and save for the big things like a wedding, grad school and a house.

I hope talking with him goes well, keep us posted!

Date: 12/4/2008 1:18:30 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Thanks, ladies. I've planned on doing a budget with him, but it seemed kind of pointless to me for him to do it now when his pay isn't steady. We have talked about how stressed I have been about money and work, and he tends to feel helpless when we talk about it because he isn't making more money, but I think it's kind of gone to his head a little that there's some money in his bank account--well, maybe not gone to his head since that implies extravagance which £5 certainly isn't, but feeling like we have more money than we do. Except, there isn't really any money in his bank account, because we had to use his credit card last month to cover our utility bills! So....there really is no extra. Any extra should either go to me for bills, or to pay off the credit card.


So, he knows I'm stressed, and he knows he has a credit card bill coming up. He probably forgot and bought it spur of the moment because he figured 'what's £5?' And so I'll sit down to talk to him about it, and I'll bet it's going to go badly, but it has to be done. Because I get the idea (even though he keeps telling me he's good with money) that he doesn't realize how the little things add up, and how big the big things are.


I hate this kind of thing. I hate feeling like his mother ('No, no, you can't buy that'), and I get this feeling a lot... I just hope this is a transition-from-living-at-home-and-with-a-partner thing, and not a forever thing.

ETA: Oh yeah, we also are hoping to save for things for our flat, a car and, eventually, maybe, an engagement ring (although that feels years and years away). So, definitely savings is a big part too. We've just barely been breaking even. (Not even last couple of months.) But we haven't had a chance to put anything away yet. I'd love to buy a house next year or the year after, but that doesn't look likely either with the way things are going. He is looking for a steady job, but the job market is crap and he doesn't have tons of qualifications so it's difficult. I just got him a CD-ROM of some material to study for regarding the job he really wants, so hopefully that will help matters.


I just feel so incredibly worn down between my job, and paying all the bills, and being away from home. I just wish J understood. I'm not sure he does, even though I have told him.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/4/2008 1:33:45 PM
Author: misskitty
What was the situation like before you moved to London? Was he living with his family, or flatmates, or what? How was he managing his money then?


Also, I really like the suggestion in the post above mine. Maybe if he''s not really that great with managing money, giving him some small (but real) responsibility will help him adjust and make him feel like he''s contributing.

He does, he pays the phone bill every month, but it''s direct debit, so I don''t think it''s really doing the trick. Maybe I''ll have him pay our council taxes every month or something, if he''s making enough to cover them.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/4/2008 1:43:05 PM
Author: CheshireSmile
I think doing a budget would help no matter what - then you''ll know exactly where your money is going each month, and maybe it will help show him necessities vs. luxuries and how much running a household actually costs. Having a list of what goes where every month is so helpful.


My bf and I moved in together in the summer of 2007 - and had the money talk right away - we contribute equal amounts toward the household expenses, and have never had a fight about money. We each have our own savings and checking accounts so that we can buy the little things we want and save for the big things like a wedding, grad school and a house.


I hope talking with him goes well, keep us posted!

Yeah....I think the frustrating thing is that, well, what''s the point of working out what he''ll pay monthly if this month is different from next month, which is different from January?

Until he gets a regular job, I am not sure what good it will do.

We have sat down together to go over our monthly costs, but before it was me paying absolutely everything, and I don''t think it really sunk in because he didn''t feel it like I did. Does that make sense?

 

[MrsHToBe]

I honestly don''t know how our finances get divvied up for payments, as SO handles it all, lol. I will say, however, that he receives my child tax cheques, as well as half of each of my paycheques to go towards bills, or rent. Keep in mind that it''s not a lot of money at all, but it''s definitely better than him supporting me fully like he was when I was a SAHM.

 

[Bia]

Date: 12/4/2008 1:40:38 PM
Author: gwendolyn
He was living at home, working for the family business. All of his bills were taken care of because he didn't make very much working there (mostly because his parents knew they didn't have to, because he lived at home--self-fulfilling prophecy, sorta, since it made it really difficult for him to live on his own).

I know I need to have patience because it's his first experience living away from home (we've been here just over 3 months), but it's really hard under these circumstances. I feel like it's testing my patience and strength to the breaking point, and have felt this way since we moved in together.

Gwen, what's testing your patience the most? Is it that he's not making enough, or that he's not finding a better job, or that the economy is crap and you are feeling the brunt? Or maybe its just the transition? There might be a few reasons your are feeling testy. Try to find out what's really bothering you, unless you know already, and talk to J about it. If you need help then maybe he can get a second job, or something else can be worked out. Maybe a less expensive apartment? See where you can cut down, if at all possible so that you have a little more leeway and less stress (too much stress and pressure is so bad for your health Gwennie). Also, maybe cut down on Christmas expenses. People will understand if you can't give out monetary gifts...times are hard.

Definitely ask him for help and try to find a solution so that you are both more comfortable.

 

[bee*]

I''m sort of in J''s position as I''m a student and D works full time (well did before he was let go!). I do work per week though and make a decent enough living on that but not enough to support myself for all my utilities etc. We worked it out that D pays the rent (which is quite reasonable), I pay for all the food (which comes to quite a sum as D eats non-stop) and we split the bills evenly (electricity, gas, tv). When I work full time during the holidays I give D more money for the rent. Personally I think that J should have given you the entire wages (obviously apart from the Wii money). You have been supporting him fully for quite a while. I hate not being able to split things evenly with D as I''m quite independent and don''t like having to rely on someone to pay my bit but we had talked about it so much prior to moving in. Sending hugs as I know how hard any financial issues are.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/4/2008 1:52:07 PM
Author: Bia
Gwen, what''s testing your patience the most? Is it that he''s not making enough, or that he''s not finding a better job, or that the economy is crap and you are feeling the brunt? Or maybe its just the transition? There might be a few reasons your are feeling testy. Try to find out what''s really bothering you, unless you know already, and talk to J about it. If you need help then maybe he can get a second job, or something else can be worked out. Maybe a less expensive apartment? See where you can cut down, if at all possible so that you have a little more leeway and less stress (too much stress and pressure is so bad for your health Gwennie). Also, maybe cut down on Christmas expenses. People will understand if you can''t give out monetary gifts...times are hard.


Definitely ask him for help and try to find a solution so that you are both more comfortable.

Those are all good questions, honey. I wish I knew what part of it stressed me out the most. This time of the year, it''s really hard for me to be away from my family--it''s been 8 months since I''ve seen my friends and family at home, and not going home this Christmas is really hard, and it makes everything else hard too. Money is always a huge worry to me--I have had nightmares of us going bankrupt and being thrown in jail for not paying bills and sometimes I wake up crying because my dreams always feel very real. My job is also really hard and emotionally draining every day, although some days more than others, which chips away at the emotional strength that''s left from being so far away from home. The job market is frustrating but out of our control, so I try to not let that bother me too much. He does technically have a second job but he hasn''t worked any hours at it because the company is apparently the slowest on the PLANET (he got the job at the end of Sept!!!). He tried calling them today to get some hours, but the woman he needs to talk to wasn''t in, so he''s going to try again tomorrow.

No less expensive apartment--we have a 12-month lease and this is one of the cheapest apartments in the area. I''ve been looking at 2nd jobs, but think that might make me lose the last of my sanity.

 

[aliciagirl]

We are kind of in a similar situation to you except SO is paying for mostly everything. I''m here doing rotations and I work 15-20 hours a week, but I just don''t make enough to split things evenly. I pay mostly for food and for fun stuff and he pays rent and utilities. I get money back from loans through school and I gave him part of that to pay off one of his credit cards. He appreciates what I do for him and I appreciate what he does for me and we''ve never had an argument or fight about it. We both tend to be very relaxed about things, in general, though.

Gwen, I agree that you need to get to the bottom of what''s bothering you. Not to say that the money situation isn''t a problem and doesn''t warrant a conversation, because it is and it does, but it really sounds like some of your issues might linger long after there is a solution with the money.

I''m sure it''s very hard adjusting to a new place and a new job and never being able to see your family! I''m sure it will all get better. Good luck talking to J!

 

[neatfreak]

Our system works pretty well I think...we calculate out how much we need for the monthly bills all together. As Bia said, we include EVERYTHING for the household in this.

Then, we figure out what percent of our incomes will cover this. The key to making it fair is that both people put in the same percent of their income so regardless of how much money we make, we each put in about 90% of our income for bills, household stuff, savings, entertainment, etc. Obviously depending on your expenses this percent will change for you.

The remaining 10% is then ours to do what we want with. We don't have to answer to the other person about it and it gets deposited into our own personal accounts. That way whoever makes more gets to keep more because 10% of 1000 is obviously more than 10% of 100, but the person who makes more is putting more toward bills too, so it makes it fair.

Works for us and it's easy to figure out and hard to argue with!!!

 

[gwendolyn]

I wish I could be chill about money. I have always just barely made my monthly payments, living from pay check to pay check, and for a decade worked multiple jobs (for a couple years, I worked four!) to make sure there was always enough money to pay the bills with a little tucked away to handle car trouble or other emergencies. I thought I''d finally be able to relax with two of us making money, but it hasn''t worked out that way yet.

 

[sammyj]

gwen, sorry you''re going through this. The words "money" and "finance" alone stress me out! My BF and I have been living together for 2 years and when he moved in I was $30k in debt with school loans. A year ago, my BF, a spreadsheet fanatic, organized my finances and I am now about $11k in debt. I''m not pinching pennies but I do have a ''budget'' every pay period with which I can purchase whatever I want after all my bills are paid. Purchases are divided into categories like clothing/shoes, gifts, entertainment, food, etc. It''s always a goal for me to fall within or below my budget. The spreadsheet he''s developed for me has been a lifesaver, otherwise I''d be swimming in debt! The power of a good spreadsheet is incredible!!!

In terms of how we work out who pays for what:

Rent - 50/50
Hydro, Cable and Internet - Me (he moved in with me so these were already under my name)
Groceries - 75/25 (he pays for 3 weeks and I pay for 1)
Phone - we each have our own cell phones that we pay for
Transportation - own cars that we pay for

We don''t have a joint account but when we do open one, it will primarily be for saving up for a downpayment on a home and for our wedding.

In terms of your situation gwen, I agree with everyone when they recommend for you to lay out all of your expenses into a spreadsheet and go over this with J. It seems like he''s not totally clear on where all of the money goes and how much is left in the end for ''luxury'' items. I watch this show called "Till Debt Do Us Part" about couples who are in debt and unable to control their finances. What the host does for each couple is she takes away their credit/debit cards and asks them to only deal with cash. This way it is clear where every penny goes. She also makes them document their spending in a ''budget book.'' Now, I know it''s not easy to only deal with cash, but maybe you can do this with the money that''s left over after all this bills are paid off? Put the money in a jar and everytime you spend some of it, put the receipts in there so you can track where it''s being spent.

Ok...that''s enough money talk for one day! Good luck!!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/4/2008 3:14:07 PM
Author: neatfreak
Our system works pretty well I think...we calculate out how much we need for the monthly bills all together. As Bia said, we include EVERYTHING for the household in this.


Then, we figure out what percent of our incomes will cover this. The key to making it fair is that both people put in the same percent of their income so regardless of how much money we make, we each put in about 90% of our income for bills, household stuff, savings, entertainment, etc. Obviously depending on your expenses this percent will change for you.


The remaining 10% is then ours to do what we want with. We don''t have to answer to the other person about it and it gets deposited into our own personal accounts. That way whoever makes more gets to keep more because 10% of 1000 is obviously more than 10% of 100, but the person who makes more is putting more toward bills too, so it makes it fair.


Works for us and it''s easy to figure out and hard to argue with!!!

Yes, I love this plan! I guess maybe I was being a bit intellectually lazy because it didn''t seem worthwhile to me to work out the percentages every month while his pay is unsteady, but if it''s the fairest way to do it (which I think it is) then maybe we should. Of course, at this point, I''m reasonably sure neither of us will have any money left over...but for when we do, it''s definitely a good plan.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/4/2008 3:34:25 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 12/4/2008 3:14:07 PM

Author: neatfreak

Our system works pretty well I think...we calculate out how much we need for the monthly bills all together. As Bia said, we include EVERYTHING for the household in this.



Then, we figure out what percent of our incomes will cover this. The key to making it fair is that both people put in the same percent of their income so regardless of how much money we make, we each put in about 90% of our income for bills, household stuff, savings, entertainment, etc. Obviously depending on your expenses this percent will change for you.



The remaining 10% is then ours to do what we want with. We don''t have to answer to the other person about it and it gets deposited into our own personal accounts. That way whoever makes more gets to keep more because 10% of 1000 is obviously more than 10% of 100, but the person who makes more is putting more toward bills too, so it makes it fair.



Works for us and it''s easy to figure out and hard to argue with!!!

Yes, I love this plan! I guess maybe I was being a bit intellectually lazy because it didn''t seem worthwhile to me to work out the percentages every month while his pay is unsteady, but if it''s the fairest way to do it (which I think it is) then maybe we should. Of course, at this point, I''m reasonably sure neither of us will have any money left over...but for when we do, it''s definitely a good plan.

It works well for us that''s for sure. I know I heard it from one of the money guru''s, and it makes sense because it rewards whoever makes more with more spending $ but at the same time they pay more too so the other person doesn''t feel burdened.

And I''m sure you can spare even a few percent for "fun" purchases if you budget it well. But J might only be getting a few pounds! He''ll rethink that magazine then.

 

[tessari]

Gwen--I''m sorry you''re going through this! It can be very tricky...my BF and I have completely different financial situations going on as well and it''s hard to mesh things in a fair way. I really like Neatfreak''s system and will bring it up with my BF after we''re either engaged or married. For now we''ve reached a compromise situation that we''ll take us up until we merge our accounts--but we didn''t get here without a little drama. He gets annoyed that he always picks up the tab for cabs, restaurants, bars and I get annoyed that I buy all the groceries. From my experience--if you do choose to bring it up with him is to be as objective as possible--leave the any other issues out of it; keep it a talk about numbers.

 

[gwendolyn]

sammyj, thank you for your post!! I have a lot of student debt as well, which is partly why this is such a huge deal to me--well, anyone, really. I am organized with my finances but have not gotten exact numbers from J about his finances because I don''t want to pry...but now it is our money, as well as his. We don''t have a joint account either but plan to have one eventually to save up for an engagement ring and wedding.

I will have a talk with him and show him where the money goes and what is left for luxuries, and ask that he give me all of his funds when he cannot contribute 50% of expenses.

Thank you all for your help, and for reading all my long posts!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

me and my bf moved into an apartment around the same time as you, and we split everything down the middle. While his grandparents and his mom gives him about 700 bucks a month, I have to work and have already spent my money saved from the summer on rent and apartment stuff.

So, we split everything. Right down the middle. Groceries, electricity, cable/internet, rent- I feel you gwen! It sucks living month to month.

I think writing things down and divying it up will really help your BF realize what is going where and how that five dollars really could have gone towards something else. Ex. my boyfriend spent like 600 bucks on his car this summer, and now when he complains about no money, I just say, well you didn''t need that, and you would be 600 bucks richer!

very lightheartedly though!

Good luck!

 

[sammyj]

no prob gwen

. I just read neatfreak''s post about using percentages instead of $$ amounts. I love that idea! It''s fair, straightforward and if you use the save 90% spend 10%, you''ll hardly ever need a calculator!

 

[sunnyd]

Oh Gwen, sorry to hear about your troubles. Money sucks, plain and simple!!

Neat's idea is a great one. As someone who's been on her own a while with a BF who hasn't, I hear ya. On all of it.

Speadsheets have been a godsend for us. It really helps to see how much money you need to pay every month. Ugh, so frustrated for you!

 

[chocolatefudge]

Gwen I haven''t read all the replies as I stopped when I got to the part about you suggesting looking for another job- DO NOT DO THIS!! I am a teacher also and understand how physically and emotionally driaing the job is. I think people often see it as an easy ride and only look at the amount of holidays we get. You will brun out trying to work another job, don''t go there!!

I hope you manage to sort your money troubles, I understand how difficult it is- have been there!!