This was bound to happen with guys buying his gf a MMD.

[Mrs_Strizzle]

I agree that it boils down to "know your lady". Many ladies would be perfectly happy and maybe prefer a MMD. Some, obviously not. Just like many would be appalled at a "used" diamond. I myself LOVE the thought that my OEC has seen lots of laughs and tears before she came to be mine. Some would worry about "JuJu". Who is right? Obviously everyone!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Update...
She returned the ring b/c she felt she was deceived. Lesson learned!. A guy should never assume that the GF is ok with a MMD.

Wonder would my wife divorce me if she found out I gave her a MMD?

 

[MissGotRocks]

Update...
She returned the ring b/c she felt she was deceived. Lesson learned!. A guy should never assume that the GF is ok with a MMD.

Wonder would my wife divorce me if she found out I gave her a MMD?

No, she would probably just bonk you over the head with a frying pan - lol!

 

[DejaWiz]

Just read through some of the thread (not all of it), and I agree that communication is important to set expectations.

Whether that expectation is set in the past stigma of many people under the false notion that an MMD is "fake" or they merely prefer a natural diamond because of it being something that the very earth we live on produced over a very long time.

I had that discussion with my wife not long ago when I finally spilled the beans that I was going to get her a diamond that was comparatively bigger than her wedding ring for our 15 year anniversary. She was absolutely fine with an MMD, so off to shop I went. She got to pick the setting and the wrap/enhancer, I got to pick the solitaire. It was easy and a fun process since we set those expectations with each other.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I had that discussion with my wife not long ago when I finally spilled the beans that I was going to get her a diamond that was comparatively bigger than her wedding ring for our 15 year anniversary. She was absolutely fine with an MMD, so off to shop I went. She got to pick the setting and the wrap/enhancer, I got to pick the solitaire. It was easy and a fun process since we set those expectations with each other.

That's great as long as she knows it is a MMD but in my friend's case it was a whole different situation.

 

[Dancing Fire]

No, she would probably just bonk you over the head with a frying pan - lol!

OUCH!

 

[DejaWiz]

That's great as long as she knows it is a MMD but in my friend's case it was a whole different situation.

Yeah, I get that. Without being there to see and understand the reaction after she found out not was an MMD, I feel it was an extreme overreaction. Maybe he should have stated something along the lines of "it is a lab grown diamond, but if you're not OK with that, then let's go pick you out a natural diamond."

Again, I wasn't there and I don't know either of them...and hopefully things work out well between them.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand these kinds of things since my mind tends to gravitate towards things of a more science and engineering nature, so LGD's are right up my alley and the common but false stigma surrounding them has been erased in my own mind: a diamond is a diamond, regardless of where it was grown.

 

[Alybetter]

What kind of relationship is it where someone would want to spend their lifetime with someone, but then choose not to just because of the makeup of a piece of rock?

There are clearly some communication issues going on, but I do not think it’s truly the makeup of the diamond that would make one reconsider spending their life with someone.

I agree.
While I do appreciate transparency and genuinely believe engagement rings should be a mutual decision, (and expenditure), I think it’s bonkers that the entire wedding be called off, and equally bonkers if this fellow lied about the diamond’s provenance.

 

[Alybetter]

Yeah, I get that. Without being there to see and understand the reaction after she found out not was an MMD, I feel it was an extreme overreaction. Maybe he should have stated something along the lines of "it is a lab grown diamond, but if you're not OK with that, then let's go pick you out a natural diamond."

Again, I wasn't there and I don't know either of them...and hopefully things work out well between them.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand these kinds of things since my mind tends to gravitate towards things of a more science and engineering nature, so LGD's are right up my alley and the common but false stigma surrounding them has been erased in my own mind: a diamond is a diamond, regardless of where it was grown.

I have always been baffled by the notion that some take that a great deal of money should/must be spent on the ring in order to validate, what, the love? The loyalty? Especially if the ring is purchased wholly by one partner. I would feel pretty uneasy if I knew I was expected to spend a set amount of thousands of dollars before my partner would be happy that I asked them to marry me..
I wouldn’t care if my stone was lab or earth, but I do think it should be discussed first. I’d rather have lab, personally.

That said, if there’s money to burn and all parties on board, different story.

 

[maryjane04]

I don't know how old this couple are but I could probably relate. An engagement ring may be the first piece of real jewellery for a woman and so I guess maybe anything less than an earth mined diamond is disappointing. When my partner and I got engaged I chose a sapphire as we couldn't afford a diamond back then. Had I known what I do now, I'd be open to pre loved, mmd and everything in between.

 

[DejaWiz]

I have always been baffled by the notion that some take that a great deal of money should/must be spent on the ring in order to validate, what, the love? The loyalty? Especially if the ring is purchased wholly by one partner. I would feel pretty uneasy if I knew I was expected to spend a set amount of thousands of dollars before my partner would be happy that I asked them to marry me..
I wouldn’t care if my stone was lab or earth, but I do think it should be discussed first. I’d rather have lab, personally.

That said, if there’s money to burn and all parties on board, different story.

I 100% agree. If the intended wants a diamond, then my viewpoint is "a diamond is a diamond". If the expectation is that there must be a minimum purchase value involved, then...well, I won't go into too much detail there, other than that mindset is a sellers dream come true and an advertisers self-affirmation of a job well done.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I have always been baffled by the notion that some take that a great deal of money should/must be spent on the ring in order to validate,

I don't think it was about the amount of money spent. I think it was more about a natural diamond vs a MMD. Had he spent the same amount on a smaller natural diamond everything would have been find. I guess not every gal will be ok with wearing a MMD.

 

[Alybetter]

I don't think it was about the amount of money spent. I think it was more about a natural diamond vs a MMD. Had he spent the same amount on a smaller natural diamond everything would have been find. I guess not every gal will be ok with wearing a MMD.

For sure. I wasn’t referring to the fellow in the original post, just speaking generally.

 

[OboeGal]

Unless your friend outright lied to her or intentionally misled her about the source of the diamond - in which case the issue is intentional deception, not a ring or stone - then in my opinion, he dodged a bullet. I cannot imagine being so entitled and focused on materialism and status as to reject the marriage proposal of the person I loved and wanted to be with because it was a lab-grown diamond rather than mined. That attitude would utterly boggle my mind, and I would not want to be hitched to someone who held it. If she didn't like the ring or wanted something different, then fine - that happens sometime. The conversation can be had after the proposal and the ring can be returned or sold and another one purchased that suits her better. But to reject his proposal/end the relationship over just the fact that he picked lab-grown instead of mined is frankly nuts.

I guess it shouldn't surprise me that much, though. The culture around engagement rings in the US has become increasingly insane (and status-driven and commercial). I talk to a lot of people from other countries who just shake their heads at it.

 

[kenny]

I wouldn't criticize a woman who said no to a guy who proposed with a MMD.
Maybe she did not see him as a keeper, maybe for reasons not related to the MMD and she used the MDD thing as an easier way to say no.
If he was otherwise a keeper, then maybe she should have discussed going ring shopping, together.

Perhaps she wasn't commercial, entitled, commercial, or status conscious.
Perhaps she just marveled at what nature can provide, and in her mind a diamond is for her own enjoyment, not to show off to others.
Perhaps that it came from nature makes her feel it is more special and meaningful, particularly at the moment of proposal.
Perhaps a natural diamond's specialness, rarity, and value makes her feel that he sees her as special rare and valuable.

Sure, some would see this as swallowing the DeBeer's marketing hook, line, and sinker.
Oh well.

Ya know, ya just never know.

 

[OboeGal]

I wouldn't criticize a woman who said no to a guy who proposed with a MMD.
Maybe she did not see him as a keeper, maybe for reasons not related to the MMD and she used the MDD thing as an easier way to say no.
If he was otherwise a keeper, then maybe she should have discussed going ring shopping, together.

Perhaps she wasn't commercial, entitled, commercial, or status conscious.
Perhaps she just marveled at what nature can provide, and in her mind a diamond is for her own enjoyment, not to show off to others.
Perhaps that it came from nature makes her feel it is more special and meaningful, particularly at the moment of proposal.
Perhaps a natural diamond's specialness, rarity, and value makes her feel that he sees her as special rare and valuable.

Sure, some would see this as swallowing the DeBeer's marketing hook, line, and sinker.
Oh well.

Ya know, ya just never know.

Sorry, I don't buy it.

It's not necessarily commercial, entitled, or status-conscious to have a preference for mined diamonds, for the reasons you listed - those form, in my opinion, a perfectly reasonable basis for a preference, and for the request after the proposal to switch the ring or the stone for a mined one. But to reject the proposal, relationship, and person, rather than just want to switch the ring out, purely because the person happened to choose a lab-grown rather than mined stone is off.

Just because she might feel that it indicates something more "special" to have a mined stone doesn't mean that he had the same sentiment and was therefore considering her and their engagement "not special enough" by choosing lab-grown instead of mined. Who knows - maybe he was limited in what he could afford, and thought by being able to get something bigger with better specs with the same amount of money, he was demonstrating just how special she was by having what he thought was a "better" stone. Or maybe he was thinking about their entire financial future and thought he was demonstrating fiscal responsibility to the person whom he was asking to be his financial partner in life. I see people screw up relationships with this kind of thinking A LOT - they assume the other person sees the world exactly the way they do, and ascribe motives to the other's behavior based on their own views that actually don't reflect what their partner was thinking or feeling at all. If that's how she functions in the relationship, it did not bode well for him if he were to marry her. It's a necessary skill in a functional, healthy relationship to be able to put yourself in your partner's shoes and see the world through their eyes and respect their view. Now, it matters in a serious relationship if the people involved see the world very differently in terms of very basic core values, religion, basic lifestyle, desires (or not) for children, etc., but to lump differences in how "special" one perceives mined vs. lab diamonds into that category, and base whether or not to get married over it, is - I repeat - nuts.

Of course, we're all just sitting around here making a whole lot of unsubstantiated guesses as to what went down - we haven't been provided even close to enough information about the whole deal to know. Frankly, I get the feeling this whole thread was more about bashing lab diamonds in general than anything else - "see! lab diamonds aren't good enough and you'll get turned down and lose your girl if you buy one!" blah blah blah...... I'm just really, really tired of it. It's an attitude that has driven me away from this forum for months at a time - intense snobbery toward, and judgement of, man-made diamonds and other gemstones, including moissy and CZ. It breaks my heart to see many young people post on the engagement ring subreddit about how cruel friends, family members, and co-workers are to them because they got a lab diamond or moissy or colored gemstone instead of a mined diamond - it frankly ruins what should be such a happy and hopeful time in their lives. I don't have any problem with people having preferences for what they personally wear, for whatever reason, but to throw snobbery and judgement at others over their preferences and choices that hurt no one else, well......