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This was bound to happen with guys buying his gf a MMD.

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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A friend of mine proposed to his gf with a MMD (she said YES!) but he didn't tell her it is a MMD, then a few weeks goes by before she read the lab report stating that her stone is a MMD. Now she have call off the engagement, b/c she said he try to deceive her.

So, should the guy tell his gf if he propose with a MMD?
 

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distracts

Ideal_Rock
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Yes - I absolutely think people should be clear about what they're proposing with. Of course, I've said before I hate surprises so I think people should choose together, or at least communicate major desires like type of stone. If my husband and I hadn't communicated, there's no way I would have ended up with a sapphire because that just wouldn't have occurred to him as an option.

There are plenty of people who would PREFER a MMD. I know several who've gotten engaged with CZ, moissanite, or MMD, because they didn't want or couldn't afford a diamond.

Either way, to call off the engagement because of it is ridiculous, though perhaps there were other issues and this was just the last straw. (To be charitable to the fiancee, who otherwise seems shallow and money-grubbing. Even though MMDs are still not exactly cheap.)
 

Dancing Fire

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yes, he should. In fact, I think that it is probably something that should be discussed prior to the proposal, just to be sure that she is onboard with the idea.

Was he trying to pass it off as an earth mined diamond?
But then it wouldn't be a surprise, but now she is piss!..:angryfire:

IDK if he was trying to pass it off as a mined diamond. I didn't wanna ask any Qs...:silenced::bigsmile:
 

MeowMeow

Brilliant_Rock
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Oof yeah. She should've been told so that at least she could share her opinion on her preference >.< Maybe if she had been told she might have been on board with the lab diamond. Even if she wasn't okay with it, at least he would know that she wanted a mined stone instead and could've gotten one of those for her.
 

madelise

Ideal_Rock
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What kind of relationship is it where someone would want to spend their lifetime with someone, but then choose not to just because of the makeup of a piece of rock?

There are clearly some communication issues going on, but I do not think it’s truly the makeup of the diamond that would make one reconsider spending their life with someone.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Either way, to call off the engagement because of it is ridiculous, though perhaps there were other issues and this was just the last straw. (To be charitable to the fiancee, who otherwise seems shallow and money-grubbing. Even though MMDs are still not exactly cheap.)
I don't think so. I think is the deception that pissed her off.
 

Bron357

Ideal_Rock
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Possibly an over reaction. Perhaps she thinks a MMD is like CZ ie very cheap and that’s what upset her?
A story I previously told....
Office co worker proudly showing off her new $10,000 engagement ring. Recognizing it as a CZ I was concerned her fiancée had been mislead / ripped off as the $10,000 had come out of their joint savings so I encouraged her to go to a jeweller and get an appraisal for insurance.
Identified as a CZ. Then the sh## hits the fan. Fiancée had apparently gambled away $10,000 of their money and to cover it up he went and bought a $50 ring and proposed so as to conceal the loss of money.
That engagement was ended pronto. While I felt really bad, in hindsight I guess I saved her from future problems because a guy who gambles and lies about it AND gives a cheap CZ ring isn’t a guy to spend your life with.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Brilliant_Rock
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i wouldn't mind a MMD, especially if that means bigger and whiter so long as it was presented to me as a mined one
giving this BF the benifit of the doubt maybe he just didn't consider it an issue
i mean its not a CZ or a white sapphire
i do wounder in these cases what salespeople say to their customers
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I certainly wouldn't care about mmd vs natural (especially since I love my moissy so much!) But if he passed it off as a diamond I would be upset about the lie.
But would it considered a lie if he didn't say anything?..:bigsmile:
 
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tinatark

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Pretty sure most engagements aren't surprises... you would think they should have discussed this!
 

Dancing Fire

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Possibly an over reaction. Perhaps she thinks a MMD is like CZ ie very cheap and that’s what upset her?
Read above post #8 :))
 

MissGotRocks

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Yes, they absolutely should have discussed this beforehand. I would be upset too. Maybe after she settles down they can discuss it and agree upon a course of action to save the relationship? No one enjoys feeling like the wool has been pulled over their eyes!
 

LinSF

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I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she said she wanted a diamond, not a substitute? Well, substitutes are moissanite and CZ. MMD are technically diamonds, but slightly cheaper (my opinion is that they aren't cheap enough to be worth forgoing the real deal). Your friend very well could have been trying to get her the biggest bang for his buck, and thought it didn't make a difference since they are truly identical chemically. It doesn't sound like he hid the certificate from her, so I'm not sure how it was deceptive? That said, I think they probably have major communication issues!
 

madelise

Ideal_Rock
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I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she said she wanted a diamond, not a substitute? Well, substitutes are moissanite and CZ. MMD are technically diamonds, but slightly cheaper (my opinion is that they aren't cheap enough to be worth forgoing the real deal). Your friend very well could have been trying to get her the biggest bang for his buck, and thought it didn't make a difference since they are truly identical chemically. It doesn't sound like he hid the certificate from her, so I'm not sure how it was deceptive? That said, I think they probably have major communication issues!
I agree w you that currently, it isn’t cheap enough to forego natural, especially when we aren’t yet sure of how they’ll sell second hand.

But the world and newer generations are very concerned about ethical consumption, so I’m betting they’ll gain traction over time and be more affordable. Moissanites used to be so much more money, and they’re more affordable now.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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It doesn't sound like he hid the certificate from her, so I'm not sure how it was deceptive? That said, I think they probably have major communication issues!
Maybe he should have hide the lab report from her? :whistle:

What is the guy suppose to do if it was meant to be a surprise?
Ask his gf..."Can I propose to you with a MMD"?
 

chroman

Brilliant_Rock
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What is the guy suppose to do if it was meant to be a surprise?
Ask his gf..."Can I propose to you with a MMD"?
Good question - luckily we went shopping together..
Maybe movie night, pop in Blood Diamond, then bring up Leo and his MMD connection and see how it goes?
 

MollyMalone

Ideal_Rock
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Pretty sure most engagements aren't surprises... you would think they should have discussed this!
Well, my then SO & I had certainly discussed marriage, so the fact that he formally asked me (sans ring or stone) to marry him was not a surprise. But up until then, we'd never discussed engagement rings. And that's a good thing. Because (a) I wasn't sure I wanted an e-ring, and (b) although I could have told him that what he had in mind -- influenced by his dad who was in the diamond trade -- was not something I'd enthusiastically wear on a daily basis, it turned out that what I'd initially thought I wanted was not what I liked most on my hand in real life.
* * * What is the guy suppose to do if it was meant to be a surprise?
Ask his gf..."Can I propose to you with a MMD"?
Like @distracts, I think e-rings should not be a surprise. Problem solved! :))
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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It all comes down to communication. If partners would/could clearly communicate most problems would be solved before they even happened. IMO.





Luckily I didn't eschew my DH's proposal and ring selection despite it wasn't the ring I envisioned though it was the perfect (for us) romantic proposal. Years before the proposal we were watching "Sex and the City" and my boyfriend (DH) said to me casually when one of the women got engaged on the show..."what diamond shape do I like best?" And never having thought about that before I said Emerald cut. Because it is so elegant and graceful.

Fast forward to him proposing a few years later with a ...wait for it...round. LOL. Turns out I wanted neither MRB or Emerald cut but I didn't know my own mind re diamonds at that time. But if I had based our engagement and marriage on that it never would have happened as that communication was lacking.

:lol:

However I stand by communication is key because it is. That was just one exception and we both learned a valuable lesson from it too. Though even if we had communicated better about that I would have still changed my ring several times as I didn't know what I wanted.
 

moneymeister

Brilliant_Rock
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Thankfully hubby asked me about the ring beforehand. I may have been okay with lab, but that really should have been discussed in a general manner. Not hard to bring it up and ask, "Someday when you get engaged, what type of ring do you love? do you want a diamond or another type of stone? what color? if it would enable a larger diamond, would you consider lab-grown diamonds?". I have not met too many women that haven't been thinking this through before an engagement. Most have a Pinterest.

While I don't think it's worth calling off a great relationship, it's a red flag if he tried to pass it off as natural. Who knows, but there is probably more to the story and this could be a pattern of dishonesty that was a "last straw"?. Still, he should have asked because lab may not be "mind clean" as a symbol of a marriage. I have been chatting with hubby about a 2nd e-ring, he is hesitant about lab for this reason, although, ultimately, he just wants me happy.

If a man feels he can't talk about this with his lady, his communication skills will need to grow to be a good husband.
 

elizat

Brilliant_Rock
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What kind of relationship is it where someone would want to spend their lifetime with someone, but then choose not to just because of the makeup of a piece of rock?

There are clearly some communication issues going on, but I do not think it’s truly the makeup of the diamond that would make one reconsider spending their life with someone.
Yes, this times a thousand. Plus, the ring is just symbolism. I get it, it's part of culture now, but this idea of a diamond ring for an engagement is thanks to DeBeers.

Now, I understand the sentiment of a wedding band much more than an engagement ring. But for a person to say I'm done after it wasn't the right thing of right type? That wasn't going to last in my view.
 

cmd2014

Ideal_Rock
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I think to be *ready* for marriage, you need to talk about it first. What you want from it, what you want from life, how you want to live, whether to have children, how you think you should raise children, and how do you want to handle life together, good and bad. And what kind of ring is wanted. Surprise proposals are a bad idea. Maybe making the *timing* of it a surprise, but not anything else. Clearly they had not communicated enough for him to know her well enough that this would not be ok. Maybe her realizing this is what led to the split more than the ring itself.
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
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I'm too practical to think an engagement ring should be picked solely by the proposing party. The "when" part can be a surprise, but the "what ring" part should be discussed in some depth beforehand. The proposee might get it wrong, but at least it's shared responsibility. Less pressure on the proposer. I picked out my own ER and I got it wrong. But that was easier to take and resolve than a complete surprise with something I didn't want or like.

Honesty is key. He could have asked what she thought of MMD. They are new enough that one shouldn't expect others to understand the specifics. She may think MMD is just fake.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I understand why she's mad. I hate the whole "surprise" thing unless the guy already knows what the girl wants.

We just went through my daughter getting a "suprise" e-ring earlier this year after clearly stating to him more than once that there was a specific setting she wanted and to ask me when he was ready, because I knew what she wanted. But he thought it would be fun to do a suprise on his own (umm, NO), and she was disappointed plus he overpaid for mediocre quality work and a very common setting. Thankfully he realized the error after she was honest with him and he had the new ring made.

Deceiving someone by not disclosing a diamond isn't natural is a big red flag. I'd be mad, too. She should have been asked beforehand hypothetically, would you rather have a 1 ct natural diamond or a 2 ct mmd? Both the same composition, but one is about half the cost of the other. Then she might have been okay with the mmd if size was important to her. I hope they can work past this if this was just a dumb error on his part.
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
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I've mentioned that my daughter just got engaged. Here's a shocker! HE didn't see the ring until proposal time. We're progressive in this family, haha. I picked out the ring (OEC vintage fishtail setting) with daughter, bought it, and he paid us back, then he got possession of the ring. Would anyone here not do that, given the chance? Of course you would! Especially if your daughter was a jewelry-aholic too. This process was over a year long. When you're looking at OECs in a particular budget and also know what the setting should look like, it takes a lot of time to find. :P2
 
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