NewlyEngaged
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2003
- Messages
- 102
Came upon this at the Chicago affiliate web site of NBC. Thought it was entertaining and would share with the group. Perhaps I am more nostalgic than usual having just proposed on Sunday.
http://www.nbc5.com/irresistible/2403325/detail.html?z=dp&dpswid=1260382&dppid=65193
Full text below as well:
LifeFiles: The Other F-Word -- ''Fiance''
Relationship Title Changes, With One More To Go
Laura Lewis, Life Files
UPDATED: 9:15 a.m. EDT August 14, 2003
In response to my last column about a girls'' weekend where the drinks were on the men, one angry reader went so far as to call me a prostitute. But my favorite dig was the lady who called me a floozie, an antiquated term that is one more F-word I plan to now strike from the list.
Because, ladies and gents, the F-word of the day -- and the next 14 months for that matter -- is "fiancee." That''s right, I am no longer a girlfriend, I am a fiancee. It sounds sophisticated and French, and it''s definitely a label I''m adjusting to.
How did it happen to a single 20-something like me? To be honest, I''m still a little surprised that it''s hard to put the pieces together. One day I''m scamming for free drinks with my single friends and joking with my boyfriend about how big a diamond ring I want -- far, far into the future -- and BAM, I''m engaged.
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Jack and I had discussed getting married, though I didn''t necessarily share that with a lot of people. We hit it off once our friendship turned to romance, and it felt inevitable that we''d be going pretty far together, no matter how long we had been dating.
But being aware of my impulsive side, I made attempts to delay the process along the way. I told him outright that we should wait until I''m done with grad school, that I wasn''t exactly ready to start a new life.
Well, ready or not, here he came. Last week, Jack got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I can''t say I remember the exact words, because I was in shock, but I am pretty sure I said, "Yes." At least, that''s how he tells it. Afterward, we went to dinner, but neither of us could eat. Making a lifetime commitment is more traumatic than we anticipated.
Since I was certain I would know when he was going to pop that question, his tricking me -- by turning his birthday gathering I organized at our favorite spot into an engagement party with my friends and family -- left me stunned. Not only was it a surprise, but a surprise lifetime commitment.
That commitment didn''t come totally out of the blue. We had thought about marriage, talked about marriage, asked our married friends about marriage, and hashed out whether we could do it on our own terms, which means going in with open eyes and understandings about our spending habits, our living situation, and what our careers mean as far as raising a family.
And despite my desire to control as much as possible of what goes on in my life, I guess in marriage there comes a moment where you just go for it. No matter how you try to plan out every step along the way, it''s more of a jump than a tiptoe.
As for the actual proposal, it wasn''t what I envisioned, but I doubt it ever is.
A friend of mine likes to think her proposal was the most romantic, riding horses on the beach at sunset. It wasn''t the beach at sunset for us, but it was our moment in the city where we fell in love.
Seeing him on his knee, knowing he picked out the ring on his own, struggled to keep it hidden for almost two weeks, and decided that he wants to spend his life with me is the most romantic feeling I''ve ever experienced.
I''ll never forget the serious look on his face as he asked and I gasped, "Oh my God! What are you doing?" and how he kept me on his left side most of the night because the ring box was in his right pocket.
As I savor those early engagement memories, I continue to adjust to betrothed life. It was cute at first calling each other "fiance," but then the wedding plans began and the stress replaced the cuteness. For a man who claims that he doesn''t care about his wedding day, he sure has very strong opinions about it.
Since I didn''t expect to be engaged right now, I didn''t expect to be planning a wedding. And it may seem way far in advance to organize plans for next fall, but everyone else is planning their day two years in advance.
I find this process insane at times, but know the wedding plans will fall into place with the help of my frustrated fiance and friends.
As the planning continues, the strangest change of all is, after more than 10 years of dating, I''m finally off the market. One friend upon hearing the news jokingly asked if the planets had collided, as if the universe would have to rearrange to allow me to commit like this.
If you read my column, you know I''ve had a variety of dating experiences, including ones people actually find interesting and sometimes disturbing, but always fun for my diary and me. While I won''t have any more bad dates to complain about, I''m convinced my experiences won''t become less interesting, just more meaningful and focused.
Part of that focus is leaving the other men from my past completely at curbside, as another friend likes to say. I always thought that this would be a problem for me, that by limiting my contact with former lovers, I''d be losing a part of myself.
My fiance sees no need for communication once a relationship is over, and I realize that it''s not just about me and my little world anymore. As I move into this next phase of my life, I move with someone else.
When someone asks me if I''m going to tell my exes, as if I should announce to all the ones who hurt me that I have found happiness without them, I shake my head. It''s not about them, it''s about us, Jack and me.
Contrary to what I thought about "giving up" an exciting single life, I am gaining so much more.
My title may have changed and in 400-some days it will change yet again. No matter how much it freaked me out to become a "fiancee," I''m going to enjoy that word because I suspect hearing "wife" and "Mrs." won''t be exactly easy.
Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.
Copyright 2003 by . All rights reserved.
http://www.nbc5.com/irresistible/2403325/detail.html?z=dp&dpswid=1260382&dppid=65193
Full text below as well:
LifeFiles: The Other F-Word -- ''Fiance''
Relationship Title Changes, With One More To Go
Laura Lewis, Life Files
UPDATED: 9:15 a.m. EDT August 14, 2003
In response to my last column about a girls'' weekend where the drinks were on the men, one angry reader went so far as to call me a prostitute. But my favorite dig was the lady who called me a floozie, an antiquated term that is one more F-word I plan to now strike from the list.
Because, ladies and gents, the F-word of the day -- and the next 14 months for that matter -- is "fiancee." That''s right, I am no longer a girlfriend, I am a fiancee. It sounds sophisticated and French, and it''s definitely a label I''m adjusting to.
How did it happen to a single 20-something like me? To be honest, I''m still a little surprised that it''s hard to put the pieces together. One day I''m scamming for free drinks with my single friends and joking with my boyfriend about how big a diamond ring I want -- far, far into the future -- and BAM, I''m engaged.
LIFE FILES
Share Your Thoughts
Life Files Archive
Jack and I had discussed getting married, though I didn''t necessarily share that with a lot of people. We hit it off once our friendship turned to romance, and it felt inevitable that we''d be going pretty far together, no matter how long we had been dating.
But being aware of my impulsive side, I made attempts to delay the process along the way. I told him outright that we should wait until I''m done with grad school, that I wasn''t exactly ready to start a new life.
Well, ready or not, here he came. Last week, Jack got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I can''t say I remember the exact words, because I was in shock, but I am pretty sure I said, "Yes." At least, that''s how he tells it. Afterward, we went to dinner, but neither of us could eat. Making a lifetime commitment is more traumatic than we anticipated.
Since I was certain I would know when he was going to pop that question, his tricking me -- by turning his birthday gathering I organized at our favorite spot into an engagement party with my friends and family -- left me stunned. Not only was it a surprise, but a surprise lifetime commitment.
That commitment didn''t come totally out of the blue. We had thought about marriage, talked about marriage, asked our married friends about marriage, and hashed out whether we could do it on our own terms, which means going in with open eyes and understandings about our spending habits, our living situation, and what our careers mean as far as raising a family.
And despite my desire to control as much as possible of what goes on in my life, I guess in marriage there comes a moment where you just go for it. No matter how you try to plan out every step along the way, it''s more of a jump than a tiptoe.
As for the actual proposal, it wasn''t what I envisioned, but I doubt it ever is.
A friend of mine likes to think her proposal was the most romantic, riding horses on the beach at sunset. It wasn''t the beach at sunset for us, but it was our moment in the city where we fell in love.
Seeing him on his knee, knowing he picked out the ring on his own, struggled to keep it hidden for almost two weeks, and decided that he wants to spend his life with me is the most romantic feeling I''ve ever experienced.
I''ll never forget the serious look on his face as he asked and I gasped, "Oh my God! What are you doing?" and how he kept me on his left side most of the night because the ring box was in his right pocket.
As I savor those early engagement memories, I continue to adjust to betrothed life. It was cute at first calling each other "fiance," but then the wedding plans began and the stress replaced the cuteness. For a man who claims that he doesn''t care about his wedding day, he sure has very strong opinions about it.
Since I didn''t expect to be engaged right now, I didn''t expect to be planning a wedding. And it may seem way far in advance to organize plans for next fall, but everyone else is planning their day two years in advance.
I find this process insane at times, but know the wedding plans will fall into place with the help of my frustrated fiance and friends.
As the planning continues, the strangest change of all is, after more than 10 years of dating, I''m finally off the market. One friend upon hearing the news jokingly asked if the planets had collided, as if the universe would have to rearrange to allow me to commit like this.
If you read my column, you know I''ve had a variety of dating experiences, including ones people actually find interesting and sometimes disturbing, but always fun for my diary and me. While I won''t have any more bad dates to complain about, I''m convinced my experiences won''t become less interesting, just more meaningful and focused.
Part of that focus is leaving the other men from my past completely at curbside, as another friend likes to say. I always thought that this would be a problem for me, that by limiting my contact with former lovers, I''d be losing a part of myself.
My fiance sees no need for communication once a relationship is over, and I realize that it''s not just about me and my little world anymore. As I move into this next phase of my life, I move with someone else.
When someone asks me if I''m going to tell my exes, as if I should announce to all the ones who hurt me that I have found happiness without them, I shake my head. It''s not about them, it''s about us, Jack and me.
Contrary to what I thought about "giving up" an exciting single life, I am gaining so much more.
My title may have changed and in 400-some days it will change yet again. No matter how much it freaked me out to become a "fiancee," I''m going to enjoy that word because I suspect hearing "wife" and "Mrs." won''t be exactly easy.
Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.
Copyright 2003 by . All rights reserved.
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