shape
carat
color
clarity
  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. PriceScope Upgrade Completed
    For issues, questions and comments click the link below
    https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/pricescope-upgraded-comments-and-issues.229551/

    Dismiss Notice

The great name debate

Discussion in 'Bride World Wide & Grooms Grooves' started by zoebartlett, Mar 4, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. zoebartlett
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    12,437
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2006
    by zoebartlett » Mar 4, 2008
    Wow, I just unintentionally opened a big ol'' can of worms with my FI. We''ve gone round and round with this and I thought I''d finally come to sort of sgreement with him. Apparently, I''m wrong.

    My FI has always wanted me to take his last name and I wanted to keep mine (more for sentimental reasons). He says that I''ll always be a Smith (not my real name) and that won''t change. As he just told me, I''ll always be my father''s daughter and that''s not going to change either.

    I''ve recently decided to drop my middle name and tack on my FI''s last name to mine. I wouldn''t be hyphenating, just substituting my middle name with my last name. For some reason, my FI is very upset/disappointed with this. My kids at school will call me Mrs. FI''slastname and we''ll be known socially as "the FI''slastname''s." When we have kids, we''ll all have same name, which is very important to my FI.

    I don''t like that I''m hurting my FI by doing this but I honestly don''t see the issue here. He says what I want to do is holding back and in a sense, I''m not really changing anything. I''m not taking his name, I''m using it. Ugh.

    Is anyone else going through this?
     
  2. surfgirl
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    4,438
    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2007
    by surfgirl » Mar 4, 2008
    I''m not going through this because Mr. Surf actually thinks the woman changing her name is weird and outdated because it''s not like the man owns the woman or anything...BUT, I think your FI is being selfish and a bit childish. You ARE taking his name, and you''re using your maiden name as a middle name, nothing wrong with that at all. I think he''s out of line, personally. zoe, dont you know you''re always right?!?
     
  3. Sha
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    2,329
    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2007
    by Sha » Mar 4, 2008
    Hmm... I''m sorry to hear you''re going through this. DH said before we got married that he wanted me to take his name too. At the time I was unsure as to whether I would take his name completely or hyphenate, so I told him I wasn''t sure what I''d do yet. I like the fact that you get to keep some of your identity if you hyphenate/or use your maiden name as your middle name, but at the same time, I find some hyphenated names to be overly clunky, and sometimes yes, it does seem less symbolic than completely taking on your husband''s full name.

    So, anyway, I''m married now and I''m STILL not sure what to do about my name. We''ve been married four months now but I haven''t changed anything legally yet. It feels like such a big step to replace my maiden name, which I''ve used for soo long, with someone else''s. It DOES feel like I''m losing a part of me. [​IMG] Professionally, a lot of people know me as Ms. X. - I''ve gained respect in the working world under my maiden name. Plus, people know my family well, and when they hear that I''m Ms. X - they go, "Oh, you''re Mr. So and so''s daughter.!". Instant recognition! In a good way, too - if I do say so myself. [​IMG] I feel like people won''t know me anymore if I change my name, and I''ll have to build my identity up again, you know?

    So I sympathize with your concerns. It can be a difficult decision for a woman. Men don''t have to make the choice.

    Anyway, since I''ve been married I''ve been using my married name socially and hyphenating professionally, and sometimes using my maiden name (over the telephone), to people who only know me as Ms. X. It does get a bit confusing, sometimes. I really have to decide what to do -whether to officially hyphenate or change my name completely. Funny thing is, DH hasn''t voiced any concern over the fact that I still use my maiden name/hyphenate, which is cool. He doesn''t seem to mind it now - not sure why.

    In your case, I think that using your last name as your maiden name is a good compromise. I''m not sure why it would be such an issue for your FH, but then, I''m not a man.
     
  4. iheartscience
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    12,111
    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2007
    by iheartscience » Mar 4, 2008
    Well you are taking his last name, so I think he needs to get over it. It honestly seems a bit controlling of him to want you to completely lose your last name when you didn''t want to take his last name to begin with.

    I never even considered taking my fiance''s last name, and it really wasn''t up for debate. If you haven''t already, I would ask him seriously how he would feel about taking your last name. He would most likely never even consider it.

    A few friends of mine were in the same situation as you-they wanted to keep their own last names, their future husband really wanted them to take his name, so they caved. It just seems so ridiculous to me for a guy to be pissed at his fiancee for not wanting to take his last name. Especially when none of the guys would ever even consider taking their fiancee''s last names or even having both members of the couple taking a hyphenated version of their last names.

    As you can tell, I feel strongly about this!
     
  5. neatfreak
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    14,164
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2007
    by neatfreak » Mar 4, 2008
    That is crazy Zoe. I think your FI needs to put his big boy pants on and realize that you ARE taking his name...you just aren''t required to totally drop yours to take his! [​IMG]

    I personally think it''s a nice compromise for you...and your FI is being a baby about it. He''s getting his way because you ARE taking his name, he should let you do what you''d like with your last name!
     
  6. sumbride
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    3,867
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2006
    by sumbride » Mar 4, 2008
    I now have FOUR names. I moved my maiden name to the middle position, but I KEPT my original middle name, so I now have two middle names, but just one last name. Social Security let me do it and the DMV let me do it. My license, my ss card and my passport all have FOUR names on them. DH was confused, but I don''t use my maiden as a last name at all. I use our last name as my last name, but it wasn''t such a shock to the system for me because my maiden name is still there too. It helps that I''m southern and 2 middle names is a common thing in the south, so it''s not that "odd", but yeah, it may confuse people who don''t know me because my maiden name is a traditional last name.

    This is one of those things where I say it''s you that matters. He will eventually deal with whatever decision you make. If you turn your maiden into a middle, people WON''T call you by it, and he''ll eventually realize that. Identity is important, especially since you''re not a 20 year old bride who hasn''t had a chance to have one, but you CAN change your last name without removing your maiden name... and you don''t have to hyphenate to do it.

    Of course, the downside to my situation is that my two middle initials are D.C. and I work in D.C. It''s almost like a "joke."
     
  7. ladyciel
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    1,760
    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    by ladyciel » Mar 4, 2008
    Sumbride - I have 4 names, too! Except I was born with mine...tacking on a 5th when I marry FI would be rather, erm, cumbersome. My 2nd middle name used to be hyphenated to my last name, but some number of generations ago the family broke the hyphen to make day to day life easier. However, they still pass the two names along together. The silly part is I feel more attachment to the extra middle name (and the history behind it) than I do my last name. I plan to take FI''s last name, because I''m not in a position yet career-wise for it to make much difference and I want us and our kids to all share a name. However, I''m still up in the air on what to do with my current names... [​IMG]
     
  8. basil
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    1,526
    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    by basil » Mar 4, 2008
    Sorry your fiance is being difficult, Zoe! It sounds like you are definitely making more of a compromise, and it is still not enough for him?

    We had kind of agreed that I would not be changing my name. Superficially because I have degrees and licenses and a nominal professional identity with my name. But I really just never wanted to change it, even before I met him and way before I had an inkling that I''d ever get married.

    The other day, he asked me "Would it be okay if we were introduced [at the reception] as Mr. and Mrs. W?" and a follow up question a few days later "will it be okay if our kids'' friends call you Mrs. W?"

    It''s a tricky can of worms, really. Changing the wife''s last name is a cultural thing, so I think it''s kind of unfair to blame a guy for having the desire to have his wife''s name be the same as his. I have to admit I think he would be happier if I were going to change my name. On the other hand, I think it''s an antiquated tradition. Luckily, he acknowledges that this is my decision to make. So while he would be accepting if I said "no" to his above requests, I''ll probably end up using Mrs. W in a social context, and sticking with my maiden name professionally and legally. Cause I love him and want him to be happy too [​IMG]
     
  9. zoebartlett
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    12,437
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2006
    by zoebartlett » Mar 4, 2008
    THAT''s what I said! He just doesn''t see it this way. He said that girls are usually happy to change their names and I should be happy to make his last name mine. It wasn''t said in a controlling, mean-spirited tone, don''t worry. He just felt defeated, as if I thought his name isn''t good enough for me. Yeah, cuz I''m such an uppity person. [​IMG]
     
  10. musey
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    11,242
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2006
    by musey » Mar 4, 2008
    Good grief. Silly man! He's probably still harboring a little resentment over previous conversations. Once he actually realizes what the new arrangement is, he'll realize he's just being silly [​IMG] (one would hope!)
     
  11. Missrocks
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    518
    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2007
    by Missrocks » Mar 4, 2008
    I think you are being totally reasonable in your wants. You FI on the other hand, I feel is being a bit selfish asking you to totally "rid" yourself of yours (last name). Sorry that you are going through this. You compromised to make him happy and its sounds like he is not giving you the same consideration.

    I am not keeping my last name and I am very happy to take my FI's. My family is not really strong on heritage and I am personally a bit tired of no one being able to properly pronounce my last name...or my first...or my middle. And no, I do not have first or middle names of another nationality. Just un-common. At least after we are married they should be able to say one of the three correctly.[​IMG]
     
  12. decodelighted
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    11,534
    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2005
    by decodelighted » Mar 4, 2008
    Provide evidence to the contrary. Seriously. Find articles or message board threads about the very real angst and loss-of-identity that MANY WOMEN go through re: this issue.

    His idea that "girls are usually happy to change their names" is FREAKIN DISNEYLAND FAIRY TALE NONESENSE. And he needs to know that. Realize that. SOAK THAT IN.

    Argh. This makes me furious for you. You''re suggesting a COMPLETELY rational & reasonable middle-ground and he is being a big ol'' ignorant baby about it (IMHO[​IMG]).

    FWIW ... I hyphenated. Up until we were filling out the paperwork at city hall I was convinced I was going to just keep my maiden name. And in that moment I decided to make the leap. Honestly, I think its AMAZING that so many women stil do take their husbands name completely -- considering the 50-60% divorce rate.
     
  13. zoebartlett
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    12,437
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2006
    by zoebartlett » Mar 4, 2008
    Yes, yes, yes! It''s a shock to my system to get rid of my last name. I think part of the reason is because my dad has 2 girls and no boys to carry on the name. When my sister got married, she changed her last name to a family name, not to her husband''s. She wasn''t particularly attached to our name but she was ready for a change. That''s a cool idea -- if I were to do that (and choose teh same family name), I''d have the same name as a very famous actress. I''m not going to do that though.

    Identity is important, and you''re right, people won''t be calling me by my last name anymore. It will be on my license, checks, more formal documents, but his name will be too. I love him, but man, he can drive me crazy.

    I know this will blow over and he''ll HAVE to come to terms with it. Put on your big boy pants, Mister.

    Thanks for listening to me vent.
     
  14. cara
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    2,202
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    by cara » Mar 4, 2008
    Zoe, with all due respect, your husband is being uncompromising and patriarchal.

    He wants you to take his last name.

    You would prefer to keep the one you''ve always had, but as a favor/courtesy/compromise agree to change your last name to his entirely, without hyphenation.

    But this isn''t enough? He wants not only to dictate your new last name but also make sure that your old last name doesn''t appear anywhere in your formal name, even in such an underutilized location as your middle name? And if you want to keep your former last name even in a demoted location, you are not "taking" his last name, you are just "using" it?? What is that supposed to mean??

    What planet is this man from? Does he not appreciate the fact that he is asking you to give up something valuable and sentimental? That he is making no reciprocal sacrifice of his identity? Have you told him that HE is "holding back" by not volunteering to change his name as well if he feels it is necessary for husband and wife to be united in nomenclature as well as matrimony?

    Lest you think I am some feminut job, I totally get why some women would want to change their names. It makes sense to want the same name as your husband, as your future children. But, in this day and age, I think that both husband and wife should go into it with their eyes open to the symbolism involved. And be respectfully of one another''s identity and sacrifice, if any. Some people don''t really care about their last name for whatever reason, so it means little to change it. But others have sentimental or symbolic or practical reasons for wanting to keep their last name, and any spouse asking for their partner to change their name as a favor to them should at least be appreciative of the sacrifice involved.

    Not to mention that the solution you propose is a most traditional one. Laura Ingalls Wilder anyone? Women in this country have been doing what you propose for centuries. It is the traditional method of showing some shred of continuity between a single woman''s identity and her married identity.
     
  15. coatimundi_org
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    6,282
    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2007
    by coatimundi_org » Mar 4, 2008
    This is very interesting to me, as my husband(married for four months)wants to take my name. I told him this was not necessary and we go back and forth. I love my name. My name is me. It was never a question to change it.

    You are actually legally taking his name--I don't see why you should drop yours(as middle), and I like that you've made it your middle name.

    Hopefully he'll understand! I don't see why he wouldn't. You're taking his name![​IMG]
     
  16. musey
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    11,242
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2006
    by musey » Mar 4, 2008
    Missrocks, I'm the exact opposite [​IMG] lol

    My first name is (apparently, I'll never understand why) utterly unpronounceable for 95% of the people I've ever met. My last name is/was my "saving grace" because it's so incredibly common and straightforward. FI's last name, on the other hand, is apparently so unpronounceable that my parents are even struggling now, 4 years after meeting him. So I'll be entirely unpronounceable after changing my name!

    Oh well, at least it'll be more interesting than my current last name [​IMG]


    Sorry for the digression, Zoe!
     
  17. Selkie
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    2,876
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2006
    by Selkie » Mar 4, 2008
    I don't get it?? This is a VERY common thing to do, I thought. My mom and grandmother did, most of my friends did it when they got married...in fact, I sort of thought it was the default. Maybe he just never thought about it? (After all, he probably never went around writing all the possible permutations of HIS married name on notebooks, like girls are rumored to do [​IMG]) If you and he have female relatives who did it, make a list and point out that it's not crazy talk!
     
  18. Missrocks
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    518
    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2007
    by Missrocks » Mar 4, 2008
    Oh, you say that now, but just wait...[​IMG]
    Although, it is very interesting to see how many different pronunciations people can come up with..
     
  19. sumbride
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    3,867
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2006
    by sumbride » Mar 4, 2008
    I don''t know what it will be like in your state, but the name change process for me started at Social Security (not with the marriage license signing) and I went alone... so I decided right then and there what I wanted to do, without input from my DH... it wasn''t up to him. When I showed him my card, I think he was probably a bit surprised, but it was already done at that point, so he just had to adjust. Everything follows the SS card.... so once that''s done, you can''t change it... so go by yourself, make your choice, and "ask forgiveness, not permission."

    I wasn''t all that thrilled to take his name because 1) it''s also incredibly unpronounceable for reasons that allude me. People stick in all kinds of extra letters. and 2) it ends with an -er, JUST like my FIRST name! My friends all call me "Er Er". In the end I decided to do it because 1) I wanted to have the same name as him (but hey, it could have been MINE), and 2) because my maiden name is also the name of a prolific porn star and I was annoyed about what Google brought up! That''s most of the reason, really.

    You know, John Lennon became John Ono Lennon, just like Yoko. Maybe you should tell him THAT?
     
  20. blinkydoll
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    957
    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    by blinkydoll » Mar 4, 2008
    this is an interesting solution. would it be a long name to sign? does it flow nicely? would it be more of a on paper thing... but in social situations would you be introduced as mrs. his last name? Maybe he is reading too much into things? your marrying eachother regardless of what your last name will be.
    I have been thinking of putting my Fi''s last name before mine or after mine...... but when signing stuff i would write my last name--prob out of habit. I like my last name (he has a really good one also) but i just don''t want to loose it. Its so hard to decide bec my name is a two parter... so it ends up being really long if i ever had to write it all out... like Mrs. @+. &*(&^%?$ >@#$%^& [​IMG]

    my aunt hyphenated her name --they have been married for many years and have two kids with my uncle''s last name. and people refer to her as mrs. my uncle''s last name- she doesn''t correct them.


    would you be correcting people if people called you mrs. your fi''s last name?? have you thought about that too? I think maybe your fi might be making it a bigger deal than it really is? if you don''t mind me saying?
     
  21. Anastasia
    Shiny_Rock

    Messages:
    451
    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    by Anastasia » Mar 4, 2008
    This was my thought exactly! I''d ask him for evidence that girls are usually happy to change their last name - has he done a survey?

    I did exactly what you are planning on doing. I don''t even remember discussing it with DH. We may have discussed it, but it obviously wasn''t a big deal as I can''t remember. I''m not sure DH could even tell you today that my maiden name is my middle name. I think he may have been disappointed if I chose not to take his name, but he wouldn''t have made a big deal about it.

    It was a little wierd to change my name. I am from a large family, and my family is a large part of my identity. However, I was surprised that it really wasn''t all that wierd, or difficult. It took no time to get used to the new name. In work I just signed my name Mary (Jones) Smith for a few months until everyone got used to the new name. It didn''t take long.

    I agree that he needs to suck it up. You are presenting a perfectly reasonable and respectful compromise. He needs to do the same for you.
     
  22. musey
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    11,242
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2006
    by musey » Mar 4, 2008
    Of course we are! We also want to vacuum in knee-length dresses and high heels. And do 100% of the cooking/cleaning/child-rearing. And only work if our husbands say it''s "okay."

    Wait, this is 1952, right? Just checking.

    [​IMG]
     
  23. brazen_irish_hussy
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    2,044
    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2006
    by brazen_irish_hussy » Mar 4, 2008
    You are going about this the wrong way zoe. First you try to make him take your name, then bargin down to having you both have a mix of your last names like the Mayor of LA, then you offer to moves yours to a middle name.

    I NEVER considered changing my name. I know exactly which county in Ireland my name comes from. My FI doesn''t know if his is the German, English of French Clement. Quite simply, my last name means more to me than it does to him and so logically, I have more right to keep my name than he does.

    Seriously though. You need to sit down with him and find out why he wants you to change your name and explain why you don''t. There must be a reason this is so important to him and maybe if you can find that reason, you can come to a different solution that you both like.
     
  24. laine
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    696
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2006
    by laine » Mar 4, 2008
    Ok, I think your FI is a little crazy here. As far as I know, the Firstname Maiden Hislast is the standard way to do it! Both of my grandmothers did it that way, so it isn''t exactly something new. I have a few friends why went Firstname Middle Hislast, and that seems so weird. Why would you keep the random "Marie" or "Ann" or whatever that was just a meaningless name and drop the last name that you''ve identified with your whole life? It just seems odd to me.

    So yeah, point is: First Maiden Hislast is not a cop out! You are taking his last name! Just because you aren''t dropping yours completely doesn''t mean your taking his any less. He''s being crazy and needs to get over it!
     
  25. Octavia
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    2,660
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2007
    by Octavia » Mar 4, 2008
    Oh, Zoe, I know how difficult a position you're in. My FI wants me to take his name, and I've always been adamant that I'm keeping my name, and he's really hurt. He's not being a baby about it, but I know it's sort of cut to his soul, which kills me. We had a rational discussion about it, and he said that it's a really big thing for him to offer me his name and he sees it as a sign of unity. The thing is, I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with his name. It doesn't flow nicely with my first name, and it's foreign and VERY difficult to pronounce. I love his name for him; I don't remotely like it for me. Both of our last names are 10+ letters, so hyphenation is pretty much out, and I don't like the idea of hyphenation, anyway. Nor do I want to do the middle-name thing...I think you're making a HUGE compromise for your FI with this.

    Also, I don't want to go through the legal processes to change my name. It might just sound lazy, but I don't want to do it and it has nothing to do with laziness, it has to do with principle. One of the biggest hangups I have, though, is that I do NOT EVER EVER EVER want to be a "Mrs." The thought of being a "Mrs." is so repugnant to me, I can't even express it. And if I were to take his name, it would be inevitable. UGH!

    FI was actually pretty reasonable when I talked to him. I asked him whether, if he was the one expected to change his name, he'd resent that. He said no, he'd be happy to do it except that he's a sort of public figure and has worked hard to build his reputation, so that makes it somewhat more difficult. Sigh, it would actually be easier if he was more unreasonable about it. And I just don't think it's a huge issue to have the same name. But I told him I'm reserving final judgment until after we're married, because who knows how I'll feel then, and he said to let him know when I've made a decision. I hate hurting him, but I also hate the thought of changing my name, and I don't think that there's a good compromise for us.

    ETA: I'm really heartsick about this. Most women in FI's profession don't change their names, so I never thought it would be an issue. I think that FI though that, since I'm not in his profession, it wouldn't be as big a thing for me...but it's probably more important to me than to most of his married female co-workers. He'll be okay if i don't change it, I just hate hurting his feelings. [​IMG]
     
  26. ephemery1
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    1,724
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    by ephemery1 » Mar 4, 2008
    Totally agree with this. Sorry you're having to deal with this though, Zoe. [​IMG]

    I find all this name-changing talk interesting, because we got married last May and I still haven't gotten around to making a name-change decision yet. [​IMG] DH doesn't seem to care that I still use my maiden name, although now that I'm pregnant, it feels weird to think that our child could have a different last name than me... there is something nice about the whole family sharing the same name. All my friends and family think it's odd that I haven't changed it yet (my own parents even started addressing things to me using DH's last name!), but I also work as a feminist therapist where all my colleagues would think it was odd if I DID change it. So I get lots of mixed feedback on the issue. So bizarre that it's still an issue at all, in the year 2008!
     
  27. Selkie
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    2,876
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2006
    by Selkie » Mar 4, 2008
    *snicker*
     
  28. february2003bride
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    3,529
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    by february2003bride » Mar 4, 2008
    Zoe- It sounds like your FI''s pride is getting the best of him! Men get so old fashion about stuff like this! [​IMG]

    My DH was married once before and his 1st wife took his last name, and once he saw what a headache it was(paperwork, etc) and that marriage didn''t last, lol, that he didn''t want me to take his last name. If I had truely insisted, he wouldn''t have objected but he was very supportive of me keeping my last name. We have kids (I have 1 daughter from a previous relationship and she has my last name) and our 2 boys together have DH''s last name. It''s no big deal and when my son''s preschool teacher calls me Mrs. DHlast name, I don''t blink an eye and go by it.

    My last name is MY last name. Taking DH''s would have just felt so... strange. I''m proud of DH and his family''s name but I''m equally proud of myself and my family''s name.
     
  29. Sparkalicious
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    3,721
    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2007
    by Sparkalicious » Mar 4, 2008
    Zoe - I''m sorry you are having to deal with this right now. I know it must be hard.

    I just wanted to let you know that I feel that you are being MORE than reasonable with your husband. While I understand where he may be coming from and that it might be a slight to his male ego, you are an individual and you have a right to your continued individuality and choice even after being married.

    You have compromised well beyond reason to be willing to forsake even just your middle name in order to be able to take on his last name and keep your last name, therefore, I don''t feel as though you should even feel an ounce guilty about making this decision. While it might take some time for your fi to understand and to get past this, I''m sure that it is not something that a little communication to assist with gaining perspective from your side won''t be able to help with. As others have suggested, maybe researching it a little further and showing your fi some more modern, yet moderate material on the subject might assist with enlightening him or at least broadening his perspective.

    I dread this "serious" chat with my bf. My last name has 13 letters and I love it ... nobody can say it ... but it is ME. I''ve already told the bf that he will be taking my last name so ... given that this was his starting point, I hope he has no objections when he knows that I am serious about hyphenating our last names for both myself and our children ... if possible. [​IMG]
    Who knows though ... I may just give it up considering that his last name is only 5 letters and it just so much easier. [​IMG]

    I''m sure it will be just fine ... Try not to worry about it but also please don''t compromise for convenience if this is something you truly hold dear to your heart. Your fi will get over it. *hugs* [​IMG]
     
  30. VRBeauty
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    9,675
    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    by VRBeauty » Mar 4, 2008
    Zoe: suggest that he do what you're offering to do .... replace his middle name with your maiden name. Then the two of you would share middle and last names... surely he'd like that? [​IMG]
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page