Hmm, I've never really managed to forgive. It always sounded too much like letting the perpetrator off the hook.
However, lately I've been working on forgiving a couple of people from my past, and it really feels amazing!
I think that forgiveness is a difficult concept to pin down, because it sounds so much like letting someone get away with their misdeed (to me, anyway).
But at last, I think I've worked out what it means, to me:
a) It means accepting that sometimes in life, someone does something really sh*tty to you, and that this is life, and that's what sometimes happens. I never accepted that before, could not accept that someone had treated me a certain way. But when I look around, I can see plenty of friends that have experienced awful betrayals, as well.
b) It doesn't mean being friends with them again, or being in a relationship with them again (unless you want to).
c) It doesn't mean telling the person that you forgive them (unless you want to).
d) It means examining, truthfully, whether you played ANY role at all in inducing certain feelings in them that might have led them to behave the way they did, even if their behavior was still, by any standards, way out of line. Example: A friend cut me out of her life, 15 years of good memories down the drain, but I can see that I wasn't always there for her.
e) It means acknowledging that their betrayal was really out of line but just choosing to move on from that and not hold it against them any more.
Has anyone here ever forgiven a big betrayal? Truly forgiven? What does forgiveness mean to you?
It's interesting, it's only now, a few years later, that I am ready to try to forgive these people. It's taken a while, and I think it's a process - a longer process for some than others.
However, lately I've been working on forgiving a couple of people from my past, and it really feels amazing!
I think that forgiveness is a difficult concept to pin down, because it sounds so much like letting someone get away with their misdeed (to me, anyway).
But at last, I think I've worked out what it means, to me:
a) It means accepting that sometimes in life, someone does something really sh*tty to you, and that this is life, and that's what sometimes happens. I never accepted that before, could not accept that someone had treated me a certain way. But when I look around, I can see plenty of friends that have experienced awful betrayals, as well.
b) It doesn't mean being friends with them again, or being in a relationship with them again (unless you want to).
c) It doesn't mean telling the person that you forgive them (unless you want to).
d) It means examining, truthfully, whether you played ANY role at all in inducing certain feelings in them that might have led them to behave the way they did, even if their behavior was still, by any standards, way out of line. Example: A friend cut me out of her life, 15 years of good memories down the drain, but I can see that I wasn't always there for her.
e) It means acknowledging that their betrayal was really out of line but just choosing to move on from that and not hold it against them any more.
Has anyone here ever forgiven a big betrayal? Truly forgiven? What does forgiveness mean to you?
It's interesting, it's only now, a few years later, that I am ready to try to forgive these people. It's taken a while, and I think it's a process - a longer process for some than others.
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