The circle of life ..

[siamese3]

I am hesitant to post, but I am just feeling like I need to share and I know that there are many animal lovers here. Kiki, a very Siamese cat, with a kinked tail and crossed eyes is dying of lymphoma. He is 13, and has had chronic pancreatitis and ibd for the last four years. It has been a long road for us. Although after the first year, we finally got into a "groove" of sorts and things settled into a new normal. He has always been a "difficult" cat. My DH has always said it's his first life as a cat and he just doesn't know how to relax into it. I haven't left my house overnight but once in those four years (one night to be with my brother.. surgery) because he also suffers from anxiety and doesn't like change, which can then bring on a pancreatitis "flare". He never really made his normal recovery after Christmas this year, and he looked a little thin. It was time for his 6 month check shortly, so he was due for a visit with his lovely Dr. Marla. Turns out he was down 2 lbs and while his blood work was fairly "normal" for him, we decided on an ultrasound to see what was going on. That was two weeks ago. He doesn't tolerate many medication well (he had had reactions to vaccines and many medications that don't normally have adverse effects on other cats) so we have decided to forego any invasive procedure to identify the type of lymphoma and just continue to treat him with prednilisone and cerenia. The good day, bad day is kind of where we are at, yesterday we were planning for the rainbow bridge and last night he decided that he wanted to eat again. So hard. With some pets, knowing when the end is is easy because it is obvious they are suffering. With others, it is harder. Euthanasia is such a gift for them in my opinion, but the decision to end any living creature's life is such an awesomely overwhelming thing. I don't want to get it wrong. I talked with him yesterday and told him he must help me by showing me when he is ready, so it was crazy last night when he decided to show me, tell me, he wanted food. Anyhoo, he is laying here on his heated mat next to me and I am just trying to be present with him in this and send him peace and calm and love vibes. Thanks for listening.

 

[TooPatient]

I am so sorry you are going through this with Kiki. It is such a painful decision to have to make. Deciding when is so hard. It is such a personal thing.

My biggest fear is that I will regret my decision later. Doubt it. Wonder what if...

I have had to make that decision for two of mine in the last couple of years. My puppy (21 year old dog!) made it easy for me. She had been sick but active and happy until all of the sudden she wasn't.

My cat was more difficult. Sick but then a bit better. Can't stand but then can. A whole pile of things wrong but may be just side effects of one and if only...

Anyway, I have a very good vet who comes to the house so no stressful car ride or vet's office. She knew and was ready to come out when needed. In both cases, they made it clear that they were ready.

Sending you hugs. Please know that we are all here for you. (I have no doubts. Both were the right time and as much as it hurt me, I have not for one second wondered if I made a wrong choice.)

 

[siamese3]

I am so sorry you are going through this with Kiki. It is such a painful decision to have to make. Deciding when is so hard. It is such a personal thing.

My biggest fear is that I will regret my decision later. Doubt it. Wonder what if...

I have had to make that decision for two of mine in the last couple of years. My puppy (21 year old dog!) made it easy for me. She had been sick but active and happy until all of the sudden she wasn't.

My cat was more difficult. Sick but then a bit better. Can't stand but then can. A whole pile of things wrong but may be just side effects of one and if only...

Anyway, I have a very good vet who comes to the house so no stressful car ride or vet's office. She knew and was ready to come out when needed. In both cases, they made it clear that they were ready.

Sending you hugs. Please know that we are all here for you. (I have no doubts. Both were the right time and as much as it hurt me, I have not for one second wondered if I made a wrong choice.)

Thanks for posting.. it is comforting to know that others have the same doubts and concerns. Yes, the good one day, bad the next, is hard and cats (and all animals) are so good at hiding their pain, you wonder, "are they feeling much worse than I know?" Cats are just so cat like How amazing your puppy lived to 21. I wish my vet could come to the house, however, she is lovely and we have made tentative arrangements so it will be as stress-less as possible.

 

[TooPatient]

Glad your vet is working with you! That makes a huge difference. I actually found a different vet for ours. She does just this sort of call. Our regular person will for "only" $650. With two days notice. That wasn't okay with me. The other makes sure there is no alternative to offer so helps reduce doubt. Plus comes out within a few hours of calling.

Yeah, the back and forth was a nightmare. Many hours crying and hoping. Wondering if I should then improvement then crash.

Hang on. You will make it through and you will make the decision when the time is right.

 

[siamese3]

Glad your vet is working with you! That makes a huge difference. I actually found a different vet for ours. She does just this sort of call. Our regular person will for "only" $650. With two days notice. That wasn't okay with me. The other makes sure there is no alternative to offer so helps reduce doubt. Plus comes out within a few hours of calling.

Yeah, the back and forth was a nightmare. Many hours crying and hoping. Wondering if I should then improvement then crash.

Hang on. You will make it through and you will make the decision when the time is right.

You are so right, of course, you just hope to avoid the crash for the sake of your furry, but sometimes you don't know "for sure" until that moment

 

[tyty333]

I am so sorry siamese3...its such a difficult thing to go through. We have also been in this situation
when one of our cats was 13. He was going to have to go on dialysis and my DH just wasnt willing
to put him through it (it was really my DHs cat before we got married). It broke my heart and I cried
quite a bit but in the end I know my DH did the kind thing.

I hope when he is ready he gives you a clear sign and that you are at peace with your decision.
Never easy getting over a beloved pet/family member.

 

[siamese3]

I am so sorry siamese3...its such a difficult thing to go through. We have also been in this situation
when one of our cats was 13. He was going to have to go on dialysis and my DH just wasnt willing
to put him through it (it was really my DHs cat before we got married). It broke my heart and I cried
quite a bit but in the end I know my DH did the kind thing.

I hope when he is ready he gives you a clear sign and that you are at peace with your decision.
Never easy getting over a beloved pet/family member.

Thank you for your very kind reply.

 

[Calliecake]

Siamese 3, I am so sorry you are going thru this. Most of us here have pets we love as our family member too so we can certainly empathize how difficult this. I wish there were magical words to tell you to make this easier. Unfortunately there aren't any. Kiki sounds like he has a wonderful life with you and your DH. Which is what we all strive to give our pets. You love for him shines thru in your post. My husband and I have a small dog who we joke about being our daughter. I dread the day that we are faced with making this decision. I hope Kiki's vet can put your mind at ease that you are making the right decision when the time comes.

I hope Missy reads your post and replies She also has cats and would be able to offer you sage advice.

Please know we are here for you.

 

[siamese3]

Thank you Callie. He is a difficult little fellow, and he and I have a "complicated" relationship. My DH always says (kiki kinda picked us) he saw "sucker" written right across my forehead We have been fortunate to have the resources to be able to care for him. He has taught me much about acceptance, patience and loving someone for who they are, not who we wish they were. I do always laugh though, because I describe our relationship as "give and take" kiki takes, and I give

 

[MJ_Mac]

Siamese3 - I am so sorry you are going through this. It' sound like your Kiki is quite the character. Those difficult and complicated pets are sometimes the ones we love the most. It's their little quirks that makes them so lovable.

I"ll just share with you what I was told when I asked the question. It was a wise woman at our vet clinic. She told me to pick Lucy's 3 favourite things and when she no longer got enjoyment from them it was time. It made a lot of sense to me and she was right.

Lucy rallied just before she died. After 3 days of being at the clinic on fluids for kidney disease she returned home happy, bouncy and puppy like. She ate well, played, snuggled and gave me lots of kisses. The next day all this changed. I knew it was time. That one special day was like a flashback in time. And it made me realize how much she had deteriorated.

Trust your instincts. Everyone told me I'd know when it was time. And I did. I think you will too. It will still be difficult to say good-bye but it makes it easier knowing they are no longer in pain.

 

[VRBeauty]

Siamese3: I'm very sorry you're facing this juncture with your kitty. I woke up this morning looking at the empty spot on my bed where my Maya used to sleep, and realizing that I had spent my last day with her a week ago today. Maya also had quite a few health problems by that point, and the one thing that jumped out at me when I read your story is: please don't let any guilt over the fact that your life will be a little easier after your pet has passed on color your decisions. Poodles4me's advice is right on. A large part of my decision making with Maya, together with her rapidly deteriorating health, was thinking about the things that gave her joy, and realizing that she was no longer able to enjoy any of those things.

Hugs to you and your husband and your sweet kitty. Please take comfort not only in the memories of your time together, but also in the knowledge that you have given him the best possible life.

 

[azstonie]

Oh, Siamese3, I am so sorry to hear this. I can relate to everything you wrote (I have two West Highland White Terriers). I am sending love and healthy dust to you, your family and of course to Kiki. Its so hard. Kiki has had such love from you, you have clearly cherished her and given her the very best care and then some! Its a certain kind of love that goes back and forth between us and our dear dear pets. I have been told by more than one vet that the pet will 'tell' you when it is time. I feel certain that with the awesome care and attention you give to Kiki, you will know it.

 

[AGBF]

My heart is with you, siamese3. I have been there. I cannot write more, but please believe that I feel for you with all my heart.

Love to you and your kitty,
Deb

 

[siamese3]

Siamese3 - I am so sorry you are going through this. It' sound like your Kiki is quite the character. Those difficult and complicated pets are sometimes the ones we love the most. It's their little quirks that makes them so lovable.

I"ll just share with you what I was told when I asked the question. It was a wise woman at our vet clinic. She told me to pick Lucy's 3 favourite things and when she no longer got enjoyment from them it was time. It made a lot of sense to me and she was right.

Lucy rallied just before she died. After 3 days of being at the clinic on fluids for kidney disease she returned home happy, bouncy and puppy like. She ate well, played, snuggled and gave me lots of kisses. The next day all this changed. I knew it was time. That one special day was like a flashback in time. And it made me realize how much she had deteriorated.

Trust your instincts. Everyone told me I'd know when it was time. And I did. I think you will too. It will still be difficult to say good-bye but it makes it easier knowing they are no longer in pain.

Poodles.. thank you for your advice, it's truly appreciated. You were correct with your assessment of Kiki being "quite the character". We used to joke that if you took the bad out of Kiki, you wouldn't have anything left. He definitely could test your patience. He is kind of (kind of?) an attention hog And a very vocal and LOUD Siamese.

 

[siamese3]

Siamese3: I'm very sorry you're facing this juncture with your kitty. I woke up this morning looking at the empty spot on my bed where my Maya used to sleep, and realizing that I had spent my last day with her a week ago today. Maya also had quite a few health problems by that point, and the one thing that jumped out at me when I read your story is: please don't let any guilt over the fact that your life will be a little easier after your pet has passed on color your decisions. Poodles4me's advice is right on. A large part of my decision making with Maya, together with her rapidly deteriorating health, was thinking about the things that gave her joy, and realizing that she was no longer able to enjoy any of those things.

Hugs to you and your husband and your sweet kitty. Please take comfort not only in the memories of your time together, but also in the knowledge that you have given him the best possible life.

VRBeauty.. I am so sorry to hear about your Maya.. losing a pet is so very hard. Their unconditional love can be very transformative and it can really make you feel unbelievable joy. Hugs right back to you. Sometimes it takes a long time to get over the loss, and I do believe that their are some that are just "extra special". Sounds like your Maya was one.

 

[siamese3]

Oh, Siamese3, I am so sorry to hear this. I can relate to everything you wrote (I have two West Highland White Terriers). I am sending love and healthy dust to you, your family and of course to Kiki. Its so hard. Kiki has had such love from you, you have clearly cherished her and given her the very best care and then some! Its a certain kind of love that goes back and forth between us and our dear dear pets. I have been told by more than one vet that the pet will 'tell' you when it is time. I feel certain that with the awesome care and attention you give to Kiki, you will know it.

Azstonie.. thanks for your kind words, thoughts and advice. I will take them to heart. Pets do give the "best" kind of love.

 

[siamese3]

My heart is with you, siamese3. I have been there. I cannot write more, but please believe that I feel for you with all my heart.

Love to you and your kitty,
Deb

Thank you, Deb. It's nice to share with others who have been there. It truly helps.

 

[lovedogs]

I'm so sorry, Siamese! I am a strong believer that pets let you "know", especially when you are so in-tune with them as it sounds like you are with Kiki. I also have been told by vets that it helps to think of the things they love most, and take note when they can no longer enjoy those things.

It's so hard that pet's lives are shorter than ours. They are such incredible gifts in our lives. I know I will be devastated when my maltese passes--she's 8 and even thinking about her being gone makes me cry. But I try to tell myself that all pet owners can do is be the best caregivers possible during the pet's life (which you certainly have!) and show them love/affection every day they are with us.

Sending healing and loving vibes to both you and your kitty!

 

[Matata]

You are a strong and loving cat mom. The good day/bad day cycle is emotionally draining when you are trying to ensure an animal doesn't suffer. He will let you know when he's ready to go or you'll be able to tell from the signs that his body can't go on. He is picking up all those good love vibes you are sending and being present with him will ease his anxiety about leaving you. Hugs and peace to you as you travel this last part of the path with Kiki.

 

[redwood66]

I am sorry you are facing this with your beloved pet because it is the hardest thing.

 

[siamese3]

I'm so sorry, Siamese! I am a strong believer that pets let you "know", especially when you are so in-tune with them as it sounds like you are with Kiki. I also have been told by vets that it helps to think of the things they love most, and take note when they can no longer enjoy those things.

It's so hard that pet's lives are shorter than ours. They are such incredible gifts in our lives. I know I will be devastated when my maltese passes--she's 8 and even thinking about her being gone makes me cry. But I try to tell myself that all pet owners can do is be the best caregivers possible during the pet's life (which you certainly have!) and show them love/affection every day they are with us.

Sending healing and loving vibes to both you and your kitty!

lovedogs...thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and for the healing and loving vibes. It is very comforting.

 

[kenny]

So sorry.
So very sorry.

I think I love our pets more than I love people so I feel your pain.
Big hugs to your and your furbaby.

 

[siamese3]

You are a strong and loving cat mom. The good day/bad day cycle is emotionally draining when you are trying to ensure an animal doesn't suffer. He will let you know when he's ready to go or you'll be able to tell from the signs that his body can't go on. He is picking up all those good love vibes you are sending and being present with him will ease his anxiety about leaving you. Hugs and peace to you as you travel this last part of the path with Kiki.

Matata.. you are right on target with how draining the good day/bad cycle and my DH and I don't want him to suffer needlessly. He has really had kind of a tough go of it with the chronic pancreatitis and anxiety. He just isn't an animal that relaxes into life. I hope his next life will be a more easy, comfortable existence for him.

 

[siamese3]

I am sorry you are facing this with your beloved pet because it is the hardest thing.

Red, you are so right. Sometimes with much joy comes sorrow.

 

[siamese3]

So sorry.
So very sorry.

I think I love our pets more than I love people so I feel your pain.
Big hugs to your and your furbaby.

Kenny..I generally can deal with animals much better than people, and pets are just so awesome because they are who they are..they love so unconditionally (except him lol..he's kind of been a taskmaster!) Thanks for the hugs and right back at you . I hope you and your SO are doing alright. My thoughts have been with you . Such a hard, sad, frustrating, scary times you both have had.

 

[telephone89]

I'm so sorry! I also had a Siamese, they are a special kind I think <3
Mine passed with a thyroid problem

 

[arkieb1]

I spent a bucketload of money trying to save a Tonkinese called Arkie (not the one in my avatar) and I am ashamed what I put him through because vets told me they could save him, I believed them and they couldn't but at the time he wasn't an old cat and I couldn't let go. He was the surrogate kid before I had a real child. I look back now and realise he taught me a lot of life lessons. And is still to this day the best cat I have ever owned.

Ongoing hugs to you, I know how much so many of our furry friends mean to us.

 

[december-fire]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I've been there before. Its never easy.

KiKi is obviously very special to you and your DH. He's a lucky cat to have found you. You've given him wonderful care and endless love.

Sending hugs

 

[missy]

Siamese3, I am so sorry you and Kiki are going through this. It is never an easy decision and so far our kitties have shown us when it is time and I think you will know.

It is the toughest but bravest decision you will make when the time is right.
When his quality of life is no longer there and you will be able to give him peace. That is true love and I think you will know when the time is right. Trust your gut.

I am so sorry and my heart goes out to all of you. Sending good thoughts and lots of gentle hugs. Kiki is special and you are both lucky to have found each other and be a part of each other's lives.

 

[kmarla]

Siamese3, Kiki is beautiful and I'm so sorry you are facing this difficult decision. We have had many very loved pets over the years and had to make the decision to euthanize many times. Somehow I have always just known when the time has come. Something would change in me and I would go from almost frantically trying to save them to having a strong sense of calmness come over me. I can't explain it better. We had a beautiful set of sealpoint littermates. Samurai passed at age 12 suddenly from complications of diabetes, and Saphira, his sister, lived to age 15 and passed from kidney failure. I went through all the same feelings you describe about Kiki with Saphira. I had to give her injectable fluids for 3 years to help her kidneys, special diets, meds etc and wasn't ready to say goodbye but didn't want her to suffer. I worried about how the end would come for her. She just stopped eating. I called the vet the morning of the second day when she wouldn't eat and knew it was time. She was telling me. I think Kiki will let you know too. (((hugs))).