The best small wedding you've ever been to?

[sparkle-magpie]

We're planning our wedding. Our guest list is about 60. We do not have a date or a venue because I don't know what kind of feel we should be going for...? Tell me about an awesome and memorable wedding with 40 guests or under? I'm so worried and anxious.

 

[vintagelover229]

I just got married Dec 4th and we had 20 people at our wedding-including ourselves. It was a wonderful experience and the feel was very intimate and we enjoyed it very much. We had us at the head table and 3 tables of 6 and could see and talk to everyone. More than one person said it was the nicest wedding they had ever been to AND we didn't even have a band or any dancing! We just hooked up our computer and had a play list and everyone had a great time. Ceremony was on a Sunday at 4pm and most people didn't leave until after mid-night. I was nervous about how small it was but I'm SO glad we did it

Good luck! And don't worry-it's going to be prefect for you and your SO-don't let anything else take away from what you two want for your day-no matter what

Thought I'd add a couple of photos so you can see that *small* isn't always a bad thing

 

[Ladybug1]

Lovely!!!! More photos please )

 

[aviastar]

I am also planning my wedding for this spring and we'll be having 20-30 guests, too, so I am excited to hear what other people felt, as guests, meant the most to them at small weddings.

As a guest, I attended (was the MOH) at my best friend's destination wedding this past fall and they had 65 guests, and it was wonderful. I think the best part was how personal everything was and how much time we got to spend with the couple. There was time to slip in a few surprises for the bride and actually see her reaction when they were revealed; time for the bride to dance with individuals (she put "our" song from college on the playlist without telling me, so when it came on I was so excited and we had the dance floor all to ourselves.) And the other great part was having time to meet and hang out with all the other guests- everyone went home with new friends, some of the other bridesmaids, that I didn't really know prior, came to visit me over Thanksgiving. So all around, just really lovely and intimate and personal. I am certainly hoping to achieve this myself!

As for venue and "theme"- go with your wildest dreams, everything is more manageable for a smaller group of people and you can pay attention to details and upgrade on the little things. I don't think there is any reason to separate out decor or themes for weddings based on size. For me, having a smaller wedding freed me up to have it exactly where I wanted- in the woods behind my parents home and I would have had to compromise if we had a larger group. Only so many people can reasonably fit in a small-ish meadow, afterall.

What kinds of venues and feelings are you most drawn to and do you have a specific reason you think it might not work for a small group?

 

[sparkle-magpie]

Here are some of my concerns: we have several small groups of people from disparate parts of our lives- will they wall off and feel lonely? We just want everyone to feel included and have a good time. Dancing is a big part of my life, so I would like dancing, but is 40 people enough? Right now I'm leaning towards renting a mansion with a big backyard. We could have the ceremony in the backyard and then have the reception indoors. If the capacity is 250...will our 40 feel lost? I guess I'll have to find a great venue. This is all very new and very stressful- I want everyone to have a nice time.

Thanks for listening!

 

[sparkle-magpie]

This is gorgeous, thank you for sharing!

 

[Clairitek]

Pardon the ramble... this is sort of a brain dump of my thoughts about our small wedding and why it worked for us.

The only small wedding I've been to was my own, which was 35 people including DH and myself.

We did not really have a theme (not a large space to decorate/ too lazy to do too much!). We did simple center pieces and a small but elegant cake topped with leftover flowers from when we made our bouquets. If anything our theme was "stress-free and good food."

We did an indulgent sit-down dinner in a really lovely dining room in a historic hotel. We did miss out on certain wedding traditions (like first dance, mother/son and father/daughter dances... well dancing in general) but other than that our wedding reception was just like any other (cocktail hour, dinner, speeches, cake cutting).

I think the major, major benefit of going with a smaller wedding was the low stress factor. As I went through the process of planning a larger wedding I was getting more and more into details and stressing about this expensive day going just as I planned. I knew that I wouldn't be able to sit back and enjoy the day if I was worrying about how the details and plan would affect 150 or so people. I hemmed and hawed and mulled over options for 4 months before giving up and planning the small wedding (If I look back in my PS archives I will probably see 3-4 different wedding options outlined- New England Clambake, Napa destination, Philly wedding, regular Rhode Island wedding to name a few). The only stressful/worrisome moments I had were when I realized I had left DH's ring behind (we got married with his dad's ring as a result) and just before I put my dress on and I was drawing up a seating chart (we were supposed to sit outside but it was threatening rain so we sat inside) from memory and I kept forgetting guests and having to start over. In hindsight I wish I had not done a seating chart at all.

Planning was also easier for us, but not just because of size. We planned it in 3 months so my options were limited. We got married in the height of wedding season (June 20th) in a very busy wedding place (Newport, RI) so we only had a handful of options for a venue, cake baker, photographer, etc. I did my own flowers so that was one less vendor to sort out.

In the end it was absolutely the right choice for us. We wanted to put a focus on location (the town, it's my hometown area) and food/drink. We were able to serve our guests the best food I've ever eaten at a wedding because there were not that many people to feed.

I remember every single moment of the day because I wasn't distracted with making sure things went as planned or worrying about managing a schedule. I got to have meaningful conversations with every person who was there to see us get married. I had plenty of time for photos, cocktails, eating our dinner. It was so intimate and *us* and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

I've attached a few photos that I feel illustrate the ease (mostly in my face... I'm a worrier and I can tell that I was relaxed that day) of our day. When I look at our photos I feel like they are exactly as we are on most days. I have a tendency to look pretty grim when I am preoccupied so I'm grateful budget pushed us into doing something smaller (which meant less things to worry/be preoccupied about).

 

[Clairitek]

Here are some of my concerns: we have several small groups of people from disparate parts of our lives- will they wall off and feel lonely? We just want everyone to feel included and have a good time. Dancing is a big part of my life, so I would like dancing, but is 40 people enough? Right now I'm leaning towards renting a mansion with a big backyard. We could have the ceremony in the backyard and then have the reception indoors. If the capacity is 250...will our 40 feel lost? I guess I'll have to find a great venue. This is all very new and very stressful- I want everyone to have a nice time.

Thanks for listening!

Looking back at our own guests list I had 2-3 people that are family friends, 3 girlfriends from college, my 2 best friends (they're sisters), DH's cousin, two uncles and an aunt, our parents, my grandfather and an aunt, and then DH's friends from college (a group of 6 of them). Then I had one male friend from college who knew no one else going in but me. I believe that everyone had a great time. They got to know each other when we weren't available to chat. They all partied together at the Irish pub down the street well after DH and I had retired to our room.

I personally think that you only need 2 people (or 1 even?) to have a dance party so 40 will be plenty! Just make sure the space is appropriately sized.

Your plan to rent a mansion and have the event there sounds awesome. Is the indoor space where you would host the reception large enough for 250? Or the outdoor space? If the mansion has a ballroom that can hold a lot of people I feel that there are ways you can set up the space so that it still feels intimate.

Trust me when I say that the peope you include will be happy to be there, will have an awesome time no matter what because they are your nearest and dearest.

 

[sparkle-magpie]

Vintagelover- Your pictures are gorgeous, can you share more? It sounds like all your guests enjoyed their time.

Claritek- Thank you so much for your insight, I really appreciate it.

 

[4ever]

If you are having a lot of people who do not know each other I think a cocktail hour with less than 40 people is a good way to solve that. Unlike the reception, people are free to wonder round and meet each other - and with a small wedding there are not a heap of people to meet.
We are having 25-30 guests and we're doing our photos pre-wedding so we can enjoy cocktail and canapés with our guests, make sure everyone meets everyone they don't know and feels relaxed and happy to be there.

Also nothing wrong with a mansion venue, but ask if they have any smaller rooms you can use. Our venue does larger weddings too but we have a room which seats up to 35.

You can have dancing with a small wedding, as long as the dance area is the appropriate size. Too big a space would make a lot of people feel a bit too self-conscious.

 

[sonnyjane]

My friend was recently married and I believe her guest list came to about 70 people, so similar to yours. She had it in the top floor penthouse of a skyrise downtown. They typically rent the space out for weddings or corporate parties (it overlooks a baseball field). It had a cocktail lounge feel. They had a fire pit outside with chairs surrounding it, a few couches inside that surrounded the dance floor, a bar, a few bar tables with high stools outside, and a few regular tables also inside next to the dance floor. They had wine, beer, and a few signature cocktails and the food was small tapas type things (a mac and cheese bar, a sandwich bar, satay skewers, etc.). They had the ceremony itself outside on the terrace with everyone kind of standing around watching. It was really a gorgeous venue, especially once it got dark and the buildings downtown were all lit up. The attire was semi-formal, so guys were in jackets, but not ties, and the girls were in cocktail dresses.

Here is a link to some pictures of other people's weddings at the venue to give you an idea http://theultimateskybox.com/gallery/

I thought it was pretty cool.

 

[aviastar]

If you are having a lot of people who do not know each other I think a cocktail hour with less than 40 people is a good way to solve that. Unlike the reception, people are free to wonder round and meet each other - and with a small wedding there are not a heap of people to meet.
We are having 25-30 guests and we're doing our photos pre-wedding so we can enjoy cocktail and canapés with our guests, make sure everyone meets everyone they don't know and feels relaxed and happy to be there.

Also nothing wrong with a mansion venue, but ask if they have any smaller rooms you can use. Our venue does larger weddings too but we have a room which seats up to 35.

You can have dancing with a small wedding, as long as the dance area is the appropriate size. Too big a space would make a lot of people feel a bit too self-conscious.

Agree with all of the above. Perhaps there is a patio or outdoor garden you can use at a mansion with a more intimate feel? You know your friends, family, and guests best- are they minglers? Seperating out into groups was not a problem at any of the smaller weddings I have ever attended, but my family and circle tend to be kinda gregarious people anyway. What really helped with guest bonding, both at the small wedding I mentioned earlier and at my sisters small wedding a few years back, was that we did some really low key hanging out 'with the girls' or the groom 'with the boys' in the week preceeding the wedding- helping finish favors, have a small bachelorette at someone's house, or trying out makeup. So by the time the weddings happened, I knew all the girls already, and it was lovely to see them all again.

 

[nkarma]

The only small wedding I have been to is my own as well at 40 people. We had a few separate groups of friends but everyone knew at least 3-4 people. Dancing was also a necessity for me. Actually, the only requirements I had for my wedding were a bride/groom, dancing, and alcohol. About 30 of the guests were friends, so they were our age and generally with same interests. The dancing was a big hit. People could request what they like but the playlist I gave to the DJ was stuff I knew my friends would love.

Our wedding was actually just a personalized version of most other weddings. We did a late afternoon ceremony, then cocktail hour, then dinner, then 3+ hours of dancing. We had a first dance and cake cutting. Our dance floor wasn't huge, but I am pretty sure a large majority of the group was dancing the whole time. I have been to a few large weddings (120-150 people) with the same number of people dancing as our small wedding. So I really think it depends on your guests, if they are they type to socialize and what they enjoy. Do your guests/friends like to dance like yourself? There is no way my friends weren't dancing as that is something we do together often. I don't see why you can't do whatever you want at a small wedding, but just with a smaller group of people that know you better.

 

[jstarfireb]

I officiated my friend's wedding with about 20-25 guests. It was really nice and intimate, held in a hotel in New Orleans. There were 3 small connected rooms: a sunroom where the ceremony was held, a dining room with pretty tapestries on the walls, and a small room connecting the two. The cocktail hour was held in the connecting room. A jazz trio provided the music, and they didn't really have much of a processional/recessional...the bridal party processed but no others did. Dinner was served on long tables in a rectangular configuration so everyone could see each other. There was no dancing, but there was plenty of time for socializing during the 7-course dinner.

 

[KimberlyH]

My own! We had 25 or so guests. We skipped on dancing, because it was a small crowd, and planned it at a location with AMAZING food. We had a cocktail hour outside, then dinner and dessert over the course of three hours at a table that seated every one of our guests. We hired a singer/guitarist who played through the whole evening, from ceremony through the end of the meal. We were married at 7, cocktail hour from 7:30-8, dinner from 8:30-11. We took pictures prior to the ceremony so we could be with our guests from the ceremony on. It was truly one of the best days of my life. Low key, beautiful, fun, and we were surrounded by those we love. I wouldn't change a thing about that day (except the migraine that ruined our wedding night, not wedding related, though).

 

[that_someone_special]

We had a small wedding I think it was 30~ people.

The only thing I'll say is that 15 months after our wedding we STILL have people commenting on how they were upset that they were not invited.

 

[sparkle-magpie]

Hi Bean,

I am anticipating a lot of the same response. I'm not joking when I tell you I am practicing the following phrase in the mirror "We had a small wedding. We had to make a lot of painful decisions regarding our guest list."

Anyone else with a phrase for those folks?

Take care!

 

[4ever]

Hi Bean,

I am anticipating a lot of the same response. I'm not joking when I tell you I am practicing the following phrase in the mirror "We had a small wedding. We had to make a lot of painful decisions regarding our guest list."

Anyone else with a phrase for those folks?

Take care!

I'm planning to go with "It was a very small wedding, immediate family and very close friends only"

At the end of the day we both want a really small wedding. Neither of us like big crowds and we are both the sort to have a few very close friends rather than a huge social circle, and to be honest, even the idea of having to share my vows and inner most feelings for FI in front of our 25-30 nearest and dearest makes me feel a little violated. I am a VERY private person and do not enjoy being the centre of attention.

Honestly, stand by your guest list choices and don't worry about it too much. People will get over it and it is more important you get the wedding you and your FI want rather than making everyone else happy.


What we are thinking about at this point is if we do get a lot of moaning from the rellies about not being invited we may plan a casual BBQ when all the wedding and honeymoon photos are printed.

 

[sparkle-magpie]

Neither of us like big crowds and we are both the sort to have a few very close friends rather than a huge social circle, and to be honest, even the idea of having to share my vows and inner most feelings for FI in front of our 25-30 nearest and dearest makes me feel a little violated. I am a VERY private person and do not enjoy being the centre of attention.

I'm with you. Everything outside of the people is fun. Flowers are fun. Dress could even be fun. Colors are fun. People? Crowds? Drama surrounding who is invited and who isn't? Not fun. We love our friends and family that are invited. We enjoy spending time with them. Anyone not on the guest list is just not part of our lives (or specifically, a positive part of our lives.)

Anyways, thank you for the support and insight, it helps.

 

[vc10um]

Neither of us like big crowds and we are both the sort to have a few very close friends rather than a huge social circle, and to be honest, even the idea of having to share my vows and inner most feelings for FI in front of our 25-30 nearest and dearest makes me feel a little violated. I am a VERY private person and do not enjoy being the centre of attention.

I'm with you. Everything outside of the people is fun. Flowers are fun. Dress could even be fun. Colors are fun. People? Crowds? Drama surrounding who is invited and who isn't? Not fun. We love our friends and family that are invited. We enjoy spending time with them. Anyone not on the guest list is just not part of our lives (or specifically, a positive part of our lives.)

Anyways, thank you for the support and insight, it helps.

Just a reminder, from someone who invited 120 people to her wedding (with 85 final guests)...unless you invite everyone you have ever met, or are remotely related to, to your wedding...SOMEONE will be disappointed/upset/even ANGRY that they weren't invited. Or that their son, who's 16, wasn't allowed to bring his girlfriend of two weeks. Or that a future grandmother's best friend and daughter didn't "make the cut." Just stick to your guns. Your script you've been practicing is perfect.

Best of luck with your planning! I am sure your wedding will be a wonderful and intimate affair and absolutely perfect for you and your FI!

 

[sparkle-magpie]

"The wedding was very much like other weddings, where the parties have no taste for finery or parade, and Mrs. Elton, from the particulars detailed by her husband thought it all extremely shabby, and very inferior to her own. "Very little white satin, very few lace veils; a most pitiful business." But, in spite of these deficiencies, the wishes, the hopes, the predictions, the confidences of the small band of true friends who witnessed the ceremony were fully answered in the perfect happiness of the union."
- Jane Austen, from Emma

Found this today, I am repeating in my head over and over. Lots of venue and guest trauma.


Take care.

 

[mandasand]

We are planning a small wedding too. We wanted to rent an outdoor garden with a barn but the cost would be $6k just for location and food...no officiant, music, flowers, photos, etc. We are still going to try and make it work because the place is really pretty. But, we may just opt to have the ceremony there ($1500) and have the reception in our back yard, since it's 10 minutes away and we have a huge back yard. I just don't understand why venues cost so much. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and my BF is in the military. These places don't even offer a military discount. It can be kind of frustrating.

 

[Trelala]

The best wedding I've ever been to was a small wedding, no more than 35 people including the bride and groom.

It was held at a beautiful private estate in the SF Bay Area and non-traditional. By that, I mean there was no first dance, bouquet/garter toss. The ceremony, cocktail hour and a sumptuous dinner were held outdoors. After dinner, the guests moved indoors, helped themselves to coffee and biscotti. Then enjoyed a musical performance where the bride's friends played their own compositions and arrangements of music dedicated to the couple. (The bride and her friends are classically trained musicians.) Many of us were moved to tears. The bride and groom gave a touching speech, the cake was cut, guests ate it while watching a slide show.

My husband and I only knew the bride and groom going to the wedding. But all the guests mingled during cocktail hour. By the end of the evening, we knew all the groom's friends, the bride's father and uncles, it was a great atmosphere for meeting people and just a really beautiful wedding.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

My sister's wedding was lovely.

In the morning, the immediate only family went to the courthouse. Then, a brunch was held in a lovely little French restaurant for around 30-40 people. She had reserved the balcony for the party. We sat on 3 long tables and there was a lot of seat jumping, as everyone moved around during the meal to chat with everyone else (I jokingly called it the Mad Hatter brunch ). The food was scrumptious!

Then, she took our parents and her new inlaws to see the new apartment she set up with her husband and served some cake and champagne there. There were lovely flowers all around, too!

 

[princesss]

Look up NeatFreak's wedding! She had a GORGEOUS small wedding and has several threads around here about it. Hers and Claritek's are my favourites.

CNDinNYC also had a small wedding in Mexico, I believe, and her pictures look like everybody had a blast!

 

[marktaylor9017]

the best small wedding i ever had is my sister's wedding party. It is held on a beach in summer. The wedding is so romantic. it makes a deep impression on me.

 

[FrekeChild]

Mine. 22 people including us. Lots of controversy over who was invited, who wasn't. I didn't have my two brothers and their families there, yet I had my closest cousins from each side of my family there with their girlfriends. I had my dad. We had some friends. My husband had his sister and her family, a friend that's more like a brother and his date. His dad didn't come.

People got butthurt and still talk about not being invited over two years later.

The people who did go thought it was wonderful. It was in Las Vegas. We got married at a chapel in Mandalay Bay. 2.5 hours later we had dinner at David Burke that was at the Venetian, and then people could go to Blue Man Group if they wanted to afterwards. I think our total wedding budget was about $15k including our plane trips, our food for the whole trip (5 nights) and our hotel room, and I believe that the dinner at DB was about $5k. That was with open bar (which no one took advantage of).

No dancing, just wonderfully personal and intimate. Our first date was going to Postrio and Blue Man Group and I was so excited to share Vegas and BMG with the people closest to us!

If we had stayed here in Albuquerque, the guest list would have been more like 250, and we would have had to go cheaper on the menu, which was not acceptable to me!

 

[Echidna]

Sparkly Magpie, please do not worry about having a small wedding if that's what you want. We had 80 guests (large for some, perfect size for us) but we made it feel intimate by using three long tables for dinner, seating disparate groups of people together who might have something in common, and feeding them great food and alcohol (wine, spirits, non-alcoholic, whatever they wanted). I think a wedding of that size allows you to act as a fabulous host- you get to chat to everyone, introduce them to others, serve great food due to lower costs, organise less tables so things feel more cozy, etc. We actually sat right in the middle of our group of guests (so middle two seats in the middle long table of three) and I think that helped to create that intimate feel. As long as you can organise a defined space at your venue that keeps people pretty contained and "forced" to mingle, you should be fine.

PS. I second vc10um's point- no one will be happy with the guest list, so you may as well be (as Freke was in her choices).

PPS. I also second Claritek's point- I was MUCH less of a stress case because I organised an event with only the people we wanted (bar 1) in attendance.

 

[GliderPoss]

I agree with the others - go with what feels right to you! We had 50 inc ourselves and it was perfect

Luckily the church was very small which limited numbers to 60 max and gave us the perfect excuse not include some people.

Repeat after me - ITS YOUR DAY. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!

 

[DNB]

Our youngest son is getting married in the spring. He and his FI do not like to be the center of attention, her in particular. The wedding will be immediate family only (siblings, parents, grandparents and one attendant each). A reception with about 65 people will follow. They wanted the party with their friends and family. My siblings and DH's siblings and their kids are only invited to the reception. I told them when they got engaged a couple of weeks ago to do what THEY wanted. It's their wedding. So, they are. Their venue is a historic restaurant/tavern in Old Town Alexandria, VA and will be what they want it to be. DH and I had 100 people at our wedding. Our soon to be DIL's parents had a civil ceremony with their parents only. So, that obviously will be the best small wedding we've ever been to

I told our oldest son he can have the big wedding when he meets someone.