no_normanrockwell
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2014
- Messages
- 8
I have been a member here for more than 10 years, but I'm usually a lurker. I created a new account for anonymity. Thanks for letting me vent.
This is actually about my FIL who won't leave me alone right now. He can tell I am busy writing something and is shout-talking at me from another room. Now he's pacing in front of my reading room... Actually, he just invited himself in and is sitting down across from me in my reading room while I'm typing these words. Unbelievable. Yep, still talking at me despite zero eye contact with me and single word responses from me. Okay, let me begin.
About a year ago I agreed that my 80 year old father-in-law would move into our house. I knew there would be some adjustment for all of us, but once we got through that, I just knew it would be great- a Norman Rockwell scene come to life. Our home was already peaceful and harmonious; a truly happy place. Then he moved in.
DO NOT ALLOW YOUR IN-LAW(S) TO LIVE WITH YOU. PLEASE. *I know there are always exceptions and I really hope your in-law is one. I had no idea what an absolutely awful person my FIL can be. We had always lived states away from my in-laws, and I now know he was mostly on his best behavior.
Here are a few of the challenges:
He doesn't care about boundaries. I've had to ban him from coming into our bedroom uninvited. We have a roomy home, but he's in everyone's business and personal space all the time. He reads personal mail if It's open but still in the envelope, even grocery receipts- Nothing is private if it's left in a public area of our home, e.g. kitchen counters, coffee tables. I've caught him screaming at my daughter and ordering her around like a crazed drill sergeant when he didn't know I was on the phone with her. We really had it out that time and he was almost asked to leave. He has since stopped that behavior but I will never trust him again. He's SNEAKY and skulks around the house popping out from around a corner. We've gotten into arguments with him shouting at me, "You just want to be the boss!" I calmly reminded him that I AM the boss of this house along with my husband. He's constantly making crude jokes about women, whether they're "big as cows" or "nice and slender." He's unsophisticated, lewd, sexist, racist, and a bigot. Wow, that actually felt good to get out. My husband is nothing like his father. The two couldn't be more different. Truly. This brings in a whole list of other complications which I won't go into.
I'll start with the most egregious thing he has done to date:
My father fell off a ladder which resulted in a severe head injury. Thankfully my dad bound his head very tightly; but instead of driving to the hospital, he drove to our house. Just looking at the amount of congealed blood on the bandage I knew it was an emergency situation. I almost had him convinced to go to the hospital until my 80yo FIL let himself into my bedroom and insisted on seeing the wound. My father kept saying no, I started to yell, my husband was asking him to stop, but he wouldn't leave and kept touching and poking at my dad's head. So there's my father sitting on my masterbath floor kicking his feet, holding his head, and screaming "stop, stop you're pulling it!" Both my husband and I were desperately trying to convince my FIL to stop, just short of physically taking him out of our room.
And then it was pulled off.
There was more blood than I have ever seen in my life. My FIL turns to me and says, "He needs to go to the hospital right now." As it happens, my father had severed an artery in his head when he fell but managed to stop the bleeding when he bound his head until my FIL ripped it off. We had to call an ambulance which took him to the hospital where he received 11 staples. My father now refuses to forgive my husband's father and calls him- well, all kinds of colorful, no-good adjectives.
Two weeks after that incident, my husband had a significant accident. It was a pretty bad year for us. After DH was removed from ICU my FIL and I drove separately to the hospital to see him. After we arrived in the room my FIL pulls out his deceased wife's handicap permit. It's always kept in the glove box so why would he take it out and bring it into the hospital?? He then tells me that he forgot to hang it in the car and doesn't want a ticket. He doesn't know exactly where he parked but asks if I would I mind going to where he thinks the car is to hang the permit for him. This hospital is HUGE and I need to walk a good distance and then take a shuttle to get back and forth from the parking garage to the hospital, but I happily go to help him avoid the ticket. It doesn't dawn on me that he has purposely sent me on a wild goose chase until I'm walking the rows and rows of vehicles clicking his remote trying to find his car.
I'm seething. I return and hand him the permit. He then has the nerve to tell me to go again! I apologize but refuse and say that I'm staying with my husband. Later when I asked him whether he got a parking ticket he chuckles while telling me that he didn't park in a handicap parking after all and had no problem finding his car.
There's so much more to this story- so many more examples of his dad being truly awful in the hospital and during husband's recovery. He had a full recovery, btw.
When my husband was first released from the hospital and completely out of it (lots of meds and a brain injury with memory loss) we fought about where my husband should recover. My FIL's wanted his room only, but I said our bedroom to sleep and the rest of the house during waking hours for stimulation and where our children and dogs could be around him. Sounds reasonable, right? I went to get more supplies and when I returned he was in my room standing over my drugged, sleeping, and NAKED husband (a decorative pillow covering his bits) rubbing goo-be-gone where his IV had been taped down. I was shocked and stood there literally mouth agape. He quickly left.
One Saturday morning while I was flipping eggs for breakfast he walked into the kitchen and announced to everyone and no one in particular, "You know, all the black people want to kill their babies." I quickly dismissed him saying, "That is the most ridiculous statement I have EVER heard."
The first conversation my FIL ever had with my dad had an awkward lull so my FIL blurts out, "I smoked marijuana when I was first in the service." Why would he say that? BECAUSE MY FATHER IS ORIGINALLY FROM MEXICO. Therefore must be hitting the bong like Chong. I wish you could have seen the look of confusion on my sweet dad's face. My father replied, ".... I think... we've all done things in our life that we regret." I'm actually laughing while I write this. When they're together it's like a movie mashup of Grumpy Old Men, Fools Rush In, and Deliverance. God help me. God help us all.
Thanks for listening and any support you give. It's really appreciated and needed.
This is actually about my FIL who won't leave me alone right now. He can tell I am busy writing something and is shout-talking at me from another room. Now he's pacing in front of my reading room... Actually, he just invited himself in and is sitting down across from me in my reading room while I'm typing these words. Unbelievable. Yep, still talking at me despite zero eye contact with me and single word responses from me. Okay, let me begin.
About a year ago I agreed that my 80 year old father-in-law would move into our house. I knew there would be some adjustment for all of us, but once we got through that, I just knew it would be great- a Norman Rockwell scene come to life. Our home was already peaceful and harmonious; a truly happy place. Then he moved in.
DO NOT ALLOW YOUR IN-LAW(S) TO LIVE WITH YOU. PLEASE. *I know there are always exceptions and I really hope your in-law is one. I had no idea what an absolutely awful person my FIL can be. We had always lived states away from my in-laws, and I now know he was mostly on his best behavior.
Here are a few of the challenges:
He doesn't care about boundaries. I've had to ban him from coming into our bedroom uninvited. We have a roomy home, but he's in everyone's business and personal space all the time. He reads personal mail if It's open but still in the envelope, even grocery receipts- Nothing is private if it's left in a public area of our home, e.g. kitchen counters, coffee tables. I've caught him screaming at my daughter and ordering her around like a crazed drill sergeant when he didn't know I was on the phone with her. We really had it out that time and he was almost asked to leave. He has since stopped that behavior but I will never trust him again. He's SNEAKY and skulks around the house popping out from around a corner. We've gotten into arguments with him shouting at me, "You just want to be the boss!" I calmly reminded him that I AM the boss of this house along with my husband. He's constantly making crude jokes about women, whether they're "big as cows" or "nice and slender." He's unsophisticated, lewd, sexist, racist, and a bigot. Wow, that actually felt good to get out. My husband is nothing like his father. The two couldn't be more different. Truly. This brings in a whole list of other complications which I won't go into.
I'll start with the most egregious thing he has done to date:
My father fell off a ladder which resulted in a severe head injury. Thankfully my dad bound his head very tightly; but instead of driving to the hospital, he drove to our house. Just looking at the amount of congealed blood on the bandage I knew it was an emergency situation. I almost had him convinced to go to the hospital until my 80yo FIL let himself into my bedroom and insisted on seeing the wound. My father kept saying no, I started to yell, my husband was asking him to stop, but he wouldn't leave and kept touching and poking at my dad's head. So there's my father sitting on my masterbath floor kicking his feet, holding his head, and screaming "stop, stop you're pulling it!" Both my husband and I were desperately trying to convince my FIL to stop, just short of physically taking him out of our room.
And then it was pulled off.
There was more blood than I have ever seen in my life. My FIL turns to me and says, "He needs to go to the hospital right now." As it happens, my father had severed an artery in his head when he fell but managed to stop the bleeding when he bound his head until my FIL ripped it off. We had to call an ambulance which took him to the hospital where he received 11 staples. My father now refuses to forgive my husband's father and calls him- well, all kinds of colorful, no-good adjectives.
Two weeks after that incident, my husband had a significant accident. It was a pretty bad year for us. After DH was removed from ICU my FIL and I drove separately to the hospital to see him. After we arrived in the room my FIL pulls out his deceased wife's handicap permit. It's always kept in the glove box so why would he take it out and bring it into the hospital?? He then tells me that he forgot to hang it in the car and doesn't want a ticket. He doesn't know exactly where he parked but asks if I would I mind going to where he thinks the car is to hang the permit for him. This hospital is HUGE and I need to walk a good distance and then take a shuttle to get back and forth from the parking garage to the hospital, but I happily go to help him avoid the ticket. It doesn't dawn on me that he has purposely sent me on a wild goose chase until I'm walking the rows and rows of vehicles clicking his remote trying to find his car.
I'm seething. I return and hand him the permit. He then has the nerve to tell me to go again! I apologize but refuse and say that I'm staying with my husband. Later when I asked him whether he got a parking ticket he chuckles while telling me that he didn't park in a handicap parking after all and had no problem finding his car.
There's so much more to this story- so many more examples of his dad being truly awful in the hospital and during husband's recovery. He had a full recovery, btw.
When my husband was first released from the hospital and completely out of it (lots of meds and a brain injury with memory loss) we fought about where my husband should recover. My FIL's wanted his room only, but I said our bedroom to sleep and the rest of the house during waking hours for stimulation and where our children and dogs could be around him. Sounds reasonable, right? I went to get more supplies and when I returned he was in my room standing over my drugged, sleeping, and NAKED husband (a decorative pillow covering his bits) rubbing goo-be-gone where his IV had been taped down. I was shocked and stood there literally mouth agape. He quickly left.
One Saturday morning while I was flipping eggs for breakfast he walked into the kitchen and announced to everyone and no one in particular, "You know, all the black people want to kill their babies." I quickly dismissed him saying, "That is the most ridiculous statement I have EVER heard."
The first conversation my FIL ever had with my dad had an awkward lull so my FIL blurts out, "I smoked marijuana when I was first in the service." Why would he say that? BECAUSE MY FATHER IS ORIGINALLY FROM MEXICO. Therefore must be hitting the bong like Chong. I wish you could have seen the look of confusion on my sweet dad's face. My father replied, ".... I think... we've all done things in our life that we regret." I'm actually laughing while I write this. When they're together it's like a movie mashup of Grumpy Old Men, Fools Rush In, and Deliverance. God help me. God help us all.
Thanks for listening and any support you give. It's really appreciated and needed.
I can always hold out hope that he'll get sick of me and the way we run our home. (I occasionally rescue and rehabilitate strays whenever they find me, I chase my kids running and playing inside the house with them, I'm blessed to not have to work but still have a cleaning lady, and am in general a casual person who likes to drink wine. A lot of wine. My husband loves me- flaws, fleas, and all. Btw, Your pup looks a lot like an old girl I've just rescued! 
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