So_In_Love
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2009
- Messages
- 39
I thought you guys would enjoy it...it made me tear up 
http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/family-pare ... d=25029338
This Couple Had 3 Babies in One Year (and They're Not Triplets)
Between Octomom and the Duggars, you think you've heard every extreme baby-making story there is. But Lauren and Joe Kamnik are as nice and normal as they come — with a tale you won't believe
The first time I meet Lauren and Joe Kamnik it's a cold, gray February day in Washington, DC. It's lunchtime at a local restaurant, and the two of them are looking sheepishly at each other. They are trying to tell their story, one of infertility and improbability and how, against all odds, the universe split open its piggy bank of good will and rained it down upon their family.
"To be honest," Lauren says, reaching for Joe's hand, "I think there's still a bit of shock going on." After going through numerous fertility struggles, the Kamniks are now the proud adoptive parents of 1-year-old Oliver. But in a few short months, thanks to a narrative so unpredictable they still have trouble believing it themselves, they'll give Oliver both a brother and a sister.
I had a baby with my gay best friends
Joe clasps Lauren's fingers in his and the two laugh, shaking their heads, the wonder of their good luck infusing their every gesture with barely suppressed glee. "Ours," Joe says with a grin, "is not your average family story."
Of course, the entire notion of what constitutes an "average family" in America has been upended in recent years by tabloid figures like the Octomom and reality-TV clans like the Gosselins and the Duggars, not to mention the boom in assisted reproductive technology. What makes a family is perpetually shifting in our culture, and the Kamniks are not alone in finding a unique path to parenthood. Their unlikely story began four years ago, when they first encountered difficulty conceiving a child.
"My body wasn't working"
Though only 29 when she and Joe started trying to have children, Lauren wanted to be proactive. "My mother had difficulty getting pregnant," she explains. "So we started as early as possible."
Both Lauren and Joe were flourishing professionals, he a lawyer, she a social worker, in Arlington, VA -- and neither was accustomed to failing. Lauren tackled the challenge of becoming pregnant like a tough case. She found the best doctors and followed every guideline. Even so, she was unable to conceive, most likely due to ovulation issues. That plus her mother's medical history led Lauren's doctor to recommend a fertility specialist. After three failed attempts at IUI (intrauterine insemination, in which sperm is injected directly into the uterus), the couple decided to move on to IVF (in vitro fertilization, the more involved process of implanting an embryo in the womb). Lauren dreaded this step.
"The fertility process had already been hard on us as a couple," she remembers. "I feared what would happen when I injected myself with hormones. But we were desperate."
Lauren was already dreaming about pumpkin patches and beach vacations, the day she and Joe would take their baby to see A Christmas Carol at Ford's Theatre, a family tradition they had already begun with future children in mind. "Ever since I've known Joe, I've always had these images of him teaching our kids how to throw a football or videotaping a ballet recital," Lauren says. "And I strongly believe that my main purpose on this planet is to be a good mom." When she imagined not becoming a mother, she saw "a very lonely life ahead."
The couple attempted IVF several times, each one a cycle of hope crushed by biology that left Lauren weeping in the bathtub, bereft and defeated. "It was my body that wasn't working," she explains. "I remember telling Joe, 'If you had married someone else, you'd have a baby by now.' It was a lot of self-blame."
The failures only increased the couple's longing for a baby, and in the wake of the failed attempts and Lauren's self-doubt, the marriage began to fray.
"Joe didn't understand what it felt like from my end," Lauren says, glancing at her husband, eyes welling. "He just wanted to fix the problem. But this was something he couldn't fix." She exhales. "I would try and envision my life without kids. And I just couldn't. I couldn't do it."
"If you want to be a parent, one day you will be a parent"
Wrung out and lost, Lauren had lunch with a friend and shared her unhappiness. "She listened to me complain and complain and finally said, 'Lauren, it might not be in the traditional way, but if you want to be a parent, one day you will be a parent.'"
Lauren was completely taken aback. "I hadn't thought about the big picture--that though it might not happen right away, I would become a parent."
That day provided Lauren with a much-needed epiphany, and the motivation to have a heart-to-heart with Joe. Now she wanted--needed--to pursue every possible avenue to parenthood, including adoption.
"I knew that once Joe held our child," Lauren says, "regardless of whether we were the birth parents or not, he would feel unconditional love, that he would know that the parents are the people who raise the child, not give birth to it," she says. "But I also knew that he had to reach that decision on his own."
Okay, she helped a little, buying books about adoption for Joe, signing them up to attend adoption-education events, introducing Joe to other couples who had adopted. The bleak prognosis from their doctor -- "He told us we'd never get pregnant," Lauren says -- also helped open Joe's mind.
The couple decided to look into surrogacy as well, spurred on by their doctor, as a way to increase their chances of becoming parents. The choice felt emotionally easier than continuing their seemingly futile fertility treatments. "When our doctor recommended surrogacy, this huge weight lifted from my shoulders," Lauren says. "I remember thinking I would finally get my life back." And though cost was never a determining factor for the Kamniks, the move was also financially prudent: Surrogacy can cost $45,000, adoption about $25,000 -- but just one IVF attempt can be $50,000.
The couple's lawyers warned them that adoption and surrogacy generally take more than a year, and neither is guaranteed. Lengthy placement procedures and multiple approval stages can draw out adoption to 12 months or beyond. A surrogate may require multiple implantation tries to become pregnant, and once conception occurs, the pregnancy is still vulnerable to the usual risks. So the Kamniks chose to investigate both options simultaneously. Their lawyer found the surrogate first.
"On Craigslist, believe it or not," Lauren tells me, laughing. "Her name was Jennifer." Jennifer was 37, with two kids of her own. (Virginia's surrogacy laws require potential carriers to have already given birth to at least one child.)
"I'll never forget the moment I got that phone call"
After completing the adoption application process, the Kamniks settled in for the long wait for an available child. Three days later, they got a shocking phone call from their lawyer.
"It was 1 in the afternoon," Lauren says. "I was getting a manicure. I'll never forget that." Another couple's adoption had fallen through, and a baby boy was waiting in Jacksonville, FL. If the Kamniks wanted him, they'd have to come now.
I had a baby with my gay best friends
"We received the call, and it was like a huge light opened in our lives. By 7 that night, we were in the car driving," Lauren recalls, describing how, prior to leaving, they ran around trying to get everything in order. "We had absolutely no baby gear. We picked up clothes from friends, got a diaper-changing lesson!"
"We were panicked!" Joe agrees.
"We had dreamed of being parents for so long but had so little time to adjust to the idea of actually being parents," Lauren says. "We speed-read two books on our trip to Florida: a book on names and What to Expect the First Year. We basically took a Parenting 101 course in the car."
The couple met baby Oliver on Sunday evening at a social worker's house. "Joe and I were both really nervous," Lauren says. "But I remember feeling this strong bond with Oliver right away." Joe felt the same way, lighting up the very first time he saw his newborn son and quickly falling head over heels.
Even as their love for their new son deepened, the couple continued with the surrogacy; they had always wanted at least two children. Five months after Oliver's arrival, Jennifer, their surrogate, became pregnant with Lauren and Joe's child.
"We thought, Well, there it is. We have our family, " Joe says. "It was finally all working out."
"How could this be true?"
About a week later, Lauren was at the beach, and she noticed her bathing suit fit differently. But she never thought for a second that she was pregnant.
There were more clues, however. Symptoms: "I felt...strange." And then there was her own mother, who had conceived Lauren soon after adopting her brother, the siblings only 15 months apart. "One day at work I decided to take a pregnancy test," Lauren says. When it showed positive, she recalls, "I freaked out!"
She called her best friend, who advised her to take another test. She bought four more, drank a lot of water, and waited. Four positives later, Lauren phoned her husband at the office.
"When I told him," says Lauren, "there was dead silence."
How could this be true? they both wondered. They'd been told it was impossible. That same day, Lauren went to the doctor, the tests clutched in her hands.
"I was shaking. I was like, 'What is this?'"
A baby boy, as it turns out. Lauren, like her mother before her, had gotten pregnant the old-fashioned way, without hormones or fertility assistance. She would be due the week after her surrogate, "giving us three babies under the age of 13 months," Lauren explains. "I am a very big planner," she adds, breaking into a grin. "I do not like surprises. Funny, right?"
"Are we capable of providing for three kids?"
In mid-March, Lauren went into labor. Jennifer began having contractions the very next day. She would end up giving birth to Vivienne just 13 hours after Lauren had her baby, Wesley. A terrifying month followed when Wesley was in and out of the hospital with medical complications. But now, at last, the whole family is finally healthy and together at home.
A few weeks after the crisis has passed, Lauren and Joe are sitting outside their suburban ranch house with all three kids. Oliver toddles around the grass while Wesley and Vivienne sit in their bouncers, plump fists waving happily when their big brother stops by to give them kisses. The couple tell me they're filled with gratitude -- and no small amount of trepidation.
"We are both really scared," Joe confesses. "We definitely feel blessed, but we are realistic people. Are we capable of providing for three kids? It's going to be a really rough year."
The Kamniks are now on a tight feeding, sleeping, and bathing schedule. "With three babies under 18 months," Lauren says, "you need to be. The biggest change is that there is absolutely no time right now for ourselves. And if by some miracle they are all sleeping, there are bottles to be cleaned, laundry to wash. The notion of downtime is history."
They've quickly adjusted to the constant clutter of baby paraphernalia and family photos, but Joe in particular is concerned about their finances -- and other practicalities. "Like, how are we even going to be able to go to the grocery store?" he asks.
But they know these worries pale in comparison to the ones they held not so long ago, when they feared they'd never become parents at all. Because at root, Lauren says firmly, "We both believe money and careers come and go -- but the love of a strong family is forever."
"I want people to have hope"
It's been a nutty ride, but Lauren and Joe have bonded tightly over the supreme unlikelihood of their story. "Every time I tell it to someone, they go, 'What?'" Lauren says. "But I wouldn't change anything. Not even the bad bits. It made us a better family. An unusual family, but a really strong one."
The Kamniks know their situation will always require some explaining. "But I'm proud of the way my family has been created," Lauren underscores. "What I think people will hear when I tell them our story is that we wanted children so badly that we took every road we could to get there."
"There are three possibilities for having a child," Joe says. "And we did all three. We've shown that anything is possible."
What has surprised the couple most over the course of their journey and in the chaos of their new lives?
"The biggest surprise is that I didn't know how much love I had to give," Lauren answers. That being said, she adds, "This is it for us. One of us is getting surgery. We are done."
A wry smile creeps over her face. "Though the lawyer did call not too long ago." Oliver's mother was pregnant again. "He asked if we wanted a second. I was willing to talk about it."
Joe, not so much.
"I said we could be the next Brangelina!" Lauren laughs.
I ask her what she's learned from all of this. She looks again at her three children, at their soft, damp faces, their wispy hair and tiny mouths.
"I want people to have hope," she says. "Family is possible. It may not look the way you expected it to -- but that can be the biggest blessing of all."
http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/family-pare ... d=25029338
This Couple Had 3 Babies in One Year (and They're Not Triplets)
Between Octomom and the Duggars, you think you've heard every extreme baby-making story there is. But Lauren and Joe Kamnik are as nice and normal as they come — with a tale you won't believe
The first time I meet Lauren and Joe Kamnik it's a cold, gray February day in Washington, DC. It's lunchtime at a local restaurant, and the two of them are looking sheepishly at each other. They are trying to tell their story, one of infertility and improbability and how, against all odds, the universe split open its piggy bank of good will and rained it down upon their family.
"To be honest," Lauren says, reaching for Joe's hand, "I think there's still a bit of shock going on." After going through numerous fertility struggles, the Kamniks are now the proud adoptive parents of 1-year-old Oliver. But in a few short months, thanks to a narrative so unpredictable they still have trouble believing it themselves, they'll give Oliver both a brother and a sister.
I had a baby with my gay best friends
Joe clasps Lauren's fingers in his and the two laugh, shaking their heads, the wonder of their good luck infusing their every gesture with barely suppressed glee. "Ours," Joe says with a grin, "is not your average family story."
Of course, the entire notion of what constitutes an "average family" in America has been upended in recent years by tabloid figures like the Octomom and reality-TV clans like the Gosselins and the Duggars, not to mention the boom in assisted reproductive technology. What makes a family is perpetually shifting in our culture, and the Kamniks are not alone in finding a unique path to parenthood. Their unlikely story began four years ago, when they first encountered difficulty conceiving a child.
"My body wasn't working"
Though only 29 when she and Joe started trying to have children, Lauren wanted to be proactive. "My mother had difficulty getting pregnant," she explains. "So we started as early as possible."
Both Lauren and Joe were flourishing professionals, he a lawyer, she a social worker, in Arlington, VA -- and neither was accustomed to failing. Lauren tackled the challenge of becoming pregnant like a tough case. She found the best doctors and followed every guideline. Even so, she was unable to conceive, most likely due to ovulation issues. That plus her mother's medical history led Lauren's doctor to recommend a fertility specialist. After three failed attempts at IUI (intrauterine insemination, in which sperm is injected directly into the uterus), the couple decided to move on to IVF (in vitro fertilization, the more involved process of implanting an embryo in the womb). Lauren dreaded this step.
"The fertility process had already been hard on us as a couple," she remembers. "I feared what would happen when I injected myself with hormones. But we were desperate."
Lauren was already dreaming about pumpkin patches and beach vacations, the day she and Joe would take their baby to see A Christmas Carol at Ford's Theatre, a family tradition they had already begun with future children in mind. "Ever since I've known Joe, I've always had these images of him teaching our kids how to throw a football or videotaping a ballet recital," Lauren says. "And I strongly believe that my main purpose on this planet is to be a good mom." When she imagined not becoming a mother, she saw "a very lonely life ahead."
The couple attempted IVF several times, each one a cycle of hope crushed by biology that left Lauren weeping in the bathtub, bereft and defeated. "It was my body that wasn't working," she explains. "I remember telling Joe, 'If you had married someone else, you'd have a baby by now.' It was a lot of self-blame."
The failures only increased the couple's longing for a baby, and in the wake of the failed attempts and Lauren's self-doubt, the marriage began to fray.
"Joe didn't understand what it felt like from my end," Lauren says, glancing at her husband, eyes welling. "He just wanted to fix the problem. But this was something he couldn't fix." She exhales. "I would try and envision my life without kids. And I just couldn't. I couldn't do it."
"If you want to be a parent, one day you will be a parent"
Wrung out and lost, Lauren had lunch with a friend and shared her unhappiness. "She listened to me complain and complain and finally said, 'Lauren, it might not be in the traditional way, but if you want to be a parent, one day you will be a parent.'"
Lauren was completely taken aback. "I hadn't thought about the big picture--that though it might not happen right away, I would become a parent."
That day provided Lauren with a much-needed epiphany, and the motivation to have a heart-to-heart with Joe. Now she wanted--needed--to pursue every possible avenue to parenthood, including adoption.
"I knew that once Joe held our child," Lauren says, "regardless of whether we were the birth parents or not, he would feel unconditional love, that he would know that the parents are the people who raise the child, not give birth to it," she says. "But I also knew that he had to reach that decision on his own."
Okay, she helped a little, buying books about adoption for Joe, signing them up to attend adoption-education events, introducing Joe to other couples who had adopted. The bleak prognosis from their doctor -- "He told us we'd never get pregnant," Lauren says -- also helped open Joe's mind.
The couple decided to look into surrogacy as well, spurred on by their doctor, as a way to increase their chances of becoming parents. The choice felt emotionally easier than continuing their seemingly futile fertility treatments. "When our doctor recommended surrogacy, this huge weight lifted from my shoulders," Lauren says. "I remember thinking I would finally get my life back." And though cost was never a determining factor for the Kamniks, the move was also financially prudent: Surrogacy can cost $45,000, adoption about $25,000 -- but just one IVF attempt can be $50,000.
The couple's lawyers warned them that adoption and surrogacy generally take more than a year, and neither is guaranteed. Lengthy placement procedures and multiple approval stages can draw out adoption to 12 months or beyond. A surrogate may require multiple implantation tries to become pregnant, and once conception occurs, the pregnancy is still vulnerable to the usual risks. So the Kamniks chose to investigate both options simultaneously. Their lawyer found the surrogate first.
"On Craigslist, believe it or not," Lauren tells me, laughing. "Her name was Jennifer." Jennifer was 37, with two kids of her own. (Virginia's surrogacy laws require potential carriers to have already given birth to at least one child.)
"I'll never forget the moment I got that phone call"
After completing the adoption application process, the Kamniks settled in for the long wait for an available child. Three days later, they got a shocking phone call from their lawyer.
"It was 1 in the afternoon," Lauren says. "I was getting a manicure. I'll never forget that." Another couple's adoption had fallen through, and a baby boy was waiting in Jacksonville, FL. If the Kamniks wanted him, they'd have to come now.
I had a baby with my gay best friends
"We received the call, and it was like a huge light opened in our lives. By 7 that night, we were in the car driving," Lauren recalls, describing how, prior to leaving, they ran around trying to get everything in order. "We had absolutely no baby gear. We picked up clothes from friends, got a diaper-changing lesson!"
"We were panicked!" Joe agrees.
"We had dreamed of being parents for so long but had so little time to adjust to the idea of actually being parents," Lauren says. "We speed-read two books on our trip to Florida: a book on names and What to Expect the First Year. We basically took a Parenting 101 course in the car."
The couple met baby Oliver on Sunday evening at a social worker's house. "Joe and I were both really nervous," Lauren says. "But I remember feeling this strong bond with Oliver right away." Joe felt the same way, lighting up the very first time he saw his newborn son and quickly falling head over heels.
Even as their love for their new son deepened, the couple continued with the surrogacy; they had always wanted at least two children. Five months after Oliver's arrival, Jennifer, their surrogate, became pregnant with Lauren and Joe's child.
"We thought, Well, there it is. We have our family, " Joe says. "It was finally all working out."
"How could this be true?"
About a week later, Lauren was at the beach, and she noticed her bathing suit fit differently. But she never thought for a second that she was pregnant.
There were more clues, however. Symptoms: "I felt...strange." And then there was her own mother, who had conceived Lauren soon after adopting her brother, the siblings only 15 months apart. "One day at work I decided to take a pregnancy test," Lauren says. When it showed positive, she recalls, "I freaked out!"
She called her best friend, who advised her to take another test. She bought four more, drank a lot of water, and waited. Four positives later, Lauren phoned her husband at the office.
"When I told him," says Lauren, "there was dead silence."
How could this be true? they both wondered. They'd been told it was impossible. That same day, Lauren went to the doctor, the tests clutched in her hands.
"I was shaking. I was like, 'What is this?'"
A baby boy, as it turns out. Lauren, like her mother before her, had gotten pregnant the old-fashioned way, without hormones or fertility assistance. She would be due the week after her surrogate, "giving us three babies under the age of 13 months," Lauren explains. "I am a very big planner," she adds, breaking into a grin. "I do not like surprises. Funny, right?"
"Are we capable of providing for three kids?"
In mid-March, Lauren went into labor. Jennifer began having contractions the very next day. She would end up giving birth to Vivienne just 13 hours after Lauren had her baby, Wesley. A terrifying month followed when Wesley was in and out of the hospital with medical complications. But now, at last, the whole family is finally healthy and together at home.
A few weeks after the crisis has passed, Lauren and Joe are sitting outside their suburban ranch house with all three kids. Oliver toddles around the grass while Wesley and Vivienne sit in their bouncers, plump fists waving happily when their big brother stops by to give them kisses. The couple tell me they're filled with gratitude -- and no small amount of trepidation.
"We are both really scared," Joe confesses. "We definitely feel blessed, but we are realistic people. Are we capable of providing for three kids? It's going to be a really rough year."
The Kamniks are now on a tight feeding, sleeping, and bathing schedule. "With three babies under 18 months," Lauren says, "you need to be. The biggest change is that there is absolutely no time right now for ourselves. And if by some miracle they are all sleeping, there are bottles to be cleaned, laundry to wash. The notion of downtime is history."
They've quickly adjusted to the constant clutter of baby paraphernalia and family photos, but Joe in particular is concerned about their finances -- and other practicalities. "Like, how are we even going to be able to go to the grocery store?" he asks.
But they know these worries pale in comparison to the ones they held not so long ago, when they feared they'd never become parents at all. Because at root, Lauren says firmly, "We both believe money and careers come and go -- but the love of a strong family is forever."
"I want people to have hope"
It's been a nutty ride, but Lauren and Joe have bonded tightly over the supreme unlikelihood of their story. "Every time I tell it to someone, they go, 'What?'" Lauren says. "But I wouldn't change anything. Not even the bad bits. It made us a better family. An unusual family, but a really strong one."
The Kamniks know their situation will always require some explaining. "But I'm proud of the way my family has been created," Lauren underscores. "What I think people will hear when I tell them our story is that we wanted children so badly that we took every road we could to get there."
"There are three possibilities for having a child," Joe says. "And we did all three. We've shown that anything is possible."
What has surprised the couple most over the course of their journey and in the chaos of their new lives?
"The biggest surprise is that I didn't know how much love I had to give," Lauren answers. That being said, she adds, "This is it for us. One of us is getting surgery. We are done."
A wry smile creeps over her face. "Though the lawyer did call not too long ago." Oliver's mother was pregnant again. "He asked if we wanted a second. I was willing to talk about it."
Joe, not so much.
"I said we could be the next Brangelina!" Lauren laughs.
I ask her what she's learned from all of this. She looks again at her three children, at their soft, damp faces, their wispy hair and tiny mouths.
"I want people to have hope," she says. "Family is possible. It may not look the way you expected it to -- but that can be the biggest blessing of all."
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