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Super small wedding ideas

Discussion in 'Ladies in Waiting' started by Phdecorate, Apr 20, 2012.

  1. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 20, 2012
    Ok, so SO is getting ready to pick the diamond, he has agreed to the VC halo (I emailed for a quote today!) and last night he announced he thinks we should get married THIS FALL! We had been talking about getting married this year, but I was not sure that would happen but I am definitely ready. We have lived together almost four years and bought a house together a little over 2 yrs ago. We have both been married before so a big wedding is not on our wish list. He would like to go away to get married just the two of us. I would like to have my parents there, my mom would be devastated not to be there. SO understands and is open to sharing it with them. (his parents are gone) my dad is older and can't really travel far, so a true destination wedding is not a poss.

    We live at the beach so that is of course a poss, but I wonder about the weather, fall is iffy. So I am trying to come up with some ideas. I don't want it to be very fancy but I want it to be special. For reference, my first wedding was at a bed and breakfast. It was an old mansion. 90 people. Vera Wang wedding dress. College chapel wedding ceremony. I don't want it to be the same type of thing per se, but I loved that type of setting. I definitely don't want the court house, it is not special like the San Fran one that Audball is considering! :))

    Then I am trying to figure out, a wedding with 4 people turns into.....a dinner for four people?? I am not really sure that I want a bunch of other people to come to a dinner/party, but I am trying to visualize the flow for the day......wedding outside followed by lunch or dinner at a restaurant in wedding attire? Catered at home by a local chef? Rent a super small venue and just enjoy it for four people? arrange to have it earlier in the day and leave for the honeymoon that night? Go to a B&B that my dad can travel to and have it there?

    SO is pretty open I think. Right now I am day dreaming and need some suggestions, thought starter questions, opinions, etc.....whatever!! Just trying to come up with some possibilities!

    What do you LIWs think?
     
  2. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 20, 2012
    Hmmm...I don't konw. For me only 4 people would feel a bit awkward, even if it is your parents. I don't think it has to be all or nothing, but I think it would feel a little less weird if it were maybe 6-10 people or so.

    I love B&B weddings, they're usually affordable too. But I also like the idea of just doing a simple ceremony in a cheaper public venue (like the beach) and take your small guests to dinner.

    Hopefully some others will pipe in with ideas. Heck, this may have been a better topic for BWW since they're all in the midst of planning. Some super smart planners over there!

    I know what you mean about wanting it to be small and still special though. It's hard to find that balance and know who to include and who to exclude.
     
  3. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 20, 2012
    Oh good idea about the bww. Did not think of that! Yes, 4 people is *almost* awkward, I know....
     
  4. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 20, 2012
    That's really my only concern about it.

    Would you be willing to do a local JOP ceremony for your parents to attend and witness your legal vows and then be able to elope for the intimate private ceremony of your dreams? Is there any compromise?
     
  5. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 20, 2012
    No....really need to have just one wedding. Believe it or not, I don't have a dream wedding. I just want to get married! maybe it is because I was married before so I did all the planning and stuff before? This one is just as exciting, but I am ready for this to be small and private. I just want it to be elegant. My parents are so happy for me to be happy, it means a lot to share it with them. I would feel like I was cheating them out of it if I had another ceremony without them.
     
  6. madelise
    Ideal_Rock

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    by madelise » Apr 20, 2012
    Are there any old barns around that are no longer barns? I think a small rustic gathering would be adorable..

    Or a gathering not *on* the beach, but somewhere with a view of it? A park? I know it'll still be cold cus of the wind, but my coworker had gotten married in November on a golf course over the beach, and it worked out? Everyone just had to carry a cardigan with them.


    Or another coworker of mine had hers at a theater. The stage was her ceremony spot, which was awesome b/c the lights were on them the whole time, while the crowd was darkened. It was ridiculously affordable, too. They found one that had a small cafe next door, and moved everybody over for a casual hor d'oeuvres and drinks gathering. I think they spent less than $3k pulling the whole thing together. An old old theater would be really cute? And would make for awesome photos.
     
  7. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 20, 2012
    Ok, I understand. Are you wanting to include a few others and are just afraid of hurting feelings if you include more than just parents?

    What does your FF think?
     
  8. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 20, 2012
    I like some of these ideas!

    Where do you live phd? I don't recall...what's the weather like in the Fall?
     
  9. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 20, 2012
    The barn idea sounds adorable. I actually thought of that because some family friends own a gorgeous farm in NY. It's not a working farm, it is a weekend place. That could be a poss. It is near Cooperstown, which honestly is a beautiful town. And I'm not a baseball fan (sorry redsoxgrl if you are reading this). They have a beautiful huge old hotel (the Otesaga if I am spelling it right), a beautiful inn and at least one amazing restaurant that I know of. So either at the farm or at one of the hotels or inns could work. Then I thought maybe the wedding on the farm, dinner at the great rest and stay over, then fly out to somewhere else for a honeymoon. My parents could then drive home the next day or so.

    My second thought was Martha's Vineyard. It has some family meaning (my deceased grandma) so that would be special. And driveable. SO threw that one out.

    Third one is somewhere right near here. Beautiful beach towns....we are east coast middle.

    Honestly, I don't really feel the need/desire to share the day with too many others. SO doesn't seem like he cares to either. Maybe age is more a factor in this? There are maybe three or four more people I would open it up to if he wanted to open it up, but.....

    I guess I just wonder if I will feel like, ok ceremony is over, now what....off to dinner? Like would I feel a need fore more celebration? Will it be anti-climatic? Does this make sense?

    Btw, thanks for responding, Audball and Madelise! You two are so sweet, you answer ALL the posts.
     
  10. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 20, 2012
    Oh, forgot the weather...can be hot in Sept, nice or cool in Oct, even cold at the end. Nov you would not want to be outside and I don't want a December wedding!
     
  11. mandasand
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by mandasand » Apr 20, 2012
    I know what you're talking about! MY SO and I have both been married before, but he never had any kind of wedding and I had the huge catholic shebang. So, this time, we want to do something small, around 30 people. He really wants his parents there, otherwise I would want to do the destination thing too. He also wants to wear his formal military dress since he's an NCO in the Air Force. I thought, gawd, he's wearing his mess dress with so many medals it covers up half his jacket, I have to get a wedding gown!!

    We decided to have the wedding in our back yard. We were thinking this fall but decided to wait until 2013 so that we can save more.

    I like the idea of the beach. Maybe there is a nice hotel on the beach where you live that you can get married outside and then go to the restaurant inside?? You may want to consider inviting his best friend and SO and your best friend and SO, plus your parents. Keep it small but try and share it with those that are the closest to you.
     
  12. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 20, 2012
    So outdoor isn't out of the question if you aim for mid September to mid October it sounds like.
     
  13. Echidna
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Echidna » Apr 20, 2012
    I like your thought about the event being elegant. What does that mean to you? Luxurious venue and beautiful outfits? A specific type of menu? Sit down? Stand up? Drinks? Dinner? Personal waiter? Classic beauty such as red roses and champagne? Flesh that idea out a little more and we can help from there.

    PS. I originally wanted a small after-dinner, candle-lit wedding, then a champagne and dessert reception with everyone. Still trying to sell this idea to someone ;)
     
  14. sonnyjane
    Ideal_Rock

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    by sonnyjane » Apr 20, 2012
    Of course it makes sense, but only you know if you need something more or not. You had a "real" wedding before. Did you enjoy the celebration? Do you feel it was very important?

    My husband and I did a destination elopement and I don't regret it at all. I quite like that it was so intimate. After our ceremony we did go out to dinner at a nice restaurant and just enjoyed our night. For me the "climax" of a wedding is saying your vows and being pronounced husband and wife, so a reception didn't really matter to me. I have attended many weddings since I've been married and while I have fun, I can honestly say I have never once wished that I did things differently.
     
  15. Mico
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Mico » Apr 21, 2012
    so upset, I posted a lengthy reply and pricescope ate it

    two thoughts:
    1. bed and breakfast in a place like this:
    http://www.innonthesky.com/

    2. small tiny beach side restaurant, small tiny barefoot ceremony, small tiny din din

    in this section i wrote all about what our plans were, but i'm scared if i elaborate pricescope will eat my posts again.

    xo
     
  16. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 21, 2012
    Mandasand - Yes, I understand what you mean about a wedding gown! I definitely don't want a formal one this go around, I might look into a bridesmaid's dress or just something ivory not bridal at all. My friend did the bridesmaid route for her small wedding. Luckily, SO wants to be casual. So the venue and indoor/outdoor will end up dictating it. I thought about our backyard, we have a big deck and a really nice view, but I think I would prefer someplace else. (i'd feel like the neighbors were watching! :errrr: )

    Audball - yes, could def be outside, esp close to home. If we went further north, would have to really watch the weather, it could be a lot colder. But this fall for example was unseasonably warm. We were in MV late October and it was mid 70s.

    Echidna - Elegant to me is.....classy, tasteful, simple but special. Beautiful outfits, yes, but in this case, not fancy. SO will wear pants, a shirt and a tie, maybe a navy blazer. I will wear a long dress I think but nothing very fancy. The venue doesn't have to be luxurious, it just has to have the right vibe. If it just 4 people, I guess we would sit down! Ha ha. My dad is mid 80s, he can't stand too long. It could be dinner, it could be tapas (I LOVE tapas) or fantastic appetizers. Honestly, now that you ask, appetizers are my favorite part of the meal! I like a lot of the weddings you see in Martha Stewart Weddings. I don't like red roses, I like simple floral arrangments, not many greens but nothing stark. No calla lillies. My last wedding was in October - so it was pumpkins hollowed out as vases and lots of candles. I guess I picture an intimate gathering where everyone looks like an extra special version of themselves nothing too fancy and it is put together simply but breathtakingly perfect. I am not a huge Martha fan, but do you know how you see something in one of her magazines, and it looks just so easy and "thrown" together in this perfect little way, but then you read the ingredients/directions/details and you realize it requires all of this extra little stuff and time? Well, I want that effect without having to go crazy. Does that make any sense? :confused: :D BTW, I LOVE your idea about the candle light ceremony and the champagne and dessert reception. I even know the place to have it. It would only work for me if I expanded it to more people....

    Sonnyjane - I loved my first wedding, I planned it to the last detail. Then I was furious when the catering staff added "extra" flowers to my cake because they decided it was "too plain" :errrr: :errrr: :errrr: ! However, I would not want that kind of wedding again. I think the wedding itself is yes, definitely the climax, but the destination part makes it even more so. I don't want a reception, per se, I just want to feel like I have created a small "celebration" that feels like more than just the four of us going out for a special birthday dinner, if that makes sense? Especially if we are very close to home, someplace we might regularly go to, I want to make it feel different.

    Nicstx - So sorry PS ate your response! I'd really love to hear about your plans! Try again!! For whatever reason, despite being at the beach, there are not really any beach side restaurants. Not sure why this is!

    Keep the ideas coming ladies! (and the thought-starter questions!)
     
  17. madelise
    Ideal_Rock

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    by madelise » Apr 21, 2012
    Are you a Pinterest-er? They have awesome ideas to "dress up" a barn or backyard or whatever to make it look elegant. And a lot of DIY ideas, too, so you can save some $$ ;)

    Do you have anyone else to invite besides the 'rents? Kids? Coworkers? Friends? Siblings? I think a small gathering of ~10 would be nice so that it won't be like an awkward parent-dinner only.

    The Bed and Breakfast is awesome because your dad can sleep overnight there without worrying about traveling. The awkwardness is that they'll be nearby during your first married evening :errrr: I don't know how big any B&B's you're looking at will be.. I've only been to one and it was TINY, out of basically someone's cottage, and we can hear everything going in the house. So, with that experience in my head, I would say NAY to B&B's w/ the parentals nearby if the walls are thin, or the rooms are close together. Enjoy your first night of wedded bliss as loud as you want!

    To avoid that awkward, "ok its ending now, GET OUT and LEAVE" ending, you can do a night time event? After around 10 or 11 or so, everyone wants to leave anyway. Thank everyone for coming and make an exit.

    NICSTX - to avoid PS "eating" your responses, before you hit "submit", you can first hilight the whole thing and copy it. If PS decides to delete it all, all you gotta do is paste it in again : ) I don't do this ALL the time, but I do for my longer posts. Ive had wayyyyy too many of my novels disappear ;)
     
  18. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 22, 2012
    [quote="madelise|1335042425|3177330

    The Bed and Breakfast is awesome because your dad can sleep overnight there without worrying about traveling. The awkwardness is that they'll be nearby during your first married evening :errrr: I don't know how big any B&B's you're looking at will be.. I've only been to one and it was TINY, out of basically someone's cottage, and we can hear everything going in the house. So, with that experience in my head, I would say NAY to B&B's w/ the parentals nearby if the walls are thin, or the rooms are close together. Enjoy your first night of wedded bliss as loud as you want ;)[/quote]

    So funny. There is a beautiful b&b in MV that has soundproofed rooms......HEE HEE....wonder why? :twisted:
     
  19. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 22, 2012
    Would it be rude/weird to get married at, say the beach, right in the sand, with just my parents to witness, then come back to the house and invite maybe 10-15 people? I was thinking that a friend (not great friend, as in not someone that would be a guest) is a chef at a local place. Maybe I could hire him to cook - just appetizers/tapas and then have cake and desserts. An expansion of the candlelight evening suggested earlier? Or could we have the super small wedding, a super small meal somewhere just the four of us and then a few hours later the mini party thing? I wouldn't want to do just desserts as I am not a huge dessert person myself, ha ha.

    And I am still not sure I want anyone else there at all, just trying to come up with some scenarios. But would it be weird to see the people after you got married but it is the same day? I guess it would be like they didn't come to the church ceremony just the party type of idea?? Would people be offended? I really want to know what you guys think, so if you think they would, please say!
     
  20. sonnyjane
    Ideal_Rock

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    by sonnyjane » Apr 22, 2012
    Gosh I wouldn't be offended at all! I think you are worrying entirely too much about what others think! It's that dumb cliche but all that matters is what YOU think! I know plenty of couples that had small beach weddings or JOP's and ended up having a BBQ or party for others later. The clearer the boundaries, the less hurt feelings. What I mean is, of you invite only your parents, then that's a clear message that it was just parents. If you invite parents and maybe one cousin or an aunt or a few close friends, then that's when other cousins/aunts/friends etc. might start wondering why they didn't make the cut for the ceremony. If its quite clear that you want the ceremony private but the intimate celebration for others later, I don't see why they would be upset.
     
  21. Mico
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Mico » Apr 22, 2012
    :appl: nope, sounds cute and perfect. I'm all for beach weddings, and it's up to you who you would want there. It's also all about the circles you run in - if someone were to care they likely aren't they type of people you'd want to be there anyway, no?
     
  22. beesha77
    Shiny_Rock

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    by beesha77 » Apr 22, 2012
    You sound just like me! We are getting married on the beach though and we may either do just a dinner cruise or go to a beach side restaurant after. I think the ceremonynand then inviting friends over and having your friend cook is a fabulous idea!
     
  23. Sun-Shine
    Rough_Rock

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  24. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 23, 2012
    I like the idea of the little after party....but I am still not sure I actually want/need to celebrate WITH anyone. I think it depends...if it was just the four of us, what would I do then....we could not really have a room/whole restaurant for just 4 people that would be odd! SO does not seem to have much of an opinion, although the closest people to us would be more "his" side. Mine would have to come from across the country so it could be harder to get them here!

    There are not many wineries around here, but that is a good idea for a location. I have been to several winery weddings and they are always fun.

    Ok........next question, let's talk about time of day and day of week (Fri, Sat, Sun).....thoughts?
     
  25. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 23, 2012
    I agree with the others, it's not rude. It's your wedding. As long as the lines are drawn clearly and EARLY, there shouldn't be any issues with anyone.

    As for day of the week, I think that depends on who you're going to invite and what kind of wedding you're aiming for. If it's just you two and your parents, you may be able to opt for a weekday event and save money!
     
  26. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 23, 2012
    Very true. We have a lot of work flexibility anyway. I guess it will depend on the people, where, etc. Also where we want to go on a honeymoon. Guess what...I am leaving the entire planning up to SO for that. That is in exchange for all the fuss over the ring details. I told him he could surprise me as long as he gives me an idea what kind of weather at least a few wks in advance. This from a planner! I am a little scared, but we'll see. Ha ha, I saw he googled Costa RIca AND "romantic getaways on the east coast" awwwww so cute! :love: :love: :love:
     
  27. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 23, 2012
    I really do feel like day of the week will depend on what time of day and your guest list.

    Very cute that he's planning the honeymoon!
     
  28. Echidna
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Echidna » Apr 24, 2012
    I think that would be great! If you love tapas, do a whole party of tapas. No need for dessert if you're not keen (unless FI is, then perhaps you have oblige ;) ).

    I would be inclined to do a private wedding then go straight to a dusk/evening tapas party. People should feel honoured to be invited. I would be inclined to explain to them what is going on first (parents only ceremony), although you could just open the party by welcoming everyone and telling them you got married earlier that afternoon...
     
  29. Phdecorate
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Phdecorate » Apr 24, 2012
    Ok......so SO and I talked about this a bit last night. He said he really doesn't feel the need to share the wedding with anyone else, he likes the idea of just the two of us with my parents....a really nice dinner....and put the rest towards our honeymoon. It is a second marriage for both of us. He also thinks we should either get married in Sept and go away in Oct or do both in Oct. We usually take a vacation in Oct and he likes the idea of that always being an anniversary trip for us. :love:

    So back to the plans for four.....wedding on beach, followed by dinner somewhere? I started thinking, what about a boat, but what if that this too cool/windy/rough waters. B&B wedding and dinner following?
     
  30. audball
    Ideal_Rock

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    by audball » Apr 24, 2012
    Great! I think October sounds like a winner then! What a sweet idea :)
    If it's just going to be you two and your parents, I'd think a really nice dinner would be lovely. I'm more hesitant about the B&B idea now if it's just the 4 of you though. Staying in the same (small) place could make for an awkward wedding night. And a lot of B&Bs include meals and you probably want something nicer than that for your wedding dinner.

    You also said the weather in October is iffy. I'm not one to chance weather, so I'd probably try and find a venue where you can be married inside that is still beautiful.
     

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