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Study: sexual harassment of tipped employees, especially waitresses

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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What is sexual harassment?
If I said to the waitress " you are very beautiful" does this consider as sexual harassment? :confused:
 

ean

Shiny_Rock
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Feb 16, 2014
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425
It might not be harassment, but it’s sure creepy! Men have no idea how much of this shit women have to put up with all the time.

This has happened to me quite frequently (not to be a humble brag) specially when I worked in retail, and I find that most of them are just really nice genuine compliments, so I just smile and say thank you. People asking what time I get off work and what my plans are, is a TOTALLY different thing though. It’s all in the context. Not because someone from the opposite sex tells you they think you’re pretty, doesn’t mean they’re creepy or automatically hitting on you. Some compliments are just that… compliments.

Ofcourse it all depends on the body language and gestures too.
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
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When I was a cashier in the grocery store, I had to put up with this all the time. You cannot walk away and you are trapped in the check stand. It's uncomfortable and unsettling.
The same men keep coming to the establishment just to get in your line so they can say suggestive things to you. Or they think that complimenting you will somehow make you want them.
One man would always try to tell me a dirty joke. When I told him to stop, he acted all hurt.
Another regular customer used to walk up to all of the women in the store and say rude s*xual things to us. When I complained to the manager, he did nothing. When we heard that the man had died, I was relieved.
Sorry, not sorry.
 

m-cubed

Shiny_Rock
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Jun 20, 2020
Messages
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This has happened to me quite frequently (not to be a humble brag) specially when I worked in retail, and I find that most of them are just really nice genuine compliments, so I just smile and say thank you. People asking what time I get off work and what my plans are, is a TOTALLY different thing though. It’s all in the context. Not because someone from the opposite sex tells you they think you’re pretty, doesn’t mean they’re creepy or automatically hitting on you. Some compliments are just that… compliments.

Ofcourse it all depends on the body language and gestures too.

I am glad you have mostly appreciated the attention. From my perspective, these women are doing a job. I generally don’t think it’s appropriate to comment on someone’s looks in association with their profession/in the workplace. I mean it certainly wouldn’t fly in a business meeting, so why is it okay to do in a restaurant or retail setting?
 

m-cubed

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missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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What is sexual harassment?
If I said to the waitress " you are very beautiful" does this consider as sexual harassment? :confused:

Yes, from my perspective it is unwelcome attention and can be sexual harassment. You shouldn't be commenting on someone you don't know 's appearance. She is doing a job for you and that doesn't give you the right to comment on her looks.

Will some people appreciate it? Yes, as is @ean 's example. But since you don't know the person and don't know how she will perceive your comment, keep your mouth shut. Just let her do her job in peace, ok?
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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When I was a cashier in the grocery store, I had to put up with this all the time. You cannot walk away and you are trapped in the check stand. It's uncomfortable and unsettling.
The same men keep coming to the establishment just to get in your line so they can say suggestive things to you. Or they think that complimenting you will somehow make you want them.
One man would always try to tell me a dirty joke. When I told him to stop, he acted all hurt.
Another regular customer used to walk up to all of the women in the store and say rude s*xual things to us. When I complained to the manager, he did nothing. When we heard that the man had died, I was relieved.
Sorry, not sorry.

Perfect example. Sorry you went through this @stracci2000 and I agree 100% creepy and uncomfortable and as women we deserve to work in peace without comments about our appearance or being forced to listen to dirty jokes. NOT OK.
 

kipari

Ideal_Rock
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Different perspective from a place where wait staff etc are decently paid and don't necessarily expect tips at all:

I'm sure there are occasionally creeps here too, but they sure do not hold any "power" over the staff.



Service seems professional to me. It's a career people train for and in good restaurants they are usually keen on staying employed there, so they do make an effort.

I do think that the service might seem "cold" to an American customer, though. There's no need to bend over backwards with a smile to rude people.

So I wouldn't outlaw tips, but jobs that solely rely on tipping /commission.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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I'm so sorry to hear about the harassment that posters here and their co-workers have endured. It's just horrible. Men probably do not appreciate that it's almost impossible to tell where they're going with it, when he gives a look-based compliment. Or maybe some do, and they like thinking that a woman might be intimidated.

I can't believe that women are STILL putting up with this sh*t in 2021.

I agree that commenting on the looks of someone you don't know isn't OK. You have NO idea what they have going on or what they've been through. Some people have real body issues, looks issues, and trauma issues, so if men just want to chat while checking out, maybe they could talk about the weather!
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
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Perfect example. Sorry you went through this @stracci2000 and I agree 100% creepy and uncomfortable and as women we deserve to work in peace without comments about our appearance or being forced to listen to dirty jokes. NOT OK.

When I was doing a different job in the store, I would hide in the back room when one of these men came into the store.
That's how bad it was.
Once, the 'dirty joke guy' came looking for me in the break room when I was having my lunch!
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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When I was doing a different job in the store, I would hide in the back room when one of these men came into the store.
That's how bad it was.
Once, the 'dirty joke guy' came looking for me in the break room when I was having my lunch!

It is unreal what we still have to put up with as women. I really hate it when men (or worse yet, other women who are clueless) say oh, cmon, these days women and men are treated equally etc. Nope, not at all. Yes we have come further than where we were but we have a long way to go. :(
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Yes, from my perspective it is unwelcome attention and can be sexual harassment. You shouldn't be commenting on someone you don't know 's appearance. She is doing a job for you and that doesn't give you the right to comment on her looks.

Will some people appreciate it? Yes, as is @ean 's example. But since you don't know the person and don't know how she will perceive your comment, keep your mouth shut. Just let her do her job in peace, ok?

Well put, missy.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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When I was a cashier in the grocery store, I had to put up with this all the time. You cannot walk away and you are trapped in the check stand. It's uncomfortable and unsettling.
The same men keep coming to the establishment just to get in your line so they can say suggestive things to you. Or they think that complimenting you will somehow make you want them.
One man would always try to tell me a dirty joke. When I told him to stop, he acted all hurt.
Another regular customer used to walk up to all of the women in the store and say rude s*xual things to us. When I complained to the manager, he did nothing. When we heard that the man had died, I was relieved.
Sorry, not sorry.

I had no idea that cashiers had to put up with this. I'm so sorry. Nobody should ever feel harassed in their workplace - or anywhere, of course.
 

Cerulean

Ideal_Rock
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My **favorite** is when you reject or dismiss yucky comments and men get all mopey and sad. Puh-leaze!!!

I hate it when men comment on my appearance at work. I want to be taken seriously! And no, I’m not a circus animal who smiles on command.

I’ve had inappropriate comments in corporate environments too. I’m sure service jobs are even worse. My worst incidents, however were from coworkers.
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
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I had no idea that cashiers had to put up with this. I'm so sorry. Nobody should ever feel harassed in their workplace - or anywhere, of course.

I'm sure it happens everywhere that women (and men) have to be in a service position with the public. I bet the attractive young man at the coffee shop is subject to this from some women, as well.
The harassers are free to walk in and make a purchase just to have that special moment with you, the cashier.:x2
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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^^ So true. And managers too-often do NOTHING about it. I got chased out of my favorite local bar/restaurant because another regular customer wouldn't leave me alone. I've worked in stores and bars, and I think I was really lucky not to have experienced harassment. There was ONE incident where a creepy manager nuzzled me (ew!) and one customer who said something a bit rude, but that was it, in the space of about three years of part-time work.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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My worst incidents, however were from coworkers.

Definitely. I have found the same. I had one who made life a misery for a few years. His modus operandi was to exclude me and refuse to look at me or speak to me, because apparently he had feelings for me. My company was eight people, so you can imagine what that felt like. And he was way senior to me. Good times.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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About co-workers, I've also found that some men who have stay-at-home wives and are the same age as me have been pretty hostile. It's almost as if they think YOU should be at home with the kids, too....They seemed very threatened, significantly more so than with male co-workers their age. It was almost as if because they knew they couldn't harass me (same age/level etc. and perhaps couldn't risk losing their jobs as the breadwinner) they were angry with me. Sickos. I look back and I can't believe the negativity from three male workers who really stand out in my memory.
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
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I was once kneeling down putting tags on a lower shelf when a young man approached me and said "On your knees, woman!"
I stood up, looked him in the eye and said "What did you say to me? How dare you speak to me that way! You are rude and disrespectful!" He backed up and started to sputter and apologize.

They don't know you, so it is easy to say inappropriate things to a random employee in a store. They're just gonna laugh and walk out, having embarrassed and disrespected you.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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^^Good for you, Stracci!
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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^^ The only thing is, @kenny, that much of the time I feel intimidated when a man harasses me. I'm afraid they will punch me or something. So mostly I just scurry away and don't make eye contact. I'm more likely to be intimidated on the street rather than in a store. I feel like people are more careful indoors, where there are cameras and people standing around who might be witnesses. Also, I'm just afraid of setting off a real psycho.

But I still think that Stracci is very brave!
 
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