STD's, Invites, and RSVP's

[Mashira]

This is my first post as a BWW!

Well, I was engaged on Saturday. I did not expect people to be so erm... proactive... for lack of a better word. I've already been asked the date of the wedding, the venue, ect. Luckily, we have had a date picked out for a while now. So my question is: when should STD's go out? I am considering not doing the STD's and saving a few trees, but even so, when would the phone calls/e-mails go out?

I'm also trying to figure out when invitations should go out. I have heard everywhere from 3 months to 6 months. I guess it would be easiest to do it this way: I will list what I have come up with in my head, and yall let me know your opinions, please!

Wedding Date: 09.18.11

STD's: 04.18.11

Invitations: 07.18.11

RSVP by: 08.18.11

I realize I am asking for RSVP's one month in advance, but the majority of our guests will be out of town, and should really know if they are coming or not by then for purposes of purchasing tickets ect.. So.. thoughts? Any major problems? Anything I have overlooked?

 

[amc80]

I would do the STDs 6 months in advance, since travel is involved.

 

[Mashira]

Duly noted, thanks amc!

 

[amc80]

No problem! Also- I would start informally spreading the word ASAP. If I were a potential guest I would appreciate the heads up...and I'd want to get my travel spreadsheet started

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I would do STDs 6 months in advance since people will be traveling and it will be a Sunday wedding. On the STD I would put

Sunday September 18th 2011

Many people assume a wedding will be on a Saturday.

For invites, I sent mine out 10-12 weeks in advanced (I sent them in batches because I did hand written envelopes) and had RSVPs due 1 month before so I think what you are doing is reasonable.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

No problem! Also- I would start informally spreading the word ASAP. If I were a potential guest I would appreciate the heads up...and I'd want to get my travel spreadsheet started

FYI, I spread the word early and I had lots of people tell me they were going to "try to come" and than RSVPs no when they had to commit. I had a Friday night wedding and most people had to travel. So my regret rate was about 45% and almost didn't meet my venue minimum. Now your situation may be different, but until you hear that someone has booked a plane ticket or hotel, don't assume they are going to come based on a few statements.

Although some people did appreciate the early heads up and booked hotels early.

 

[nkarma]

No problem! Also- I would start informally spreading the word ASAP. If I were a potential guest I would appreciate the heads up...and I'd want to get my travel spreadsheet started

FYI, I spread the word early and I had lots of people tell me they were going to "try to come" and than RSVPs no when they had to commit. I had a Friday night wedding and most people had to travel. So my regret rate was about 45% and almost didn't meet my venue minimum. Now your situation may be different, but until you hear that someone has booked a plane ticket or hotel, don't assume they are going to come based on a few statements.

Although some people did appreciate the early heads up and booked hotels early.

Ditto what she said about guest count.

Being asked about date and venue within hours after getting engaged by everyone I know will forever be one of the most puzzling things I have ever experienced. Is it a reflex? Something people feel is polite to ask? Did I not get the memo that we must decide these things right after he says will you marry me?

Also, you said you have had a date picked for a while. I personally would consider the fact that a venue you like may not have that date available. If that happens would you want to change the date?

And finally, you should have people RSVP a minimum of 2 weeks before you need to tell the venue. Lots of girls on here will give you a lot of chasing down people for RSVP woe stories.

 

[vc10um]

We are sending out Save the Dates 8 months in advance (since everyone on my side of the aisle will have to travel), and invitations about 10 weeks before the wedding. We considered 6 and 7 months in advance for Save the Dates, but those are December 26 and November 26 respectively and we didn't want the Save the Dates to get lumped in with all the Holiday Cards sent around that time.

I wouldn't pick your RSVP date until you have your guarantee date for your caterer. Some will need this information a week in advance, some 3 days, and some 2+ weeks. I would give yourself 2 weeks on top of their guarantee date to track down missing RSVPs so you're not stressing out too badly before you have to give final numbers.

 

[CurlySue]

As soon as we had our venue nailed down and our guest list 99% finalized, I got our STDs ordered. That was about 8 months out. We mailed them 7 months in advance. I would have done it sooner, but we wanted to get our wedding website all set, and it took some time to get all the details figured out. It also gave me plenty of time to get them addressed.

70%-80% of our guest list is from out of town, so we figured that we should give people as much notice and as much information as possible so they could start planning travel and lodging if they wanted to get a jump on things. So on our STD we included our website information, which we had set up with all our hotel block information, travel suggestions, etc. We also used it to provide suggestions for childcare for those who needed it.

Our invites went out 3 months in advance. Our RSVP date is 10/1 for a 10/23 wedding. I agree with what vc said about getting details from your venue/caterer re: when they need their final counts. I'd use their date and add at least another week onto it to track the non-RSVPers down.

 

[slg47]

Being asked about date and venue within hours after getting engaged by everyone I know will forever be one of the most puzzling things I have ever experienced. Is it a reflex? Something people feel is polite to ask? Did I not get the memo that we must decide these things right after he says will you marry me?

yes I too experienced this! Maybe people just thought they were being polite by asking? It was bizarre1

 

[TooPatient]

Your guests may need the STDs sooner so they can plan vacation time accordingly. Most people only get so much vacation/personal/etc time and some plan how to use it early in the year.
Also, depending on how complicated the travel is, they may need more time to plan (pet boarding, kid-watching, mail pick-up....).

 

[Mashira]

No problem! Also- I would start informally spreading the word ASAP. If I were a potential guest I would appreciate the heads up...and I'd want to get my travel spreadsheet started

FYI, I spread the word early and I had lots of people tell me they were going to "try to come" and than RSVPs no when they had to commit. I had a Friday night wedding and most people had to travel. So my regret rate was about 45% and almost didn't meet my venue minimum. Now your situation may be different, but until you hear that someone has booked a plane ticket or hotel, don't assume they are going to come based on a few statements.

Although some people did appreciate the early heads up and booked hotels early.

Ditto what she said about guest count.

Being asked about date and venue within hours after getting engaged by everyone I know will forever be one of the most puzzling things I have ever experienced. Is it a reflex? Something people feel is polite to ask? Did I not get the memo that we must decide these things right after he says will you marry me?

Also, you said you have had a date picked for a while. I personally would consider the fact that a venue you like may not have that date available. If that happens would you want to change the date?

And finally, you should have people RSVP a minimum of 2 weeks before you need to tell the venue. Lots of girls on here will give you a lot of chasing down people for RSVP woe stories.

Check and check! I definitely like the 'Sunday September 18th, 2011' note Ltlfirecracker, because I agree, most will assume it's a Saturday.

We booked the venue early, and they have no minimum, in fact, we are only having about 65 guests and we are trying to trim it
down, so we're looking forward do a few 'regrets' (I realize that sounds bad, but I've got uncles/aunts on the list that I HAD to invite, but don't really care if they come or not.) My mother has 20 brothers and sisters... so yeah. I only want the handful I actually keep contact with, but we couldn't invite some, and not others (according to mother )

Our caterer is also booked, and she needs the final count two weeks in advance, that's why I went for the one month in advance RSVP.
(If you can't tell... I'm super organized/anal... hoping to not become bridezilla... so I figure if I give myself extra time, there will be no need!)

 

[Amys Bling]

Well- STDs can be sent out- according to my Bride magazine and bridal book- anywhere from 10-8 months in advance- esp if the time of year, day or time, may be difficult for some, i.e. holiday weekend, Friday wedding, sunday evening... that way those definite invites have a Looooooooooooooooooooong heads up and know way in advance the circumstances and can be thinking about it and pretty much know their rsvp status when they get their invites.

I am sending out my invitations 9 weeks in advance (friday night of 4th of july weekend) and asking for an rsvp 6 weeks in advance, i have a minimum at my venue and would like to (as bad as this sounds- send out B list invitations around the 6 week mark if i am getting too many regrets and then allow them 3 weeks to rsvp- and )get my final number to my wedding coordinator by the 2 week prior deadline.

My B list is a group of friends from highschool that I am not super super close with, so they are on the cusp... they will all get the second wave of invites and no one in the first wave of invites really talks to them so they really won't know the difference.... I know some people have called their "B" list and explained that they have extra spots and would like them to think about joining, I would feel more weird about doing that though.

Hope my timeline helps you out Mashira!


BTW.. becareful designing your STDs... a friend did a magnet where the lettering was like this: Save The Date (with the first letter larger, bold and capital) and everyone's first thought was STD lol.... if you get where I am going with that.