Starting a long-distance relationship with my e-ring and fiancé, looking for a placeholder ring

[Aino]

Hi all,

Unfortunately I will be going through a big temporary change in lifestyle in the upcoming months as I will be returning to university and moving to a new country. Fiancé, dog and e-ring will stay behind in our home. It is very much bittersweet. To be honest mostly bitter at the moment but hopefully I'll hit the sweet part once the move is over and the lectures are in full swing.

Anyways, I told my fiancé about leaving my rings here and first he was tad offended before realizing that it's probably for the best. I told him I'd still wear a ring, either an inexpensive old ring that I have or buy a new one myself. If I were to acquire a new "placeholder ring", I would want it to have a center CS that is durable and ideally semi-precious. However, as my studies are going to cost me $$$$ worth of a small house, I'd only buy one if I found one for max 100-200 $.

For this I checked out a seller who has had some bargains before. I found a few that I like but I have no idea what the stones are and if these might be something worth buying. What do you think? Just save the money and use a simple gold band instead, acquire one of these OR keep looking?

1) Most interesting ring. 18k. Seller says it's from the 1920's. The blue color of the stone though looks quite artificial to me and not sure if it's quite me.

2) Ring that looks mostly my style but the stone looks meh and dead. Seller says 14k and tiny tiny diamonds on the sides.

3) The stone that I like the most, but more expensive (above the 200 limit) as it's from a rather well known local designer. Also, the ring itself is not exactly me but it still somehow speaks to me. 14k.

 

[Bron357]

They all look like blue topaz or synthetic to me. The first one definately looks like a synthetic. It is very common in older rings to use synthetics (been around from over 100 years so buying an antique ring is no guarantee of natural).
The second ring looks “meh”, the gem could be abraided or even in need of a good clean.
The third one is a bit fussy, don’t know how it would go wearing daily for anything and everything.
What size ring are you? Best to buy in your size as resizing can be $30 or more.
If you’re ok with eBay, I’m a good hunter!

 

[Aino]

Thank you @Bron357 , I agree with all your comments so perhaps these are all no's. I just thought that finding a bargain nice ring would also be a perfect pick me up as well! My partner and I are just absolutely glued together so this whole move is really weighing us both down. He'll probably move to live with me after a year or so but it's all so uncertain which just makes it harder. So a good pick me up would be perfect.

And yes I'm definitely fine with ebay and would most certainly appreciate your help! I live in Europe though so most likely everything outside the union will incur custom fees?

Also, forgot to mention, I will become a surgeon in the end so I will continue to have an use for an inexpensive, practical and beautiful placeholder ring in the future. I tend to be quite forgetful (but not with my patients ) so wearing a diamond ring to work when I need to take it off frequently is unfortunately not an option.

 

[qubitasaurus]

I think it'd be a good idea to have something sentimenal. Doesnt even need to be a ring but something which reminds you strongly of your fiance or a gift from him. Maybe you could think of something he can keep too which reminds him strongly of you.

As crazy as this sounds, you're both going to change a lot. It will be lovely to look at the ring and be reminded of the promise you're both making. But you're going to want to remember why you made that promise and what it felt like. And something more personal from him may work better for evoking those feelings.

 

[Aino]

I think it'd be a good idea to have something sentimenal. Doesnt even need to be a ring but something which reminds you strongly of your fiance or a gift from him. Maybe you could think of something he can keep too which reminds him strongly of you.

As crazy as this sounds, you're both going to change a lot. It will be lovely to look at the ring and be reminded of the promise you're both making. But you're going to want to remember why you made that promise and what it felt like. And something more personal from him may work better for evoking those feelings.

Thank you for the beautiful idea and reply. I know we are going to change and our relationship must change to accommodate this. This scares me more than it does him as he still refuses to believe it. I'm not afraid of us not lasting as there's no doubt about that but it'll still be a change. We have done long-distance before for a year but that was different as it had a definite end date and I was more free to travel back and forth. Now we'll both be very much occupied. Also, he has never lived abroad whereas I have lived in a number of countries so I'm not sure if he fully understands the magnitude of the move.

He is my absolute best friend and the only human being I enjoy having around me 24/7. He feels the same so it'll demand a lot from both us to get used to the distance. He says having our dog (originally mine) makes it better as the doge reminds him of me and us. He is our baby. He'll also have our home, friends, my stuff and his family and job. I will be leaving all of that behind and moving to a country that I've never even visited. I will definitely take a small item(s) from home and pictures to remind me of home and us but I will also want to keep wearing a ring for the sentimental and symbolic reasons. It also helps to keep any unwanted male attention away.

 

[Acinom]

What about a plain band that you can wear on a necklace when it’s not practical to wear the ring.
You can have the name of your fiancee engraved or words with a special meaning to both of you. It will look very married as well and you could stack it with your e-ring when you are back home again

 

[Aino]

What about a plain band that you can wear on a necklace when it’s not practical to wear the ring.
You can have the name of your fiancee engraved or words with a special meaning to both of you. It will look very married as well and you could stack it with your e-ring when you are back home again

That’s what I initially thought as well and that would still be the other option. I have a plain gold band and could also take my little eternity ring with me. I know I cannot replace my e-ring, nothing else will ever feel the same but many rings can still serve the same purpose for the outsiders and keep reminding me what a wonderful man I have found as my life partner.

 

[737liz]

aino congratulations on deciding to further your qualifications! I think that merits a ring regardless. What about a very casual swiss center stone? Globus/kurz has a collection of rings with cabochon center stones mined in the swiss alps. They are NOT sparkly gems, more opaque quartz based specimens, but it would be a bit of switzerland on your finger, tying you to fiancé and 'home'. Also, they seem low set and easy to wear. But they don't look like engagement rings, so to the outside observer, it wouldn't signal that you are engaged. So if that is one of your aims maybe a small bezel set preloved stone would be most practical. There's also a lapidary site that has a 'european' section, but I can't remember which one.

 

[peacechick]

Could I ask why you don’t want to take your e-ring with you? Is it a very expensive ring and you’re worried about theft in student accommodation? Or are you worried it looks too showy to your fellow students? Just wondering what exactly your concern is as these days I see college students carrying Chanel handbags and other expensive items. Personally I just don’t think there is a substitute that will mean the same emotionally unless it’s a wedding band. But maybe the two of you can find something together that has some kind of significance.

 

[AnastasiaBeaverhausen]

In regards to the 3 options you posted, it sounds like you're not in love with any of them so I would say no to all 3.

In regards to having a "stand-in" ring while you're abroad, I'm all for that. I have a sterling silver amethyst ring that I wear sometimes. My husband and I bought it together when we were on vacation. It's definitely not as valuable as my e-ring, but it's still special to me nonetheless.

Quick question: Is there a reason you seem to gravitate towards yellow gold rings with blue stones? Is that the look you prefer or does it also have a special meaning to you? Cuz I'm thinking another way to make the ring special would be maybe getting something with your FI's birthstone, or a moi-et-toi ring with both your birthstones (see pic below). There's lots of ways to assign significance to our jewelry. Your possibilities are endless! (well, to the extent of your budget. Darn the whole money thing...really does put a damper on our CS adventures, huh?).

Oh, and just to comment on the wearing-a-ring-to-ward-off-unwanted-male-attention thing. Personally, I wouldn't factor that into my decision to a) get a ring, and b) what kind of ring to get. IME, decent guys will quickly back off when you say "sorry not interested." But the creeps though...a piece of metal and rock on your finger will not stop them. Instead, wear what makes you happy and will bring you fond memories of your FI (and dog!) back home.

 

[Aino]

aino congratulations on deciding to further your qualifications! I think that merits a ring regardless. What about a very casual swiss center stone? Globus/kurz has a collection of rings with cabochon center stones mined in the swiss alps. They are NOT sparkly gems, more opaque quartz based specimens, but it would be a bit of switzerland on your finger, tying you to fiancé and 'home'. Also, they seem low set and easy to wear. But they don't look like engagement rings, so to the outside observer, it wouldn't signal that you are engaged. So if that is one of your aims maybe a small bezel set preloved stone would be most practical. There's also a lapidary site that has a 'european' section, but I can't remember which one.

Thank you Lizakg That is a a very thoughtful idea, having a Swiss mined stone on me. Actually reminded me that I received a ring from my fiance's grandmother and it has a Swiss mined rutile quartz cabochon in a bezel setting. The cute grossi said that the stone is from Wallis and is a " very rare mountain crystal with gold embedded within it" She got it from her husband who recently passed away so I feel I have a piece of them both with me whenever I wear it. This ring is too big to wear on a daily basis though so I will definitely go check Globus/Kurz out. It doesn't need to be sparkly or fancy, just nice and practical that I can afford to lose.

Could I ask why you don’t want to take your e-ring with you? Is it a very expensive ring and you’re worried about theft in student accommodation? Or are you worried it looks too showy to your fellow students? Just wondering what exactly your concern is as these days I see college students carrying Chanel handbags and other expensive items. Personally I just don’t think there is a substitute that will mean the same emotionally unless it’s a wedding band. But maybe the two of you can find something together that has some kind of significance.

It isn't very expensive by PS standards but it means too much to me to risk losing it / having it stolen. I will need to frequently remove rings for training / work later on so there's a big chance of both happening. We knew this day would come and that was also partly why we chose a smaller diamond.

Nowadays if I forget my e-ring at home, I feel somehow naked without it, it just feels wrong. I know any other ring won't replace my e-ring but I do want to keep wearing something on my ring finger. Perhaps it'll be a plain band, a little CS ring or even a 2 $ Aliexpress ring that I really won't miss when I lose it

 

[lovedogs]

I've had this one on my "watch list" for a while, and it's a blue stone + gold setting. It's a bit over $200 and only ships to the US, but if you like it I'd suggest emailing the seller to see if he/she would be willing to make an exception and ship to Europe. I'll also keep looking!

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Heavy-14K-...e-5-25-2-0-ctw-/223078121240?oid=223034371923

 

[Aino]

In regards to the 3 options you posted, it sounds like you're not in love with any of them so I would say no to all 3.

In regards to having a "stand-in" ring while you're abroad, I'm all for that. I have a sterling silver amethyst ring that I wear sometimes. My husband and I bought it together when we were on vacation. It's definitely not as valuable as my e-ring, but it's still special to me nonetheless.

Quick question: Is there a reason you seem to gravitate towards yellow gold rings with blue stones? Is that the look you prefer or does it also have a special meaning to you? Cuz I'm thinking another way to make the ring special would be maybe getting something with your FI's birthstone, or a moi-et-toi ring with both your birthstones (see pic below). There's lots of ways to assign significance to our jewelry. Your possibilities are endless! (well, to the extent of your budget. Darn the whole money thing...really does put a damper on our CS adventures, huh?).

Oh, and just to comment on the wearing-a-ring-to-ward-off-unwanted-male-attention thing. Personally, I wouldn't factor that into my decision to a) get a ring, and b) what kind of ring to get. IME, decent guys will quickly back off when you say "sorry not interested." But the creeps though...a piece of metal and rock on your finger will not stop them. Instead, wear what makes you happy and will bring you fond memories of your FI (and dog!) back home.

That is actually a cool idea! Thanks Anastasia It's funny that you noticed the blue stone in a gold ring trend. It is something I have quietly lusted after for a while and when I had a quick scout today I only noticed these! Didn't even notice it myself. I just checked and his birthstone is Aquamarine so that would give me a blue stone, too. I could look for some pre-loved or silver aqua rings. The moi-et-toi ring idea is special and I would go for it if only my birthstone wasn't amethyst. The stones are beautiful but unfortunately purple is not my color.

I have also left my e-ring at home when we've gone traveling. You just do not want to risk it and deal with the stress.

And yes perhaps you're right about the whole e-rings pushing men away thing but it also gives a piece of mind to my FI. His first comment was after I told him I'll probably leave the e-ring behind: "So you want to look single?". It was a joke but still his first reaction.

 

[Aino]

I've had this one on my "watch list" for a while, and it's a blue stone + gold setting. It's a bit over $200 and only ships to the US, but if you like it I'd suggest emailing the seller to see if he/she would be willing to make an exception and ship to Europe. I'll also keep looking!

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Heavy-14K-...e-5-25-2-0-ctw-/223078121240?oid=223034371923

Wow it's gone! Someone must have snatched it straight after you posted it, hope you weren't thinking about buying it and lost it now thanks of me. But thank you very much for posting & searching lovedog

 

[lovedogs]

Wow it's gone! Someone must have snatched it straight after you posted it, hope you weren't thinking about buying it and lost it now thanks of me. But thank you very much for posting & searching lovedog

It isn't gone--just re-listed. The seller didn't sell the first time, so put it up for sale again No, I stopped myself from buying because I REALLY don't need another ring haha. But no worries if it isn't your style!

 

[lovedogs]

Ok, I did some looking on ebay from European vendors, and found a few options from a seller in the UK.

I'm going to start with my favorite first, because it's inscribed with what (I think) loosely translates to "yours forever", "never leaving" or something similar.

https://www.ebay.com/itm/9Carat-Yel...858560?hash=item41e2239b40:g:~P0AAOSwbsta-vQi

I found this aqua ring (you mentioned Aqua is his birth stone)
https://www.ebay.com/itm/9Carat-Yel...044222?hash=item41b1cf8fbe:g:8iYAAOSwknJXxtjw

Here's a topaz option that's a locket style (which I think is neat because you could put something meaningful inside it)
https://www.ebay.com/itm/9Carat-Yel...712108?hash=item3f7d373e6c:g:7CwAAOSwIaFZJFYc

Finally, a much simpler design:

https://www.ebay.com/itm/9Carat-Yel...482778?hash=item3f69e3e59a:g:UnMAAOSwgmJXxtyA

Hope this helps!

 

[AnastasiaBeaverhausen]

That is actually a cool idea! Thanks Anastasia It's funny that you noticed the blue stone in a gold ring trend. It is something I have quietly lusted after for a while and when I had a quick scout today I only noticed these! Didn't even notice it myself. I just checked and his birthstone is Aquamarine so that would give me a blue stone, too. I could look for some pre-loved or silver aqua rings. The moi-et-toi ring idea is special and I would go for it if only my birthstone wasn't amethyst. The stones are beautiful but unfortunately purple is not my color.

I have also left my e-ring at home when we've gone traveling. You just do not want to risk it and deal with the stress.

And yes perhaps you're right about the whole e-rings pushing men away thing but it also gives a piece of mind to my FI. His first comment was after I told him I'll probably leave the e-ring behind: "So you want to look single?". It was a joke but still his first reaction.

Aw, it's cute when our partners get a smidge insecure. Well hey, if a $100-200 ring can buy peace of mind, then that's even more reason to get a new ring!

Actually, it works out really well that his birthstone is aquamarine. Maybe you two can visit a couple of local jewelry stores/pawn shops and pick out a ring together. That way, you'd get a piece of home to take with you, it has a connection to your FI, and you don't have to deal with shipping or customs fees.

 

[MJ_Mac]

How about this ring from Tiffany. Sorry, I'm not sure how to attach a picture directly from a website so I've just attached the link. It's sterling silver with 2 little Montana sapphires in it. It's a very practical ring and comfortable to wear. I have a same ring in the Rubedo metal (no gemstones). It is a lovely comfort fit ring that slides on and off like butter. I don't know what your size is but it looks like there isn't a wide variety on the website. You might have better luck if you phone Tiffany.

https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/rin...wse&trackpdp=bg&trackgridpos=9&fromcid=288191

 

[peacechick]

I understand your reason perfectly, you just want the ring to be in the safest place and that is with your fiancé. I love the suggestion of an aquamarine ring and it’s not expensive. Do be sure to ask him to put the ring in a safe place he can easily remember when he is moving to be with you. A lot of times things are misplaced not when they are worn but when in storage or in transit. I’ve had this issue in the past when I had “hidden” things too well.

 

[Wanaka]

@Aino First of all, congrats on being accepted to further your studies and I fully empathise with the upcoming stress of being apart. I am a fan of going to look for a 'stand in' ring together and the engraving thing is a fantastic idea!

One of my exes was a surgeon-in-training and I have a number of friends who practice at hospital. Based on that I would suggest a plain band for you, perhaps this could end up being your 'theatre ring'? Theatre practice here in my neck of the woods means that only plain bands are allowed under double gloves, even embedded gems are not allowed at all. Not sure how it is where you are. But the on/off for sanitising and glove wearing makes worry a bit about you losing this ring?

Maybe you could get one from David Klass?
Here is a link to a plain YG/WG/RG comfort fit band: https://www.etsy.com/nz/listing/589...old-comfort-fit-plain?ref=shop_home_active_10
And here is a link to a more interesting WG-RG band, it's a man's one but maybe you could get it custom to your size? I think it looks like interesting! https://www.etsy.com/nz/listing/602728582/65mm-14k-rose-and-white-gold-mens?ref=shop_home_active_8

 

[Aino]

Thank you all for your replies, this community is so supportive and helpful. If I started to talk about my ring woes at work, they'd all look at me like I've gone mad. True, I got tons of other things to still sort out prior to my move but I need piece of mind with my ring issue as well, for both of us.

Now it looks like I have a chance to keep wearing a plain band underneath the surgical gloves and if that's the case, the decision is made for us. I always thought this is not possible as where my mum works, surgeons must remove all jewelry. That's why she has never worn her rings!

We talked about the plain band & engraving idea with FI and decided that we could already look for wedding bands (unordothox I know, but we are not sticklers for traditions). Then we could both wear similar bands with engravings and it marks our long-distance journey as well. Besides, I think it's unfair that women are "ringed" before marriage and men are not! High time he puts a ring on it as well I say

Thank you so much for looking @lovedogs , this is so very heart warming of you The last ring that you found is so lovely and me, the color of the stone and simplicity. If only I wasn't going to say bye to my steady paycheck, I'd have already bought it. Thank you also for the engraving idea! That'll make even plain bands more special.

Thank you @AnastasiaBeaverhausen , I wish we had some proper pawn shops where we live now but alas we do not. The only ones we have charge for a 1ct G SI uncerted stone 10k $ ... It's sad for me who loves pawn shops but at least in my new country there'll be tons of them Perhaps we could buy a pretty aqua ring for me there which I can wear occasionally.

@peacechick thanks for the reminder! I could definitely imagine that happening to us ... I have lost some items during my previous moves, fortunately nothing too valuable though. It's just too much going on to remember and search all you "safe places".

Thank you @Wanaka for giving me hope! I don't know any surgeons in the country where we live now and where we'll move back to but I will investigate and ask if it's possible to wear bands under the gloves. This would make the decision easy. What worries me the most is storing the rings during surgeries. My mum's colleagues have lost countless rings this way. Also, I LOVE those satin finished DK bands and so does FI, wedding bands might come a bit early...