Starting a family

[absolut_blonde]

Have you and your DF agreed on when (if ever) to start trying for a baby after the wedding?

In my ideal world, we would start trying right away. I''ve had baby fever for years as it is and with my irregular cycles, my doctor has said might take a long time (or it might not, but I''d rather play it safe. I know it sounds weird, but my gut tells me it will probably take awhile). I mentioned this in passing to DF last night, because some friends of ours are going to start trying right away after their wedding. He is... not on board with the idea. He was a little freaked out.

I think part of it is that we''re extremely busy as it is: both working FT, he''s doing side jobs, I''m taking classes PT, trying to plan the wedding. Truly, we couldn''t handle a baby right now. But things will calm down a lot in the summer and by our wedding next fall, should be pretty normal and stable. I just don''t know if it''s too much, too quickly for him to consider or if he''ll still feel this way by the time we get married.

 

[sunnyd]

FI has always said that he wants to be 30 when we have kids. That's 4 years away. So assuming we have our stuff together* by the time I'm 28 (3 years) we'll be tossing BC out the window! I'm still relatively terrified of becoming a parent at this point, so we'll see if that plan holds.

* We want to own a house, do a trip to London, maybe some other places.

 

[elrohwen]

I would like to wait as long as humanly possible before having kids! Haha. We''re 25 right now, and I''d like to wait until *at least* 30, though probably up to 35. I guess I''m just hoping my biological clock kicks in at some point because right now I can''t even imagine having a kid. I know FI feels the same way, but we both agree that we would likely regret not having kids and that some day we will feel ready for it. We just know that day won''t be for a while!

 

[cocolaw]

sometimes i think it would be fun, but we aren''t ready yet! we are still too selfish...we enjoy trying new bars in NY too much for a baby right now. isn''t that terrible? i think we will have outgrown that by 30! so 30 is our age!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 9/22/2009 3:52:41 PM
Author:absolut_blonde
Have you and your DF agreed on when (if ever) to start trying for a baby after the wedding?

In my ideal world, we would start trying right away. I''ve had baby fever for years as it is and with my irregular cycles, my doctor has said might take a long time (or it might not, but I''d rather play it safe. I know it sounds weird, but my gut tells me it will probably take awhile). I mentioned this in passing to DF last night, because some friends of ours are going to start trying right away after their wedding. He is... not on board with the idea. He was a little freaked out.

I think part of it is that we''re extremely busy as it is: both working FT, he''s doing side jobs, I''m taking classes PT, trying to plan the wedding. Truly, we couldn''t handle a baby right now. But things will calm down a lot in the summer and by our wedding next fall, should be pretty normal and stable. I just don''t know if it''s too much, too quickly for him to consider or if he''ll still feel this way by the time we get married.

I think that part is the issue: it''s too much for him to handle at the moment. Because you have awhile until you tie the knot, and it sounds like a lot of the stressors you have right now (school, extra work, wedding planning) will be ending by the time the wedding rolls around and you can broach the subject again. For now, you might want to cool your jets on baby talk, because it sounds like it''s just going to be additional stress on top of everything you''re already dealing with...

 

[cocolaw]

also, it''s funny to me how regional it is! we live in ct, work in ny (well he works in ny and people seem to wait until at least 30 here. we are both southern though and in the south people start very soon. i think while we were living there we could *fathom* having a baby at 28 or 29, but since living here it''s like no way!

 

[Lauren8211]

We decided about 2-3 years after we marry, assuming we have bought our first home, and we''re both progressing career-wise. I''ll be 29-30, he''ll be 32-33. I''m more on the 2 year side, him on the three.

 

[Jena17]

We will be trying as soon as the wedding is over! Only 18 more days for us! I am 30 and he is 29 and we both can''t wait for children. We are both in good jobs and will be moving into our new home right after the honeymoon and then it will be baby making time for us!

 

[charbie]

Date: 9/22/2009 4:11:15 PM
Author: sunnyd
FI has always said that he wants to be 30 when we have kids. That''s 4 years away. So assuming we have our stuff together* by the time I''m 28 (3 years) we''ll be tossing BC out the window! I''m still relatively terrified of becoming a parent at this point, so we''ll see if that plan holds.

* We want to own a house, do a trip to London, maybe some other places.

FI says 30 too...but he''s 28. I''m 25, and would like to wait until I''m 28 or so...I guess we''ll see what happens! We own a house already, but I really want to have my nursing home administrator license before we have kids. i should have that by the middle of next year, so it may very well be sometime around our 1st anniversary or so that we start to try.

it still kinda freaks me out though. i think its only fair that i wait until being a parent doesnt freak me out so much...haha.

i know two girls who got married this summer and are having honeymoon babies next year! eeek! both are younger than me!

 

[lliang_chi]

I''ll probably wait at least a year. both he and I agreed we''d want to have kids, and probably sooner, since I''m 29 and he''s 32. BUT we''re not in a rush. I''m thinking a year, maybe 2 yrs. We want a total of 2 kids and I told him I want them back-to-back, so I can gain all my preggo weight and loose it in one go. A lot of his friends are married with kids already so he might have a bit of a baby-brain that it''ll take a year for him.

We''d have to wait at the very least 6 months after our wedding because we''re honeymooning in a malaria area, and the doc said something about malaria leading to complicated pregnancies or birth defects. I dunno, I''m not a medical person.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

A while... At least until the spring of 2013, if not 2014. I just had a 5-year IUD inserted this past March and I want to get my money''s worth

In the spring of 2014 I will be 27 and FI will be 30-31.

I won''t be done with law school until 2011/24 years old and need to work for a little while thereafter. Once I hit 27 we''ll reevaluate our lives and if the timing is decent, move forward. I''d like to have two kids before I''m 32. Have ''em early and get rid of ''em early

 

[cindygenit]

FI wants to try for a baby 2 yrs after our wedding...

I''m not so sure. Babies are darn expensive.

 

[bee*]

We''re not planning any for a good few years. I won''t graduate from college until 2012 when I''m 30 and ideally I''d like to work for a few years to get experience before having any babies. Maybe when I''m about 32/33.

 

[laughwithme]

We will be 24 when we get married and we both want to accomplish a few big things before we start trying for babies...house (within several months post-wedding), trip to Europe (2 years down the road,) FI getting his professional engineering degree (he has to work four years as an "understudy" so he should get that about 3 years post-wedding) and finally, we want to take a tropical vacation right when we start trying to get pregnant...Hawaii or virgin islands. So, we expect to start trying around age 28. We want three kids, btw.

And as for right now...I get little baby fever randomly but about 98% of the time, the thought of a baby right now makes me freak! We are way too selfish, enjoy the spontaneity that we have now, enjoy the extra cash to do as we please, etc. I would break down and sob if I got pregnant today

 

[purselover]

If we have kids I want to adopt, but right now I''m hesistant to say I''ll ever be a mom. I worry with FI''s work schedule I will pretty much be a single mom and I don''t know how I feel about that. Right now we have it as we''ll talk about it again in a few years when we can better see what his schedules like

 

[Lynnie]

Can I still answer even if I''m not a BIW?
DH & I have always said "Marriage, house, then baby"... we''ve been together for 10 years, I''m 27, he''s 28.
Well, we got married in April and are closing on our house on Oct 15th. We''ve decided to start trying in February. This''ll give us a few months to get settled in the house. Plus, if the baby''s born in Nov/Dec, I''ll get all those winter holidays off

 

[NewEnglandLady]

We are pretty typical in the TTC department. Wanted to enjoy being married for a couple of years, buy a house, then start TTC when I was 29 or 30.

I'm 28 now--will be 29 next spring. Earlier this year we set an agenda to a.) Travel b.) Buy a house this summer/fall and c.) Go off of BC next spring. The issue is that we like the travelling part so much that we'd like to fit in 2 more trips than we'd originally planned and also, the house buying has taken longer than we expected. Right now it looks like we may not find a house until the Spring, haha. I'd be fine with pushing back the TTC schedule another 6 months to a year, which would still put me at 30.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 9/23/2009 1:06:51 PM
Author: Lynnie
Can I still answer even if I''m not a BIW?
DH & I have always said ''Marriage, house, then baby''... we''ve been together for 10 years, I''m 27, he''s 28.
Well, we got married in April and are closing on our house on Oct 15th. We''ve decided to start trying in February. This''ll give us a few months to get settled in the house. Plus, if the baby''s born in Nov/Dec, I''ll get all those winter holidays off

Good plan!

 

[MagsyMay]

Hmm, probably never. Pretty sure we don''t want children, ever. I have no desire to have a child, never have. Pregnancy freaks me out beyond belief. I''ll be 28 (3 weeks from turning 29) and FI will be 33 (a month from turning 34) when we get married, so we''re already late to begin with!

IF, and it''s a BIG IF, we ever had a change of heart and decided to have children or adopt, I would absolutely want to have enjoyed married life with just the two of us for several years before even thinking about it. We want to travel and do a ton of other things before being bogged down with kids, sheesh, at this point we are too afraid of even getting a dog because it wouldn''t allow us our pick up and go lifestyle!

 

[mayachel]

We are planing to start TTC about 6 months post wedding. DF will be 30, and I''ll be 29. We''ve already got the house and plan to keep on traveling with a newborn! I will also be graduating from my masters program about 9 months after the wedding, and while there really doesn''t look like an ideal time for me career wise, between school/boards and starting my career as a midwife sounds like our best chance.

FWIW-Though I''ve been saying 30,30,30 since the beginning of our relationship, I''ve had babyfever for at least a year already. Now, two of my best friends are pregnant and will have a 3 month old and a 6 month old at my wedding (Yup, I''m already planning matching baby slings for their BM dresses).

DF had been very non-commital on my time frame, and I was openly admitting it was *my* time frame and I''d like him to join me. Well, in a matter of two weeks we babysat for two friends of ours that are just a little older and have great kids a 1 year old and an 18 month old...all of a sudden I think it clicked for DF that it was something he wanted to. He blew me out of the water by announcing we''d likely be pregnant 6 months post wedding. It made me deliriously happy that he has come around to being on the same page.

For us it would be different if we were just a little younger, or hadn''t already been together 5+ years by the time we are getting married.

 

[MonkeyPants]

I''ve got major baby fever! I''m 24 so no biological clock issues, but L is 40 and I don''t want him to be an old dad who can''t play with his kids. We''ve decided to start trying on our wedding night

 

[Bjedifish]

My FI and I talk about it a lot. We argue constantly about baby names...its kind of hilarious actually. I am on BC right now but after the honeymoon I am tossing it out. My OBGYN said it could take up to 6 months for me to get all the hormones out of my body (I’ve been on BC for 11 years now). A few years ago I thought I was ready for children but I definitely wasn''t. Now that I am 29 and will be 30 when we get married I am FOR SURE ready! oooh I can''t wait to be a mommy!

 

[MagsyMay]

Date: 9/23/2009 6:28:48 PM
Author: Bjedifish
My FI and I talk about it a lot. We argue constantly about baby names...its kind of hilarious actually. I am on BC right now but after the honeymoon I am tossing it out. My OBGYN said it could take up to 6 months for me to get all the hormones out of my body (I’ve been on BC for 11 years now). A few years ago I thought I was ready for children but I definitely wasn''t. Now that I am 29 and will be 30 when we get married I am FOR SURE ready! oooh I can''t wait to be a mommy!

My friend''s doctor said the same thing to her since she had been on BC since she was 14, went off at 26? She got pregnant the very FIRST time they had unprotected sex! They were like, "whoa, wait, I thought we had 6 months?!" Hopefully if that''s how soon you want them, it''ll work for you too!

 

[ponder]

Date: 9/23/2009 8:30:30 PM
Author: MagsyMay

Date: 9/23/2009 6:28:48 PM
Author: Bjedifish
My FI and I talk about it a lot. We argue constantly about baby names...its kind of hilarious actually. I am on BC right now but after the honeymoon I am tossing it out. My OBGYN said it could take up to 6 months for me to get all the hormones out of my body (I’ve been on BC for 11 years now). A few years ago I thought I was ready for children but I definitely wasn''t. Now that I am 29 and will be 30 when we get married I am FOR SURE ready! oooh I can''t wait to be a mommy!

My friend''s doctor said the same thing to her since she had been on BC since she was 14, went off at 26? She got pregnant the very FIRST time they had unprotected sex! They were like, ''whoa, wait, I thought we had 6 months?!'' Hopefully if that''s how soon you want them, it''ll work for you too!

I have many friends who this happened to after 10+ years of BC, myself included. Hell, I have a 3 month old and I am sweating about getting my period next week. Make sure you are ready when you throw the BC out the window.