Spitting help

[merrijoy]

My husband spits quite frequently. I find it revolting. He spits in very public places. I got sick of nagging for him to stop so I made him sn Ent and allergist appointments because his nose is always stuffed and he has a drip with a lot of phlegm. I bought a Neti pot which he used once.. the doctors said he had nothinhg wrong. I am very frustrated with the spitting. It is so unattractive to me. Does anyone else have this issue? Or any ideas to get him to stop? He has done it for as long as I know him but it seems to be getting worse. We did a habitat for humanities and we did the sodding and he proceeded to spit on the lawn in front of the new homeowner! He is a professional business man so I don't know I'd he does this in front of clients ...oh he also spits in the kitchen sink and bathroom sink which I find gross. Along with the hacking up sound. Yuck. Help please?

 

[merrijoy]

Sorry for typos I posted from my phone

 

[merrijoy]

And I may make myself sound like a biotch but he burps and farts quite a bit too and the combo of all three = way tuned off me

 

[swingirl]

I was brought up to believe those things were extremely rude to do in public. And only iffy in the privacy of your SHARED space. Body odors and body mucus was not something to be shared. Of course, everyone has noisy bodily functions and getting some amusement out of the sounds is natural. But going overboard to the point of turning off and embarrassing you is extreme and disrespectful if you have expressed your distaste.

I might add, if your DH is doing this to annoy you, you have a problem. But if he has intestinal issues it might be worth looking into. He could be lactose intolerant and is always full of gas.

 

[House Cat]

Could it be a nervous thing, like a tic or something? Does he say he's unable to stop or unwilling?

 

[merrijoy]

I was brought up to believe those things were extremely rude to do in public. And only iffy in the privacy of your SHARED space. Body odors and body mucus was not something to be shared. Of course, everyone has noisy bodily functions and getting some amusement out of the sounds is natural. But going overboard to the point of turning off and embarrassing you is extreme and disrespectful if you have expressed your distaste.

I might add, if your DH is doing this to annoy you, you have a problem. But if he has intestinal issues it might be worth looking into. He could be lactose intolerant and is always full of gas.[/quote


I was raised this way too which makes it even harder. He shakes his leg at night in bed actually bangs it down and any twitching in my house growing up was a big no no. Twisting hair, touching your face, etc. Dad would yell to stop doing it. Very distractibg to others....I believe he is lactose intolerant or just that milk , ice cream exasperates the phlegm.

Do you think zantac will help?

 

[merrijoy]

Could it be a nervous thing, like a tic or something? Does he say he's unable to stop or unwilling?

I have thought this too. Especially when we are just standing and he spits. But after he eats or drinks there is phlegm I hear him bringing up...he thinks I am nagging when I ask him to stop. It's been ten years of this.

 

[junebug17]

Does he give any explanation as to why he constantly does it? Is it a habit at this point, and he doesn't realize he's doing it? I find it a really disgusting and rude thing to do. (I've never understood why some guys think it's perfectly ok to do it.) If you and I are grossed out about it, there's a really good chance he's bothering others by doing it too. Maybe if you point out to him that others find it offensive, he'll stop. I find it a little disturbing that he continues to do something that he knows bothers you. It's as if he thinks you're being unreasonable. What is his response when you ask him not to do it?

As for the other two bodily noises, maybe it's something in his diet? Again, you really should point out to him that it's really unpleasant and he should try to do something about it. It's really not normal to burp and have gas that much. Maybe he has some kind of gastro-intestinal problem and should see a doctor.

Sorry you're dealing with this, doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun.

ETA: Just read your response about what he says when you mention it. I guess he doesn't care that it bothers you, and I'm not sure what you can do about that.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Nasacort. Amazing stuff for sinus/nose issues. It really helps with the drainage into the throat which way be why he is spitting so much. I would say sudafed but honestly that stuff scares me (I get high blood pressure and panic attacks if I use it). As for the farting, if you figure it out, let me know too!

 

[swingirl]

They make Lactaid pills that you can buy at the drug store. You take one or more every time you eat dairy. It helps with the digestion and cuts down on gas and intestinal discomfort. It doesn't have anything to do with acid in the stomach. If he has been lactose intolerant his whole life he probably doesn't realize that he can control it. If the gas isn't there, he's not going to have as many chances to expel it. Spitting is just a back habit although in some cultures it seems more acceptable.

 

[stci]

Poor you! If it was me I think it coud be a cause of divorce!

He had to go to the doctor and solve this problem. It's not yours! Let him show he want to solve the problem alone!

I really don't think it's discease but simply an habit. Eurk! You are really patient cause me....

 

[dragonfly411]

I don't think I'd go as far as to call it grounds for divorce. I do think you need to sit him down and very seriously talk to him about how it makes you feel, and whether he feels like he's having a problem or what. Some men are just brought up not to care too.

 

[katamari]

Get him some hankies and ask him to make a doctor's appointment. He probably just thinks it is okay, and needs to be told it is not. I, for one, would never enter into a business contract with someone who spit at all during our meeting. I am sure I am not alone.

 

[merrijoy]

Get him some hankies and ask him to make a doctor's appointment. He probably just thinks it is okay, and needs to be told it is not. I, for one, would never enter into a business contract with someone who spit at all during our meeting. I am sure I am not alone.[/quote

He has been to the doctor as stated above but they said nothing is wrong and he will not use hankies. I do not know if he spits in front of clients

 

[merrijoy]

Does he give any explanation as to why he constantly does it? Is it a habit at this point, and he doesn't realize he's doing it? I find it a really disgusting and rude thing to do. (I've never understood why some guys think it's perfectly ok to do it.) If you and I are grossed out about it, there's a really good chance he's bothering others by doing it too. Maybe if you point out to him that others find it offensive, he'll stop. I find it a little disturbing that he continues to do something that he knows bothers you. It's as if he thinks you're being unreasonable. What is his response when you ask him not to do it?

As for the other two bodily noises, maybe it's something in his diet? Again, you really should point out to him that it's really unpleasant and he should try to do something about it. It's really not normal to burp and have gas that much. Maybe he has some kind of gastro-intestinal problem and should see a doctor.junebug. yo

Sorry you're dealing with this, doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun.

ETA: Just read your response about what he says when you mention it. I guess he doesn't care that it bothers you, and I'm not sure what you can do about that.

Thanks junebug. Your a sweetie.

 

[merrijoy]

Nasacort. Amazing stuff for sinus/nose issues. It really helps with the drainage into the throat which way be why he is spitting so much. I would say sudafed but honestly that stuff scares me (I get high blood pressure and panic attacks if I use it). As for the farting, if you figure it out, let me know too!

Thanks sb! The doctors have given him nasacort and he has used it for short periods of time. Not sure if it made any difference but I just found one in the house so I will ask him to try it again.

 

[merrijoy]

They make Lactaid pills that you can buy at the drug store. You take one or more every time you eat dairy. It helps with the digestion and cuts down on gas and intestinal discomfort. It doesn't have anything to do with acid in the stomach. If he has been lactose intolerant his whole life he probably doesn't realize that he can control it. If the gas isn't there, he's not going to have as many chances to expel it. Spitting is just a back habit although in some cultures it seems more acceptable.

Thank you. I am going to get these pills for him.

 

[merrijoy]

Poor you! If it was me I think it coud be a cause of divorce!

He had to go to the doctor and solve this problem. It's not yours! Let him show he want to solve the problem alone!

I really don't think it's discease but simply an habit. Eurk! You are really patient cause me....

Thank you. But divorce? Really? What an interesting response.

 

[merrijoy]

I don't think I'd go as far as to call it grounds for divorce. I do think you need to sit him down and very seriously talk to him about how it makes you feel, and whether he feels like he's having a problem or what. Some men are just brought up not to care too.

We have spoken very seriously about this. It has been 10 years. I know the phlegm really bothers him.

 

[Liane]

Poor you! If it was me I think it coud be a cause of divorce!

He had to go to the doctor and solve this problem. It's not yours! Let him show he want to solve the problem alone!

I really don't think it's discease but simply an habit. Eurk! You are really patient cause me....

Thank you. But divorce? Really? What an interesting response.

Yeah if it were me I'd just jump straight to homicide.

Kidding! Kinda. Sorta. Maybe?

More seriously: I don't have a lot to offer here besides sympathy and commiseration. I genuinely cannot imagine putting up with such loutish behavior for ten whole years, and trying just about everything only to have your suggestions and solutions dismissed as "nagging." I commend you on your patience, wish you the best of luck, and hope that one of the other recommendations in this thread provides the help that I cannot.

 

[AnneinGA]

Merrijoy: The habits are vile - and it's not you.

There are three explanations:

1) he doesn't know that it really REALLY bothers you and continues to do it because to him it's not a big deal

OR

2) he has a medical reason that is driving the excessive saliva

OR

3) he does know how much it bothers you and he really is not interested in changing

You have already said that you sat him down and told him how much it bothers you. Did you ask him to be different or just tell him it bothered you? Did he act sincerely surprised or just blow you off?

The doctors said that it's not medical. Is he interested in pursuing the lactose stuff or additional treatment options, or are you the one that is trying to make things better?

Last, if he does know how much it bothers you and he is not being different on purpose, you have another, more serious problem on hand that is only manfesting itself in spitting.

What did he say when you looked him in the eye and told him how much it upset you?