Find your diamond
Find your jewelry

speaking to future father in law first


Jul 1, 2013
How did you guys ask permission?... i am close with him, but am more nervous for that then asking her.


Jul 9, 2013
I'm quickly approaching this point myself and here are my thoughts on how I plan to approach it...
I already have the ring picked out but I am not going to ask him until a week (approximately) before I plan to propose. That way he doesn't have to sit on the news and keep it from his little girl for long. It also decreases the risk that he'll accidentally let it slip. My plan is to call him first and ask him if the two of us could meet and grab lunch in the next couple of days. He works roughly 20min away from my office but it's doable. I like this idea b/c it respects the tradision and also sets a time limit so it can't turn into a long drawn out conversation. It's also easy to hide from your lady. If this wouldn't work I would think you could come up with an excuse to slip away for a drink with him. When I call I plan to position it to him as "a chance to ask him a very important question." If you've been dating his daughter for a while then this wording should imply what you would like to talk about and it will set the stage for the conversation. It may also give you a "temperature check" b/c if his reply is "absolutely!" then you know it's an easy conversation. Once you're with him, he will probably expect you to come out with it. I plan to to thank him for meeting me, explain how much & why I love his daughter, give him my word on the type of husband I will be, tell him how much I respect him, and tell him it would mean the world to me to have his blessing.

As long as he says yes, I will then buy him lunch :D


Dec 13, 2013
I'm asking mine tomorrow!

Granted, I've been with his daughter for the last six years and we have to beautiful girls of our own...

I'm thinking that this conversation will be much less stressful than the one I had with him when we found out we were expecting our first child. :-o

The conversation will probably be fairly light and will likely include some "cart before the horse" type references. :D

He's an old fashioned guy and a prince of a man, so I don't expect there to really be much to it. I know he'll appreciate the respect, though.


Dec 2, 2013
A long time ago my GF and I were talking and I asked various questions related to this topic. Would you want me to ask only your Father or your Mother as well? What about your brother? (they are extremely close) etc...

Turned out she wanted to be the one to tell all the ladies in the family to see the, hopefully smiles and smiles and smiles, on their faces.

Her Father was down in the basement working on something so I calmly went down and used this as an opportunity to see if we could sit for a moment. He agreed. Now I hadn't really prepared anything to say...I think I practiced once in the shower! That said, we sat down and I explained that I love his daughter and that we've been dating for x amount of time...and that I would like your permission to ask her to marry me. I believed he smiled a bit and said he had no objections as long as she loves me :)

Subsequent to that discussion, I set up video chat with a few other family members whom out of respect I wanted to ask (i.e., brothers). Luckily her brother only made one small joke, but they all agreed!

I asked each of them not to say anything to any of the ladies. I mentioned my initial goal was to propose today (our anniversary) but that it was taking longer than I had hoped to find and get a ring (still undecided). We have a romantic evening planned tonight but I always wanted to propose with a ring so I will wait until the new year!

Hope this helps!!
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor

Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.