LateFashionista
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2008
- Messages
- 2
Hi ladies,
I''m a frequent lurker and I''ve come out of lurkdom to get some support from this wonderful board! I would never feel comfy admitting these feelings to my friends, but I know there are kindred spirits here and I guess I just need to vent.
Ok, here goes... FF and I have been together 4 yrs. In that time frame we''ve gone through a LOT together... job losses, moves, the whole nine yards. What doesn''t kill you as a couple makes you stronger, right? Well for the longest time I was content thinking that way. Our relationship has weathered so many storms that we are a better, stronger unit than most other couples we know. None of the storms have had to do with us as a couple, btw - they were mostly financial and job related stresses. FF was also going through a divorce when we met, and that caused him a ton of financial stress as well.
Fast forward 4 yrs and we are here, the best of friends, very much in love with each other, and both VERY ready for the next step. FF finally got back on his feet after a crippling job loss that left both of us very strained - I helped him out a lot in that time, even though I know people say that''s a bad idea. He''s been back in the workforce for 6 months now. We have always talked about marriage and both know thats where we will end up - in fact we definitely want to get married sometime next year.
The problem? Well, instead of feeling grateful for all that I have, all i feel is IMPATIENT! We picked out a ring and it''s been ready for 3 months now, but FF doesn''t have the funds to pay for it in full (I paid for part of the stone - which I would never admit to anyone but here on this board). The waiting is honestly killing me - so many of my friends have gotten engaged in the last year, and my relationship is the longest one to take to get to that step (they have mostly been anywhere between 8 months and 2 yrs - here we are at 4 and counting). Friends and family keep asking what the holdup is, and I don''t know what to say. They all know he was unemployed for a time, but I also made the mistake of telling them the ring was ready when it was. Now I feel like a fool - and an ungrateful woman on top of that! Because I really, really love him and understand the predicament he is in... and at the same time I just want to move forward in our relationship! We are not young and having kids is of utmost importance to me. I just feel like time is slipping away, and the longer it takes to get engaged, the longer it will take to be married and start the next phase.
I offered him money to help pay for the setting and he said no... he also said that it''s going to take a while and he''s sorry. He feels terrible and also angry at the circumstances. But I honestly can''t help how I feel. I don''t know what to do! The green eyed monster clutches me EVERY time I hear of another couple that''s "lapped" us even though I know they don''t have the strong foundation that we do. I get such a yucky feeling inside when people say "You''re next!" or tell me their engagement stories a bit nervously/cautiously (I notice these things). And even though of course I am happy for other people, deep down I constantly feel sorry for myself and this situation. And then I feel guilty given the current state of things with the economy and the rest of the world.
Why can''t I just accept my situation for what it is and stop acting like such a child?
This is really consuming me and I can''t take it anymore!
I''m a frequent lurker and I''ve come out of lurkdom to get some support from this wonderful board! I would never feel comfy admitting these feelings to my friends, but I know there are kindred spirits here and I guess I just need to vent.
Ok, here goes... FF and I have been together 4 yrs. In that time frame we''ve gone through a LOT together... job losses, moves, the whole nine yards. What doesn''t kill you as a couple makes you stronger, right? Well for the longest time I was content thinking that way. Our relationship has weathered so many storms that we are a better, stronger unit than most other couples we know. None of the storms have had to do with us as a couple, btw - they were mostly financial and job related stresses. FF was also going through a divorce when we met, and that caused him a ton of financial stress as well.
Fast forward 4 yrs and we are here, the best of friends, very much in love with each other, and both VERY ready for the next step. FF finally got back on his feet after a crippling job loss that left both of us very strained - I helped him out a lot in that time, even though I know people say that''s a bad idea. He''s been back in the workforce for 6 months now. We have always talked about marriage and both know thats where we will end up - in fact we definitely want to get married sometime next year.
The problem? Well, instead of feeling grateful for all that I have, all i feel is IMPATIENT! We picked out a ring and it''s been ready for 3 months now, but FF doesn''t have the funds to pay for it in full (I paid for part of the stone - which I would never admit to anyone but here on this board). The waiting is honestly killing me - so many of my friends have gotten engaged in the last year, and my relationship is the longest one to take to get to that step (they have mostly been anywhere between 8 months and 2 yrs - here we are at 4 and counting). Friends and family keep asking what the holdup is, and I don''t know what to say. They all know he was unemployed for a time, but I also made the mistake of telling them the ring was ready when it was. Now I feel like a fool - and an ungrateful woman on top of that! Because I really, really love him and understand the predicament he is in... and at the same time I just want to move forward in our relationship! We are not young and having kids is of utmost importance to me. I just feel like time is slipping away, and the longer it takes to get engaged, the longer it will take to be married and start the next phase.
I offered him money to help pay for the setting and he said no... he also said that it''s going to take a while and he''s sorry. He feels terrible and also angry at the circumstances. But I honestly can''t help how I feel. I don''t know what to do! The green eyed monster clutches me EVERY time I hear of another couple that''s "lapped" us even though I know they don''t have the strong foundation that we do. I get such a yucky feeling inside when people say "You''re next!" or tell me their engagement stories a bit nervously/cautiously (I notice these things). And even though of course I am happy for other people, deep down I constantly feel sorry for myself and this situation. And then I feel guilty given the current state of things with the economy and the rest of the world.
Why can''t I just accept my situation for what it is and stop acting like such a child?