So everyone...when did you have the The Talk w/ your SO?

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

About where the relationship was going, or not going?

And how did you approach it?

 

[megumic]

Point of clarification...do you mean pre-engagement?

 

[ForteKitty]

He went on a pub crawl and ended up texing me a bunch of i luuuuuvvvv uuuuu. so much.. why dont you looove me. 1.5 months into the dating. The texts were followed by incoherent calls. All of which he brought up himself the next day, then denied... then admitted a few weeks later. Then he invited me to his cousin's wedding in NY, and I met the entire family... all within 3 months of meeting him.

yea, he's a dork.

eta: oops i forgot the point of the question.. about 3 months after we started dating. he brought it up.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Point of clarification...do you mean pre-engagement?

I do! Sorry, I meant when you first started dating - the transition from dating to relationship. Gah, communication is not my forte tonight.

He went on a pub crawl and ended up texing me a bunch of i luuuuuvvvv uuuuu. so much.. why dont you looove me. 1.5 months into the dating. The texts were followed by incoherent calls. All of which he brought up himself the next day, then denied... then admitted a few weeks later. Then he invited me to his cousin's wedding in NY, and I met the entire family... all within 3 months of meeting him.

yea, he's a dork.

Awww that is SO cute. Hahahaha. I love it!

 

[somethingshiny]

We were just kids, but we never had a talk. It just happened. We both knew we would get married some day. Is it normal to have The Talk?? I have never asked my friends if they had a talk...2 of them just went to the courthouse with no engagement period at all so I don't know if they ever really talked either.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I can tell you with my ex, it was basically we were sitting there, he was on my computer and checking his Facebook, and I said, hey look we're both single - do you think we should change that? (this was about 2-3 weeks since we started dating but we had seen each other nearly every day since we got together). He said, Well I don't want to date anyone else... So we changed our FB statuses and there we were.

This doesn't work with the other person involved here doesn't have FB....

 

[Autumnovember]

Honestly, now that I think about it...

never!

Since we were living in different states for a long time, I was visiting him every weekend. A month or so into it, he was on the phone with someone and he said something like, "me and my girlfriend are coming over" and so there wasn't any need to talk about where anything was going...he spelled it all out for me.

I'm hoping this question has something to do with CV

 

[jstarfireb]

Never. One day we were friends, the next day it was a relationship. Seriously!

 

[HollyS]

There is no right time, or right way to bring it up, or discuss it.

Everybody has to eventually. Unless both parties are 100% on the same page. And that hardly ever happens.

My DH and I could not be happier, and yet . . . I had to have that talk, not once, not twice, but at least 3 times. Finally, a therapist he was seeing (a smart woman) said to him, "Imagine your life without her. Because she will leave you. Is that what you want?"

So, don't think to yourself that there is a perfect moment, or a perfect response from the other person. If you know it's right, fight for it, and be patient. If you're sure it really won't ever go anywhere, move on.

 

[Dancing Fire]

About where the relationship was going, or not going?

And how did you approach it?

ours was going nowhere,so one day we drove to Lake Tahoe and decided to get marry.

 

[chemgirl]

We also didn't have a specific "talk." It just sort of happened.

I was placing an order at the store where his sister works and I mentioned to her that I knew her brother. She looked at the name on my credit card, squeeled, ran around the counter, and hugged me. Then she explained to her coworkers that I was her brother's girlfriend. I was all "um...we've gone on some dates...I'm not sure if I'm his girlfriend" and she said "well he thinks you are"

I started calling him boyfriend after that. I think it was about a month and a half after we started dating.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My now-hubby and I have had "the talk" a few different times with a few different results.

The first one was when we first..ehem.."met" at a party where the conversation went something like this:
Him: "Look, I just want you to know up front, I'm probably leaving after this semester when I graduate, so I'm really not looking for a relationship or anything."
Me: "Uh huh, that's nice. Please remove your pants."

This continued for a semester, and then he ended up staying in the city, at which point we had a second conversation that went like this:
Him: "So, looks like I'm staying. You know, now that I'm staying, I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend."
Me: "Sounds reasonable, good luck with that".
(What? Like I'm supposed to make it easy on him? Don't worry he eventually got around to directly asking me out on a real date, and I said Yes).

Our third conversation after dating for about 2 years and now living together, I"m applying to medical school and stressing out.
Me: "Don't mind me, I just need something to take my mind off med school applications. So I'm just going to go ahead and plan out our hypothetical wedding ok? Cool."
Him: "...er..ok"

Aaand a few months later we were engaged. Yeah, we really weren't exactly storybook about anything. But we were always on the same page.

Haha, the first time he said he loved me was when he was super drunk, and he then denied it in the morning. Not because he didn't mean it, but he was just embarrassed at how un-romantic it was, haha.

 

[Dreamer_D]

We had been dating for 2 months. He had stayed the weekend and was walking out the door and I said, "You know, the rule is that if you have sex with someone X times in two days then you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend". And we laughed and there it was.

 

[Imdanny]

My SO and I had something of a "summit," an informal, implicit negotiation, where we both understood this was the topic, and I visited him for two days in NO to "negotiate" it. And we did, and that's what happened. It was understood that this was his proposal and I was accepting it. I made him wait a long time. We met in college. This was a few years later. The idea that it was going to happen was said in college in a different way, long before this meeting. The subject came up specifically when we spoke on the phone (I called his father, then he called me), and we arranged this meeting. Kind of complicated answer, sorry, but this is how it happened. The where is this relationship going talk. LOL.

 

[diva rose]

My now-hubby and I have had "the talk" a few different times with a few different results.

The first one was when we first..ehem.."met" at a party where the conversation went something like this:
Him: "Look, I just want you to know up front, I'm probably leaving after this semester when I graduate, so I'm really not looking for a relationship or anything."
Me: "Uh huh, that's nice. Please remove your pants."

This continued for a semester, and then he ended up staying in the city, at which point we had a second conversation that went like this:
Him: "So, looks like I'm staying. You know, now that I'm staying, I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend."
Me: "Sounds reasonable, good luck with that".
(What? Like I'm supposed to make it easy on him? Don't worry he eventually got around to directly asking me out on a real date, and I said Yes).

Our third conversation after dating for about 2 years and now living together, I"m applying to medical school and stressing out.
Me: "Don't mind me, I just need something to take my mind off med school applications. So I'm just going to go ahead and plan out our hypothetical wedding ok? Cool."
Him: "...er..ok"

Aaand a few months later we were engaged. Yeah, we really weren't exactly storybook about anything. But we were always on the same page.

Haha, the first time he said he loved me was when he was super drunk, and he then denied it in the morning. Not because he didn't mean it, but he was just embarrassed at how un-romantic it was, haha.

LOL - love your comments there! Good for you!

I just asked him if I can see other guys and he said no. I think it was about 2 weeks into dating we became exclusive? During the 2 weeks though - we were exclusive though and wasn't dating anyone else.

 

[Indylady]

Maybe 3 weeks in? We did the whole 'dating' experience..going out for coffee, dinner, etc. and after a few weeks of that, we 'made it official'.

 

[reader]

I have a pair of engraved silver bands in my purse, and I'm biting my lip...Christmas...or New Year's?

 

[zoebartlett]

It can be awkward, not knowing where things are going in the beginning. BEG -- I've been reading the single ladies small talk thread and I know you've been hanging out with CV. I hope it's going well.

In our case, I met my husband at the end of October 7 years ago. We hung out a lot and at first, but 1.5 months later, he said, "If you'll have me, I'd love to be your boyfriend." That was that and we've been together ever since (and married for the last 2.5 years). Neither one of us had been seeing other people in that 1.5 months but nothing was made official until then. We went from "Would you like to do something this weekend?" to "What would you like to do this weekend?" We just assumed that we'd get together every weekend from that point on and we didn't have to ask one another.

 

[rosetta]

He agreed to be my sex slave for three months.

After that period, nothing more was discussed. It was a given that marriage was on the cards.

 

[MonkeyPie]

The first one was when we first..ehem.."met" at a party where the conversation went something like this:
Him: "Look, I just want you to know up front, I'm probably leaving after this semester when I graduate, so I'm really not looking for a relationship or anything."
Me: "Uh huh, that's nice. Please remove your pants."

AHAHAHAHAHA! That is remarkably familiar to me

DH and I never had the talk, really. We "met", then "met" again, then I asked him to a movie, and then we saw each other every single night for three weeks. I don't remember what we were talking about now, but I said something and he was like, "Omg, you're perfect for me, let's get married." I said ok, we dated 6 months, got engaged, got married at a little over a year. We never discussed it like that, though.

 

[elrohwen]

DH and I started dating in the last few months of our senior year of college. At the time I knew I was going to work in Connecticut, but he didn't have a job yet and most of his prospects were across the country. We both agreed then that if we didn't end up in the same place we weren't going to continue dating - I had just gotten out of a long distance relationship and wasn't willing to do it again for somebody I had just started seeing.

Anyway, he did get a job near mine, and we were happy that we could stay together, but I don't know if we were super official at that time (we weren't seeing other people or anything, but we weren't bf/gf either). As graduation approached we talked about meeting each other's parents and I said "What will you tell your mom about me? Will you call me your girlfriend?" And he said "Yeah! I guess I would!" And that was that!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Oh God...let's see...

When I first met my husband I told him that I wasn't looking for anything heavy. I wanted mostly to date around and have some fun since I'd always been a relationship kind of girl...I wanted so badly to mix it up.

My husband was just getting out of a LTR and wasn't looking to get hot and serious either. He tried time and time again to stress that to me...his words were always "let's just go slow"...and I was 1000% on board with that.

However, life is what happens when you make plans. We ended up gliding right from light and breezy to super serious in a matter of weeks--as in, engaged. We never "talked" about this being it, or anything like that...it just progressed and that was that.

I think "talking" and "planning" can feel really heavy, especially when things are fresh and new. It's really comforting to know where you stand, but sometimes being "that girl" with her maps and timelines can be overwhelming. IF you are planning to sort this relationship out, open the door and then listen to how he feels and what he thinks without being the only talker....that way you're not leaving your heart out in the open, but you're also getting the job done.

 

[atroop711]

It was about 1 yr and a half into the relationship. I had a previous relationship that lasted 4 yrs and ended (thank god)...but I wasn't in the mood to waste my time. So I honest and told him what I was feeling (you know I was in a 4 yr relationship which ended badly...I dedicated my all and got hurt in return...I'm not willing to play guessing games with another person. I'd like to know what you're future plans are and if I'm included. If you're not ever wanting to settle down or see a future with me let me know now and we can go our sep. ways). It went something like that. After my horrible 4 yr relationship I had a new attitude...a truthful, play no games attitude. I was up front with my husband and very honest. It was so much better to be this way...I wasn't worried about hurt feelings or get rejected.

Glad I had this talk with him because I had found out he did plan on a future with me but apparently he thought I was a mind reader

From then one we spoke more and openly without hesitation. (we've been together 18+ yrs)

 

[stephbolt]

We had been dating for about six weeks maybe? We went out to dinner with a big group of friends and friends of friends...and one of them after he met me said jokingly, wow R, you've got a hot girlfriend! There was kind of an awkward moment where we looked at each other all...haha, we haven't really talked about that yet. Later that night back at his house he brought it up, hey, remember when S called you my girlfriend...what do you think about that? And I said, well, seeing as how neither of us is dating anyone else, I think it's reasonable, do you? He agreed and there we were.

 

[Lauren8211]

DH and I started dating because we had both gotten out of terrible LTRs and we just wanted to have some "fun"

After about 2 months of nothing but "fun" and swearing up and down that we were just hanging out and it was nothing serious, one drunken night he said to me, "I'm sick of trying to explain to people what you are to me, so I'm just going to start calling you my girlfriend."

That was that.

 

[Haven]

About three weeks after we started dating regularly (which meant seeing each other two to three times a week) he suggested we go to Summerfest in Milwaukee and stay the night. I said something along the lines of "That sounds great, but you must understand two things: 1) This doesn't mean we're going to have sex, and 2) This does mean we're seeing each other exclusively now."

He laughed and said "Of course not, and of course!" and then he paused and said "Wait--are you still seeing other people?" I wasn't, but I remember getting the warm fuzzies when he said that.

We knew we were going to end up together for a long time, but it took us a full year to say "I love you" and four years to get married. We're just not the sort to rush things. I always joke that his license plate should be "Tk it ez".

ETA: The next talk we had about where we were going was long after that first talk, and in fact it was right after my first post on PS! I was a LIW, and I worked myself up in a tizzy that he wasn't interested in marriage. That was another easy conversation, where he was surprised that I was unsure about his intentions, of course he wanted to marry me, yadda yadda yadda, and we were engaged seven months later.

 

[Glitz]

Around the one month mark. We were at a concert that his friends band was playing at. He had left to go and talk with his friends before they went on, and I was mingling with the other girlfriends and they asked me if we were dating. I really didn't know what to say, so I pretended that I didn't hear lol. At that point I wasn't really sure what I meant to him or where things were going. When he came back and his friends band dedicated the next song to the both of us and again someone asked me if we were together, and again I avoided the question. That night as SO and I were falling asleep he asked me what I said when his friends asked if we were together, and I told him I didn't know what to say so I just ignored them, then he asked me if I would like to tell them yes. HAHA it was really cute and awkward and I told him I would love to tell people yes!

 

[that_someone_special]

I dunno 10 days or so? I asked me out quite a few times (like bf/gf) and I shot him down several times thinking "Ah, I hardly know you!" Finally I gave in. Our relationship was very quick. Our engagement, not so quick.

 

[manderz]

When we first started hanging out, I was seeing someone else. It was a LDR that was going poorly anyway. I broke it off with the other guy, and we continued to hang out. He kept asking me "When can I call you my girlfriend?" and I kept answering I dunno. Finally, several months later, I asked him, "So, when can I call you my boyfriend?" and the rest is history. We had our first engagement chat around 2 years ago, when we'd been together for nearly 6 years (and had just bought a house together). I knew that he was the one for me, and I had been just waiting for him to figure out what he wanted to do. Our best couple friends had just gotten engaged, and this was like the 5th couple I knew of around us to get engaged or married in a very short time, and I was feeling very left behind. We'd been together twice as long as other couples who were already married with kids. I didn't want to pressure him, I wanted to let him take his time, but I started feeling like things were never going to happen if I didn't talk to him. So, a few days after that, I told him that I was jealous of the other couple. He told me he's never thought about getting married or engaged, and that he was surprised that I wanted to. Then, all of a sudden, it was like the forces in the universe decided that everyone we knew was going to start pressuring/asking us when we were going to start having kids and get married (in that order, never mind that neither of us wants children ). We ended up engaged about a year and a half after our conversation, and we will be celebrating our 8th dating anniversary in 2 more days

 

[isaku5]

My DH (then BF) and I had just been to the wedding of a friend of his, when out of the blue he said, "Have you ever thought about getting married?" I replied, "not really as I'm only 17". He then said that he'd like me to think about it. I was unsure whether I was to think about 'ever' getting married or marrying him.

We were sooooo shy/naive Anyway, we were engaged on my 19th birthday and married when I was almost 21. The rest, as they say, is history.