Wedding Sister(s)-in-Law - A BM dilemma!

[Independent Gal]

I didn't want to bug my friends with formal bridesmaids duties or matching dresses, so I asked five of my best pals to be 'fake bridesmaids' and explained that just meant hanging out with me on the day, maybe getting our nails done, going for veggie burgers (inside joke), zipping me up, maybe giving me a shot of something before I go down the aisle... stuff like that. Seriously casual. I asked my very best friend to be MOH.

The next day I remembered I have a sister (haha!) and that she should probably be joint-MOH. So that makes 6. Then while I was staying with my brother, I realized that, for politeness, I should probably ask his "wife" to join in the fun too. They aren't actually married and never will be, but there is no doubt that they are committed for life and freely say so and they own a house together. My brother just isn't 'into' marriage. They've been together 11 years and it's one of the most beautiful relationships I know. We all call her 'sister-in-law' and she's down with that.

OK, so now we're at 7. That's already a bit unwieldy for, say, trooping off to get burgers.

But now here's the dilemma: my younger brother also has a long-time partner (8 years?) whom he lives with. They're much younger... 24 now I think. And my understanding is that neither of them necessarily thinks this is forever, because he wants kids and she doesn't. I don't know her very well at all. She seems to sort of keep away from the family and I've had a total of maybe 3 conversations with her over the years.

Do I have to ask her as well? Making 8? That seems like too many people for me to feel relaxed. Or can I get away with not because it's not a life commitment situation?

Basically, all I'm 'asking' them is to hang out wtih me the day I get married anyway. And I suddenly feel like I'm making it more of a big deal than I meant to in the first place.

 

[robbie3982]

I don''t think you need to ask your brother''s gf. It doesn''t sound like you''re close and they''re not in a lifetime committed relationship.

 

[KimberlyH]

If it''s not your intention to make it a big deal than don''t. Invite her along, nothing formal, and let her choose to come or not, she''ll probably opt for the latter seeing as you aren''t close.

 

[Independent Gal]

That's a good idea. I also was NOT planning on inviting my step-sisters. I hope that doesn't sound bitchy, but they're really young and I don't know them all THAT well, and it just changes the whole vibe of the day. Not to mention then it would be TEN (plus me). Hanging out on that day with my girls is one of the things I'm most looking forward to, and it'd be sad if too much sense of obligation ruined the vibe I was hoping for.

So that's what I'll do. Keep it casual, and on the weekend say 'Listen, if you wanna come to the salon or whatever, you're welcome to!' I'm 100% sure she'll say no. She's quite shy, on top of not seeming to like our family much (or maybe the former makes it seem like the latter).

BTW, FI has got 2 of his closest pals - his 'fake best men' - from abroad to commit to coming to stay with him in the US for the week before WP2, while I'm getting stuff ready in my hometown. I'm so happy for him! He's so excited.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 9/5/2007 12:24:50 PM
Author: Independent Gal
That''s a good idea. I also was NOT planning on inviting my step-sisters. I hope that doesn''t sound bitchy, but they''re really young and I don''t know them all THAT well, and it just changes the whole vibe of the day. Not to mention then it would be TEN (plus me). Hanging out on that day with my girls is one of the things I''m most looking forward to, and it''d be sad if too much sense of obligation ruined the vibe I was hoping for.

So that''s what I''ll do. Keep it casual, and on the weekend say ''Listen, if you wanna come to the salon or whatever, you''re welcome to!'' I''m 100% sure she''ll say no. She''s quite shy, on top of not seeming to like our family much (or maybe the former makes it seem like the latter).

BTW, FI has got 2 of his closest pals - his ''fake best men'' - from abroad to commit to coming to stay with him in the US for the week before WP2, while I''m getting stuff ready in my hometown. I''m so happy for him! He''s so excited.

It doesn''t sound bitchy, and I totally understand wanting to be surrounded by your closest friends. It just seems the easier route to invite her, and downplay it so that she feels no obligation.

Glad the fake best men are coming! That''ll be fun for your FI.