should parents help their kids with d/p on a house?

[Dancing Fire]

 

[Jennifer W]

If they want to, otherwise no. Why do you ask?

 

[Gypsy]

If they want to, otherwise no.?

Yup.

 

[Imdanny]

Oh, if they can and want to. You do like to stir up trouble!

 

[Miss Sparkly]

No, it's more important for the parents to have retirement than it is for the child to have a house.

 

[yennyfire]

It depends. If they can and it won't impact their retirement, why not? If it's the choice between their financial security and their kid buying a house, no...

 

[atroop711]

If I could, I would but this should never be expected from a parent

 

[CUSO]

I don't know if they should, I guess it depends on the person. I just believe it would give me great joy to be able to do that for them. This kind of goes along with the Love or Money thread. I envision how I want my life to end. Happy, financially secure, generous, a little lavish, then I do whatever it takes to get there. Generosity to my family is huge to me, it just makes me feel good.

 

[movie zombie]

No, it's more important for the parents to have retirement than it is for the child to have a house.

says it all for me.

MoZo

 

[anitabee]

why not? if they've got the $ and want to help, i don't see any issues with it. probably down the line, those same kids will help out their kids with a d/p.

what comes around goes around.

 

[ForteKitty]

Only if the kids are going to take care of their aging parents in the future.

 

[Tuckins1]

If they are able to and feel that it is appropriate. Are you in this position at the moment?

 

[Tuckins1]

No, it's more important for the parents to have retirement than it is for the child to have a house.

I guess it would depend on how much the child was asking for/needed, and how much the parents had. A few thousand dollars might not make a big difference for the parents regarding a comfy retirement... If we're talking about many 10's of thousands that may be a different story. Depends on the financial situation of the parents.

 

[Prana]

My parents, who had lucritive careers, were helped with theirs, and they helped my brother and I, who also have great careers. I will do the same for my kid(s). But only if they are doing well for themselves and in the right position to be buying a house. It's sort of like an incentive.

I think that in having kids, you should do everything you can to make it easier for them financially. If you are in a position to do so yourself. I know that all the help my parents gave to my brother and I will go back to them 100% if they need it in their old age, and I will raise my future children to have the same values.

 

[meresal]

If the parents have the money and want to... then I think it is fine. IMO though, it is something that should never be asked for or expected.

DH's parents gave us money towards our new home, but we did not go out and pick a more expensive home based on that money. It was strictly used towards the house we already wanted, a house that was in our original price range.

 

[CourtLynB]

From a person who is starting the process of looking for a house, no. Kids have to become independent,and that means financially as well. If I (and my SO) cannot afford the house on our own, we shouldn't be buying it. Plus, I've lived at home, worked since I graduated college and now have a nice down payment saved up. I do pay all my expenses, just do not have rent.

On the flip side, my parents did put down about half the money for my brothers house, plus paid for complete renovation, with my brother and father doing all the interior work themselves. For that, my brother now has my father's name on the deed to his house. Not sure if my parents will forgive the money when he sells (it was over 6 figures) but I wouldn't want that uncertainty.

As my SO says, he wants the house to be ours, not ours and my parents.

 

[packrat]

If they can afford it, and they want to, I don't see why it should be a big deal. My grandparents bought my parents first house and then they paid them back at a low interest rate and got the interest back at the end of the year. Gramma promised us money towards our house and then decided mom and dad should be the ones to help us the way they were helped. Didn't happen, and that's their choice. Would have been nicer to not have been promised it in the first place however.

 

[Lauren8211]

Parents should do what they want to do. There's no concrete answer. If they have the money and would like to help their children, why not?

 

[meresal]

From a person who is starting the process of looking for a house, no. Kids have to become independent,and that means financially as well. If I (and my SO) cannot afford the house on our own, we shouldn't be buying it. Plus, I've lived at home, worked since I graduated college and now have a nice down payment saved up. I do pay all my expenses, just do not have rent.

CL- I almost typed the same thing you did about not buying a house you can't afford, but realized it is too much of a blanket statement. Just because someone gives you money, doesn't mean that you can't afford a home.

My DH and I could more than afford the home we are in. However, my SIL is going to have some trouble getting her own home, and so my IL's gave us money towards our house, knowing that they would need to help out his sister. His brother who has been living at home and has saved tons, will also get *help* with his first home, eventhough he won't need it either.

We were already in the process of building the house we bought when IL's decided to give us money. It was just extra towards what we had already saved for our downpayment.

Packrat- I am stuck in a situation like your right now. My IL's have made numerous comments about paying for our childrens' college, but they will not put it in an account in our sons name. They say they will just pay it when that time comes. How do my DH and I not put money away, when anything could happen to that money/promise in 18 years!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

If the parents lend the $, it should be a situation where there will be no strings attached other than agreed that when the house is sold, they are paid back with the profits.

 

[IdLikeToBuyAVal]

I'm sort of on the flip side. I didn't WANT help when we decided to buy a house. DH's family would probably have liked to help but the reward & feeling of achievement of saving everything ourselves and purchasing a beautiful home - that was priceless to us.

 

[rosetta]

if my parents or in laws offered us money for a house deposit, we woudn't refuse and would accept graciously like any other gift. We know they are all well off and it wont impact on their retirement in the slightest.

We certainly wouldn't expect it from them though, and I'm pretty sure they have no plans to give us any money for a house.

I don't think there is any "should" in this case, people are free to spend their money as they wish, without judgement.

 

[ForteKitty]

A 20% downpayment for a small, 2 bed 2 bath 1500 sq ft home in a moderate suburb in LA is about $120,000. We're not even talking about a good school district... just moderate.

Most of my friends' parents did help them with about half that, if not all of it. However, in my culture, the kids will gladly take care of their parents later on. Not necessarily w/ money, but literally taking care of the parents... driving them around to appts, grocery shopping, weekends out.. and the parents usually live w/ the kids, not in a retirement home.

DF- better make sure your girls will take care of you if you're plunking down that kind of cash x 2.

 

[Blackpaw]

Mmm interesting thread DF

i think if parents can afford to and want to then go for it...but im the 'kid' in this equation so i have something to gain that said, i dont expect to get any help for a house, and im realising now that im actually in the minority amongst my (middle class) friends.

Fact is, where i come from the cost of housing its prohibitive (an example, a 3 bed, 1 bath house in an area 40 minutes from the city - an area that is a little 'rough' i guess as well - will set you back 400-500 thousand) and every person i know who's bought a place has had some kind of help, usually quite substantial.

Im quite sensitive about this at the moment (not getting money from my parents, just the house thing in general!) as im at the stage where my SO and i really need to just bite the bullet and buy a place, but we have various things holding us back...one, we like to travel and are really struggling with giving that up; two, we currently live in a country we dont have residency in, so we cant get a loan here, its hard to get a loan where we hail from (Aust) when we're not living in the country and to be honest we're not really sure where we want to settle down. And last, my SO has some severe health problems that WILL become an issue for a time at least in the next 1 to 10 years, and make us apprehensive about getting a mortgage when we may be on one income for some time....

Ok then, ill say it...'parents! help your kids out!!!'

 

[HollyS]

No. Even if they want to do so. No.

Not if they have plenty of money. Not if they can easily afford to. Not if they can afford to do so for each of their children.

No.

Grownups buy their own homes. And furniture. And cars. And 'toys'. Hand-me-downs might sometimes be acceptable. Outright purchases by parents? No.

The only support-by-parents scenario I would agree with would be for a child - - raising children - - who was financially hurting, perhaps from a divorce. And that 'foot up' would not be a perpetual hand-out.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

No. Even if they want to do so. No.

Not if they have plenty of money. Not if they can easily afford to. Not if they can afford to do so for each of their children.

No.

Grownups buy their own homes. And furniture. And cars. And 'toys'. Hand-me-downs might sometimes be acceptable. Outright purchases by parents? No.

The only support-by-parents scenario I would agree with would be for a child - - raising children - - who was financially hurting, perhaps from a divorce. And that 'foot up' would not be a perpetual hand-out.

We were offered a "hand-me-down" house with taking over the mortgage w/out giving them a down payment. This from relatives. We said no and it turned into a disaster of blame and guilt. Ugh! lol We can't even afford it and they keep insisting we can.

 

[Dancing Fire]

If they want to, otherwise no. Why do you ask?

well,i was thinking that housing is near bottom so maybe we should help our daughter to buy a house within the next 18 months.she been putting the max into her Roth IRA,but i don't want her to take money out of her Roth b/c she can't re-deposit the money in the future. Lunch time

 

[sctsbride09]

No, for the exact reasons HollyS stated.

Quick thread jack- ForteKitty- I assume you mean Louisiana and not Los Angeles right?! Because there is no.way.in.hell. 120 thousand would get you even a cardboard box in La. Just curious. Oh man to pay that little for a house...

 

[ForteKitty]

No, for the exact reasons HollyS stated.

Quick thread jack- ForteKitty- I assume you mean Louisiana and not Los Angeles right?! Because there is no.way.in.hell. 120 thousand would get you even a cardboard box in La. Just curious. Oh man to pay that little for a house...

Please re-read my post again. I said a 20% downpayment would cost $120,000... and i mean Los Angeles... where a tiny house w/ zero yard starts at about $600k.

 

[zoebartlett]

No, for the exact reasons HollyS stated.

Quick thread jack- ForteKitty- I assume you mean Louisiana and not Los Angeles right?! Because there is no.way.in.hell. 120 thousand would get you even a cardboard box in La. Just curious. Oh man to pay that little for a house...

Obviously I'm not ForteKitty, but I think she said that a 20% down payment would be $120K, not the actual sale price of a house in LA (Los Angeles, I assumed).

ETA: ForteKitty beat me to it!