should I say anything? (long)

[trillionaire]

FBIL was diagnosed with thyroid cancer last March. He lost is job 2 weeks earlier, but had coverage through his wife''s employer. He had the cancer removed and was put on thyroid replacement meds. His last visits to the doctor showed his THS level was 55! Any docs would know that normal range is from .5 - 5.0, so this is crazy high. He was supposed to get some blood work done and also a CT scan to see if there were additional issues, but then they lost their coverage. FSIL lost her job in late December, so as of Jan 1, they had no coverage unless they opted for COBRA. COBRA was going to cost $1200/month for the family. Now, my dad is a doctor, and FBIL called my dad and talked to him about his options, insurance, etc, during mid Dec and my dad called and told me everything, because FBIL and his family were probably going to need financial help from FI and I and from FI''s parents, and he wanted to make sure that everyone understood the situation.

Since then, I don''t know what has transpired in terms of communication within FI''s family unit, but FI was really upset last week because FSIL signed up for COBRA coverage for herself and the 6 month old daughter, at a rate of $200/mo and FBIL, with his questionable health, will be uninsured, or has to look for high risk health insurance. Now, I don''t know whether they discussed splitting up the insurance, or if FSIL made a unilateral decsion, I really have no idea. I don''t really trust FBIL to be honest about what''s going on, because he has a pretty sketchy track record in this arena. On the other hand, FSIL is a total straight-shooter who doesn''t candy coat anything for anyone, even when she should, lol. There is still time left for them to change the COBRA coverage from 2 people, to the whole family, but they would need to talk to FI and FI''s parents, as well as FSIL''s parents to see if they are willing to help them with the costs. (my dad even said that he would help) I personally think that $1000 a month between 3 families is doable, while they look for jobs (FBIL is freelancing and FSIL had a second round interview last week!), but no one can help if they don''t know help is needed. The issue is, that if FBIL has a lapse in his coverage with his pre-existing condition, no one has to pick him up with coverage for at least a year. My dad says unequivocally that he can''t afford to take that risk with his levels being so far out of range. He could have a cancer recurrence with the types of numbers that he has now, and the medication does not seem to be managing it. My worry is that they try to save money now by foregoing coverage for FBIL, but end up in a crisis and bankrupt, as they have no savings or even assets at this point in time. I think it would be better to pay a little now to help them maintain coverage than to try to bail them out if something happens.

So, the bottom line is, FI''s parents are totally out of the loop, and FBIL is stonewalling. He won''t really address questions about his health and what is going on, and it''s not really even possible to get a straight answer out of him. FI won''t say anything to his parents, because he feels that there is no point if his brother is not going to follow through on what he needs to do anyway (which has been his track record.) Naturally, I am very concerned, and am not sure what, if anything, should be done. My inclination is to talk to FSIL and see what she knows and how she feels, and if they do want to consider the $1200/mo COBRA, then getting FI''s parents in the loop if necessary. However, I am NOT married to FI and don''t want to overstep any boundaries. FI and I have had more than a few heated conversations about this topic, and FI doesn''t want to talk about it anymore because FBIL is always dropping the ball. I suggested that he talk to FSIL, and he said that I should talk to her. (I wouldn''t do so without his consent) I''m not the type to meddle in other people''s affairs, but health is not something I think that anyone can afford to take lightly.

any advice? Mind my own business? Talk to FSIL? Any doctors who can weigh in?

I''m really at a lost, and it''s very time sensitive...

 

[princesss]

Honestly, they''re grown ups, and they have the right to live their life (or screw it up) however they see fit. If you don''t want to step on any toes, have your FI mention that he heard something about how hard it is to get insurance with a pre-existing condition or a story about somebody who lost everything because of x, y, or z having to do with insurance, and then drop it. They''re adults that have, for whatever reason, made a choice most of us wouldn''t. Maybe they''re hoping to get him on Medicaid and so having him insured won''t help...

 

[lilyfoot]

trillionaire, I''m really not trying to be rude, but personally, I would stay out of it altogether. They are adults, they can make their own decisions.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

If your FBIL isn''t going to follow through with advice, then it seems like there''s no point in ruffling feathers by forcing the issue on them.

It''s nice that everyone is willing to chip in to cover COBRA costs and it''s a shame that your FBIL isn''t taking you up on this, especially since he has a child. It''s irresponsible, IMO. Eh, oh well.

 

[charbie]

just a thought, which may be out of line, but are they able to get on any sort of government financial aide (Medicaid)? different states have different criteria. i know it is very humbling/awkward for people to have to do so, but there is government aide out there, and given the situation, they might qualify.

working in a nursing home, i see people ALL THE TIME who simply cannot afford their healthcare and are able to receive Medicaid. given that they have no real assets, they should qualify.

it isn''t right for the rest of the family to have to pay for his health insurance, and medicaid would cover until a job is found and they are able to receive benefits again.

 

[decodelighted]

I''m wondering if they don''t *mind* going bankrupt because they don''t have any assets to LOSE -- whereas your FI''s parents *do* have assets to lose. I just worry that he won''t get the same level of care w/o any private insurance.

How old are these folks? Fingers crossed they both land jobs asap! Its so tough right now.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/26/2010 4:05:01 PM
Author: decodelighted
I'm wondering if they don't *mind* going bankrupt because they don't have any assets to LOSE -- whereas your FI's parents *do* have assets to lose. I just worry that he won't get the same level of care w/o any private insurance.

How old are these folks? Fingers crossed they both land jobs asap! Its so tough right now.

They are 26 (FBIL) and 28 (FSIL). They also have a 7 yr old son, but he is covered by his own father's Health insurance, thank God, because he went to the ER this weekend for a fall.


And I thank everyone who has responded so far. Feel free to be harsh and no, I don't think it's rude. As far as families chipping in, in my experience, that's just want families do. My father can't understand why any of this is even a question, since no one who would be offering help would even have to strain their budget to chip in. (but that just tells you more about my background than says anything about FBIL or his family).

I'm not saying anything to any one at this point, still taking in advice. I also phoned a thyroid specialist and will consult with him about the cold hard facts of FBIL's medical situation. If he's not in real danger, I will feel a lot more comfortable saying nothing.

ETA: I don't think they have pursued any public assistance for Medical care, but they are both drawing unemployment. I don't know much about Medicaid or their options, but I know my dad discussed with with FBIL, escpeciall regard WIC for the baby.

 

[trillionaire]

UPDATE:

FI talked to FSIL and will talk to his parents about helping their family afford COBRA coverage

That doesn''t mean that it will be a go, but just that the conversations are occurring, and that''s a least a starting place. I''m quite relieved, and glad that FI stepped up to help his brother.

Thanks everyone for your advice and suggestions!

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/26/2010 4:14:21 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/26/2010 4:05:01 PM
Author: decodelighted
I''m wondering if they don''t *mind* going bankrupt because they don''t have any assets to LOSE -- whereas your FI''s parents *do* have assets to lose. I just worry that he won''t get the same level of care w/o any private insurance.

How old are these folks? Fingers crossed they both land jobs asap! Its so tough right now.

They are 26 (FBIL) and 28 (FSIL). They also have a 7 yr old son, but he is covered by his own father''s Health insurance, thank God, because he went to the ER this weekend for a fall.


And I thank everyone who has responded so far. Feel free to be harsh and no, I don''t think it''s rude. As far as families chipping in, in my experience, that''s just want families do. My father can''t understand why any of this is even a question, since no one who would be offering help would even have to strain their budget to chip in. (but that just tells you more about my background than says anything about FBIL or his family).

I''m not saying anything to any one at this point, still taking in advice. I also phoned a thyroid specialist and will consult with him about the cold hard facts of FBIL''s medical situation. If he''s not in real danger, I will feel a lot more comfortable saying nothing.

ETA: I don''t think they have pursued any public assistance for Medical care, but they are both drawing unemployment. I don''t know much about Medicaid or their options, but I know my dad discussed with with FBIL, escpeciall regard WIC for the baby.

Trill, being totally honest, it just isn''t your place to consult a specialist. It''s his life, his health, his responsibility. I don''t know if this is to satisfy your curiousity or what, but it is so far over the line to consult a specialist about somebody else''s health that I''m not sure you can even see where the line used to be. I have health problems, and I assure you, I would be livid to find out my brother''s SO had an appointment with a doctor about it. Absolutely furious.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/26/2010 5:08:25 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/26/2010 4:14:21 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/26/2010 4:05:01 PM

Author: decodelighted

I''m wondering if they don''t *mind* going bankrupt because they don''t have any assets to LOSE -- whereas your FI''s parents *do* have assets to lose. I just worry that he won''t get the same level of care w/o any private insurance.


How old are these folks? Fingers crossed they both land jobs asap! Its so tough right now.

They are 26 (FBIL) and 28 (FSIL). They also have a 7 yr old son, but he is covered by his own father''s Health insurance, thank God, because he went to the ER this weekend for a fall.



And I thank everyone who has responded so far. Feel free to be harsh and no, I don''t think it''s rude. As far as families chipping in, in my experience, that''s just want families do. My father can''t understand why any of this is even a question, since no one who would be offering help would even have to strain their budget to chip in. (but that just tells you more about my background than says anything about FBIL or his family).


I''m not saying anything to any one at this point, still taking in advice. I also phoned a thyroid specialist and will consult with him about the cold hard facts of FBIL''s medical situation. If he''s not in real danger, I will feel a lot more comfortable saying nothing.

ETA: I don''t think they have pursued any public assistance for Medical care, but they are both drawing unemployment. I don''t know much about Medicaid or their options, but I know my dad discussed with with FBIL, escpeciall regard WIC for the baby.

Trill, being totally honest, it just isn''t your place to consult a specialist. It''s his life, his health, his responsibility. I don''t know if this is to satisfy your curiousity or what, but it is so far over the line to consult a specialist about somebody else''s health that I''m not sure you can even see where the line used to be. I have health problems, and I assure you, I would be livid to find out my brother''s SO had an appointment with a doctor about it. Absolutely furious.

I''m going to have to go ahead and ditto this one, this is way over the line..

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Trill - if your family is in the US (sorry, I can never keep track of the PSers who are overseas) and your FBIL and FSIL were involuntarily terminated from their jobs between early 2009 up to February 28, 2010 the government extended the 65% cost sharing subsidy offered to individuals electing COBRA coverage. Some states also offer additional cost sharing coverage for the 35% premium cost the individual is responsible for. Worth checking into especially since both parties are not eligible for coverage under another plan.

I live in MA and because health insurance in mandatory, I think we may have more available to people from the State in terms of COBRA cost sharing (in some instances the cost sharing between Federal COBRA subsidy and MA subsidy means individual contributions levels can even be lower than what they contributed while they were employed). However, I believe the 65% sudsidy is Federal Law and your future in-laws should certainly consider their eligibility for this.

 

[Indylady]

I''m quite surprised by the responses on this thread.

We''re talking about Trill''s future brother in law, in other words, family. If someone in my mother or father were in a high-risk situation and considering taking a break from health insurance...you bet I wouldn''t let it happen!(iA)I wouldn''t stop to think they that were adults; adults make bad decisions too. And while 26 is adult age, its still pretty young and many 26 year olds I know feel invincible. Maybe its a cultural thing, but I think my conscience wouldn''t let me live it down if I watched a train wreck like the one Trill is describing happen to my brother in law, sister in law, and niece. It also sounds like Trill and Trill''s FI might have to contribute to the family as well. I''m also amazed that some would be angry because Trill is doing her research; if I were in his place, I would be grateful to have such a caring and thoughtful sister in law. I would definitely never think that you were trying to satisfy curiosity; once again it might be a cultural thing, or depend on your family dynamic.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/26/2010 6:19:57 PM
Author: IndyLady
I''m quite surprised by the responses on this thread.


We''re talking about Trill''s future brother in law, in other words, family. If someone in my mother or father were in a high-risk situation and considering taking a break from health insurance...you bet I wouldn''t let it happen!(iA)I wouldn''t stop to think they that were adults; adults make bad decisions too. And while 26 is adult age, its still pretty young and many 26 year olds I know feel invincible. Maybe its a cultural thing, but I think my conscience wouldn''t let me live it down if I watched a train wreck like the one Trill is describing happen to my brother in law, sister in law, and niece. It also sounds like Trill and Trill''s FI might have to contribute to the family as well. I''m also amazed that some would be angry because Trill is doing her research; if I were in his place, I would be grateful to have such a caring and thoughtful sister in law. I would definitely never think that you were trying to satisfy curiosity; once again it might be a cultural thing, or depend on your family dynamic.

It''d be one thing if Trill''s FBIL was up front about all of this - but he obviously doesn''t want to talk about it if he''s been evading questions about his health/insurance. And to be totally honest, she doesn''t know the "cold hard facts" about his case unless she''s been in the room with him for every doctor''s appointment and tracked every symptom. She could be getting totally wrong info if she''s so much as misheard him say something, or if he''s been keeping anything back. Doing a little research on your own is fine. Consulting a specialist about somebody you''re not related to yet? Not so much.

But then, I''m sensitive to this, having a complex medical issue and all.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I totally agree with Princesss. You are being controlling and codependent. Your FSIL and FBIL are both adults. This is none of your business. I know it is difficult to watch someone you love do something YOU think is a mistake but bottom line is you do not play a part in this. Maybe FSIL has OTHER reasons for keeping your FBIL off her coverage. Maybe they have an alternative plan. Either way my best advice is to stay out of things people are capable of doing themselves. Difficult yes but worth it for EVERYONE (including you) involved.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I understand this is a tough position to be in and you care for your family deeply. That being said, I don''t think it''s your place to say or do anything.

 

[gailrmv]

Didn't read the replies, just jumping in-

Do they know about the whole 63 day/lapse in coverage/pre-existing condition situation? In other words, if he has a lapse in coverage of 63 days or more, his new coverage (once he gets it) can exclude his cancer care or anything else he's had as a pre-existing condition. You seem well versed in this. IMHO - talk to the FBIL and FSIL, make sure that they are aware of the rules and how it would affect them if FBIL had a recurrence. It is possible that they don't know/understand, and I would feel an obligation to mention it even if it makes them angry. When they have the information, what they do with it is up to them.

He might also look into high deductible insurance. That way, he will have some coverage and avoid the whole pre-existing condition thing.

Their child, and perhaps the mother, may be eligible for medicaid or SCHIP. SCHIP is the state children's health insurance program has a higher income/asset limit than medicaid, typically.

 

[honey22]

I am suprised at the posts on this board. While I do agree that it''s none of your business, I am amazed that your family just expect you to cover their insurance bills. In my book, then it''s just become your business. If you are expected to fork out money for them, then you should be at least informed of what you are paying for and why.

On a side note, I am floored by the cost of health insurance in the states. Around 300-400 per month could get you fully comprehensive health cover with all the bells and whistles for a family here in Australia. Those prices are just astronomical!!!!

 

[lovegem]

That''s very nice of you and your dad, Trillionaire. It is not everyday that a future in-laws would be willing to help.

Sorry, I don''t know enough about the health care or insurance system enough to comment on what you should or shouldn''t do. I wonder if your FBIL knows that you and your dad and FI and FI''s parents would be willing to help them financially to cover the $1200/month. Maybe he doesn''t know you are willing to pay for some of it? Are your FI''s parents really willing to contribute $ to your FBIL''s insurance? Maybe your FBIL sense that they don''t or unable to help?

 

[Lilac]

Date: 1/26/2010 11:52:01 PM
Author: honey22
I am suprised at the posts on this board. While I do agree that it''s none of your business, I am amazed that your family just expect you to cover their insurance bills. In my book, then it''s just become your business. If you are expected to fork out money for them, then you should be at least informed of what you are paying for and why.

On a side note, I am floored by the cost of health insurance in the states. Around 300-400 per month could get you fully comprehensive health cover with all the bells and whistles for a family here in Australia. Those prices are just astronomical!!!!

I tend to agree with honey on this one. While normally it might not be any of your business, once you''re asked or expected to spend your own money on his healthcare that''s when it becomes your business.

Sounds like a very tough position and I hope it works out well for everyone involved.

 

[fieryred33143]

Perhaps I''m not reading correctly but didn''t Trill say that it was her father that said she would need to help her FI''s family? Am I missing where it says that her FI''s family asked for financial help?

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/26/2010 5:12:52 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 1/26/2010 5:08:25 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/26/2010 4:14:21 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/26/2010 4:05:01 PM

Author: decodelighted

I''m wondering if they don''t *mind* going bankrupt because they don''t have any assets to LOSE -- whereas your FI''s parents *do* have assets to lose. I just worry that he won''t get the same level of care w/o any private insurance.


How old are these folks? Fingers crossed they both land jobs asap! Its so tough right now.

They are 26 (FBIL) and 28 (FSIL). They also have a 7 yr old son, but he is covered by his own father''s Health insurance, thank God, because he went to the ER this weekend for a fall.



And I thank everyone who has responded so far. Feel free to be harsh and no, I don''t think it''s rude. As far as families chipping in, in my experience, that''s just want families do. My father can''t understand why any of this is even a question, since no one who would be offering help would even have to strain their budget to chip in. (but that just tells you more about my background than says anything about FBIL or his family).


I''m not saying anything to any one at this point, still taking in advice. I also phoned a thyroid specialist and will consult with him about the cold hard facts of FBIL''s medical situation. If he''s not in real danger, I will feel a lot more comfortable saying nothing.

ETA: I don''t think they have pursued any public assistance for Medical care, but they are both drawing unemployment. I don''t know much about Medicaid or their options, but I know my dad discussed with with FBIL, escpeciall regard WIC for the baby.

Trill, being totally honest, it just isn''t your place to consult a specialist. It''s his life, his health, his responsibility. I don''t know if this is to satisfy your curiousity or what, but it is so far over the line to consult a specialist about somebody else''s health that I''m not sure you can even see where the line used to be. I have health problems, and I assure you, I would be livid to find out my brother''s SO had an appointment with a doctor about it. Absolutely furious.

I''m going to have to go ahead and ditto this one, this is way over the line..

LOL, that WOULD seem odd. I merely phoned someone to ask their medical opinion. Not much different IMO opinion than asking one of my doctor friends or my dad, but I prefer to talk to people who don''t know FBIL or the situation and can be clearheaded about it. My dad is a dad, first and foremost. Actually, I don''t see it much different than asking an internet doctor or posting a Question on Google answers, but to each their own. I have not regrets about that decision, as it was anonymous and no privacy was breeched. It was a very generic set of questions, short and simple.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/27/2010 10:18:32 AM
Author: fiery
Perhaps I''m not reading correctly but didn''t Trill say that it was her father that said she would need to help her FI''s family? Am I missing where it says that her FI''s family asked for financial help?

There would be contributions from my dad, FI and I, FI''s family, and possibly FSIL''s family. FSIL said yesterday that they could pay $400, leaving a short fall of $800 between four families, which is managable for all parties, as long as they are willing (no assumptions about willingness here). I don''t know FSIL''s family well enough to know if they would help, but FI''s family will.

FBIL and FSIL did not and have never assumed people would pay their bills. I come from a family where you help family if and when you can. FI''s family is the same way, but FBIL doesn''t like to ask for help. I understand and respect his right to want to figure things out on his own, the only reason we (FI and I) are so involved is because we are willing to help, and to me, we should at least present help to FSIL, even if FBIL is stonewalling. They are a family, and it affects both of them. I''d be upset if my family went bankrupt because of medical bills and found out later that everyone around me was happy to help, but my husband dropped the ball. If there weren''t two kids involved, I''d be a lot less concerned, and thank god both the kids are covered and fine. FSIL was easy to talk to yesterday, and we were able to get more clear information.

At this point, they know that people are willing to help them, and they know what needs to be done. This is the point where I get off. I like people to be able to make their decisions with all of the available information, but I am not interested in browbeating adults into doing what I want or think that they should do. I do think it''s important to know that help is available, if they want it.

 

[whitby_2773]

trill -

i''m not going to comment on getting involved/not getting involved, calling specialists/staying well out of it, paying money or giving options.

i just wanted to say...

mwah! for caring.

so many people just sit on the side lines and do nothing when even those they love go down the tubes. it''s up to you to decide what your methods will be, and i''m not passing on opinion on that. but just wanted to say - good job for doing *something* and for caring.

charity begins at HOME - you obviously get that.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/27/2010 12:37:25 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/26/2010 5:12:52 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 1/26/2010 5:08:25 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/26/2010 4:14:21 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/26/2010 4:05:01 PM

Author: decodelighted

I''m wondering if they don''t *mind* going bankrupt because they don''t have any assets to LOSE -- whereas your FI''s parents *do* have assets to lose. I just worry that he won''t get the same level of care w/o any private insurance.


How old are these folks? Fingers crossed they both land jobs asap! Its so tough right now.

They are 26 (FBIL) and 28 (FSIL). They also have a 7 yr old son, but he is covered by his own father''s Health insurance, thank God, because he went to the ER this weekend for a fall.



And I thank everyone who has responded so far. Feel free to be harsh and no, I don''t think it''s rude. As far as families chipping in, in my experience, that''s just want families do. My father can''t understand why any of this is even a question, since no one who would be offering help would even have to strain their budget to chip in. (but that just tells you more about my background than says anything about FBIL or his family).


I''m not saying anything to any one at this point, still taking in advice. I also phoned a thyroid specialist and will consult with him about the cold hard facts of FBIL''s medical situation. If he''s not in real danger, I will feel a lot more comfortable saying nothing.

ETA: I don''t think they have pursued any public assistance for Medical care, but they are both drawing unemployment. I don''t know much about Medicaid or their options, but I know my dad discussed with with FBIL, escpeciall regard WIC for the baby.

Trill, being totally honest, it just isn''t your place to consult a specialist. It''s his life, his health, his responsibility. I don''t know if this is to satisfy your curiousity or what, but it is so far over the line to consult a specialist about somebody else''s health that I''m not sure you can even see where the line used to be. I have health problems, and I assure you, I would be livid to find out my brother''s SO had an appointment with a doctor about it. Absolutely furious.

I''m going to have to go ahead and ditto this one, this is way over the line..

LOL, that WOULD seem odd. I merely phoned someone to ask their medical opinion. Not much different IMO opinion than asking one of my doctor friends or my dad, but I prefer to talk to people who don''t know FBIL or the situation and can be clearheaded about it. My dad is a dad, first and foremost. Actually, I don''t see it much different than asking an internet doctor or posting a Question on Google answers, but to each their own. I have not regrets about that decision, as it was anonymous and no privacy was breeched. It was a very generic set of questions, short and simple.

That isn''t much different than searching on WebMD. The way I read it, you were making an appointment to talk to somebody, not just calling somebody up which is very different than what I thought you were talking about. I''m glad you came back to explain, because I know I came off harsh, and hopefully knowing how I read that vs. what actually happened, you can see where I was a little up in arms about it.

If it were me, I would tell your FI you''re happy to help however you can, even if it''s just caring for the kids while FBIL needs treatment, or chipping in to help cover health insurance, or researching doctors if their family needs it. Make sure they know you''re happy to help in whatever capacity they need, and then let them call you if they want/need anything. Is there any way you can help them minimize other costs - groceries, childcare, etc? It could be a good way to help if they''re not comfortable taking cash.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/27/2010 3:08:31 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/27/2010 12:37:25 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/26/2010 5:12:52 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 1/26/2010 5:08:25 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/26/2010 4:14:21 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/26/2010 4:05:01 PM

Author: decodelighted

I''m wondering if they don''t *mind* going bankrupt because they don''t have any assets to LOSE -- whereas your FI''s parents *do* have assets to lose. I just worry that he won''t get the same level of care w/o any private insurance.


How old are these folks? Fingers crossed they both land jobs asap! Its so tough right now.

They are 26 (FBIL) and 28 (FSIL). They also have a 7 yr old son, but he is covered by his own father''s Health insurance, thank God, because he went to the ER this weekend for a fall.



And I thank everyone who has responded so far. Feel free to be harsh and no, I don''t think it''s rude. As far as families chipping in, in my experience, that''s just want families do. My father can''t understand why any of this is even a question, since no one who would be offering help would even have to strain their budget to chip in. (but that just tells you more about my background than says anything about FBIL or his family).


I''m not saying anything to any one at this point, still taking in advice. I also phoned a thyroid specialist and will consult with him about the cold hard facts of FBIL''s medical situation. If he''s not in real danger, I will feel a lot more comfortable saying nothing.

ETA: I don''t think they have pursued any public assistance for Medical care, but they are both drawing unemployment. I don''t know much about Medicaid or their options, but I know my dad discussed with with FBIL, escpeciall regard WIC for the baby.

Trill, being totally honest, it just isn''t your place to consult a specialist. It''s his life, his health, his responsibility. I don''t know if this is to satisfy your curiousity or what, but it is so far over the line to consult a specialist about somebody else''s health that I''m not sure you can even see where the line used to be. I have health problems, and I assure you, I would be livid to find out my brother''s SO had an appointment with a doctor about it. Absolutely furious.

I''m going to have to go ahead and ditto this one, this is way over the line..

LOL, that WOULD seem odd. I merely phoned someone to ask their medical opinion. Not much different IMO opinion than asking one of my doctor friends or my dad, but I prefer to talk to people who don''t know FBIL or the situation and can be clearheaded about it. My dad is a dad, first and foremost. Actually, I don''t see it much different than asking an internet doctor or posting a Question on Google answers, but to each their own. I have not regrets about that decision, as it was anonymous and no privacy was breeched. It was a very generic set of questions, short and simple.

That isn''t much different than searching on WebMD. The way I read it, you were making an appointment to talk to somebody, not just calling somebody up which is very different than what I thought you were talking about. I''m glad you came back to explain, because I know I came off harsh, and hopefully knowing how I read that vs. what actually happened, you can see where I was a little up in arms about it.

If it were me, I would tell your FI you''re happy to help however you can, even if it''s just caring for the kids while FBIL needs treatment, or chipping in to help cover health insurance, or researching doctors if their family needs it. Make sure they know you''re happy to help in whatever capacity they need, and then let them call you if they want/need anything. Is there any way you can help them minimize other costs - groceries, childcare, etc? It could be a good way to help if they''re not comfortable taking cash.

No worries Princess, I was not at all offended, and I can completely understand the confusion. I do think that there are certain boundaries that should not be crossed, and you highlighted one that is very important! We''ve helped with bills in the past months, sent money, and paid for some food stuffs, but overall, they had been managing pretty well. However, this is the first month that BOTH FBIL and FSIL will be on unemployment, so it''s a big reduction in income. FI and I have our own financial priorities for this year (house, wedding, honeymoon

), but honestly, none of that stuff would feel good to us if we knew FBIL and FSIL were struggling and we could offer some help. And if I had battled cancer in the last year, I would be TERRIFIED to be uninsured. How stressful!

Someone''s tagline on here says it... "He''s not heavy, he''d my bruddah"

 

[LGK]

I will admit I didn't read the responses- just your initial post.

Oddly enough I went through exactly what your BIL is going through. When I was 20, I had thyroid cancer and the surgery and tests were covered by my mom's health insurance. Then, I graduated from college and my coverage lapsed- we couldn't afford COBRA and there was literally no individual health insurance in WA state at that point in time. So I was unable to have a lot of the follow up care done.

FWIW, typically thyroid cancer is extraordinarily slow growing. And having your thyroid levels wonky is not unsual- it takes a while to get the dosages right usually. The hormone replacement therapy does help keep the cancer from recurring over the long term- think years- but unless he has a different variety of thyroid cancer than I did, it's a very slow moving cancer. So if he is unable to do follow up care right now, he can probably hold out for a little while. Unless your FBIL's case is different than mine, the hormone levels shouldn't affect the recurrence of cancer over a short term. So, yeah it's important for him to get them straightened out, but it isn't going to cause a recurrence in cancer unless he's going through something drastically different than I did. Essentially, my doctor explained to me that if my replacement dosage was too low (causing a buildup of the pituitary hormone that triggers thyroid hormone production) it may cause some leftover thyroid tissue to start working, which could cause the cancer to recur. But again, for me that was over the very long term that it could be a problem- like years/decades. If he has had radiation treatment it's unlikely to be an issue at all.

Anyway, here's what finally happened with me: one company (Regence Blue Shield) finally started offering individual coverage and I was picked up in my mid 20s. When I finally followed up on my thyroid stuff it turned out that they'd diagnosed one of the tumors they'd found with cancer but had not actually figured out whether or not the other tumors were cancerous or not. Creepily enough they still had the questionable ones (ew! years later? how weird is that!) and were able to figure out that no, the "extra bonus" tumors were pre-cancerous but not actually there yet, so therefore they felt that I didn't need radiation treatment.

Basically follow up care for thyroid cancer *generally* is to keep your hormone levels where they ought to be, and that's about it. Sometimes they destroy any remaining thyroid with radiation- apparently it's difficult to remove a thyroid fully, so often there's some that remains. And if they feel you're at higher risk of recurrence (like multiple tumors) they'll irradiate it and destroy it. In my example, I had one cancerous tumor, numerous other precancerous tumors, and one abnormal parathyroid (there's four of those, they process calcium if I remember right- I have three now). I didn't need radiation treatment. That would likely be the only follow up that your FBIL might need other than his medication.

For what it's worth, thyroid meds are super cheap, insurance is not crucial for them. Also the blood tests aren't horrifically expensive. Unless he needs radiation treatment, or if they think his cancer may have metastasized, his follow up care is likely to be fairly inexpensive- and those two things are fairly unlikely for typical thyroid cancer in it's early stages. Also, unless his cancer was a different type than mine was, thyroid cancer is very, very slow growing and is concidered to be one of the least "scary" cancers to get, and that it's relatively fixable- like, if my doctor hadn't caught the tumors in a routine physical it would likely have been decades before it spread.

 

[Indylady]

Forgoing health insurance soon after having cancer is not a mistake, it is a tragedy in my opinion. Toying with health insurance is essentially toying with your life and the lives of your family members as well, including your baby niece. Even if he was single, I would still advocate a serious talk, but because he does have a wife and daughter, I would encourage even more so. I might be biased on the topic since my mother had breast cancer a few years ago and went through 9 rounds of chemotherapy. I can''t say about your brother in law, but cancer has had a very large impact on my mother and has permanently damaged her immune system and she can easily become very sick from what normally be a minor illness. I can''t imagine the stress we would face if we did not have health insurance.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Date: 1/27/2010 1:51:42 PM
Author: whitby_2773
trill -


i''m not going to comment on getting involved/not getting involved, calling specialists/staying well out of it, paying money or giving options.


i just wanted to say...


mwah! for caring.


so many people just sit on the side lines and do nothing when even those they love go down the tubes. it''s up to you to decide what your methods will be, and i''m not passing on opinion on that. but just wanted to say - good job for doing *something* and for caring.


charity begins at HOME - you obviously get that.

Couldn''t have said it better myself!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/27/2010 3:58:13 PM
Author: LittleGreyKitten
I will admit I didn''t read the responses- just your initial post.

Oddly enough I went through exactly what your BIL is going through. When I was 20, I had thyroid cancer and the surgery and tests were covered by my mom''s health insurance. Then, I graduated from college and my coverage lapsed- we couldn''t afford COBRA and there was literally no individual health insurance in WA state at that point in time. So I was unable to have a lot of the follow up care done.

FWIW, typically thyroid cancer is extraordinarily slow growing. And having your thyroid levels wonky is not unsual- it takes a while to get the dosages right usually. The hormone replacement therapy does help keep the cancer from recurring over the long term- think years- but unless he has a different variety of thyroid cancer than I did, it''s a very slow moving cancer. So if he is unable to do follow up care right now, he can probably hold out for a little while. Unless your FBIL''s case is different than mine, the hormone levels shouldn''t affect the recurrence of cancer over a short term. So, yeah it''s important for him to get them straightened out, but it isn''t going to cause a recurrence in cancer unless he''s going through something drastically different than I did. Essentially, my doctor explained to me that if my replacement dosage was too low (causing a buildup of the pituitary hormone that triggers thyroid hormone production) it may cause some leftover thyroid tissue to start working, which could cause the cancer to recur. But again, for me that was over the very long term that it could be a problem- like years/decades. If he has had radiation treatment it''s unlikely to be an issue at all.

Anyway, here''s what finally happened with me: one company (Regence Blue Shield) finally started offering individual coverage and I was picked up in my mid 20s. When I finally followed up on my thyroid stuff it turned out that they''d diagnosed one of the tumors they''d found with cancer but had not actually figured out whether or not the other tumors were cancerous or not. Creepily enough they still had the questionable ones (ew! years later? how weird is that!) and were able to figure out that no, the ''extra bonus'' tumors were pre-cancerous but not actually there yet, so therefore they felt that I didn''t need radiation treatment.

Basically follow up care for thyroid cancer *generally* is to keep your hormone levels where they ought to be, and that''s about it. Sometimes they destroy any remaining thyroid with radiation- apparently it''s difficult to remove a thyroid fully, so often there''s some that remains. And if they feel you''re at higher risk of recurrence (like multiple tumors) they''ll irradiate it and destroy it. In my example, I had one cancerous tumor, numerous other precancerous tumors, and one abnormal parathyroid (there''s four of those, they process calcium if I remember right- I have three now). I didn''t need radiation treatment. That would likely be the only follow up that your FBIL might need other than his medication.

For what it''s worth, thyroid meds are super cheap, insurance is not crucial for them. Also the blood tests aren''t horrifically expensive. Unless he needs radiation treatment, or if they think his cancer may have metastasized, his follow up care is likely to be fairly inexpensive- and those two things are fairly unlikely for typical thyroid cancer in it''s early stages. Also, unless his cancer was a different type than mine was, thyroid cancer is very, very slow growing and is concidered to be one of the least ''scary'' cancers to get, and that it''s relatively fixable- like, if my doctor hadn''t caught the tumors in a routine physical it would likely have been decades before it spread.

Thank you SO MUCH for your post and candor! You can''t imagine how reassuring that is to hear from someone with personal exeprience with thyroid cancer. I know that there are different factors based on the different types of thyroid cancers, but it nonetheless reassuring to hear about your sucessful experience with managing yours and maintaining your health.

Thank you!

 

[MAC-W]

Date: 1/26/2010 3:49:10 PM
Author:trillionaire
FBIL was diagnosed with thyroid cancer last March. He lost is job 2 weeks earlier, but had coverage through his wife''s employer. He had the cancer removed and was put on thyroid replacement meds. His last visits to the doctor showed his THS level was 55! Any docs would know that normal range is from .5 - 5.0, so this is crazy high. He was supposed to get some blood work done and also a CT scan to see if there were additional issues, but then they lost their coverage. FSIL lost her job in late December, so as of Jan 1, they had no coverage unless they opted for COBRA. COBRA was going to cost $1200/month for the family. Now, my dad is a doctor, and FBIL called my dad and talked to him about his options, insurance, etc, during mid Dec and my dad called and told me everything, because FBIL and his family were probably going to need financial help from FI and I and from FI''s parents, and he wanted to make sure that everyone understood the situation.

Since then, I don''t know what has transpired in terms of communication within FI''s family unit, but FI was really upset last week because FSIL signed up for COBRA coverage for herself and the 6 month old daughter, at a rate of $200/mo and FBIL, with his questionable health, will be uninsured, or has to look for high risk health insurance. Now, I don''t know whether they discussed splitting up the insurance, or if FSIL made a unilateral decsion, I really have no idea. I don''t really trust FBIL to be honest about what''s going on, because he has a pretty sketchy track record in this arena. On the other hand, FSIL is a total straight-shooter who doesn''t candy coat anything for anyone, even when she should, lol. There is still time left for them to change the COBRA coverage from 2 people, to the whole family, but they would need to talk to FI and FI''s parents, as well as FSIL''s parents to see if they are willing to help them with the costs. (my dad even said that he would help) I personally think that $1000 a month between 3 families is doable, while they look for jobs (FBIL is freelancing and FSIL had a second round interview last week!), but no one can help if they don''t know help is needed. The issue is, that if FBIL has a lapse in his coverage with his pre-existing condition, no one has to pick him up with coverage for at least a year. My dad says unequivocally that he can''t afford to take that risk with his levels being so far out of range. He could have a cancer recurrence with the types of numbers that he has now, and the medication does not seem to be managing it. My worry is that they try to save money now by foregoing coverage for FBIL, but end up in a crisis and bankrupt, as they have no savings or even assets at this point in time. I think it would be better to pay a little now to help them maintain coverage than to try to bail them out if something happens.

So, the bottom line is, FI''s parents are totally out of the loop, and FBIL is stonewalling. He won''t really address questions about his health and what is going on, and it''s not really even possible to get a straight answer out of him. FI won''t say anything to his parents, because he feels that there is no point if his brother is not going to follow through on what he needs to do anyway (which has been his track record.) Naturally, I am very concerned, and am not sure what, if anything, should be done. My inclination is to talk to FSIL and see what she knows and how she feels, and if they do want to consider the $1200/mo COBRA, then getting FI''s parents in the loop if necessary. However, I am NOT married to FI and don''t want to overstep any boundaries. FI and I have had more than a few heated conversations about this topic, and FI doesn''t want to talk about it anymore because FBIL is always dropping the ball. I suggested that he talk to FSIL, and he said that I should talk to her. (I wouldn''t do so without his consent) I''m not the type to meddle in other people''s affairs, but health is not something I think that anyone can afford to take lightly.

any advice? Mind my own business? Talk to FSIL? Any doctors who can weigh in?

I''m really at a lost, and it''s very time sensitive...

I got diagnosed with cancer last year, had my tumour cut out just before Christmas. At this point in time I have a fairly high chance of the cancer recurring but I''m focussing on the 25% not the 75%. For some reason almost everyone else I know is focussing on the 75% - how depressing!

Maybe your FBIL/FSIL are the same as me (focussing on the positive when everyone else is focussing on the negative)

Unless you''ve been there & done that, you shouldnt judge how someone deals with a "bad" diagnosis.