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Should I invite my boss?

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Jas12

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I work as a high school teacher in an alternative program and I share a room all day with one other teacher (he is the coordinator of the program so I guess he is technically my boss). I am with him all day and we get along great, but we definitely have a purely working relationship--i.e. there is a big age gap b/w us and we don''t really discuss any sort of personal matters or engage in a lot of small talk. He has met my fiancé a few times but knows no one else from my family.
I don''t know if I should invite him to my wedding first b/c of our formal working relationship and secondly, he wouldn''t know anyone there (It is also an out of town wedding). I highly doubt he would come and I actually think inviting him would make him feel awk. All that said, I still have this inkling that etiquette would dictate that he should be invited b/c he is essentially my only co-worker and I am with this guy all day long!
What do you guys think?
 

Maisie

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I would say invite him and let him bring a guest if he wants to. That way it won''t matter if he doesn''t know everyone there. I feel he may be offended if you don''t ask him if you work so closely.

Let him know that you wouldn''t be offended if he doesn''t feel able to attend but that you would love to see him there. This will give him the chance to be honest and say out of town isn''t do-able for him.

Maisie
 

zoebartlett

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I was wondering the same too. I'm a teacher as well; is it polite to ask coworkers to go, even though none of them are close friends? If you chit chat throughout the day, they're bound to hear all about the wedding plans anyway. I know you and your boss have a different kind of relationship though.

I think I'd lean to inviting your boss and then letting him make the decision to attend or not. If you do invite him, I'd suggest writing "and guest" on his invitation.

ETA: On the other hand, if you're planning a really small wedding (family and really close friends), you might not need to feel obligated to invite anyone who isn't close to you. People understand about this type of situation.

Okay, I just flip-flopped! I'm really no help, huh?
 

So_happy

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It seems to me your worries would be sqaushed if you invited this person along with a guest. It''s not like you have to worry about inviting him and 20 others at work would be upset/hurt. You''re lucky in that sense. It sounds like you and he get along just fine (even if the convos never get past the working-relationship type of convos) so if he did come, I bet you''d be happy to see him there.

To be honest, I don''t see any disadvantages to inviting him but alot of advantages to doing the opposite :) You two could even become more friendly after this :)
 

surfgirl

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I would not invite him if nobody else from work is invited. It''s very easy to say it''s "just family and a few close friends" but then, I wouldn''t provide any explanation anyway. You dont sound like you''ve ever hung out with him and the only reason you''re considering inviting him is because you work with him. I would only want those closest to me at my wedding. If I was close with a co-worker that''s fine, but if not, no invite. But that''s just me.
 

FireGoddess

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I would invite him (and a guest). Even if he decides not to go I would feel bad not having invited him.
 

havernell

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I''m going to be different here...

Unlike us girls, I don''t know many guys who would be offended to not be invited to a wedding of a co-worker. Frankly, a lot of guys don''t really care about/like going to weddings of non-close friends. Of course this is a genaralization and there are exceptions, but being excited about weddings is just more of a female think in general.

So, just go with your gut based on what you know about him. Does he seem like the type who would be offended to not be invited? You said you think he might feel awkward if you invited him, so I think that''s your answer. Also, ask yourself "would I be offended if I wasn''t invited to his (out-of-town where I don''t know anyone) wedding? If not, don''t invite him.

If you feel the need to say something to him, most reasonable people understand the "family and close friends only" type of wedding, so just casually mention that''s what yours is.

Good luck with it!
 

swingirl

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I agree with the don''t-invite-him vote and also guess he would not expect to be invited anyway. Unless you are making a really big deal about how large your wedding is and and that its the social event of the year, I think most people respect the fact that weddings are for close family and frends, not just people you are acquanted with.

One good way to think of is if you or he quite your job tomorrow would either of you feel the need to continue to socialize? There is a difference between good co-workers and good friends. It sometimes crosses the line but I think women are more likely to cross over than men.

The whole invitation thing then puts him in the situation of do-I-get-her-a gift? And, yikes, what if he has a Lady-in-Waiting who is going to be shooting him daggers through the whole thing....geez, if this isn''t enough to talk you out of inviting the poor guy, I don''t know what will!!! Just kidding, you know your own situation best...forget everything I said!!
 

kcoursolle

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Date: 4/17/2007 2:35:09 PM
Author: FireGoddess
I would invite him (and a guest). Even if he decides not to go I would feel bad not having invited him.
ditto. If you really think he''ll feel awkward about being invited, why not just ask him whether he''d be interested in being invited to your wedding? This could minimize the surprise later when he gets the invite.
 

Jas12

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hmm, lots for me to mull over.....first off, he is married so I would invite his wife.
He is almost 20 years older than me and like I mentioned we get along great and I really like him, but we defintely would not keep in touch if we didn''t work together...so that is a good point that was brought up by swinggirl (kind of the litmus test of possible wedding guests)
I also don''t like the possibility of him thinking that I am just inviting him for a possible gift or out of a sense of obligation. That almost seems worse.
Lastly, I don''t think he would be at insulted if he was not invited. I''ve mentioned that I am having an out of town wedding based on the ''guest list will get out of control'' possibility and he thought it was a good idea, so I think he would understand. As mentioned, I don''t think men analyze this sort of thing as much!

I think i have my answer--thanks all
 

appletini

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I invited my boss we have a great relationship and I knew that we could keep in touch if either of us ever changed jobs. My thoughts behind inviting people were that we are close to them and know that we would maintain a relationship in the future.

If you don''t hang out outside of work and aren''t that close then he might think its kind of wierd that would be invited.
 

aljdewey

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I wouldn''t invite him. As you won''t be invited other co-workers, it''s very easy to just say "we decided to stick with an intimate feel and invite only family and a few lifelong friends."
 
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