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Should I give notice?

PintoBean

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Oh My Gawd... I am so tired!

I almost gave my boss notice a few minutes ago. I am so fed up. I've wanted to leave this past year so badly. All I was waiting on was finishing the last of my student loan payments, which I did a few months ago. We have always lived well on one income - DH's. My salary first went towards tuition when I was going to law school part time in the evenings, then to paying off my loans in an accelerated manner - try 2.5 hours in a 10 year repayment term!

My new boss started last year. My 3 other bosses were awesome, and I learned a lot from them. With the current boss, I went from thriving to suffering. I don't want to get into my problems with my boss, but there are a lot of problems. She manages two groups, and I know that 5 out of 8 of us are job searching/interviewing.

I am overloaded with 3x as much work right now. My stress is materializing itself in eczema on my inner forearms, my upper lip, and my tender belly :). I don't sleep well. My DH and I argue all the time about my unhappiness with work. He doesn't know what to do to help me. I've put on 15 lbs from the stress - usually the weight comes on towards a project deadline. I find myself crying on Sundays because I have to go back to work on Monday. I sleep in on weekends b/c I'm so exhausted from the erratic work schedules - the late nites and weekend work that crop up as we near project deadlines.

I have tried my damndest to wait for a potential job offer - I have a friend who works at that company who has told me to be patient because they want to on-board me. But.. I am feeling so so... terrible that I don't know if I can wait any longer.

Right now, with my 3 projects, the latest deadline is September 20. If I gave notice this soon, it would be 1 month notice - is that too long?? too goofy? I don't know what to do... I'm feeling so... ;( :(sad
 

amc80

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I had a job like that. It was horrible, my boss was plain old mean, and the environment was generally depressing. Had I not needed to work I would have given my two week notice much earlier. And I would have used some of my vacation time for that two weeks. Life is too short. If you are unhappy, leave.
 

yssie

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First - CONGRATS on paying off those student loans!! That's a HUGE accomplishment - and so early, too! Consider me impressed :appl:

Second - I've been there. I'm betting a lot of us have! Working my a** off to keep meeting those deadlines... The inability to do anything on the weekend other than sleep the week off. The arguing with DH. The crying every Sunday evening. The drastic weight change thanks to the stress - I'd forget to eat for a full couple of days at a time, you can imagine how healthy that was. My blood pressure plummeted, my cholesterol skyrocketed, and I managed to give myself a mild case of anaemia.

Is there an end in sight? If there is - if you'll be switching teams, or you're confident your friend can pull something together in a month or two, stick it out and keep job-hunting - it's MUCH easier to get a job while you have a job! I wouldn't recommend giving notice a month early under any circumstances - you're just giving HR ammunition to get rid of you on their terms, which may not match yours.

But if there's no end in sight... at some point you've got to decide whether working in this job/at this company is worth sacrificing your health for, especially if you're lucky enough to be in a situation wherein you don't actually need the income, your partner's job situation is stable, your goal careerpath won't take too much of a hit if you take some time off...

::HUGS::!!


ETA: I should've added that I left that company for one that espouses very different values - younger developers, a more democratic approach to problem-solving, we work in teams and we all get along great (and we have a fantastic manager)... It's not perfect but I don't expect perfection, just a good fit *for me*, and I honestly had no idea just how unhappy I was until I compare it, in hindsight, to how happy I am here!!

I do believe that things will be okay in the end, and that if they're not okay it's not the end. So... whatever you choose, I *know* that it'll ultimately be for the best :))
 

Dee*Jay

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Pinto, I know conventional wisdom is not to quite a job until you have another one, but this position is taking a toll on your health, both mentally and physically. If I were you I would gracefully exit. And a one month notice... ? Two weeks baby.

If you choose to someone hang on is there any way you can talk to HR and potentially get some relief? I'm sure you've thought of that already though.

Tons of support coming your way no matter what you choose, but I vote for the ol' heave ho.
 

AGBF

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I have no more wisdom to offer than has already been offered, PintoBean, but I am on your side. No matter what you do, you are going to be all right. You are a good human being.

Big hugs,
Deb
(((Hug)))
 

iheartscience

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How in demand is your experience? Could you get hired quickly if you left without another job lined up? Or would that be considered a "black mark" on your resume?

If I were you I would start applying to other jobs while you wait to hopefully get the job at your friend's company, and I would press for a firm timeline on when they can bring you on. There's not use in waiting around for something that isn't going to actually happen. I've had a completely miserable job (also because of an awful boss) but I didn't feel comfortable quitting without another job. It took me over a year to get a job offer that I took. (I was offered another job but knew I wouldn't like it either, so I turned it down.)
 

iluvshinythings

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If your goal was to stick it out until you paid off your student loans, it sounds like you've achieved your goal.

On the other hand, it is easier to find a job when you have a job.

I can see both sides to the problem and I've been there myself. Personally, I'd never quit a job until I had another, but I don't have the medical problems you are experiencing and it sounds like your marriage is suffering too. You can find another job but replacing a spouse is another story....

I think two week's notice is adequate. I wouldn't give them a month unless it was required.

Good luck to you!
 

PintoBean

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Thank you amc80, Yssie, Dee*Jay. I am so appreciative of you taking the time to write me thoughtful responses. It is very difficult to have discussions about my professional life with those that I am closest to without a lot of subjective "stuff" injected into the dialogue.

AGBF - you almost made me burst into tears as I'm ducking down in this hobbit hole cubicle of mine. Getting this affected by being told that I am a "good human being" is a startling reaction, and telling of my current circumstances.

There have also been other incidents that have made me very uncomfortable working for this boss. When she started last year, she was informed that I would be taking some time off due to my upcoming wedding. She proceeded to ask me questions that made me very uncomfortable, e.g., how come you don't wear your e-ring (I deal with a lot of typing, assembling of paper, so I find myself often taking my ring off and placing it in a ringbox in my purse)... how MUCH did you pay for your e-ring? and when I DID wear my e-ring, she insisted, "You HAVE to let me try it on!" I did let her try it on b/c I was so unsure of our dynamic being that she was only 2 weeks in, and maybe in retrospect I was too spineless to stand up for myself. :(

We had two wedding ceremonies - a wedding locally, then we went to Vegas to get legally married b/c it's so easy to get married in Vegas, and we didn't want to take a full honeymoon right after the wedding because this is peak time at work, so a mini-moon to Vegas it was. Apparently, when I was gone, she held a group meeting, and made a point of asking my co-workers if it's the norm in the US for people to have TWO wedding ceremonies like I did. (She's from Canada). I just thought it was so inappropriate to ask a question like that during a team meeting.

a few months after the wedding, I got a designer handbag. One night, she reached into my cube, squeezed it, and asked me if it was real. I just laughed and said, "I don't know..." and made a joke of it... That was all from the first 3 months that she joined the company. Then there's the fact that when she's working from home (WFH) every other week, she takes 6-12 hours to respond to any e-mail, and they're usually "sent from my iPhone".

She made a point of telling me that me and a co-worker with a PhD from MIT are too academic, and we pace ourselves like we're cramming for a final. I was shocked. Yes, I get backlogged, but that's b/c those that are providing me inputs are backlogged as well, and it's a tenacious and pervasive issue within the company. And if she knew anything about anything, in law school, you usually have one exam per class per semester. you can't CRAM for that. Grrr...

Another twist - DH works in a different dept in the same company. His boss is quirky, but is very protective of his team. DH is a hardworker, and his boss recognizes this. So does his boss's boss. One day, my boss followed me into the bathroom, and took the stall next to mine. She proceeded to grill me from the next stall along the lines of : "Every time I see your husband, he looks scared." I replied, "Oh, he gets so engrossed in his work that when people come upon him, he gets startled and gives the deer in headlights stare." She said, "No, every time I say hi to him, he looks down. I think he's scared of me. Tell your husband not to be scared of me. I don't want to know what you're telling him about me that scares him." All I did was laugh it off. I was VERY uncomfortable with the fact that she called him my "husband". No one calls him that at work. A lot of people don't even know we're married. We have been commended in the past by other employees for our ability to keep it very professional and separate at work.

Then, the following day, as she's about to exit the building, she stands by my cube, and LOUDLY announces, "and don't forget to tell your husband not to be scared of me!" WTF???

Apparently other managers, directors, VPs are complaining about her as well - how she is the only manager that ONLY manages and doesn't do, how she always delegates to everyone and leaves nothing on the plate for herself to do, how quick she is to blame other depts.
 

Dee*Jay

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Pinto, your last post (especially the final paragraph) make me think maybe your new boss might become your old boss some time soon. Apparently you aren't the only one who's not in love with her. Do you have any experience with how quickly your organization typically work in situations like this (i.e., where someone is "moved along")? Maybe waiting her out IS a possibility if it won't be TOO long...?

And the things you've listed out that she's done -- CRAZY!
 

PintoBean

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Thank you thing2of2 and iluvshinythings.

I have been preparing for a while. I set up a linkedin, and to not make it very obvious that I am not job searching, I have periodically updated my linkedin - e.g., skillsets, new links, etc. I didn't want to be one of those people who have an inactive linkedin for a long period of time, then a flurry of activity. There are rumours that HR monitors linkedin activity.

Once I paid off my loans, I made job searching a regular activity, but nothing too crazy. I have had a few people reach out to me on linkedin, which I followed up on. I have checked competitors' :cheeky: job sites and applied to applicable positions. I am subscribed to receive e-mails from glassdoor and monster, and have applied to some hits. I used to work in patent prosecution pre-law school, and two of the partners spun off and formed their own firm. One called last year to ask me if I had time to moonlight. That is something I could follow up on.

I do have a good background - MS-Eng + JD. It's let me enter different fields. I would ideally like to get a "Project Manager" title job because unlike my current title, which is very niche, Proj. Manager is a very broad title that can translate across many fields.

I am looking into adding certifications - maybe something like scrum master, or a PMP... PMP is a bit costly. I can study and take the patent bar. I never did sit for my state bar, I could do that, too.

(I could have a baby...but I'm not ready, and DH would drop dead if he read this... :naughty: )

Back to the boss and the jewelry and the handbag. I stopped carrying that handbag. I stopped wearing rings in general, but I kept wearing my bezeled studs... till a few months ago, when she paused at my desk, stared at my left ear, and said, "those are nice earrings" in a terse tone, turned heel, and marched off. I don't know - I always felt like she was violating so many unstated Pricescope codes!!!!

Then there's what happened yesterday. My co-worker and I were told that for the next big jump in our positions, we had to learn what another dept did. So ironic b/c I was supposed to rotate temporarily into that dept to learn, and she squashed that last December - "your rotation is OVER! Get over it!" I went to speak with the director of that other dept and told him that in order to progress at my job, I needed to learn skillsets that his employees had. He said, "yes, it's important that you do, and it will also allow my people to free up from helping your department if you guys learn these skills and become more independent of my department." He said, "Leave it to me to convince your boss. This will benefit all of us."

My director friend and my boss both tell me that October looks promising. Then a few weeks later, the dir. tells me that my boss arranged a meeting for him, HR, and her to discuss how they would fill in my position while I am on loan to his dept., but my boss bailed on the meeting. The dir. already planned to rotate one of his new employees into my group because he thought it would be a good opportunity for the new guy to learn as well.

Fast forward a few weeks to yesterday. I stop by my boss's office to quickly touch base on something, and she then proceeds to ask, "Do you know anyone we can hire into the group?" Me: "No." Boss, "until we hire someone, you can't rotate." what the??? And she conveniently leaves out that the director had offered up someone for the rotation... So this basically crushed me. It took 2 years for a former group member to transition out of the group because he hated it so. My entering the group allowed him to move on. Another 2 years passed until we got our most recent hire. In a nutshell, my boss had her mind made up that she was going to ding this from the start, but didn't wan to outright say no (like she did last December), so she basically made it near impossible to rotate in October by requiring that we hire someone into the group.

OH... and being told that the month of August and September I should anticipate working weekends (yes I know that w/ triple load of work), and to work thru Labor Day (super bummer - my wedding anniversary is September 2 - it's my FIRST wedding anniversary!!!), and maybe I'm hormonal this week... but ARGHHHH....

Le sigh...

Thinking about what dee*jay said about notice, maybe wait a few more weeks - back up 2 weeks from September 20... :blackeye:
 

Dee*Jay

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PintoBean|1377119290|3507501 said:
Then there's what happened yesterday. My co-worker and I were told that for the next big jump in our positions, we had to learn what another dept did. So ironic b/c I was supposed to rotate temporarily into that dept to learn, and she squashed that last December - "your rotation is OVER! Get over it!" I went to speak with the director of that other dept and told him that in order to progress at my job, I needed to learn skillsets that his employees had. He said, "yes, it's important that you do, and it will also allow my people to free up from helping your department if you guys learn these skills and become more independent of my department." He said, "Leave it to me to convince your boss. This will benefit all of us."

My director friend and my boss both tell me that October looks promising. Then a few weeks later, the dir. tells me that my boss arranged a meeting for him, HR, and her to discuss how they would fill in my position while I am on loan to his dept., but my boss bailed on the meeting. The dir. already planned to rotate one of his new employees into my group because he thought it would be a good opportunity for the new guy to learn as well.

Fast forward a few weeks to yesterday. I stop by my boss's office to quickly touch base on something, and she then proceeds to ask, "Do you know anyone we can hire into the group?" Me: "No." Boss, "until we hire someone, you can't rotate." what the??? And she conveniently leaves out that the director had offered up someone for the rotation... So this basically crushed me. It took 2 years for a former group member to transition out of the group because he hated it so. My entering the group allowed him to move on. Another 2 years passed until we got our most recent hire. In a nutshell, my boss had her mind made up that she was going to ding this from the start, but didn't wan to outright say no (like she did last December), so she basically made it near impossible to rotate in October by requiring that we hire someone into the group.

Wait -- so IS there someone who can be moved into your dept? If so that solves the problem and you can rotate out... no?
 

PintoBean

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Dee*Jay|1377118725|3507496 said:
Pinto, your last post (especially the final paragraph) make me think maybe your new boss might become your old boss some time soon. Apparently you aren't the only one who's not in love with her. Do you have any experience with how quickly your organization typically work in situations like this (i.e., where someone is "moved along")? Maybe waiting her out IS a possibility if it won't be TOO long...?

And the things you've listed out that she's done -- CRAZY!

I think my boss does a good job of sucking up to the Pres/CEO. She always talks about how she did a special project for him here and there, and presented MY ideas, which she said she does often. This is when she first started, and held conferences with each of us and asked for suggestions, inputs on improving the joint... I was so flattered to have someone interested in my ideas that I let them flow... and she got credit, I guess...

Plus, the Pres/CEO and EVP are not IN office on a daily basis. I think they only see a certain side of her. They handpicked her - will they be so quick to see her bad side?

HR is very aware of how my boss acts. I am "friendly" with one of the 2 HR, and last year, she said that she was working with my boss on how to "communicate". hahahaha, and that various members of the two groups under her had complained at one point or another. But complaining does no good - HR is there to protect the COMPANY.

My boss also frequently complains about how ENTITLED recent graduates are openly, publicly. I think she's referring to the majority of us in her 2 groups - I'm a baby-faced 34 year old - a lot of people assumed I was 25 when I started at this company because they only knew that I had recently graduated law school and g0d forbid, people vary from the usual path and go to school at night and work full time in the day to get that JD :razz: She once said to me that people of MY generation think that in a matter of years, we will automatically reach management. Well, it took her 25 years, and the possibility of reaching management in a matter of years only pertains to 20% of my generation. I'm thinking to myself, she just called me mediocre :lol: part of that 80% LMAO! I don't care what you call me - give me the title "Queen of dust bunnies". The bonus and raise I got this spring reflects the fact that I'm doing SOMETHING right! And her acknowledgement to the other director that it would be hard to fill my position while I rotated... IDK... I guess with objects, some people play with their toys nicely, and some like destroying them?
 

PintoBean

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Dee*Jay|1377120259|3507510 said:
Wait -- so IS there someone who can be moved into your dept? If so that solves the problem and you can rotate out... no?

There sure is, Dee*Jay, but I noticed that my boss purposely omitted this fact. I also didn't want to push it any further because if I brought up this employee, my boss could again push back and say, well, this employee, being unfamiliar with what we do, wouldn't be able to fully take on your load, so we STILL need another NEW hire.

And perhaps she's not ready to bump up my salary if I develop these new skill sets...

Strange, right?
 

Dee*Jay

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PintoBean|1377120538|3507515 said:
Dee*Jay|1377120259|3507510 said:
Wait -- so IS there someone who can be moved into your dept? If so that solves the problem and you can rotate out... no?

There sure is, Dee*Jay, but I noticed that my boss purposely omitted this fact. I also didn't want to push it any further because if I brought up this employee, my boss could again push back and say, well, this employee, being unfamiliar with what we do, wouldn't be able to fully take on your load, so we STILL need another NEW hire.

And perhaps she's not ready to bump up my salary if I develop these new skill sets...

Strange, right?

Well... yuck. The more we talk this all through the more I'm getting the feeling you'll be writing something that starts with "This letter shall serve as notice of my resignation..."
 

partgypsy

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I'm sorry that you are having these problems. I think in general, it is good to stay in a job, EXCEPT in those extreme situations where it is taking a psychic toll (and this may be one of them).
One I have to say, given that you have a JD and a masters in English, is that you are not conveying what you say in response to some of her comments. I'm not someone who thinks quickly on her feet, but when I was in a similar situation, I would then follow up with the boss, reiterating what they said, and then saying what information etc I had to explain my case. You need to document even just internally in the department, ways in which for example she said no. and you can follow up and say, It was my understanding that I would be able to rotate out. I need to do so in order to expand my skill set and progress, as well as reduce dependence on that department, and was told that I would be given a chance to. I spoke to A and B, and they stated they had someone available to rotate into their department. They are interested in having this happen, as the employee needs to learn our skills. We have previously had this type of rotation trade." So, there she would explicitly have to state she is against it happening despite 2 other supervisors and two employees. Maybe it wouldn't change the outcome, but it is this type of incremental thing that does turn the tide.

I had a bad work environment. Despite being dedicated to my job (I did not want to leave) the relationship between my supervisor and I got to be to the abusive level. I also looked for jobs, but was not successful until I left that job, maybe in part because I was so demoralized.
 

partgypsy

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It reminds me of that job, when I was expecting. I was getting all my ducks in a row, and wanted to call a group meeting so we could decide who was going to take over which parts of my job. I kept suggesting it, and my boss would say, "that's not needed. Sigh. I guess I'll have to do YOUR job FOR you." But, I knew she wouldn't, and just blow the studies, as some kind of punishment. I then went to the fellow employees (small office) and they said they were afraid of agreeing because the boss didn't authorize it. This round robin happened a few times, until it was just a few weeks before my due date, when the fellow employees realized, she was never going to authorize someone taking over my job duties, and we divied up the work and just didn't tell her.
 

distracts

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LEAVE! Another job will come, and as long as you have one good income, it is NOT worth the stress!

I don't know if you'd be interested in working for a nonprofit, it's a good time to jump into any politically-oriented nonprofit as we're a year out from the next election so there are more open positions. I don't know that it would be something you are at ALL interested in, and you'd still need to be applying for other jobs throughout working there, but it could certainly be another avenue to explore.
 

yennyfire

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Just wanted to send you some hugs Pinto Bean. I do think most of us have been there. I was desperate to leave a certain top company (great reputation in the marketplace, but it's a sweat shop IMHO) and was lucky enough to find another job fairly quickly. I hope that you find a (good) way out of your situation soon. Being stuck in a miserable job is overwhelming and can really do a number on your self esteem. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself!
 

missy

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I'm so sorry you are experiencing this abuse (I definitely consider this abusive) and I am sending you big hugs too. Congrats on paying off all your student loans and I am voting you give 2 weeks notice. No job is worth your health and given the fact that you can live off one salary for now there is no critical reason to stay in such an abusive atmosphere IMO.

Sure we have all experienced some level of this but from what you are describing it sounds extreme to the point of adversely affecting your emotional and physical well being. What does your dh think about this? Is he on board with whatever you decide because that is step one and if he is supportive I would give 2 weeks notice and take some time to destress and then begin a job search. Sending you lots of dust for your health, peace and happiness.
 

AprilBaby

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Nothing is worth losing your health and two weeks is all you need to give. If there is ANY chance you can make that rotation happen, push it. Maybe she will love whoever gets it and you will be happier in a new dept. otherwise, get out and I'm sure you will get something quickly! You sound very employable!!!
 

PintoBean

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Dee*Jay|1377121723|3507524 said:
Well... yuck. The more we talk this all through the more I'm getting the feeling you'll be writing something that starts with "This letter shall serve as notice of my resignation..."

Agreed. :). I want to finish all 3 projects before I leave. I can't believe I still have such pride in my workmanship despite all this BS...
 

PintoBean

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part gypsy|1377122335|3507529 said:
I'm sorry that you are having these problems. I think in general, it is good to stay in a job, EXCEPT in those extreme situations where it is taking a psychic toll (and this may be one of them).
One I have to say, given that you have a JD and a masters in English, is that you are not conveying what you say in response to some of her comments. I'm not someone who thinks quickly on her feet, but when I was in a similar situation, I would then follow up with the boss, reiterating what they said, and then saying what information etc I had to explain my case. You need to document even just internally in the department, ways in which for example she said no. and you can follow up and say, It was my understanding that I would be able to rotate out. I need to do so in order to expand my skill set and progress, as well as reduce dependence on that department, and was told that I would be given a chance to. I spoke to A and B, and they stated they had someone available to rotate into their department. They are interested in having this happen, as the employee needs to learn our skills. We have previously had this type of rotation trade." So, there she would explicitly have to state she is against it happening despite 2 other supervisors and two employees. Maybe it wouldn't change the outcome, but it is this type of incremental thing that does turn the tide.

I had a bad work environment. Despite being dedicated to my job (I did not want to leave) the relationship between my supervisor and I got to be to the abusive level. I also looked for jobs, but was not successful until I left that job, maybe in part because I was so demoralized.
Hi part gypsy! I actually have a masters in electrical and computer engineering. I'm a pretty decent communicator for an engineer, not so much outside of engineers. I have not bothered documenting the incidents. The guy sitting next to me documents every little thing she does, has tried complaining, and nothing has come of it. He is another reason why i want to leave - i have seen him get so worked up by the BS that he turns red up to the tips of his ears, his eyeballs turn red, and he breaks into a sweat. Scares the crap out of me.

HR was actually really happy for me when the opportunity to finally rotate came up BC they know how much I wanted it, and that being tied to a cubicle doing what I do now, writing, kills me if I don't get a break in the field or to learn new things. My former bosses loved it that I always wanted to learn more to improve the content I was generating.

It sounds like you are really good at what you do, to need multiple people to take on parts of your job! I'm not surprised - pricescopers are the cream of the crop!
 

Matata

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PintoBean|1377120538|3507515 said:
Dee*Jay|1377120259|3507510 said:
Wait -- so IS there someone who can be moved into your dept? If so that solves the problem and you can rotate out... no?

There sure is, Dee*Jay, but I noticed that my boss purposely omitted this fact. I also didn't want to push it any further because if I brought up this employee, my boss could again push back and say, well, this employee, being unfamiliar with what we do, wouldn't be able to fully take on your load, so we STILL need another NEW hire.

And perhaps she's not ready to bump up my salary if I develop these new skill sets...

Strange, right?
It's not strange unfortunately -- in my experience, it happens way too often with managers and with women managers and their female subordinates in particular. She sees you as a potential rival and she knows she needs you because of the quality of your work so she is conflicted and you are paying the price. I saw it a million times when I was working. FWIW, while it's true that one of HRs goals is to protect the company, it is often its employees that the company needs to be protected from. I was an HR director and can relay many horror stories of bad managers/supervisors who caused us to be sued due to their negligence, incompetence, or because they were simply unredeemable arseholes. If your company is smart, they will divest themselves of this person post haste. I had to LOL when you said that she had been talked to about her communication style. By the time someone gets to her level, s/he should not need a primer on communication. Tells me that she is not ready for the responsibility of managing.

If you are falling apart physically and emotionally, leave the job. When you are asked by potential employers why you left, say that the company lacked sufficient opportunities for advancement and you wanted to take a break to chart a new course.
 

Dee*Jay

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PintoBean|1377124499|3507565 said:
Dee*Jay|1377121723|3507524 said:
Well... yuck. The more we talk this all through the more I'm getting the feeling you'll be writing something that starts with "This letter shall serve as notice of my resignation..."

Agreed. :). I want to finish all 3 projects before I leave. I can't believe I still have such pride in my workmanship despite all this BS...

I admire you for that! And I understand completely! A couple of jobs ago I quit months before I actually left (long story...) and I killed myself those last few weeks (16 hour days, both weekend days too) tying up EVERY LAST DETAIL before I walked out the door.
 

PintoBean

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distracts|1377122831|3507535 said:
LEAVE! Another job will come, and as long as you have one good income, it is NOT worth the stress!

I don't know if you'd be interested in working for a nonprofit, it's a good time to jump into any politically-oriented nonprofit as we're a year out from the next election so there are more open positions. I don't know that it would be something you are at ALL interested in, and you'd still need to be applying for other jobs throughout working there, but it could certainly be another avenue to explore.

Thank you distracts! I hadn't thought about a nonprofit, but that's a great suggestion!
 

PintoBean

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yennyfire|1377123540|3507548 said:
Just wanted to send you some hugs Pinto Bean. I do think most of us have been there. I was desperate to leave a certain top company (great reputation in the marketplace, but it's a sweat shop IMHO) and was lucky enough to find another job fairly quickly. I hope that you find a (good) way out of your situation soon. Being stuck in a miserable job is overwhelming and can really do a number on your self esteem. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself!

Thank you for the hugs, yennyfire! You are a :saint: .

Funny thing about a company's reputation. A few months after I started working at my company, HR asked me to write a positive review on glassdoor because there had been a string of negative (but honest) reviews, and to let them know when it was posted. Can you believe that? I purposely wrote a review that sounded like marketing propaganda so that despite its positive, glowing nature, no one would think it was sincere. HR loved it. The idiots apparently asked a handful of employees to write reviews, so you'll see a bunch of negative reviews on random dates, then a bunch of positive reviews within days of each other!!! Lather, rinse, repeat. :lol:
 

PintoBean

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missy|1377124349|3507561 said:
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this abuse (I definitely consider this abusive) and I am sending you big hugs too. Congrats on paying off all your student loans and I am voting you give 2 weeks notice. No job is worth your health and given the fact that you can live off one salary for now there is no critical reason to stay in such an abusive atmosphere IMO.

Sure we have all experienced some level of this but from what you are describing it sounds extreme to the point of adversely affecting your emotional and physical well being. What does your dh think about this? Is he on board with whatever you decide because that is step one and if he is supportive I would give 2 weeks notice and take some time to destress and then begin a job search. Sending you lots of dust for your health, peace and happiness.

Yes, it is abusive. Many former employees have commented that they feel like they left an abusive relationship. Thank you for the hugs!!! :saint:

DH is definitely on board with this. He is very sensitive when it comes to his DW. When I am miserable, he is even more miserable (probably my fault :razz:) We are polar opposites - he studied CS, and I studied electrical computer engineering, so we often joke that he is the software to my hardware, and our union wouldn't produce children, rather, a SUPER COMPUTER. :) He is very sad that we might not be able to celebrate our first anniversary because of work. Thank god for DH, and my darling furbabies!
 

PintoBean

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AprilBaby|1377124383|3507562 said:
Nothing is worth losing your health and two weeks is all you need to give. If there is ANY chance you can make that rotation happen, push it. Maybe she will love whoever gets it and you will be happier in a new dept. otherwise, get out and I'm sure you will get something quickly! You sound very employable!!!

Thank AprilBaby - I am going to keep trying to push for the rotation. The guy who was able to leave my group because I entered the picture - his rotation was supposed to be 6 months, and he never came back - not surprised!
 

PintoBean

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Matata|1377125386|3507577 said:
It's not strange unfortunately -- in my experience, it happens way too often with managers and with women managers and their female subordinates in particular. She sees you as a potential rival and she knows she needs you because of the quality of your work so she is conflicted and you are paying the price. I saw it a million times when I was working. FWIW, while it's true that one of HRs goals is to protect the company, it is often its employees that the company needs to be protected from. I was an HR director and can relay many horror stories of bad managers/supervisors who caused us to be sued due to their negligence, incompetence, or because they were simply unredeemable arseholes. If your company is smart, they will divest themselves of this person post haste. I had to LOL when you said that she had been talked to about her communication style. By the time someone gets to her level, s/he should not need a primer on communication. Tells me that she is not ready for the responsibility of managing.

If you are falling apart physically and emotionally, leave the job. When you are asked by potential employers why you left, say that the company lacked sufficient opportunities for advancement and you wanted to take a break to chart a new course.

Matata - you are absolutely correct! One of the best things that have come out of my job is that I was hooked up with a mentor outside of the office. She is AMAZING! She said that it's rather sad, but common, that most mentoring/career pathing that women in the workforce get are NOT from other women, but rather from MEN! When I told my mentor what was going on at our last meet-up, she was absolutely flabbergasted. In a nutshell, she said, my boss basically does everything that a leader is NOT supposed to. :lol: She said that my boss is lucky that I haven't taken any action against the company, and that if my boss were to cross paths with the wrong employee, my company could end up in a legal mess.

What you stated about my boss seeing me as a potential rival - in December, I was truly shot - crazy new boss in August, wedding early September, and my rotation back then AGAIN getting pushed to the wayside because we were SO busy in the department, and too many late nights and weekends. My boss pulled me behind closed doors with her boss present. She proceeded to rip me a new arsehole. I didn't appreciate the approach - I mentioned earlier that in this meeting she made comments about my generation, entitlement, etc. She also made a point of saying that when she first came to the company, she was told that I was the star of the group, and I had shown her that I was far from it. WHAT was my problem? My response: I was hired into X position. Part of that included rotations spanning 6 months. I had ONE rotation - it was supposed to be 4 weeks, got cut down to 3 weeks because our group got busy. I was promised additional rotation(s), which have yet to materialize. Her response? "your INTERNSHIP is over! You Get over it!"

Check it lady! I'm not an intern??!!!! WTF? The worst part - her boss, who used to be my greatest champion, said NOTHING the entire time. He is so nice, but has no backbone. It is amazing :nono: . And he is always protective of my boss, too, because she'll go to his office and complain about this and that, and he always sympathizes with her. After that meeting, I was done with my boss's boss, too!

What's amazing is that my boss was top 5 at another place. They all got canned in a political ouster, but if she was really good, she would have been kept. I found articles online that stated that my boss and her cohorts were pretty much dead weight, morale killers, etc. I guess it's same behavior, different company for her... lol...
 

Matata

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PintoBean|1377128155|3507624 said:
What's amazing is that my boss was top 5 at another place. They all got canned in a political ouster, but if she was really good, she would have been kept. I found articles online that stated that my boss and her cohorts were pretty much dead weight, morale killers, etc. I guess it's same behavior, different company for her... lol...
This is THE ONE THING that pissed me off the most (forgive the swearing but I still get soooo annoyed by this) about upper management. Incompetence is rewarded with promotions. When the new president of the org I worked for asked me to give her a list of suggestions for improving the org, I gave her a list of the top 11 managers in the org that included 5 vice presidents and told her to fire them all. They were all gone within 3 yrs. All of those managers came to us with exceptional references, credentials, and long lists of achievements. Pure poppycock. Companies need to get rid of their dead weight so they hoist them off onto other companies by giving excellent references.

Oh and here's THE SECOND THING that pissed me off the most, incompetent managers are rarely fired, they are given the opportunity to resign first -- yanno, the press release that states "I've decided to move on to pursue other opportunities." And they move on usually to a higher paying position.

When I asked the president why we weren't honest about why the person moved on, she said she was reluctant to damage someone's reputation to which I replied....well didn't s/he damage it all by him/herself? And the reason we're in the position of getting rid of this person is because someone wasn't honest with us when we checked references so do you really feel good about doing that to another organization? After she thought about that bit, she was more comfortable outright firing the nincompoops and giving honest, rather than obtuse, references.

I am so glad I'm retired.
 
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