Should I change my Tiffany e-ring???

[instantpig]

I have been engaged two weeks to the most wonderful man, and he proposed with a 1.41 carat (authentic) Tiffany solitaire. I know he put a lot of thought into it and I know he looked at this ring every day for weeks before he finally proposed, so the ring is very special to me.... but I am having thoughts of changing it.

Some background.... he was planning on dropping $20K on the ring and was debating between the Tiffany and a larger non-branded ring, and because he wrote this touching pricscope forum https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/tiffany-vs-blue-nile.108199/, I told him that it really didn''t matter to me what he got me, that it was his love that counted, and I truly believed it at the time. It is an absolutely gorgeous ring... but when I started wearing it, I realized that it is not me, and also that it is not comparable to what people at work had in size/flashiness.

Why should I care how it compares to others''? I know I shouldn''t, but I have to admit to my own insecurity. Recently I was admitted to a Top 3, Ivy League business school. What I realized when I went to admitted students weekend was that I stuck out like a sore thumb because I wasn''t an Ivy-League educated east coaster who comes from money. In fact, my background is very humble. I already feel very out of my league, and I feel like a 1.41ct ring will contribute to that feeling. I don''t want him to spend any more than the $20K he originally wanted to spend, and I know I''ll never really "catch up" to the others, but I just don''t want to feel so.... out of my league I guess. And I know that $20K can buy a much more impressive ring if it''s not a Tiffany.

I brought this up with my fiancee and it hurt him deeply. He mentioned he felt "rejected" and "inadequate", which made me feel horrible for even bringing it up. He said he would prefer that I keep his ring but will not resent me for the rest of his life if I decided to change it.

So the question is - do I kill the romance and all the thought, love, and anticipation he put in the Tiffany ring by getting a new ring? Or do I deal with my own insecurity and my great fear of that flash of unhappiness I may feel when I see other people''s beautiful rings for the rest of my life by keeping the original ring??

Has anyone had to deal with anything like this before? I appreciate all insights - even if you want to call me a spoiled brat, I can deal with that. I would especially love to hear from those who have regular experience being around wealthy, successful people who could tell me whether or not I''m being paranoid (please keep in mind that people are getting engaged/married all the time at bschool).

Thank you so much for your help. I just want to stop crying/stressing over this as it is an extremely emotional issue for both of us.

 

[FrekeChild]

First, breathe.

Second, 1.41ct is very respectable.

Third, I wouldn''t worry about what other people think. But that''s me.

Fourth, I know a few very high powered women with very successful careers that wear their .5ct engagement rings that their husbands bought them when they couldn''t afford anything more. For them they don''t care about having a giant diamond, it''s more about the sentimentality of the ring.

Fifth, you will get a lot of input on this from PS posters. In the end, you and your FI need to make this decision on your own.

Sixth, you are NOT alone. A month or so after getting engaged, I tried on wedding bands with my engagement ring and went home crying because I didn''t love it (in general) but it really had a lot of problems looking the way I wanted it to with wedding bands. Luckily my fiance was very understanding, and in reality I was the one who got very sentimental about it when we began talk about the reset.

Don''t cry!!! You''ll work this out, I promise!!!

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think you should breathe, take some time, and really consider the thought behind your e-ring. It sounds like your FI really got you an exquisite ring that is simple and elegant, and I''m sure its lovely.

If the people in your class are shallow enough to judge you on your (beautiful, classic) e-ring because its not *big* enough that simply speaks to how shallow they are. I went to an Ivy league undergrad, and believe me, I know the people you are talking about. Trust me, they aren''t worth it.

Now, if you truly do not love your e-ring because its not your style, then that''s different, and I think its likely you could explain to your FI how you feel without hurting him. But if its just to try to live up to some arbitrary standard set by your soon-to-be classmates, its not worth it.

 

[RubyCharm]

Date: 4/16/2009 8:59:58 PM
Author: FrekeChild
First, breathe.

Second, 1.41ct is very respectable.

Third, I wouldn''t worry about what other people think. But that''s me.

Fourth, I know a few very high powered women with very successful careers that wear their .5ct engagement rings that their husbands bought them when they couldn''t afford anything more. For them they don''t care about having a giant diamond, it''s more about the sentimentality of the ring.

Fifth, you will get a lot of input on this from PS posters. In the end, you and your FI need to make this decision on your own.

Sixth, you are NOT alone. A month or so after getting engaged, I tried on wedding bands with my engagement ring and went home crying because I didn''t love it (in general) but it really had a lot of problems looking the way I wanted it to with wedding bands. Luckily my fiance was very understanding, and in reality I was the one who got very sentimental about it when we began talk about the reset.

Don''t cry!!! You''ll work this out, I promise!!!

I agree with Freke. Also, keep in mind that Tiffany & Co. has a good trade-up policy that you could use to get a larger stone in the future without hurting the feelings of your FI.

 

[kittybean]

Hmmm. My fiance went to an Ivy League law school, and 1.41 sounds like a great size among his social circle. We have both worked at large law firms, and 1.41 would also be a nice size in that environment. I really don''t think you have cause for feeling insecure or inferior.

I''m not sure what advice I can offer you, because ultimately it''s your satisfaction with your own ring that is in question. Nothing we can say here will make you love something you don''t--however, weigh the costs of a decision to get a new ring very carefully. How bad will this make your future husband feel? Is that emotional cost worth it? How will you feel no longer having the ring your fiance proposed with? Also, does the financial cost make sense?

 

[Bliss]

I can understand how you feel, but I also wanted to say that your ring is very very special and something to be very proud of. As for the "game" goes - once you start playing it, you're automatically in a lose-lose situation because the point of the game is to never be sated or find peace. There's always more. We were Ivy kids including biz school and let me tell you that it's just not worth it! What an awful way to live this amazing life. The people who would judge you on an e-ring wouldn't even stop there. They'd compare where you lived, what your parents did, how many feet your boat is, where you summer, what your husband does for a living -- it never ends.

I'd try to be as happy as I could with my man and see the amazing gift that you have on your finger. Of course it doesn't "measure up" in outside worth - the treasures and values in life that are truly precious rarely have the flash that temporary things of little value do. A man who would buy his girl a Tiffany diamond? That's rare and precious. Think of all the guys who go to mall stores and charge whatever is convenient right then and there. But your man went to the place little girls dream of and got your Tiff diamond! That's special! Hey, later on when you have more you can buy a bigger RHR or stand-in.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

You said you can handle it so I''m going to say it: you''re a spoiled brat.

I am not usually so harsh to anybody but give me a break! A 20K budget is hardly something to sneeze at; and neither is an authentic Tiffany.

If I were him I''d feel rejected and inadequate too.

There are a lot of people that don''t get any ring so why can''t you be happy with what you have? Why do you feel the need to "keep up with the Joneses"?

I see it like this - there''s always going to be somebody with something bigger/better/more expensive so why bother worrying about it. I am sure that your ring is beautiful and it sounds like your FI put a lot of thought into it.

I am sorry that you are having second thoughts, but maybe you should keep it for a while, think about what''s really important to you and then decide what to do.

 

[elrohwen]

Honestly, I went to an Ivy League for undergrad (different from business school, I'll grant you that) and I very very rarely felt like anybody came from money even if they did. Now maybe it's because I want to the "lesser" Ivy, but still, I think it's more in your head than anything else. It really isn't that intimidating! Those people aren't any smarter than you and most of them probably aren't richer than you (they're just acting like it).

Also, I currently live in a very very rich part of Connecticut and while there are plenty of huge rocks, 1.4ct is still very respectible here! (especially if you're under 40 years old) So take a deep breath, don't worry about it, and love your ring! If something non-Tiffany is really much more your style and you're just not happy with the Tiffany ring, that's one thing. But if you only want another ring so you can get a slightly bigger stone and "fit in" with the business school crowd, it's really not worth it. Give it some time and your ring won't look any different from theirs.

ETA: Total threadjack, but AmberGretchen, which school did you go to?

 

[LostSapphire]

There will ALWAYS be someone with a bigger ring, car, house, etc etc. If you go through life always wanting something to keep "up with the Joneses" you will be broke.

Please re-read what you posted. Your description of the effort your FI put into the purchase of this ring is lovely. And so is your description of your involvement in the process (ie: I see this wasn''t a surprise decision...and you were a part of the original decision to get a Tiffany). I am saddened to hear your FI is disappointed. It sounds like he was very hurt by what you asked him.

I brought this up with my fiancee and it hurt him deeply. He mentioned he felt "rejected" and "inadequate", which made me feel horrible for even bringing it up. He said he would prefer that I keep his ring but will not resent me for the rest of his life if I decided to change it.

So, he is deeply hurt, feels rejected and inadequate. How do you then think he won''t resent you (even a tiny little bit)? if you change it??

LS

 

[justjulia]

I went through all that. Upgraded, and then regretted it. Went back down (size wise) and spent some of the trade in credit on jewelry for my daughter. Turns out what makes you feel good about yourself needs to be in place already- regardless of how you are decorated. The "if I only had so-n-so I would fit in, etc" is a never ending pit of doom. For real.

 

[BeachRunner]

"4. While diamond ring shopping, the first thing I looked at wasn''t cut, carat, color, clarity, or cost. I was looking at my girlfriend''s face to see her reaction. I really think trying on a smaller Tiffany ring made her face light up more than any of the other larger rings."

I pulled this from your now fiance''s

thread. You really have to think about what is more important to you here. It sounds like your fiance went through a great deal to get "the perfect ring", and now you are questioning it because the diamond may not be big enough? IMHO, I think you should be very grateful with what you have; it sounds like a gorgeous ring. But, if size (1.42 compared to 1.76) means that much to you, then you need to find a way to explain that to your FI.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Living up to other people''s expectations is hard and uncomfortable. Not living up to their expectations can make a person feel unsuitable and left out. It is hard. I won''t try to pretend that it doesn''t matter. However, I am going to go with a cliche: when you look at your ring, do you want to remember your proud fiance trying his hardest to please you or the people you are trying to live up to?

The people you want around you aren''t identified by the size or expense of the ring on their finger. Some may have 4ct D Flawless, others 0.5ct maul frozen spit. But they respect you for what you are and what you want to be.

You say the ring is special to you, so treasure it. It will still have meaning many years from now, when many of your class mates have gone their own separate way.

You say you feel you don''t fit in. A larger ring won''t solve that. Really. But the college chose you. You convinced them that you have what it takes to succeed and to bring them brand equity. You have to deal with your insecurity, or it will pop up in many different aspects of your life, in many different times. It is not easy (I am seriously insecure and it isn''t easy trying to overcome it).

Good luck. Despite all this advice, the choice is yours and yours alone. Do what makes you truly happy, not what other people (PSers, classmates, parents or whoever) want you to.

 

[elrohwen]

I totally agree with everything Lady Disdain said. Plenty of us live in very rich areas while we are very not rich (far from it!). We''ve learned to not worry about things and just roll with it. If you don''t worry so much about fitting in, you''ll find that you fit in much better than you think.

 

[instantpig]

FrekeChild, you are magic at calming my nerves. Thank you so much for that post. You have no idea how grateful I am.

Thanks to everyone who''s posting, especially all of those who have experience in those "circles" that I am so clueless about. It makes me realize that I am letting my fear of the unknown get to me.

As to whether it''s just the "keeping up with the joneses" or the ring style, it''s probably both. The knife edge is uncomfortable, the thin band shows my hairy knuckles, and i don''t really feel elegant enough for the design. But the "fear" is probably a bigger part of it.

 

[mrssalvo]

oh wow. You are a brave girl telling your FI you're not happy with the ring only 2 weeks after her proposed. especially since you did give him the impression that you'd be over the moon happy with a Tiffany ring. Personally, I think a 1.4 classic tiffany solitaire is a wonderful size. Maybe you could get the diamond wedding band to bling it up a bit? I think rather than change the ring now you should keep it and then discuss the possibility of upgrading through Tiffany's once finances allow. But, if you really do not like the Tiffany solitaire and he is willing to let you change it than now would be the time to do it while he can still get a refund. Seriously though, do be careful of your FI's feelings. it's not like he bought you a 10mm thick man ring to wear and we've seen a few gals get proposed to with those types of rings on here and he did seem to really think your heart was set on the Tiffany.

ETA: you said the knife edge is not comfy, you FI lead us to believe in the other thread that you had been to Tiffany's and tried on rings there. Is that not the case? had you never tried on the solitaire there before? I will also add that my eyes light up when I go into tiffany's too. I think all their stuff is gorgeous and have been in several times with my hubby. But, I would not want him to buy a ring full price from there. I'd take a second hand one from signed pieces without the mark-up but I'd rather have a larger unbranded stone too, so you are not alone if that's how you feel. you probably should have made that very clear to your FI though while you knew he was still ring shopping though.

 

[jstarfireb]

I think there are two separate issues here. If the ring isn''t "you" in that it''s not your style in terms of the setting, shape of the diamond, etc., then by all means go for something different. You''re going to be wearing it all the time, so you need to have something you love.

The other issue, the feeling of inadequacy with a $20k/1.4ct ring...I''m going to echo DivaDiamond here. You sound SO greedy and spoiled when you say that. The average guy in the US spends $3000-4000 on an engagement ring. Yours was 5-6 times that, and it''s STILL not enough? Get over yourself.

If your classmates/colleagues are so shallow that they''d look down on you for having a 1.4ct Tiffany ring, that''s their problem. Don''t stoop to their level by buying into that.

I''m usually a bit tactful than that, but you asked for honest opinions, and my honest opinion is that reading your post got me steamed.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 4/16/2009 9:43:44 PM
Author: instantpig
FrekeChild, you are magic at calming my nerves. Thank you so much for that post. You have no idea how grateful I am.

Thanks to everyone who's posting, especially all of those who have experience in those 'circles' that I am so clueless about. It makes me realize that I am letting my fear of the unknown get to me.

As to whether it's just the 'keeping up with the joneses' or the ring style, it's probably both. The knife edge is uncomfortable, the thin band shows my hairy knuckles, and i don't really feel elegant enough for the design. But the 'fear' is probably a bigger part of it.

I'm glad that you're coming around! From my posts you can tell that I've had some recent experience with these pretty wealthy social circles (not that they choose to socialize with me ... but I'm certainly around them at times

) ... and honestly, coming from where I did I still sometimes feel very awkward! But honestly, most of the time, it's not a big deal at all. I think, like you said, it's the fear of the unknown more than anything. After a while you'll realize that these people aren't any different than you and that you deserve to be there are much as them. Maybe you don't have "family money", but that really doesn't matter a bit in the long term. Try to hold your head high and not be intimidated! The school picked you because you will be successful, and they are right. It has nothing to do with the size of your ring or the make of your car.

 

[instantpig]

Date: 4/16/2009 9:16:23 PM
Author: elrohwen
Honestly, I went to an Ivy League for undergrad (different from business school, I''ll grant you that) and I very very rarely felt like anybody came from money even if they did. Now maybe it''s because I want to the ''lesser'' Ivy, but still, I think it''s more in your head than anything else. It really isn''t that intimidating! Those people aren''t any smarter than you and most of them probably aren''t richer than you (they''re just acting like it).

Also, I currently live in a very very rich part of Connecticut and while there are plenty of huge rocks, 1.4ct is still very respectible here! (especially if you''re under 40 years old) So take a deep breath, don''t worry about it, and love your ring! If something non-Tiffany is really much more your style and you''re just not happy with the Tiffany ring, that''s one thing. But if you only want another ring so you can get a slightly bigger stone and ''fit in'' with the business school crowd, it''s really not worth it. Give it some time and your ring won''t look any different from theirs.

ETA: Total threadjack, but AmberGretchen, which school did you go to?

DivaDiamond007 - I don''t think you''re being harsh. I might think this about some other person too, and I am at place of really disliking myself for crying over this when people have much bigger problems to deal with. It''s just frightening bc I''ve never owned anything more than $6000 (my car) and I feel like this is a LIFETIME decision and my ONE chance at something that I''ll love and treasure forever, and I had all these idealistic notions. I justified it (in my head) because it''s not that I want him to spend more, but the money could be spent differently.

But maybe I just need someone to slap me around a bit.

 

[instantpig]

My post is meant to go to this thread....

Date: 4/16/2009 9:16:08 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007
You said you can handle it so I''m going to say it: you''re a spoiled brat.

I am not usually so harsh to anybody but give me a break! A 20K budget is hardly something to sneeze at; and neither is an authentic Tiffany.

If I were him I''d feel rejected and inadequate too.

There are a lot of people that don''t get any ring so why can''t you be happy with what you have? Why do you feel the need to ''keep up with the Joneses''?

I see it like this - there''s always going to be somebody with something bigger/better/more expensive so why bother worrying about it. I am sure that your ring is beautiful and it sounds like your FI put a lot of thought into it.

I am sorry that you are having second thoughts, but maybe you should keep it for a while, think about what''s really important to you and then decide what to do.

DivaDiamond007 - I don''t think you''re being harsh. I might think this about some other person too, and I am at place of really disliking myself for crying over this when people have much bigger problems to deal with. It''s just frightening bc I''ve never owned anything more than $6000 (my car) and I feel like this is a LIFETIME decision and my ONE chance at something that I''ll love and treasure forever, and I had all these idealistic notions. I justified it (in my head) because it''s not that I want him to spend more, but the money could be spent differently.

 

[LostSapphire]

Date: 4/16/2009 9:54:40 PM
Author: instantpig

DivaDiamond007 - I don''t think you''re being harsh. I might think this about some other person too, and I am at place of really disliking myself for crying over this when people have much bigger problems to deal with. It''s just frightening bc I''ve never owned anything more than $6000 (my car) and I feel like this is a LIFETIME decision and my ONE chance at something that I''ll love and treasure forever, and I had all these idealistic notions. I justified it (in my head) because it''s not that I want him to spend more, but the money could be spent differently.

But maybe I just need someone to slap me around a bit.

No slapping around necessary!!!

I hope it''s just a bit of nerves happening....

I went back and read your FI''s thread (what a guy!). And LOVE LOVE LOVE this post of his:



A little bit more about my girlfriend, whom I love more than anything in this world... She grew up without a lot of money and prior to ring shopping had never even walked into a Tiffany store because she knew she couldn''t afford anything there. How perfect would it be for her to own a Tiffany ring and go into any Tiffany store she wants to get it cleaned? She would essentially be part of the exclusive "club" that she grew up envying. I just hope I''ll be able to afford all the other Tiffany stuff she''ll eventually end up wanting!




OMG he''s a KEEPER. How thoughtful is that? I''m tearing up at this part.

LS

 

[instantpig]

Date: 4/16/2009 9:45:53 PM
Author: mrssalvo
oh wow. You are a brave girl telling your FI you''re not happy with the ring only 2 weeks after her proposed. especially since you did give him the impression that you''d be over the moon happy with a Tiffany ring. Personally, I think a 1.4 classic tiffany solitaire is a wonderful size. Maybe you could get the diamond wedding band to bling it up a bit? I think rather than change the ring now you should keep it and then discuss the possibility of upgrading through Tiffany''s once finances allow. But, if you really do not like the Tiffany solitaire and he is willing to let you change it than now would be the time to do it while he can still get a refund. Seriously though, do be careful of your FI''s feelings. it''s not like he bought you a 10mm thick man ring to wear and we''ve seen a few gals get proposed to with those types of rings on here and he did seem to really think your heart was set on the Tiffany.

ETA: you said the knife edge is not comfy, you FI lead us to believe in the other thread that you had been to Tiffany''s and tried on rings there. Is that not the case? had you never tried on the solitaire there before? I will also add that my eyes light up when I go into tiffany''s too. I think all their stuff is gorgeous and have been in several times with my hubby. But, I would not want him to buy a ring full price from there. I''d take a second hand one from signed pieces without the mark-up but I''d rather have a larger unbranded stone too, so you are not alone if that''s how you feel. you probably should have made that very clear to your FI though while you knew he was still ring shopping though.

"Brave" is one way to put it... I am just horrible at hiding my thoughts at the appropriate moments. To be honest, I was completely overwhelmed by the ring selection process. The store was dark (so I couldn''t see my knuckle hair) and wearing it for 30 seconds, I couldn''t tell that the knife edge could dig in a little. I know he didn''t like the Jeff Cooper ring that I also brought up repeatedly (he said the baguettes looked like headlights!) so when he saw my eyes light up, he may have seen what he wanted to see. He really wanted to get me that Tiffany. And when I snooped and read that post, his post made me cry because it was so touching. And I thought at the time (before he bought it) that sentimentality was more special than any other style ring, that he put so much thought into it. It''s only when I started wearing it everyday that I started having second thoughts.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 4/16/2009 10:00:05 PM
Author: LostSapphire

Date: 4/16/2009 9:54:40 PM
Author: instantpig

DivaDiamond007 - I don''t think you''re being harsh. I might think this about some other person too, and I am at place of really disliking myself for crying over this when people have much bigger problems to deal with. It''s just frightening bc I''ve never owned anything more than $6000 (my car) and I feel like this is a LIFETIME decision and my ONE chance at something that I''ll love and treasure forever, and I had all these idealistic notions. I justified it (in my head) because it''s not that I want him to spend more, but the money could be spent differently.

But maybe I just need someone to slap me around a bit.

No slapping around necessary!!!

I hope it''s just a bit of nerves happening....

I went back and read your FI''s thread (what a guy!). And LOVE LOVE LOVE this post of his:





A little bit more about my girlfriend, whom I love more than anything in this world... She grew up without a lot of money and prior to ring shopping had never even walked into a Tiffany store because she knew she couldn''t afford anything there. How perfect would it be for her to own a Tiffany ring and go into any Tiffany store she wants to get it cleaned? She would essentially be part of the exclusive ''club'' that she grew up envying. I just hope I''ll be able to afford all the other Tiffany stuff she''ll eventually end up wanting!






OMG he''s a KEEPER. How thoughtful is that? I''m tearing up at this part.

LS

Awww, tearing up at this too. You have a great guy, a gorgeous ring and a kick ass school. Nuff said...

 

[goldenstar]

Date: 4/16/2009 9:13:33 PM
Author: Bliss
I can understand how you feel, but I also wanted to say that your ring is very very special and something to be very proud of. As for the ''game'' goes - once you start playing it, you''re automatically in a lose-lose situation because the point of the game is to never be sated or find peace. There''s always more. We were Ivy kids including biz school and let me tell you that it''s just not worth it! What an awful way to live this amazing life. The people who would judge you on an e-ring wouldn''t even stop there. They''d compare where you lived, what your parents did, how many feet your boat is, where you summer, what your husband does for a living -- it never ends.


I''d try to be as happy as I could with my man and see the amazing gift that you have on your finger. Of course it doesn''t ''measure up'' in outside worth - the treasures and values in life that are truly precious rarely have the flash that temporary things of little value do. A man who would buy his girl a Tiffany diamond? That''s rare and precious. Think of all the guys who go to mall stores and charge whatever is convenient right then and there. But your man went to the place little girls dream of and got your Tiff diamond! That''s special! Hey, later on when you have more you can buy a bigger RHR or stand-in.

Bliss said it all...

I see wealthy people in my line of work all the time and I''ve seen only one flashy diamond. I''ve seen a lot of plain weddings bands and modest rings that were purchased decades ago. But I guess there''s differences between the generations. In any case, I think you''re a lucky girl with the man and the ring you''ve got. However, I commend you for being honest. You just need a shift in perspective.

One quote that I love is "Happiness is not about having what you want, but wanting what you have."

 

[LostSapphire]

A thought just popped into my head: you know that a knife edge can be smoothed down? Perhaps a minor modification would solve the problem?

LS

 

[mrscushion]

First of all, 1.4 is a great size, very respectable in any circle, as other posters have pointed out.

Secondly, most of the women at your top b-school aren''t going to be engaged and if they''re in relationships going into school, they''ll likely break up while they''re there, so if anything, they''ll be ever-so-slightly jealous of you for being engaged. And the men, being men, won''t notice or care if you sport .3 carat or 3 carat. JMHO from a person who knows top colleges and b-schools quite well.

 

[Octavia]

I kind of understand where you''re coming from. My FI also bought me a T&Co ring (much smaller than yours, though) when I didn''t care a bit about the name and would have been happy getting something slightly bigger and also less expensive from some other vendor. And I''m in law school, with some girls who sport HUGE rocks. But honestly, my FI''s feelings mean a lot more to me than the opinions of some catty people I barely know, and even though my ring isn''t quite what I would have chosen if I''d had input, I wear it proudly and it makes him happy that I do. I''m completely with you on the "money could have been spent differently" point, but in the end, that''s not what really matters. You know that it was given with love and a great deal of thought, and that''s the REALLY important part.

And, to be honest, the service at T&Co is really great. Probably not worth the price difference, but nothing to sniff at, either.

 

[instantpig]

Date: 4/16/2009 10:00:05 PM
Author: LostSapphire

Date: 4/16/2009 9:54:40 PM
Author: instantpig

DivaDiamond007 - I don''t think you''re being harsh. I might think this about some other person too, and I am at place of really disliking myself for crying over this when people have much bigger problems to deal with. It''s just frightening bc I''ve never owned anything more than $6000 (my car) and I feel like this is a LIFETIME decision and my ONE chance at something that I''ll love and treasure forever, and I had all these idealistic notions. I justified it (in my head) because it''s not that I want him to spend more, but the money could be spent differently.

But maybe I just need someone to slap me around a bit.

No slapping around necessary!!!

I hope it''s just a bit of nerves happening....

I went back and read your FI''s thread (what a guy!). And LOVE LOVE LOVE this post of his:





A little bit more about my girlfriend, whom I love more than anything in this world... She grew up without a lot of money and prior to ring shopping had never even walked into a Tiffany store because she knew she couldn''t afford anything there. How perfect would it be for her to own a Tiffany ring and go into any Tiffany store she wants to get it cleaned? She would essentially be part of the exclusive ''club'' that she grew up envying. I just hope I''ll be able to afford all the other Tiffany stuff she''ll eventually end up wanting!






OMG he''s a KEEPER. How thoughtful is that? I''m tearing up at this part.

LS

Sometimes, I feel bad that he''s with a headcase like me instead of someone gentler, simpler, nicer, someone he really deserves. His parents raised him right with manners and reasonableness. And me... what is that they say on Grey''s Anatomy? I grew up dark and twisty... and I feel guilty sometimes that I''m complicating his life. But we love each other, and I hope we will be happy...

 

[niccia]

If you really don't like the ring or feel that it is not you, then change it. You have already told your fiance, so the damage is done. At this point, he may rather you have a ring you love, than the one he gave you that you are now debating whether you even want to keep.
I also think 1.4 is a very respectable size, and your fiance did spend a lot of money on it. I do understand how you feel to some extent, because I faced the same issues when I was in university. My parents never had a lot of money, so I always grew up wanting to be able to buy myself (and even moreso them) the things they could never afford. Now that I have some of them, however, I kind of wish I hadn't spent so much money on them in the first place. They really don't mean a lot to me now that the novelty has worn off. You might feel the same after a while. Having said that, if you are unhappy with what you see when you look down at your hand, change it. Just do it for the right reasons and not because of what anyone else thinks.
ETA: I also grew up dark and twisty lol so don't feel too badly. He obviously loves you from the sounds of his thread.

 

[LostSapphire]

Date: 4/16/2009 10:24:17 PM
Author: instantpig

Sometimes, I feel bad that he''s with a headcase like me instead of someone gentler, simpler, nicer, someone he really deserves. His parents raised him right with manners and reasonableness. And me... what is that they say on Grey''s Anatomy? I grew up dark and twisty... and I feel guilty sometimes that I''m complicating his life. But we love each other, and I hope we will be happy...

SPOT ON.

LS

 

[instantpig]

Date: 4/16/2009 9:48:52 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 4/16/2009 9:43:44 PM
Author: instantpig
FrekeChild, you are magic at calming my nerves. Thank you so much for that post. You have no idea how grateful I am.

Thanks to everyone who''s posting, especially all of those who have experience in those ''circles'' that I am so clueless about. It makes me realize that I am letting my fear of the unknown get to me.

As to whether it''s just the ''keeping up with the joneses'' or the ring style, it''s probably both. The knife edge is uncomfortable, the thin band shows my hairy knuckles, and i don''t really feel elegant enough for the design. But the ''fear'' is probably a bigger part of it.

I''m glad that you''re coming around! From my posts you can tell that I''ve had some recent experience with these pretty wealthy social circles (not that they choose to socialize with me ... but I''m certainly around them at times

) ... and honestly, coming from where I did I still sometimes feel very awkward! But honestly, most of the time, it''s not a big deal at all. I think, like you said, it''s the fear of the unknown more than anything. After a while you''ll realize that these people aren''t any different than you and that you deserve to be there are much as them. Maybe you don''t have ''family money'', but that really doesn''t matter a bit in the long term. Try to hold your head high and not be intimidated! The school picked you because you will be successful, and they are right. It has nothing to do with the size of your ring or the make of your car.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, elrohwen. I''m hopeful and excited to meet people like you in bschool. If we were going to the same school at the same time, we could be awkward together!