Sharing Personal Information on a Public Message Board

[KimberlyH]

I''m curious as to what drives you to share persona/private things on a public message board and where your line is? Everyone has different boundaries, I just wonder how people determine what is shareable and what is too private/personal.

 

[strmrdr]

I really don''t like my picture on the net but post it from time to time.
don''t post my full name
don''t post pictures of my house

Other stuff is along the lines of would I say it in a mixed company of strangers.
If no then don''t post.

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm pretty private IRL and that carries over to my internet persona. I don't post stuff about family and friends etc. except for the occasional very oblique anecdote. Maybe it's because for many years I used email only in a business setting, but... if I wouldn't want to be faced with it in real life, I generally don't commit it to the keyboard.

Ply me with a few martinis and that could change!

BTW I realize that PS would be a very boring place if everybody was that guarded, and I'm glad they're not!

 

[luckystar112]

I''ll bite!

I''ve shared information about my relationship with DH back when I was a LIW.
I''ve also shared some negative stories about my mother, when she''s acting crazy.
I can also remember one time when I mentioned something about my BIL/SIL.

As to why, I''m not exactly sure. Sometimes it''s good to get reassurance from people.
Sometimes I just really needed to talk and felt like there was no one I could really share the information with in "real" life.
Sometimes I''m looking for a different perspective.
Sometimes I feel like it will add to a thread about something somewhat related.

I HAVE been worried about things that I''ve posted will get back to them. This isn''t the only place that I''ve used this s/n, so that worries me. And just today I made a mental note that I need to change my avatar, because obviously I''d be recognizable that way (not to mention we''re still wearing santa hats.

lol).

I didn''t really have a "line", so to speak. But I do now, if only for my own sanity. I''d be so embarrassed and heartbroken if anyone found what I wrote about them here. Also, dirty laundry about my DH and I is off-limits now. I was a pretty frustrated LIW and I remember people were questioning the strength of my relationship because of it. Since in my "real" life, DH and I are a very loving/happy couple I realized I was coming off resentful of him and people were starting to think that I was better off dumping him. Sometimes I see other LIW venting and I can tell that others are going to think she is ridiculous if she stays with the guy, regardless if all they''ve gotten is a small glimpse into the whole relationship.

In a nutshell, I just try to "think before I post" now. It can be hard though, when you''re caught up in the moment.

 

[LaraOnline]

I''m a lot more relaxed on PS than I am on the internet generally.
You would have to really follow my posts very carefully to have a clue who I was IRL...

 

[TravelingGal]

I probably have shared more about myself than I know. But I consciously don''t share anything really personal that TGuy and I might be going through (i.e., don''t vent about arguments much, etc). If I do share something, it''s usually buried in someone else''s thread. I''m not sure if I''ve ever started my own thread to talk about TGuy and I (minus the guestbook, lol). If I have, I don''t remember. It''s possible, but it''s certainly not a habit.

DF recently started a Who''s Who thread on me. While it was sweet, I respectfully declined. I feel weird sharing for the sake of sharing. That''s just me though. I am uncomfortable with being smack dab in the spotlight.

For whatever reason, I have no problem sharing about motherhood and my daughter (including pics, although now that she''s a year old, those will probably dwindle down after I post her one year birthday photos).

 

[Lorelei]

I don''t share much at all, I am very cautious in that respect.

 

[Maisie]

Well if you go to my Who''s Who you can read my life story!

I wrote all that down because it helped me at the time to get it out of my head....if that makes sense. I talk about my children if someone is asking questions about parenthood. I have asked advice about my youngest son before because of his special needs.

To be honest I doubt anyone would be able to find where I live by anything I have written. I asked for photos of my children to be removed a little while ago just in case.

 

[makemepretty]

I don''t mind sharing information with people if I think it will help them but of course, anything too personal is off limits and I NEVER post pictures of my children anywhere online.

 

[Rhea]

I share stories and rough locations, but never names, rarely photos or exact location.

Message boards allow us to share information that we don''t in real life. If I want to complain about a friend and get opinions it''s easy enough to post something that she probably won''t find. It''s harder to get opinions from real life friends without fear of judgement, especially if it''s in relation to a partner.

 

[LadyBlue]

I have not decide yet, I think I should decide what it''s ok to share and what is not. My husband is very cautious about it, maybe if he realized all what I had wrote, he would not be happy

 

[zoebartlett]

I''ve wondered this, too. I''ve shared some personal info (like my wedding pictures and a few facts) but I''ve asked for my wedding pics to be removed because I didn''t want them posted anymore. I haven''t really mentioned PS to my friends or family (except my husband and my mom), so no one else knows that I post here. I think it''s important to be careful, especially when posting pictures of children. I love seeing all of the PS babies, but I have wondered why people have posted pics of them. I''m not judging anyone, but it''s just something I''ve wondered about.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/25/2009 5:39:46 AM
Author: Lorelei
I don''t share much at all, I am very cautious in that respect.

And yet, I think many of us feel like we know you. Even though you don''t share personal info., you share so much knowledge.

 

[AprilBaby]

The only picture I post is my baby picture so IF you knew me then you could guess who I am!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 4/25/2009 8:39:36 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett

Date: 4/25/2009 5:39:46 AM
Author: Lorelei
I don''t share much at all, I am very cautious in that respect.

And yet, I think many of us feel like we know you. Even though you don''t share personal info., you share so much knowledge.

Thats a lovely thing to say Zoe, thank you!!

 

[zoebartlett]

You''re welcome, Lorelei!

 

[KimberlyH]

I should probably answer my own question.

My own line is similar to strmrs', I don't post things I wouldn't be comfortable talking about in group of acquaintances and I don't share anything about people in my life that they would be upset to know was posted on a public message board (with one exception, I have discussed my families' health/weight issues in the HLT). My wedding pictures are floating around here somewhere, that doesn't bother me, DH isn't thrilled his pictures are posted on the internet, but he's okay with it; I also have shared information about how much I weigh, as a participant of HLT, but I couldn't care less if people know that; I've shared vague stories as antecdotes, but avoid getting very specific. If someone wanted to, they could probably figure out who I am from all that I have shared here.

As for "why," I'm fairly guarded in real life. My husband is my confidant, I don't share much, that is very personal, with anyone aside from him. I figure if I wouldn't share it with my closest girlfriends it doesn't make sense for me to post it online.

 

[princesss]

I don''t like airing dirty laundry on here. Sometimes when I''m really mad at BF, I''ll start a thread and then delete it because it''s helped me organize my thoughts about the situation and then I''ll call him and we''ll figure it out.

I don''t like to post anything I wouldn''t want my mother reading. Not out of some personal rule of thumb, but because I know she lurks and reads PS frequently (hi Mama!).

I try not to post about people that frustrate me. Situations are fine to post about, people are not. I''ve probably slipped up in the past, but it''s something I make a conscious effort not to do.

I don''t mind having my picture up, anybody that knows me IRL would be able to recognize the picture of Lola in my av and know it''s me.

I don''t post anything on here that would hurt BF if he read it.

 

[whitby_2773]

for me it''s a very easy dividing line; i''ll share things about myself - but not things about others. if a story draws in info about somebody else that''s personal, it''s off limits; putting it up online is the same as bringing it up at a party - you just don''t do it. on my who''s who thread i put up photos of myself and my dogs, and i might have put up one of my husband also - but that one would be after asking him.

about myself, i dont mind sharing logistics. i mean, who cares what i weigh, which town i live in, or how long i''ve been married? what risk do i run in sharing parts of my history? it''s not like i''m throwing up nude photos of myself!

i think the risk of any of you hunting me down and doing me harm is so close to nothing as to be ignorable. i''m not sharing my passwords, my bank acct details, my security code to my house, and so on and so on. nor do i share anything so personal that it might make me uncomfortable later on.

i think sometimes people need to stop and work out what exactly can and can''t hurt them to share online. what risk is there in sharing your real first name, for example? i mean - really?! if you think ''kareyn from new york'' is going to help you -have at it! unless we''re stupid, the risks we run aren''t so much online - they''re in our every day lives. i come in contact with many people on a day to day basis - most of them strangers, and all of them know more about me and how to reach me than anyone online does. my home has high fences, big locks, security codes, and GREAT BIG DOGS. that''s my every day security. my ONLINE security is in encryption, passwords, anti-spyware, and in never, EVER, emailing, IMing, or sharing with strangers anything pertaining to my financial or cyber security.

but in my opinion, the biggest risk we run if we spend a lot of time online is neither in our lack of physical or cyber security. it''s in our EMOTIONAL SECURITY.

we can not share any info, but become emotionally invested to the extent where we can be hurt. THIS, in my opinion, is the biggest threat the web offers. enjoyable tho these relationships are, they''re cyber relationships, and despite being with real people, we''d be wise to remember that a computer can be turned off and walked away from in a way our lives cannot. and people can turn off their computers and walk away from US, too. if we''re deeply invested in the online process, then that''s the biggest risk we take.

i think a degree of self revelation is a good thing; i think it equals accountability. i think complete anonymity is a bad thing in an arena where we also express our opinions; it gives a degree of licentiousness which i just don''t agree with. however....

i think we need to draw a HARD LINE between ''cyber'' and ''physical'', and make our emotional investments accordingly. the whole ''second life'' cyber life thing is frightening, addictive and growing. and even on PS i''m sure there''s people spending much more time than they should for their emotional health. everyone knows about online gaming addiction; forums can be even worse because they mimic community and give a degree of nurture.

but they can''t leap through the screen and touch us. and as real beings in the physical world, we need that touch. when we''re looking to the internet for that, then we''re at the greatest risk of all.

 

[babysteps]

^^^ Whitby, just had to say how much I enjoy your posts - I think you are very eloquent.

 

[Lorelei]

I think it is up to whatever the individual feels comfortable with. Personally I am not comfortable sharing much info about myself or my first name, I am sure no one particularly cares either way but for me I prefer to keep as anonymous as possible on the forums.

Also not that this is a personal concern of mine, but we do have some members with ' important' pieces of jewellery here. For example if little clues are left such as first names, where you live even approximately, where you shop, what car you drive, what you look like etc, it is easy for someone with ill intent to piece it all together. We don't know who is reading, there are thousands of lurkers out there. Maybe this sounds far fetched - perhaps it is but worth bearing in mind.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 4/25/2009 10:47:06 AM
Author: whitby_2773


about myself, i dont mind sharing logistics. i mean, who cares what i weigh, which town i live in, or how long i''ve been married? what risk do i run in sharing parts of my history? it''s not like i''m throwing up nude photos of myself!

i think the risk of any of you hunting me down and doing me harm is so close to nothing as to be ignorable. i''m not sharing my passwords, my bank acct details, my security code to my house, and so on and so on. nor do i share anything so personal that it might make me uncomfortable later on.

i think sometimes people need to stop and work out what exactly can and can''t hurt them to share online. what risk is there in sharing your real first name, for example? i mean - really?! if you think ''kareyn from new york'' is going to help you -have at it! unless we''re stupid, the risks we run aren''t so much online - they''re in our every day lives. i come in contact with many people on a day to day basis - most of them strangers, and all of them know more about me and how to reach me than anyone online does. my home has high fences, big locks, security codes, and GREAT BIG DOGS. that''s my every day security. my ONLINE security is in encryption, passwords, anti-spyware, and in never, EVER, emailing, IMing, or sharing with strangers anything pertaining to my financial or cyber security.

but in my opinion, the biggest risk we run if we spend a lot of time online is neither in our lack of physical or cyber security. it''s in our EMOTIONAL SECURITY.

My first name is my screen name, so obviously I agree with you in that regard, but I will say that there are instances where people have been tracked down on message boards -- my sister frequents a board where this has happened on several occasions -- and the people who post are not the only ones who are reading; the risk is real, but negligable enough for me that I''ve shared my name, the general area where I live, what I do for a living, etc.

I think the concept of emotional risk is interesting. I can sort of understand the need for sharing extremely personal things to bounce ideas off of people, but what is shared can come back to bite you, it''s the emotional investment you''re talking about.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 4/25/2009 11:04:43 AM
Author: Lorelei
I think it is up to whatever the individual feels comfortable with. Personally I am not comfortable sharing much info about myself or my first name, I am sure no one particularly cares either way but for me I prefer to keep as anonymous as possible on the forums.

Also not that this is a personal concern of mine, but we do have some members with '' important'' pieces of jewellery here. For example if little clues are left such as first names, where you live even approximately, where you shop, what car you drive, what you look like etc, it is easy for someone with ill intent to piece it all together. We don''t know who is reading, there are thousands of lurkers out there. Maybe this sounds far fetched - perhaps it is but worth bearing in mind.

Not far fetched at all, Lorelei.

I never intended to make this a "What''s okay to share" thread, everyone has different levels of comfort, reflective of "real life", my curiousity is where people draw the line and why/how they come to that conclusion. For myself, there have been occasions when I''ve typed a message, paused, and then deleted because it just felt like I was saying too much.

 

[Shoopy]

I think a lot about this when I read the BWW section. There, strangers know when and where your wedding is. That''s a little too much info for my taste.

I''ve shared photos on here but I''m not too worried about people knowing what I look like. I''m so afraid of slipping and mentioning where I work so I pay really close attention to what I say about my job. I have also posted my first name as well as my fiance''s first name but both are extremely common so I''m not too worried.

There''s only one pser that has access to my personal information but I initiated that contact as she is someone that I trust very much.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/25/2009 11:09:23 AM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 4/25/2009 10:47:06 AM

Author: whitby_2773



about myself, i dont mind sharing logistics. i mean, who cares what i weigh, which town i live in, or how long i''ve been married? what risk do i run in sharing parts of my history? it''s not like i''m throwing up nude photos of myself!


i think the risk of any of you hunting me down and doing me harm is so close to nothing as to be ignorable. i''m not sharing my passwords, my bank acct details, my security code to my house, and so on and so on. nor do i share anything so personal that it might make me uncomfortable later on.


i think sometimes people need to stop and work out what exactly can and can''t hurt them to share online. what risk is there in sharing your real first name, for example? i mean - really?! if you think ''kareyn from new york'' is going to help you -have at it! unless we''re stupid, the risks we run aren''t so much online - they''re in our every day lives. i come in contact with many people on a day to day basis - most of them strangers, and all of them know more about me and how to reach me than anyone online does. my home has high fences, big locks, security codes, and GREAT BIG DOGS. that''s my every day security. my ONLINE security is in encryption, passwords, anti-spyware, and in never, EVER, emailing, IMing, or sharing with strangers anything pertaining to my financial or cyber security.


but in my opinion, the biggest risk we run if we spend a lot of time online is neither in our lack of physical or cyber security. it''s in our EMOTIONAL SECURITY.

My first name is my screen name, so obviously I agree with you in that regard, but I will say that there are instances where people have been tracked down on message boards -- my sister frequents a board where this has happened on several occasions -- and the people who post are not the only ones who are reading; the risk is real, but negligable enough for me that I''ve shared my name, the general area where I live, what I do for a living, etc.


I think the concept of emotional risk is interesting. I can sort of understand the need for sharing extremely personal things to bounce ideas off of people, but what is shared can come back to bite you, it''s the emotional investment you''re talking about.

hi kimberley

i totally agree with you that what''s shared online can come back to bite you. as far as emotional risk goes, i just cant tell you how frequently these days i read about, hear of, or KNOW people who have fallen in love with people they''ve met online. and i dont mean eHarmony. i mean more like people who meet in forums, games rooms, chat rooms, and so on, and talk and talk and share stuff and end up busting up their existing families or having emotional affairs over people they''ve never even met in real life. i play bridge, and i used to play competition bridge online. there were any number of online cyber partnerships that everyone was well aware had crossed over into the lover-like. these almost always ended disastrously. and they''re incredibly difficult to get over, too, because - how do you get over someone you''ve never met? it''s messy-messy.

i think this is a really good thread, kimberley, and one worth starting. some of the things i see shared online make my hair curl - especially info shared by people about OTHER people who have no say in the process. so thanks - good thread!

babysteps - thanks for the kind comment.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/25/2009 11:04:43 AM
Author: Lorelei
I think it is up to whatever the individual feels comfortable with. Personally I am not comfortable sharing much info about myself or my first name, I am sure no one particularly cares either way but for me I prefer to keep as anonymous as possible on the forums.


Also not that this is a personal concern of mine, but we do have some members with '' important'' pieces of jewellery here. For example if little clues are left such as first names, where you live even approximately, where you shop, what car you drive, what you look like etc, it is easy for someone with ill intent to piece it all together. We don''t know who is reading, there are thousands of lurkers out there. Maybe this sounds far fetched - perhaps it is but worth bearing in mind.

hi lorelei

i agree with you in this regard. i am fully aware, for instance, that i''ve seen photos from one poster wearing the rings owned by a well known jewish billionaire.

i think you hit the nail on the head when you said it wasn''t a "personal" concern of yours; ie it''s one of those things that has to be handled individually. for what i own materially, my security is sufficient and i agree that that''s a decision we each need to make. i think the greater risk we run from online contacts, tho, is when we let them in the door ourselves. i''m sure, like me, you''ve read hundreds of news items about people who let IN the perpetrator, who share their id, who initiate contact - only to have it come back to hurt them in the end. there seems to be no end to that kind of stupidity...

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 4/25/2009 11:26:03 AM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 4/25/2009 11:09:23 AM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 4/25/2009 10:47:06 AM

Author: whitby_2773



about myself, i dont mind sharing logistics. i mean, who cares what i weigh, which town i live in, or how long i''ve been married? what risk do i run in sharing parts of my history? it''s not like i''m throwing up nude photos of myself!


i think the risk of any of you hunting me down and doing me harm is so close to nothing as to be ignorable. i''m not sharing my passwords, my bank acct details, my security code to my house, and so on and so on. nor do i share anything so personal that it might make me uncomfortable later on.


i think sometimes people need to stop and work out what exactly can and can''t hurt them to share online. what risk is there in sharing your real first name, for example? i mean - really?! if you think ''kareyn from new york'' is going to help you -have at it! unless we''re stupid, the risks we run aren''t so much online - they''re in our every day lives. i come in contact with many people on a day to day basis - most of them strangers, and all of them know more about me and how to reach me than anyone online does. my home has high fences, big locks, security codes, and GREAT BIG DOGS. that''s my every day security. my ONLINE security is in encryption, passwords, anti-spyware, and in never, EVER, emailing, IMing, or sharing with strangers anything pertaining to my financial or cyber security.


but in my opinion, the biggest risk we run if we spend a lot of time online is neither in our lack of physical or cyber security. it''s in our EMOTIONAL SECURITY.

My first name is my screen name, so obviously I agree with you in that regard, but I will say that there are instances where people have been tracked down on message boards -- my sister frequents a board where this has happened on several occasions -- and the people who post are not the only ones who are reading; the risk is real, but negligable enough for me that I''ve shared my name, the general area where I live, what I do for a living, etc.


I think the concept of emotional risk is interesting. I can sort of understand the need for sharing extremely personal things to bounce ideas off of people, but what is shared can come back to bite you, it''s the emotional investment you''re talking about.

hi kimberley

i totally agree with you that what''s shared online can come back to bite you. as far as emotional risk goes, i just cant tell you how frequently these days i read about, hear of, or KNOW people who have fallen in love with people they''ve met online. and i dont mean eHarmony. i mean more like people who meet in forums, games rooms, chat rooms, and so on, and talk and talk and share stuff and end up busting up their existing families or having emotional affairs over people they''ve never even met in real life. i play bridge, and i used to play competition bridge online. there were any number of online cyber partnerships that everyone was well aware had crossed over into the lover-like. these almost always ended disastrously. and they''re incredibly difficult to get over, too, because - how do you get over someone you''ve never met? it''s messy-messy.

i think this is a really good thread, kimberley, and one worth starting. some of the things i see shared online make my hair curl - especially info shared by people about OTHER people who have no say in the process. so thanks - good thread!

babysteps - thanks for the kind comment.

Wow, I know that sort of thing happens, but it always shocks me.

My thoughts don''t only pertain to being discovered (i.e. posting lots of personal information and having people find you) but about personal details that, to me, seem so private (a fight with a spouse, for example).

 

[purrfectpear]

I don''t really worry about boundaries online myself.

1. I don''t do anything I need to be ashamed of, ergo what someone else thinks about anything I do or say is pretty unimportant to me.
2. Unless someone thinks they can crawl through the computer and b*slap me, I''m not too worried about anyone tracking me down in real life.
3. I''ve been online since the early 90''s and nothing has happened yet

 

[onedrop]

This is a really interesting thread!! Personally, I am not comfortable airing disagreements/issues that I have with DH or my family. I don''t air disagreements in general, so I don''t feel compelled to do so on-line. I have aired a general issue I had with a friend, but that friend nor any of my other friends (as far as I know) are aware of PS, so I am not worried about them discovering that thread. In general in on-line forums I am pretty guarded about what I post about myself. But as IRL, I am pretty private so I''d like to stay that way on-line. I did post my wedding pictures, but I am not at all worried about people knowing what I look like.

With all the above said about me, I can also understand why people do feel comfortable in sharing details of their lives here on PS and on other forums. Some people find it therapeutic, and I think others just aren''t truly aware of how *public* a public forum is.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 4/25/2009 9:58:09 AM
Author: princesss

I don''t like to post anything I wouldn''t want my mother reading. Not out of some personal rule of thumb, but because I know she lurks and reads PS frequently (hi Mama!).

Ha ha! But actually, that''s part of the reason I''m very careful about how much I share even about myself. I have told other people in my life about PS, especially people who have a passion for gemstones or jewelry, orh people who have asked me for information about the same. It''s unlikely that most would be able to figure out who I am but it''s not impossible, and there are aspects of my life that I really don''t want to share with people I work with. So... while I want to be able to I try to share insights I''ve gained along the way (especially things I had to learn the hard way!) when it''s appropriate, but I''m also pretty circumspect in what and how I''ll share them.