SARAH-- and other brides who want to loose weight.

[Gypsy]

Okay. Okay. So lets do this together.

We both feel we need to lose weight. I have done NOTHING toward that goal to date. So I agree, that a buddy is a great idea.

I start tonight by doing one thing toward that goal. I will start taking my pills for my polycystic ovaries tonight, even though they give me digestive issues. SO that my body is actually CAPABLE of processing sugar properly and losing weight. And tomorrow I will do another. I will start eating a healthy breakfast of either Kashi cereal or oatmeal.

By the end of the week I may be willing to give up most sweets OR alternately, actually stepping foot in the gym I am paying for membership to. But we'll work toward that. I'm not there yet.

And I'll talk a bit with you about why I'm trying to stay fat, and we'll see if we can work through the psychology of it all together...

You game??? If so... let's put it in writing, what do you feel up to doing tonight or tomorrow toward your goal?

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m in. Thanks Gypsy!! I need to get my butt in gear BIG TIME. I think about going to the gym all the time. I think about eating very, very healthy things all the time. Do I do it as often as I should? Heck no.

Let''s see, tomorrow I''ll have cereal (cheerios or oatmeal maybe -- healthy stuff) and I might make a banana shake with chocolate soy powder and skim milk. Yeah, the chocolate flavored powder could be healthier probably, but I don''t think it''s terrible for you. Plus, it''s soy, so that HAS to be good for you, right?

 

[luckystar112]

You probably don't want your first response to this thread to be a threadjack but.........
How did you find out that you had polycystic ovaries? Was there a test?
And about your body processing sugar, how did you know that it was processing it wrong? I ask because I think I may have PCOS and every once in a while when I have sugar I get the weirdest aches throughout my arms, collar bone area, chest, neck, etc. Not sure if you have the same thing.

End threadjack!!

Now on to topic....I've felt that it has been hard for me to lose weight as well. I thought for sure with a MANDATORY gym class for my degree I'd have lost a little something by now, but no.

Then again, I haven't really changed too much in the eating department.
I hope we can all help eachother!!!


Edit: And my goal tonight is to NOT drink a slimfast. Not sure what I was thinking buying it at the store...it's supposed to be a meal replacement but I drink it like it's chocolate milk! Plus, slimfast is a bad way to diet anyway.

 

[Gypsy]

OKAY. We've got two recruits with solid goals. GREAT START. Zoe, soy has protein, and protein is good... right???

RE: PCOS. A very UNCOMFORTABLE ultrasound diagnosed me. And apparently processing sugar wrong is what happens when you are insulin resistant, which is what PCOS does to your body. That's just what my doc told me. I haven't noticed any weird aches after eating sugar, so I would talk to your doc about it luckystar! My GYNO was the one that ordered the test and told me about it, so if you have a good GYNO talk to them about it.


Good. We CAN and WILL do this. And we will also take turns cheerleading, lol.

 

[luckystar112]

Thanks Gypsy. Just need a gyno now. I''ve been going to planned parenthood. Thank goodness for insurance kicking in after the wedding!!!


Anyway...my wedding is about 2 months away. Hopefully I can at LEAST lose 7-8 lbs by then. I heard that 2lbs a week is the norm if you actually eat right/exercise.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Hey ladies - I''m not a BIW any more, but I just wanted to chime in and say good for you for doing this. Especially you Ms. Gypsy. I''m very proud of you for taking some steps in the right direction and trying to work through the psychology - that''s definitely the hardest part of all. I''d LOVE to help out if I can in any way, shape or form, sooner or later, I''m here if it will help - you know how to reach me

For everyone else, I applaud you for taking these important first steps. A strong resolve and getting started are two of the hardest things - I know because I''ve been there recently (lost 50 lbs over the last 15 months or so). So good luck to all of you and stay strong - you are making a commitment to your health and to yourself and you deserve it

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/30/2008 10:52:38 PM
Author: luckystar112
Thanks Gypsy. Just need a gyno now. I''ve been going to planned parenthood. Thank goodness for insurance kicking in after the wedding!!!


Anyway...my wedding is about 2 months away. Hopefully I can at LEAST lose 7-8 lbs by then. I heard that 2lbs a week is the norm if you actually eat right/exercise.

Yes. one to two pounds is average. But if you SO have PCOS, insulin resistant apparently means-- you''re not average and your body stores fat at a higher rate than it can lose. If you see you aren''t losing weight, don''t get discouraged... your body''s chemistry might be off, and it''s not YOU. It''s hard not to feel discouraged or loose confidence when you are doing the right things, and nothings happening. So if you can''t get to a GYNO till after the wedding, just keep in that in mind.

Amber... my inspiration. I loved shopping with you, and seeing you really ENJOY your new figure as you tried on different styles and sizes. I''m blessed to have such a good friend in you. And such a smart one.

RE: psychology. I''m scared. I''m scared to lose the weight. Even talking about it makes my chest feel tight. It''s like armor. And I''m really afraid to take it off. No logic. Nothing. Just pure unadulterated fear. OF what??? Not sure I know the answer to that yet. I do know that when I look in the mirror (which I don''t do too often, I just check specific things... like my hair, or my skin, or my eyebrows... but quickly and furtively), I mean really look in the mirror. I can''t believe that''s me. I feel like I''m wearing one of those fat suits. But I can''t take it off.

 

[cellososweet]

hi everyone. I just want to mirror was ambergretchen said. I''ve lost about 45 pounds and I''m here for you should you have any questions. I think getting behind the psychology is a huge step! I know for me it was huge. I was a cycling anorexic/bulimic in high school who had a variety of other issues mentally. It got worse after I was raped by a boyfriend my senior year in high school. I spiraled out of control, starting self-injuring lost another 30 pounds off of my tiny frame, landed myself in the hospital. Multiple times. *sigh*

So, when I got together with my DH, I started eating a lot because I let my guard down and actually felt loved and he helped me to be intimate. It was great that he did that for me, but I think that I didn''t respond very well. Because we were living together, I couldn''t do the whole binge-purge thing so I began to eat and eat and eat and I packed on 55 pounds.

So in order for me to lose weight the healthy way and not resort to binge/purge/starve mode, I needed to get behind why I had problems with eating/food/weight to begin with. For me it was a control thing and as weird as it sounds, I couldn''t control my DH''s love for me. I wanted him to love me, but because of what had happened in a previous relationship, I still had issues thinking that I was only good for sex. So, when he really started loving me unconditionally, it terrified me and I ate and ate to try and ruin myself so he would run.

*breath*

Anywho. . got to the bottom and started the slow old-fashioned way and look where I''m at now. Happy and healthy. You can do it ladies!!

 

[Haven]

I''m in, too!

We''re getting married in about two months, but I think my goals are a bit longer-term than that. I''d like to lose weight in my arms and then tone up all over. I''d be happy if I could lose some of the jiggle in my arms and tone them up a bit by the wedding.

I just started working out after work with a friend 4 days a week. We''ve been doing it for about four weeks now, and I really do feel better.

My goals for tonight and tomorrow:
- Get a good night''s sleep tonight so I''ll feel up to lifting tomorrow after work. (Asleep by 11. I''m a night owl, this is hard for me.)
- Lift and do a bit of cardio after work tomorrow.
- I will avoid the Doritos and Cheetos that I keep in my closet for students who come for help after school. This is tough for me, I love those Hot Cheetos!
- Tell my students that chocolate chip cookies will no longer work as a bribe for getting out of tardies, and stick to it.

I love this thread! Thanks, Gypsy!

 

[miraclesrule]

Psychological aspect: There is only one fear greater than not getting any attention from men, and that is getting too much attention from them, especially the wrong kind. :::shrugs::: That''s what a psychologist told me once about women and weight. Give it as much weight as you see fit. (all puns intended)

Personally, I think the key is drinking water...lots of it...something I hate to do. Especially when one has a slow metabolism. Often times I find that I am putting food in my mouth, when all I really needed was hydration.

Another one is a food diary. It''s awful, but it works. You can''t hide from yourself, if you really want to be honest about what eating habits you need to change.

Get a Wii and practice kicking your FI''s bootie at boxing. Trust me, you don''t need a gym, just a desire to show your SO that brains can beat brawn when it comes to a video game.

I''m rooting for all of you. I''ve been there, done that, and know the challenges ahead. So who is going to be the Biggest Loser????

 

[Haven]

You are so right about the water, Miracles. I gained the freshman fifteen in college and then lost it by replacing all of that extra food with water.

Thanks for the support, Miracles!

 

[oobiecoo]

Can I join the group? I think I''ve gained a couple of pounds since my dress was altered

I''m not sure though... haven''t stepped on the scale. I''m going to start working out again... either tomorrow after my last final or friday. I''d like to lose at least 5 pounds before my wedding in 3 weeks.

 

[Gypsy]

Cello-- that was such a brave, healthy and stong post. I''m so sorry about what you went though... and so amazed by how you''ve overcome it.

The words below words actually hit very close to home. I suspect that I have something similar going on. I can''t type the words. I can''t. But I had something similar to what you recounted happen to me. And I think it''s screwed me up. Trying to breathe. trying.

Date: 4/30/2008 11:19:24 PM
Author: cellososweet
For me it was a control thing and as weird as it sounds, I couldn''t control my DH''s love for me. I wanted him to love me, but because of what had happened in a previous relationship, I still had issues thinking that I was only good for sex. So, when he really started loving me unconditionally, it terrified me and I ate and ate to try and ruin myself so he would run.
*breath*

 

[miraclesrule]

Yessssss, it''s almost a test for those for women who have been used in inappropriate ways, with the wrong partners.

I''m sitting here reading posts while I wait for American Idol to come on and during the commercial there was a sound bite for tonight''s "News at 10" get this....

"Why a Good relationship can be Bad for your waistline" I guess I have to wait until the news comes on to find out more. Personally, I would rather be a bit pudgy and happy in love, than skinny like a supermodel and lonely as hell.

Oh, American Idol is on....

 

[sunnygirl]

Great idea Gypsy! I would love to join you guys!

My eating and exercise habits have always been horrible (as in eat whatever, exercise never) and basically my metabolism started to catch up with me. After going dress shopping in December and realizing how much weight I had gained since July when I started my intern year I knew I had to get back into shape. Of course, then the holidays rolled around! After Jan 1st, like everyone else and their mother, I vowed to get healthy/exercise/eat better. It was working really well and I actually lost about 6 pounds and was feeling like my clothes fit more like they used to.

But then something happened - I gave up. I am like this with a lot of things. I start some big project, make a little progress, and then stop. From studying to organizing music/pics on my computer to cleaning the house to organizing wedding stuff ...everything! Even washing my face - I will be good about washing it every night and then my skin will clear up and then I go back to just falling asleep without washing and breakouts. Vicious cycle! That''s my psychology. i think I want things done in such a perfectly organized way and then I get overwhelmed and I give up if totally if it isn''t happening right - does that make sense?

Anyways, back to health and weight - I gave up (on food and exercise) and i feel the weight coming back on. And to top it off, i am leaving for an all-inclusive vacation on Sunday so I KNOW i will be very bad for those 5 days/nights but I have been working hard so in some ways I feel I deserve it.

In the meantime, i will NOT go to Chipotle for lunch tomorrow, even though I know I will want to.

And when I come back from my trip (during which I swear I will gain 5 pounds!), i am going to get serious. The wedding is in September and my dress hasn''t even come in for first fitting yet....

 

[sunnygirl]

Cellososweet -

Thank you for sharing with us. You have been through so much and the fact that you are now in a happy, healthy place is wonderful!

 

[sunnygirl]

By the way Gypsy, did you see my response to you in threading thread? Did you try the Nair? I hope not...

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/1/2008 12:05:01 AM
Author: sunnygirl
By the way Gypsy, did you see my response to you in threading thread? Did you try the Nair? I hope not...

No, I''ll go check that. But I haven''t tried the Nair yet. My skin is still torn up from the threading. It actually just stopped hurting today.

Good goal. Avoid Chipoltle sunny!

 

[oobiecoo]

ugh I wish I''d started this sooner... I''ve gained loads of weight in the past 4 years. I know I can only lose the 5 or so before the wedding, but after that I''d love to lose about 30 more. It''ll be nice to have support from others and to reciprocate that support.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hello dear! I am in. Tonight I will drink only diet soda, I do need some caffeine to keep me going because I have a final in 9 hours (I know it is totally bad for panic attack land, but I will survive). Also, I will STOP nibbling on brownies every time I get stressed. I think I''ve had three brownies tonight already. Ugh!!

Thank you for starting us a support group, wooo! And I hope everything works out for you.

(((Hugs))

Long story short on the psychology for me: I gained weight starting after I developed knee problems in elementary school. When I finally could do things normal people do like run and whatnot with a doctor''s permission I was too lazy to do it. I am a pretty confident person, but I don''t like the way I look. I don''t think I am ugly, but I do recognize I am fat/overweight. Not only because I''ve been told this 100 times probably, but because I think I let society get to sometimes. So I guess underneath all that confidence I exude in person, inside I am not so confident. FI gets really mad at me when I rag on myself because he thinks I''m beautiful. The guy I was with before I met FI emotionally abused me in my opinion, but I wasn''t always nice to him either. However, I never said the things he said to me. E.g. On my birthday (think it was 18th) he told me I really shouldn''t be eating cake because I''m too fat to eat cake. Anyway, I kept the weight on after a while as my way to say screw you society I''ll do what I want to do. I guess I''ve been overweight so long I can''t even imagine what it would be like to be thin. It doesn''t seem possible for me, I mean ME to be the pretty thin girl in the mini skirt. But when it comes down to it, I want to be healthy. Diabetes high blood pressure, all of it runs in my family and I want to avoid it. As it stands my sugar is great, and so is my blood pressure. I want to keep it that way. I want to know what it''s like to go to a normal store and buy normal clothes. Sure Lane Bryant is a normal store, but I get tired of being stuck in the "women''s" department. I don''t want to be a size 2, because I will never be a size 2. I am 5''9" medium build and needless to say that ain''t gonna happen. I just want to be healthy and thinner than I am today. That probably sums it up.

 

[cellososweet]

thank sunnygirl and gypsy.

Gypsy. . . it takes time to heal. that''s the weirdest thing about wounds. emotionally or physically. they can happen in an instant and take a lifetime to overcome. seems unfair huh??

i took me 5 years to say the word "rape." five. . .years. . . .and it came out in a fit of rage. i was in the middle of tackling my demons on weight loss and trying to dig deep and i was having a complete mental breakdown because i didn''t want to be honest with myself about what happened. He was my boyfriend, therefore it couldn''t have been any type of sexual assault right? Riiight *rolls eyes* It came out when I was crying on the stairs and my husband asked if I wanted dinner and I just lost it. Something snapped and I started screaming but couldn''t get it out. I''d stop the sentence just short of actually saying it. "he. . .he. . . .bastard . . . " is about as far as I got until I got angry enough to scream it out. Most. Terrible. Day. Ever. :-/

I guess I didn''t want to admit because I didn''t want the implications of what being a survivor of sexual assault meant (to me anyways). Weak. Vulnerable. Etc. I had to get over that. (((hugs)))) it takes time.


End of my threadjack

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 5/1/2008 12:16:44 AM
Author: cellososweet
thank sunnygirl and gypsy.


Gypsy. . . it takes time to heal. that's the weirdest thing about wounds. emotionally or physically. they can happen in an instant and take a lifetime to overcome. seems unfair huh??


i took me 5 years to say the word 'rape.' five. . .years. . . .and it came out in a fit of rage. i was in the middle of tackling my demons on weight loss and trying to dig deep and i was having a complete mental breakdown because i didn't want to be honest with myself about what happened. He was my boyfriend, therefore it couldn't have been any type of sexual assault right? Riiight *rolls eyes* It came out when I was crying on the stairs and my husband asked if I wanted dinner and I just lost it. Something snapped and I started screaming but couldn't get it out. I'd stop the sentence just short of actually saying it. 'he. . .he. . . .bastard . . . ' is about as far as I got until I got angry enough to scream it out. Most. Terrible. Day. Ever. :-/


I guess I didn't want to admit because I didn't want the implications of what being a survivor of sexual assault meant (to me anyways). Weak. Vulnerable. Etc. I had to get over that. (((hugs)))) it takes time.



End of my threadjack

I am so sorry Cello. You are so strong! ((Hugs)) Thank you for sharing with us.

ETA: Gypsy I am totally feeling the fatsuit thing, too. That's a problem for me. I feel a lot thinner than I am. Some people think they are perpetually bigger! In my mind I am fat, but my image of myself is me thin. Then I look in the mirror and I am like awwww crap who is that!! Oh God it's me!

 

[Courtneylub]

I need to join this team also.

I got engaged 5 months ago and have 3 months until the wedding. These past 5 months have been made up of 1 week doing well - working out a few times a week and eating semi-healthy; then the next week working out maybe once and eating not so great at all. Throw drinking into the mix and all I''ve done is maintain my weight. Better than putting it on, but I feel like I''ve wasted all this time. So, here I am 3 months to go and really wanting to lose about 8 lbs.

This week so far: Monday - one hour yoga; Tuesday - 25 minutes swimming (breast stroke and kicking); Wednesday - same as Tuesday plus sand volleyball for 40 minutes. Tomorrow I will swim again and Friday also. This is where I screw it all up this weekend and all the work is for nothing. So....I will NOT let that happen.

My dress is coming in next weekend and I really want to feel fantastic. I''m up about 5 lbs since January when I first tried on dresses.

Thanks for sharing all your stories, ladies. Most of my close friends have or have had eating disorders in the past. I have crash dieted a few times, but it''s the ED''s that are horrible. I think that''s when I really became aware of my weight when I realized all the issues my friends had. Then I realized I was the fat one in the group. And I was never even fat!!

 

[basil]

I''ll join, too!

I want to lose about 7 pounds before my wedding in 5 months.

I''ve been sort of doing weight watchers for the past 8 weeks. "Sort of" because I didn''t actually join or belong, but I got a "point counter" so I''ve been tracking my points via excel spreadsheet.

I''m pretty consistent with staying in my point range. I sometimes go over a little on the weekend, but never more than my alloted "flex points" per week. I''m running 4-5 times per week (about 16-18 miles per week) and lifting weights about 3 times per week. I pretty much always eat the extra activity points.

The frustrating part is that it doesn''t seem to be making a difference hardly at all!

As of last week, I had lost about 3 pounds in 7 weeks. This week I''m basically back up to my starting weight because it''s that time of the month.

I''m going to hope that I get back to last week''s weight once this bloating goes away and that I continue to lose weight with this plan, even though it''s a snail''s pace.

Anyway, my goal is to continue to be good when fiance is visiting next week. We''ll plan one fancy nice splurge dinner, but our other dinners out will be for seafood or sushi. Working out next week will be tough because he isn''t a member at my gym, and I don''t think I could leave him for that time, so hopefully the weather will be nice and we can run together outside.

And I''d love to share ideas for quick/healthy/portable meals. I tend to get in a rut of eating the same breakfast or lunch every day because that''s what I have on hand.

 

[Sparkalicious]

I''m in!

I gained a ton of weight in the last year and a half after a serious dog bite and particularly nasty infection. I was so sick for so many months while I was going through all of that that I just became "used" to feeling like a victim and basically gave up on myself. I just didn''t have any energy to devote to feeling good b/c I was wrapped up in feeling so bad all the time. Now that I feel like my old self again, I finally pulled up my big girl pants and took some steps in the right direction. My recent engagement and the thought of having to go wedding dress shopping were really instrumental in initiating this pulling up of the big girl pants, let me tell you.

I also recommend the WWT thread in the Family, Health, Home forum ... Everyone there is really motivational and dedicated to weight loss or maintenance resultant from a heathier lifestyle rooted in making "better" choices.

I recently joined Weight Watcher''s because I need to get back to eating properly and monitoring myself b/c it has just become too easy or convenient to eat whatever is available as opposed to whatever is healthy and nutritional for my body.

In addition, I have a workout buddy and we have been trying to get to the gym 3-4 times a week for the past month or two. It''s been great! I haven''t noticed any significant weight loss yet, however, I have noticed increased tone and a marked improvement in how I feel about myself. I don''t know what I would do without my workout buddy. On days when I don''t feel like working out, she''s there to push me and vice-versa. It really just works!

My wedding date is 09/06/09 and I am GOING TO DO IT! I am going to lose the weight and get into a dress and look fab on the day that I say "I do" to the man I love ... I won''t have it any other way so ... ladies, I would appreciate your help in getting me there and I''m here to help you out as well!

 

[oobiecoo]

Hi Basil! I totally know what you mean about eating the saaaaame thing everyday. Its one of the things that ruins my diet everytime. I eventually decide that I''m tired of eating turkey and mustard sandwiches and I go crazy and eat like 20 burgers or something. I also have a MAJOR problem with portion control. FI is overweight and I find myself matching his food intake since we''ve been together which is totally not good. I definitely need help figuring out how much I really need to be eating.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/1/2008 12:16:44 AM
Author: cellososweet
thank sunnygirl and gypsy.

Gypsy. . . it takes time to heal. that''s the weirdest thing about wounds. emotionally or physically. they can happen in an instant and take a lifetime to overcome. seems unfair huh??

i took me 5 years to say the word ''rape.'' five. . .years. . . .and it came out in a fit of rage. i was in the middle of tackling my demons on weight loss and trying to dig deep and i was having a complete mental breakdown because i didn''t want to be honest with myself about what happened. He was my boyfriend, therefore it couldn''t have been any type of sexual assault right? Riiight *rolls eyes* It came out when I was crying on the stairs and my husband asked if I wanted dinner and I just lost it. Something snapped and I started screaming but couldn''t get it out. I''d stop the sentence just short of actually saying it. ''he. . .he. . . .bastard . . . '' is about as far as I got until I got angry enough to scream it out. Most. Terrible. Day. Ever. :-/

I guess I didn''t want to admit because I didn''t want the implications of what being a survivor of sexual assault meant (to me anyways). Weak. Vulnerable. Etc. I had to get over that. (((hugs)))) it takes time.


End of my threadjack

Not really a thread jack-- psychology. And it happened, years ago. Just before I met John. I had a pattern of bad healthy relationships before that too. Strange thing is. It''s like a... completely isolated thing in my psyche. Like an island. I''ve cut all links to it off. Except that... well. Maybe it''s not the island I thought it was. Maybe it''s affecting me, and I''m not concious of it. Hmm. Need to think about it... carefully. chest is tight just looking at it quickly at out of the corner of my eye.

Sarah honey. We will work on it together. I am 5'' 7" and I was a size 2-4 until lawschool, went up to a 6. Then...was a 14 at my lawschool graduation. And I''ve stayed around a 14 since then. And my bone structure is very small. And I think I''m gross. And I can''t believe it''s me. And I don''t understand what John finds sexy about me. I''m still waiting for the punch line. For the truth to come out. I don''t know. Just messed up.

Can''t breathe. Gonna stop examining for the time being. enough psyche exploration for the time being. Gonna make myself hit submit though.

 

[lliang_chi]

Cello, you are a hero. Thanks for sharing your story.

Courtney, if you ever need any swim workouts, I''ll make some up for you.

Gypsy, this is such a good idea! I''d like to join the support group too.

Something I''ve kinda started with my girlfriends is a "going to the gym" texting tree. We text each other when we go to the gym, so it''s kinda like a virtual workout buddy. (We all live in different cities, hence virtual) Kinda like "Sarah went to the gym, I *have* to go now too." Might not work for some, but it actually works for me. Kinda lame, but hey whatever motivation you need, right?

I definitely need to cut down on the drinking. I usually go out with friends on the weekends, and all those drinks sure do add up!

 

[Harleigh]

Good for you, Gypsy and everyone else! I am so proud of all of you!

And cello and Gypsy, I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I had a similar experience the summer I turned 15 and I still have residual issues about it. I''ve gone and spoken with several counselors about it, and cello, I could''ve written parts of your post, I think, especially about only feeling good for one thing with men, which frustrates my FI sometimes, but we have worked on it for years and I am confident we will get through it. It does take a lot to learn to love and trust in another person''s love for you, hard as it may be to believe in. After that happened to me, I practically starved myself and lost so much weight that I nearly blew away in a light breeze at times. I have always been on the slender side, but sadly I am a binge eater...I never threw my food up, but the remorse and regret I feel after going on a binge still makes me sick. Sadly, I seem to get that way every once in awhile, and I don''t know how to control it...food is a reward for me and I manage to convince myself that I somehow deserve it.

I know many of you who have seen me will say I am crazy for joining you in this endeavor, but with the wedding less than 3 months away, I have GOT to get my act together! I have now had Shingles twice in the past year and a half, and the first time I ended up getting PHN (post-herpetic neuralgia) and was put on a medication to control my nerves. Long story short, I gained almost 20 pounds in less than a month and continued gaining until I stopped the medication, but after 4 months or so, the damage was already done. I have always had a horrible self-image of my body and am afraid it will never look like it once did again. My stomach looks as though I''ve had a baby, but I never have. Unfortunately, most of the weight I gained went all to my stomach. I have since lost about 8-10 of the pounds (probably just from stopping the damn meds!) and though I probably don''t need to lose more than 3-5 pounds more, I really need to TONE my arms, stomach, butt and legs...what am I saying??? I would like a complete overhaul!!!

Since Shingles is caused by stress, FI has tried to convince me to go do something for myself like a massage or something else of a relaxing nature, but while that may be relaxing for him, I feel that I needed to do something more for me and my body, so tonight I had the first of six body wraps that I have scheduled between now and the wedding. These wraps are meant to help get the toxins out of your body as well as tone and firm your skin, which is what I feel I need at this time. I even decided to splurge and went ahead and scheduled a facial for when I''m there next week. This is how I''m going to spend part of my tax rebate check, and I''m going to use it all on ME for once, which everyone says does not happen enough.

Sunny, I feel like I could have written part of your post, too...I have really good intentions, but I just can''t seem to follow through on any one thing, whether it is at home or for work or for my body or the wedding. The only time I seem to really be able to follow through is when someone else is counting on me. It must be that need to please others that I can''t seem to get away from.

However, I have been trying to do the Special K Challenge and was doing really well for about a week. I actually felt a lot better at first, but I LOVE food almost as much as I love jewelry, so as a binge eater, especially when I''m distracted or bored, after the first 4 or 5 days, I had to supplement, and now I have completely fallen off the Special K wagon! I am of course out of milk, too, so haven''t even been keeping up with the cereal, but I have to say that the Special K strawberry waffles are YUMMY!!! The plan says you can use light syrup on them, but after trying that once, I realized I liked them better without it (and you can eat them dry in the car on the way to work, no muss, no fuss!) I really need to get back to the store and stock up on some healthy foods...no more Pringles or Oreos for me! Out of sight, out of mind, right???

I have somehow managed to give up all caffeine and most sugary drinks. I have been drinking lots of water and hot green tea at work all day. Unfortunately, I also ate a pound of baby carrots (think binge eating during a long and boring meeting and me trying to use these as a tool to keep myself awake!) last week and let me tell you, I was miserable for 2 whole days, not to mention quite well roto-rootered. (Sorry if TMI!) Definitely NOT the best move on my part, so I am trying to keep those to a moderate daily serving along with one low sodium V-8 drink at lunch. None of these things I''ve been trying has really seemed to make a difference, so I need to pick up the pace and either eat less or workout more, but I''m sure both would be better.

So, I am also going to try to go brave the new gym that FI signed me up for sometime next week...it is huge and I am highly intimidated by it, but I know I need to just suck it up and go...I just hate going to the gym by myself. I am hoping that all of you ladies here can help keep each other motivated throughout the next several months.

I hope you don''t mind me joining this thread with the rest of you...God knows I need the support!

Keep up the great work, everyone!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 5/1/2008 12:49:42 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/1/2008 12:16:44 AM

Author: cellososweet

thank sunnygirl and gypsy.


Gypsy. . . it takes time to heal. that''s the weirdest thing about wounds. emotionally or physically. they can happen in an instant and take a lifetime to overcome. seems unfair huh??


i took me 5 years to say the word ''rape.'' five. . .years. . . .and it came out in a fit of rage. i was in the middle of tackling my demons on weight loss and trying to dig deep and i was having a complete mental breakdown because i didn''t want to be honest with myself about what happened. He was my boyfriend, therefore it couldn''t have been any type of sexual assault right? Riiight *rolls eyes* It came out when I was crying on the stairs and my husband asked if I wanted dinner and I just lost it. Something snapped and I started screaming but couldn''t get it out. I''d stop the sentence just short of actually saying it. ''he. . .he. . . .bastard . . . '' is about as far as I got until I got angry enough to scream it out. Most. Terrible. Day. Ever. :-/


I guess I didn''t want to admit because I didn''t want the implications of what being a survivor of sexual assault meant (to me anyways). Weak. Vulnerable. Etc. I had to get over that. (((hugs)))) it takes time.



End of my threadjack

Not really a thread jack-- psychology. And it happened, years ago. Just before I met John. I had a pattern of bad healthy relationships before that too. Strange thing is. It''s like a... completely isolated thing in my psyche. Like an island. I''ve cut all links to it off. Except that... well. Maybe it''s not the island I thought it was. Maybe it''s affecting me, and I''m not concious of it. Hmm. Need to think about it... carefully. chest is tight just looking at it quickly at out of the corner of my eye.


Sarah honey. We will work on it together. I am 5'' 7'' and I was a size 2-4 until lawschool, went up to a 6. Then...was a 14 at my lawschool graduation. And I''ve stayed around a 14 since then. And my bone structure is very small. And I think I''m gross. And I can''t believe it''s me. And I don''t understand what John finds sexy about me. I''m still waiting for the punch line. For the truth to come out. I don''t know. Just messed up.


Can''t breathe. Gonna stop examining for the time being. enough psyche exploration for the time being. Gonna make myself hit submit though.

I wonder the same thing about FI. When we first started dating I was in disbelief that he found me attractive.

I am going to get back to studying now since my breakdown has concluded. FI is trying to help. I am so afraid of making a mistake or failing on this final which to me failing is not getting an A. So there''s some more pysch for you.

I have some serious test anxiety going on, but I am going to try to study some more and get a few hours of sleep so I can try do my best if that''s possible at this point. PS dust please for the love of God!