Sad...

[trillionaire]

SO and I met our freshman year in college, when we lived across the hall from each other in the dorms. Another couple met there too, on our same floor. The guy would later be a roommate with SO, and they joined the same fraternity. This couple got married in July 2007, after a 3 year engagement, and several years of dating before that. I found out yesterday that they have been separated since July 2008, and the wife has requested a divorce.

I''m so sad for them, and from what I hear, the husband has taken it really, really hard. I''m really still hoping that they will work things out, but SO and I were really floored by this. SO was really sweet though, and said that hearing about them reminded him of how much I mean to him, and how in relationships, people get comfortable and that he knows that sometimes he takes me for granted, but I mean sooo much to him, and that he wanted to make sure that I knew that.

He''s very loving and sweet.

Hoping the best for our friends...

 

[Lauren8211]

Awww, that''s so sad.

I hate to hear about marriages that fail so quickly -- it''s awful. Sometimes it''s for the best, though. I always want to interview those people so I can hear their view on why things went badly, so I can avoid them.

That was sweet of your SO to reassure you in that way! What a great SO!

 

[princess_natalie]

I am so sorry to hear about your friends..

I am glad your SO is being sweet about it, at least.

Oftentimes, things like this help us to be more grateful of our own relationship.

And by the way, peculiar but my boyfriend and I met exactly the same way

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/23/2009 3:22:45 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Awww, that''s so sad.

I hate to hear about marriages that fail so quickly -- it''s awful. Sometimes it''s for the best, though. I always want to interview those people so I can hear their view on why things went badly, so I can avoid them.


That was sweet of your SO to reassure you in that way! What a great SO!

My understanding in this situation is that it had to do with the husband flirting with other women, which I think he confessed to his wife. Although not an ideal situation, if it was flirting, but not cheating, I guess I would hope they would try counseling before they resorted to divorce. I just feel like marriage vows should not be taken lightly, and divorce shouldn''t be the default, but I''m sure it would be scary to think that you had married someone who had a wandering eye in less than a year...

It still makes me sad. It also makes the idea of marriage a bit scarier. It''s truly amazing what happens in people''s relationships that we have no idea about. So crazy...

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 1/23/2009 3:28:34 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/23/2009 3:22:45 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Awww, that''s so sad.

I hate to hear about marriages that fail so quickly -- it''s awful. Sometimes it''s for the best, though. I always want to interview those people so I can hear their view on why things went badly, so I can avoid them.


That was sweet of your SO to reassure you in that way! What a great SO!

My understanding in this situation is that it had to do with the husband flirting with other women, which I think he confessed to his wife. Although not an ideal situation, if it was flirting, but not cheating, I guess I would hope they would try counseling before they resorted to divorce. I just feel like marriage vows should not be taken lightly, and divorce shouldn''t be the default, but I''m sure it would be scary to think that you had married someone who had a wandering eye in less than a year...

It still makes me sad. It also makes the idea of marriage a bit scarier. It''s truly amazing what happens in people''s relationships that we have no idea about. So crazy...

Yeah, it does make marriage scary for sure! I guess no one''s relationship is ever as perfect as it seems. Never know until you''re on the inside.

So wait - did he flirt behind her back, and confessed it? Or did he flirt in front of her and she got sick of it? Seems like if nothing physical happened, and he was willing to change, that it would be rectifiable..not cause for divorce... but to each his own, I suppose?

IMHO, Flirting isn''t necessarily a wandering eye. Unless it got really, eh... naughty?

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/23/2009 3:25:02 PM
Author: princess_natalie

And by the way, peculiar but my boyfriend and I met exactly the same way

How funny! I love that we have known each other for so long (8+ years), that we have so many common friends, stories and experiences. I can''t imagine starting all over and dating a stranger, and losing so much history. I feel so blessed to have had the same partner through thick and thin!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/23/2009 3:32:26 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 1/23/2009 3:28:34 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/23/2009 3:22:45 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Awww, that''s so sad.

I hate to hear about marriages that fail so quickly -- it''s awful. Sometimes it''s for the best, though. I always want to interview those people so I can hear their view on why things went badly, so I can avoid them.



That was sweet of your SO to reassure you in that way! What a great SO!

My understanding in this situation is that it had to do with the husband flirting with other women, which I think he confessed to his wife. Although not an ideal situation, if it was flirting, but not cheating, I guess I would hope they would try counseling before they resorted to divorce. I just feel like marriage vows should not be taken lightly, and divorce shouldn''t be the default, but I''m sure it would be scary to think that you had married someone who had a wandering eye in less than a year...

It still makes me sad. It also makes the idea of marriage a bit scarier. It''s truly amazing what happens in people''s relationships that we have no idea about. So crazy...

Yeah, it does make marriage scary for sure! I guess no one''s relationship is ever as perfect as it seems. Never know until you''re on the inside.


So wait - did he flirt behind her back, and confessed it? Or did he flirt in front of her and she got sick of it? Seems like if nothing physical happened, and he was willing to change, that it would be rectifiable..not cause for divorce... but to each his own, I suppose?


IMHO, Flirting isn''t necessarily a wandering eye. Unless it got really, eh... naughty?

I think some of the flirting was on the internet, and some was with a co-worker. I don''t really have more information, but I agree with you, that if it wasn''t full out cheating, and he was honest about it, they should def try counseling first. Fortunately they are both young (26 & 27), so if they do divorce, they can still get married and start families. I really just can''t believe it. Now I am scared for all of my other married friends!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 1/23/2009 3:36:05 PM
Author: trillionaire


I think some of the flirting was on the internet, and some was with a co-worker. I don''t really have more information, but I agree with you, that if it wasn''t full out cheating, and he was honest about it, they should def try counseling first. Fortunately they are both young (26 & 27), so if they do divorce, they can still get married and start families. I really just can''t believe it. Now I am scared for all of my other married friends!

Ohhh... yeah. That''s not good. Internet flirting is kind of shady, co-worker flirting can usually lead to physical affairs, if not "emotional affairs." Also, behind her back is not so nice. He did admit it to her, which is a step in the right direction, but I can see how the trust probably waivered, and some women don''t tolerate ANYTHING of that nature.

Hopefully they can work it out before the divorce is final!

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 1/23/2009 3:32:54 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/23/2009 3:25:02 PM
Author: princess_natalie

And by the way, peculiar but my boyfriend and I met exactly the same way

How funny! I love that we have known each other for so long (8+ years), that we have so many common friends, stories and experiences. I can''t imagine starting all over and dating a stranger, and losing so much history. I feel so blessed to have had the same partner through thick and thin!

trillionaire, that is a sad story and I agree, stories like these do make me more scared about marriage and what can go wrong. By the way -- I also met my SO freshman year in college and we lived across the hall!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/23/2009 4:21:30 PM
Author: mscushion

Date: 1/23/2009 3:32:54 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 1/23/2009 3:25:02 PM

Author: princess_natalie


And by the way, peculiar but my boyfriend and I met exactly the same way

How funny! I love that we have known each other for so long (8+ years), that we have so many common friends, stories and experiences. I can''t imagine starting all over and dating a stranger, and losing so much history. I feel so blessed to have had the same partner through thick and thin!

trillionaire, that is a sad story and I agree, stories like these do make me more scared about marriage and what can go wrong. By the way -- I also met my SO freshman year in college and we lived across the hall!

yay for dorm love!!!

 

[platinumrock]

Awwww...how sad. I hope things work out for him in the end.

 

[chiapet]

I''m so sad to hear about your friends! I just want to reassure you that sometimes it''s better to be separated or divorced than be married to the wrong person. I too had a short marriage (1.5 years). One of the main reasons I filed for divorce because my ex was flirting online (myspace and facebook) and asking girls out in real life. There were other reasons (drugs, mental illness, unemployment) but that was definitely the main one. I was SO miserable while married to him and felt like I was a paranoid bitch when I know that that''s not who I am. So I finally decided to file for divorce and have been much happier since. I''ve definitely realized that I''d rather be alone than be in an unhappy marriage. Actually, at this point, I''m terrified of the idea of marriage!

I wish your friends the best of luck. Maybe they''ll be able to work things out.

 

[laughwithme]

I am sorry to hear about your friends, what a bummer

I agree with previous poster''s that these sort of stories are pretty scary. I mean, I am convinced that I just KNOW my future marriage with B will survive and be happy. But, everywhere you look, women say they just KNOW the same thing- that divorce will never happen to their relationship. But, statistics say it DOES. So is it even possible to really KNOW? It''s scary.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/25/2009 8:23:51 PM
Author: chiapet
I''m so sad to hear about your friends! I just want to reassure you that sometimes it''s better to be separated or divorced than be married to the wrong person. I too had a short marriage (1.5 years). One of the main reasons I filed for divorce because my ex was flirting online (myspace and facebook) and asking girls out in real life. There were other reasons (drugs, mental illness, unemployment) but that was definitely the main one. I was SO miserable while married to him and felt like I was a paranoid bitch when I know that that''s not who I am. So I finally decided to file for divorce and have been much happier since. I''ve definitely realized that I''d rather be alone than be in an unhappy marriage. Actually, at this point, I''m terrified of the idea of marriage!

I wish your friends the best of luck. Maybe they''ll be able to work things out.

I agree that an unhappy marriage is not worth it. We, as a society, put a lot of emphasis on marriage. LOL, just look at the forum we are posting on! Relationships are hard, and yet I get no praise for successfully having a 5.33 year relationship because we are not married or engaged. I have to remind myself AND others that it is about both people being loving, supportive and HAPPY. And I am confident that we can and will make it, but the stories still scare me. I''m so glad that you posted, because sometimes it is good to remember that a failed marriage might represent a huge success in your personal life, in taking care of yourself, and your needs, and your happiness. Close one door, open another...