running away?

[mimzy]

I am having some uncertainty about something and i would appreciate your input.

FI and i are planning on getting married december 08. at that time, he'll have been at his job for two years, and i'll be starting my final internship semester of my masters. we'll be living in the same town as we are now, where he grew up, about five minutes from his parents house and about an hour from mine. we are both close with our families and really enjoy the area of southeast michigan that we live in, but we always talked about moving away for a couple of years.

we're pretty set on wisconsin (don't ask), but now a lot of other questions are coming up and i'm getting nervous that it might not be a smart move. We want to have kids young, but want to do this before we have kids, so we would pretty much move as soon as i finished with my internship, (summer 09) OR right after we got married and i would do my internship there. I think it would be really good for us to be out on our own and get in some really good quality bonding time before it was babytime and we might want to move back to be closer to our families.

The problem is that as of right now FI loves his job here and although he says that he wouldn't have a problem moving, i would hate to see him give it up for a job he doesn't like as much. also, i'm nervous that if i loved my internship and i was offered a position there (which happens pretty frequently) that i also wouldn't want to leave. we also want to buy a house, but would probably just rent for the two years we were gone, because that would be sort of wasteful.

I want to leave, but i don't want to leave. see what i'm saying? and i'm scared that if we don't do it right now, then we never will.

does anyone have any experience with this? was moving for the sake of moving ever worth it? on one hand i think it would be a good little adventure for the two of us, but on the other it might set us back in terms of our other goals (a house, kids, careers, etc).

 

[mercoledi]

Eeek, I can''t help, but I can empathise; DH and I are in about the same bind. I''m finishing my degree and he hates his job, so it''s seemed like a great opportunity to see something new. We like where we live now, but we have very few ties an would like to see/experience more of the US while it''s easy for us (employable, no kids, etc). We''ve talked about moving to Portland and even made a recon visit this summer... but DH has been applying for jobs here and may have finally found something great.

So do we stay for his job? Should he pass on the uber-job so we can move cross-country and get new jobs (hopefully) that may not be as great? Can we both even get jobs somewhere new?
If we don''t move now, will we ever?

It''s a tough spot. I hear ya, but sadly I don''t have an answer myself!

 

[neatfreak]

Well if by chance you're talking Madison, Wi, I can't say enough good things about living here...

My DH and I are both in PhD programs here and wish we could never leave. It's a really vibrant area with good schools and great activities for both young couples and young families.

DH and I each moved here separately from the coasts (we've been here awhile and met here) and we both just love it. It's a great place to have an adventure and I would be happy to help with anything you guys need if you're moving to Madison...

 

[mimzy]

as a matter of fact we ARE talking madison! FI went there on a job interview and loved it, and i went to look at the school and loved it. i said wisconsin in general because nothing is set in stone, but that''s the town we were aiming for!

 

[phoenixgirl]

I''m in no position to make an important life decision for you, but I say, go for it!

If you just love it, you''ll always have those years to look back on fondly.

If things don''t go quite as planned, you''ll always have that time to laugh at.

But if you don''t do it, the idea of Madison might become a point of regret later.

You can never predict what will happen. Yes, it''s nice that FI has a job that he likes. But he could get a new boss or transferred or whatever in his current job and find that he likes it less. I don''t think that the idea that he might not like his job as much should be a deciding factor (if he likes his job less but his life outside work more, then it would be even in the end, right?).

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/11/2008 6:23:25 PM
Author: mimzy
as a matter of fact we ARE talking madison! FI went there on a job interview and loved it, and i went to look at the school and loved it. i said wisconsin in general because nothing is set in stone, but that''s the town we were aiming for!

Ohhhh come on over then! Seriously, if you guys come and want someone to show you around, I''d be happy to. Both my husband and I are graduate students, so we can help you with anything you need.

We LOOOOOVE Madison.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Independence is always hard. I know you said you want to move back before you have children but just know even if you didn''t it would be okay. DH and I have NO family in the south and we are doing the baby thing on our own. Things just worked out that way. I grew up in Milwaukee, WI (my parents still live there) and was the first in my family NOT to go to school in Madison. My grandparents met there, my parents, etc...my whole family loved going to school and living in Madison. It is usually on the list for the top cities in the US to live.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 1/11/2008 4:49:53 PM
Author: mercoledi
Eeek, I can''t help, but I can empathise; DH and I are in about the same bind. I''m finishing my degree and he hates his job, so it''s seemed like a great opportunity to see something new. We like where we live now, but we have very few ties an would like to see/experience more of the US while it''s easy for us (employable, no kids, etc). We''ve talked about moving to Portland and even made a recon visit this summer... but DH has been applying for jobs here and may have finally found something great.


So do we stay for his job? Should he pass on the uber-job so we can move cross-country and get new jobs (hopefully) that may not be as great? Can we both even get jobs somewhere new?

If we don''t move now, will we ever?


It''s a tough spot. I hear ya, but sadly I don''t have an answer myself!

eek! we are in the same spot. and reading yours....i''d say go! (so i guess i might have my own answer?) I hope you can decide on what''s right before the opportunity has passed1!

 

[sumbride]

My DH wants to move to Madison too! I liked the area a lot when we visited but I just can''t "do" winter and, well, there''s a LOT of winter there! His brother lives there and they LOVE it! They moved away for a year and then moved BACK because they missed it so much.

I think it''s a good thing to pick up and move somewhere at least once in your life. Changes of scenery can be really good. And sure, of course it''s easier before you have kids. But you can analyze it forever... go with your gut a little! How do you feel when you think about moving? Is it exciting or nerve-wracking? As far as "Now or never", I don''t think there''s ever a "never" but then I''m not you.

M and I have talked about moving a lot, but don''t have any immediate plans. We''re sort of in a crossroads because we own our house and love it, but there''s little to no chance we could sell and do ok on it in the next couple of years. So we''re kind of stuck. But I''d always imagined moving after 10 years in this area and we''re at 8 and a half years now, so my mind is thinking "where to next?" and he''s thinking "no way! we can''t leave yet." So while I see the rational behind not moving, I still kind of itch to pack up and go.

 

[iheartscience]

Oooh, that''s a tough one. I am also sort of in the same spot so I''ll come to empathize, too! I''m getting ready to graduate college and my fiance is pretty much over his job and is currently job searching. I do really like where I live, my twin sister lives here, my parents and my brother are an hour away, and my other sister is about 3 hours away.

So we''re kind of at the point where we have to decide if we should just buy a house here in the next year or so, or move somewhere else, which would be New York City. I go to NYC for business pretty regularly and I think it would be awesome to live there, but I definitely don''t see myself staying there forever. BUT I also don''t really want to only have lived in two areas in the same state my whole life! (I''m still in the city that I moved to for college to begin with.)

So I guess I don''t have any good advice, either. My first reaction is to tell you to just go for it, but I know how hard that is! Maybe consult a magic 8 ball? I think that''s what I''m going to have to do to figure it out for myself!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

thing2of2, where do you live now?