Ring Dilemmia

[Need_Advice]

I would like some feedback on this stone. The GIA Report is attached.

My SO purchased this in the plain, 4-prong BN solitaire. I never liked asschers for myself, but he liked them. In fact, I told him this, and gave him plenty of advice (links, styles, VERY specific) as to what I do like. Although I am a little miffed he went for his preferences rather than mine, I am trying to educate myself. I predict that we will change the ring somehow. It's not my style and it clashes with other jewelry that he's given me, that I wear everyday. It's not my taste at all, but I am trying to educate myself to see if I can set it in a way that I like. I am sure he wants me to have what I want, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. If I could do something beautiful with the stone he chose, it would be that much more meaningful.

Alternatively, is it wrong to swap the ring out for something else, if he seems okay with it? I never thought I would be in this situation, but I am truly, truly confused as to why he bought a ring that is exactly the opposite of everything I told him I liked.

I'm a long-time reader and would appreciate any advice you all might have.

 

[slg47]

well unfortunately we can't really tell much by the #s on the report for asschers-but if asschers aren't your thing then it doesn't even matter. It is very high color and clarity though! BN has a good return policy-why don't you talk to him and say that while you appreciate the ring that it is not your style and you would much prefer (whatever style you had in mind). Maybe you can pick out a ring together!

honestly...I would just talk to him. someone has posted the analogy of buying your SO a minivan when he wanted a sports car...yeah they both drive but...not the same thing.

good luck!

 

[Sparklelu]

I am always surprised when I hear a story like this.This is why I am not a big fan of engagement rings as a surprise.
He obviously spent decent money on the ring, and you gave him suggestions yet he got what he wanted especially when it is something you will wear everyday for forever?
Curious as to what he was thinking. You guys need to sit and have a calm chat. I'm sure once he sees your side he will let you exchange it for something you will look at and love for the rest of your lives.
I think you need to do the car analogy for him, honey I'm going to buy you a car, I think a nice KIA Sorrento would be good, what you want a KIA Optima? Oh ok ...here honey I here is your new car... Yes I know it's not an Optima like you said you wanted, I liked the Sorrento better. Now drive it and be happy for the next 10 years!
My DH was famous for getting me things he thought I liked,when he shopped alone! Shopping together and choosing three of whatever that I liked and he surprised me from there.
Good luck!

 

[tyty333]

Fix it now while its still returnable. Tell him that while it is a lovely ring it just isnt your style. Tell him that you would like
to work together and get something that he loves but is also your style (so you love it too).

 

[winternight]

Wow not a great way to start off IMO. Just be honest and ask him to exhange it. Not only will it not grow on you but I could see getting very resentful over something like that. Btw I have some earrings I wish I would have had my husband exchange years ago. I still never wear them. I don get why your so got a diamond shape you didnt want? Have you talked about this?

 

[Amys Bling]

talk to him...

 

[KaeKae]

tell him, as every one else has said. My dh surprised me (24 years ago)with a round yg solitaire. Nice, and I always said I was so glad he chose the solitaire, but really it was just relief that he hadn't gone with a certain other style that was popular at the time and I didn't like at all. 22 years later, for our 20th anniversary, I reset. I am happy, and not just telling myself I'm happy.

 

[iheartscience]

I would absolutely talk to him, and I'd do it quickly, within the exchange period. I would use the sports car/computer/whatever he's into analogy. Ask him how he'd feel if he really liked X and you got him Y instead, because it was what *you* liked.

What is with men who insist on buying what *they* like instead of what their future fiancee likes? It's maddening.

 

[Gypsy]

Well, he clearly had no issue hurting your feelings by ignoring your preferences and picking a stone you don't like. So I don't see why you should feel guilty about calling him on him.

Just tell him the truth, "You hurt my feelings when you ignored my preferences. How would you feel if you wanted an SUV and I got you a mini cooper? "

He created this situation. Not you. You have nothing to feel bad about. And is he's surprised then he's clearly oblivious and needs a lesson or ten in listening to his significant other.

Call him on it immediately, return the thing and start over.

Also, sorry but for me this is a red flag in general. Does he disregard your preferences often in exchange for his own? If so... are you sure that's how you want to spend the rest of your life?

Just as we tell guys to rethink their proposals to women who demand 2 carats or whatever, completely discarding financial realities because of their entitlement issues. We also warn women when we see concerning and selfish behavior from their guys.

 

[mrswahs]

Talk to him. If you don't like it you shouldn't be forced to wear it. You should work together to find something you both like. I side with PP in that it's a bit of a red flag that he completely ignored your preferences.

 

[Amys Bling]

Did you ever talk to him???