Rewarding children for good behavior

[TravelingGal]

Do you believe in using a reward program for good behavior throughout the day? Or do you believe good behavior is expected, and therefore no rewards for good behavior?

 

[Maisie]

I like to think that kids should be well behaved anyway but sometimes a little incentive can help. I am going to set up a toy box with some of James' favourite toys in it. If he is a good boy then he can choose one of the toys. I am finding his behaviour a little challenging at the minute which is to be expected with the way things have been at home.

 

[steph72276]

Good behavior is expected at my house, but I will occasionally take him to the bookstore to pick out a book and I''m sure to let him know that we are going for a special book b/c he has been so good. Also, he is in school 4 days a week. If he has had a great week, we go do a "fun Friday" activity...Chuck E Cheese, Monkey Joes, bookstore, etc. so he knows good behavior leads to getting to do fun activities.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I only got rewarded for particular things that were out of the ordinary, like cleaning my room without being asked. On a day-to-day basis, I was expected to behave without question, which is how I plan on raising our LO.

 

[E B]

It depends on the age of the child. For very young children, I think regular incentives can be helpful. Once the child is older and can understand that good behavior is always expected, rewards should be saved for more special occasions.

 

[hlmr]

I believe good behaviour is expected, and the best reward is verbal praise. Not you''re such a good girl/boy, but praising of the behaviour itself.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''m in interested in seeing how people are using rewards. I think it''s a viable method, but not something I was raised with. I was expected to behave, period.

I''ll be the same with Amelia. I can see rewarding her with something for a good doc''s visit (because of shots), or maybe using it to accomplish something (potty training?) But moving on once that event is over. I really never thought of using bribes/rewards on a large scale though.

Just thought about it because yesterday a friend told me that another one of our friends uses a reward system for her 5 year old son, who IMHO doesn''t have many boundaries. She basically gives him stars if he is well behaved throughout the day. The stars get converted to points/dollars he can spend at Target. I''ve never heard of such a system for broad, every day behavior and wonder if might A) cause more harm than good in the long run and B) is a normal method in today''s parenting?

 

[MonkeyPie]

I think it depends a lot on the personality of the child, and just from what you have said here about Amelia - she''s independent, and generally well behaved to begin with - she could do very well with a reward system because she already is aware of how she should be acting.

 

[mrssalvo]

good behavior is expected. now that my girls are older I do let them earn commission (instead of an allowance) for doing extra chores that are not something they should do b/c they are part of our family. they have to make their beds every day for example and they don''t get any reward for doing that. I will however praise them and sometimes give them a treat or new toy when they really do something spectacular. we had a long day sat. traveling, going to a baseball game and then they had to go out to dinner that had a 40 minute wait just for the table. they both were so well behaved, did not complain, had polite conversation with my dad and step-mom and I was really proud of them. I made a mental note to remember to really praise them b/c most of the time they are getting corrected for inappropriate behavior.

 

[BeachRunner]

Date: 2/22/2010 12:57:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m in interested in seeing how people are using rewards. I think it''s a viable method, but not something I was raised with. I was expected to behave, period.

I''ll be the same with Amelia. I can see rewarding her with something for a good doc''s visit (because of shots), or maybe using it to accomplish something (potty training?) But moving on once that event is over. I really never thought of using bribes/rewards on a large scale though.

Just thought about it because yesterday a friend told me that another one of our friends uses a reward system for her 5 year old son, who IMHO doesn''t have many boundaries. She basically gives him stars if he is well behaved throughout the day. The stars get converted to points/dollars he can spend at Target. I''ve never heard of such a system for broad, every day behavior and wonder if might A) cause more harm than good in the long run and B) is a normal method in today''s parenting?

I used to work with children/adults with Autism, MR, and developmental disabilites. I''ve seen these systems used for my clients. I thought it was a good way to motivate them to do tasks they may not want to do. Examples: taking out the garbage, cleaning up, and even not wetting the bed at night.

Using these reward systems for fully functioning individuals on a daily basis is something that throws a red flag. Are they going to want a prize every Friday when they complete a work week, etc?

 

[vespergirl]

We use a reward system, because my 3 year old seems to respond really well to it. I have a chore/behavior chart with star stickers, and he is obsessed with getting his stars for the day (for things like cleaning up his toys, being polite, etc.) so that has worked out really well for us.

On an amusing sidenote, DS loves golf & is a huge Tiger Woods fan. I was watching the news the other day, and they showed Tiger making his mea culpa. DS asked why Tiger wasn''t wearing his golf outfit, and what was he talking about? I told him that Tiger did something bad so he was telling everyone that he was sorry. DS said, "So he isn''t getting any stars today, right?"

DH & I thought that was pretty funny.

Here''s an example of how sometimes rewards don''t really work - DH has been potty trained for pee since he was 2, but he absolutely refuses to try to poo in the potty or toilet. He is now 39 months, and our new baby is due in 8 weeks, so as you can imagine, I am at my wit''s end trying to get him to poo in the potty (he will only go in a special spot behind the sofa, and will announce when he''s going there & when he''s done, so it''s not a muscle control issue). There is a toy he saw on TV that he really wants, so we resorted to flat-out bribery and told him we would get it for him when he poos on the potty, but it''s not working. I guess that is a separate topic, but I am learning that sometimes the rewards (and bribery) don''t really work. I don''t mean to threadjack, but if anyone could offer any helpful advice on this one I would really appreciate it ...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/22/2010 1:05:18 PM
Author: mrssalvo
good behavior is expected. now that my girls are older I do let them earn commission (instead of an allowance) for doing extra chores that are not something they should do b/c they are part of our family. they have to make their beds every day for example and they don''t get any reward for doing that. I will however praise them and sometimes give them a treat or new toy when they really do something spectacular. we had a long day sat. traveling, going to a baseball game and then they had to go out to dinner that had a 40 minute wait just for the table. they both were so well behaved, did not complain, had polite conversation with my dad and step-mom and I was really proud of them. I made a mental note to remember to really praise them b/c most of the time they are getting corrected for inappropriate behavior.

Interesting MrsS! I am trying to figure out if allowance is going to be something I am going to use with Amelia. I never had an allowance growing up. Being Korean, I don''t know any of my friends that got any either for that generation. It was all just family money and when got some when we needed it.

I like the concept of allowance however. I think it is useful to teach children about money. I was reading a book sometime back and it said allowance is given for just being part of the family. However, chores are also expected for being part of the family. The idea was that if the child didn''t do the chores, you deducted the amount at the end of the week for the child not putting in his dues as a family member. You don''t nag about the chores, just deduct. Even better was the idea that you could offer that chore to a sibling and then pay him the extra you deducted from the child who didn''t do the chore. Not sure how this would fare in terms of sibling rivalry, but I liked the concept you don''t nag the child. Just offer a consequence and move on.

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/22/2010 1:12:36 PM
Author: vespergirl
We use a reward system, because my 3 year old seems to respond really well to it. I have a chore/behavior chart with star stickers, and he is obsessed with getting his stars for the day (for things like cleaning up his toys, being polite, etc.) so that has worked out really well for us.

On an amusing sidenote, DS loves golf & is a huge Tiger Woods fan. I was watching the news the other day, and they showed Tiger making his mea culpa. DS asked why Tiger wasn't wearing his golf outfit, and what was he talking about? I told him that Tiger did something bad so he was telling everyone that he was sorry. DS said, 'So he isn't getting any stars today, right?'

DH & I thought that was pretty funny.

Here's an example of how sometimes rewards don't really work - DH has been potty trained for pee since he was 2, but he absolutely refuses to try to poo in the potty or toilet. He is now 39 months, and our new baby is due in 8 weeks, so as you can imagine, I am at my wit's end trying to get him to poo in the potty (he will only go in a special spot behind the sofa, and will announce when he's going there & when he's done, so it's not a muscle control issue). There is a toy he saw on TV that he really wants, so we resorted to flat-out bribery and told him we would get it for him when he poos on the potty, but it's not working. I guess that is a separate topic, but I am learning that sometimes the rewards (and bribery) don't really work. I don't mean to threadjack, but if anyone could offer any helpful advice on this one I would really appreciate it ...

LMAO!! I'm sorry but do you realize you put DH here?!? That's one heck of a problem when you are about to have 2 kiddos running around as well!

This whole paragraph has me literally rolling! LOL... a "special spot behind the couch"... I just keep thinking of a grown man crouching behind your sofa!

 

[E B]

Date: 2/22/2010 1:02:41 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
I think it depends a lot on the personality of the child, and just from what you have said here about Amelia - she's independent, and generally well behaved to begin with - she could do very well with a reward system because she already is aware of how she should be acting.

I agree. I think it depends a lot on personality and whether or not the child has any behavioral disorders. I'd imagine it's a lot harder for a young child with ADHD to grasp the concept that good behavior is always expected and follow through regularly.

I used to watch a friend's daughter from the age of two and a half until four. At two and a half, her parents had two charts of morning and evening tasks that needed to be completed, and with each task completed, she could move a little velcro doll up a ladder. Task examples: clean up toys, brush teeth, get into pajamas. Once these tasks were completed without issue, she could choose three books for me to read to her before bed. If it was the morning, her reward was watching 30 minutes of her favorite TV show around lunch time.

It worked beautifully. If she was ever distracted (as two years olds can be), I'd remind her that the doll needed to reach the top of the task ladder with her help. We had very few issues because she enjoyed the whole process.

At four, she didn't need the task ladder anymore, because she was old enough to know that cleaning up your toys, brushing teeth, etc. was what needed to be done.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 2/22/2010 1:23:01 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 2/22/2010 1:12:36 PM

Author: vespergirl

We use a reward system, because my 3 year old seems to respond really well to it. I have a chore/behavior chart with star stickers, and he is obsessed with getting his stars for the day (for things like cleaning up his toys, being polite, etc.) so that has worked out really well for us.


On an amusing sidenote, DS loves golf & is a huge Tiger Woods fan. I was watching the news the other day, and they showed Tiger making his mea culpa. DS asked why Tiger wasn''t wearing his golf outfit, and what was he talking about? I told him that Tiger did something bad so he was telling everyone that he was sorry. DS said, ''So he isn''t getting any stars today, right?''

DH & I thought that was pretty funny.


Here''s an example of how sometimes rewards don''t really work - DH has been potty trained for pee since he was 2, but he absolutely refuses to try to poo in the potty or toilet. He is now 39 months, and our new baby is due in 8 weeks, so as you can imagine, I am at my wit''s end trying to get him to poo in the potty (he will only go in a special spot behind the sofa, and will announce when he''s going there & when he''s done, so it''s not a muscle control issue). There is a toy he saw on TV that he really wants, so we resorted to flat-out bribery and told him we would get it for him when he poos on the potty, but it''s not working. I guess that is a separate topic, but I am learning that sometimes the rewards (and bribery) don''t really work. I don''t mean to threadjack, but if anyone could offer any helpful advice on this one I would really appreciate it ...

LMAO!! I''m sorry but do you realize you put DH here?!? That''s one heck of a problem when you are about to have 2 kiddos running around as well!

This whole paragraph has me literally rolling! LOL... a ''special spot behind the couch''... I just keep thinking of a grown man crouching behind your sofa!

bwhahahaha! I caught that too and was cracking up!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/22/2010 12:51:52 PM
Author: EBree
It depends on the age of the child. For very young children, I think regular incentives can be helpful. Once the child is older and can understand that good behavior is always expected, rewards should be saved for more special occasions.

I agree with this. I don't see anything wrong with incentives, especially for kids with behavior problems. I've seen it turn around some wild kids (some with ADHD) and I think it's a far better option than yelling all the time like some parents I see.

Certainly not every kid needs a daily behavioral chart, but I think all kids can benefit from occasional rewards for special things.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 2/22/2010 1:23:01 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 2/22/2010 1:12:36 PM
Author: vespergirl
We use a reward system, because my 3 year old seems to respond really well to it. I have a chore/behavior chart with star stickers, and he is obsessed with getting his stars for the day (for things like cleaning up his toys, being polite, etc.) so that has worked out really well for us.

On an amusing sidenote, DS loves golf & is a huge Tiger Woods fan. I was watching the news the other day, and they showed Tiger making his mea culpa. DS asked why Tiger wasn''t wearing his golf outfit, and what was he talking about? I told him that Tiger did something bad so he was telling everyone that he was sorry. DS said, ''So he isn''t getting any stars today, right?''

DH & I thought that was pretty funny.

Here''s an example of how sometimes rewards don''t really work - DH has been potty trained for pee since he was 2, but he absolutely refuses to try to poo in the potty or toilet. He is now 39 months, and our new baby is due in 8 weeks, so as you can imagine, I am at my wit''s end trying to get him to poo in the potty (he will only go in a special spot behind the sofa, and will announce when he''s going there & when he''s done, so it''s not a muscle control issue). There is a toy he saw on TV that he really wants, so we resorted to flat-out bribery and told him we would get it for him when he poos on the potty, but it''s not working. I guess that is a separate topic, but I am learning that sometimes the rewards (and bribery) don''t really work. I don''t mean to threadjack, but if anyone could offer any helpful advice on this one I would really appreciate it ...

LMAO!! I''m sorry but do you realize you put DH here?!? That''s one heck of a problem when you are about to have 2 kiddos running around as well!

This whole paragraph has me literally rolling! LOL... a ''special spot behind the couch''... I just keep thinking of a grown man crouching behind your sofa!

LOL!!! Thanks for pointing that out - I think I may need to go back and edit

I did mean DS

I just went back & reread my post imagining DH doing that and I have tears rolling down my face, it''s so funny!

 

[D&T]

sometimes, and sometimes not, we''re not consistent with rewarding our DD with good behavior, because then it is expected "if I do this or act like this...mom is going to give me a treat" it happened before. Now if she goes out of her way and does something not asked of her, then I reward her, especially when she takes care of her little sister.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 2/22/2010 12:57:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m in interested in seeing how people are using rewards. I think it''s a viable method, but not something I was raised with. I was expected to behave, period.

I''ll be the same with Amelia. I can see rewarding her with something for a good doc''s visit (because of shots), or maybe using it to accomplish something (potty training?) But moving on once that event is over. I really never thought of using bribes/rewards on a large scale though.

Just thought about it because yesterday a friend told me that another one of our friends uses a reward system for her 5 year old son, who IMHO doesn''t have many boundaries. She basically gives him stars if he is well behaved throughout the day. The stars get converted to points/dollars he can spend at Target. I''ve never heard of such a system for broad, every day behavior and wonder if might A) cause more harm than good in the long run and B) is a normal method in today''s parenting?

Maybe be a little cautious of treats after something like shots. My mother made a huge deal of this and I have a needle phobia like I can''t begin to describe. My heart rate and blood pressure rise when I walk past the Dr or dentist''s office. I can''t say it was all my poor mother''s fault, but she did imply that these were dreadfully unpleasant things to be endured and (barely) survived long before I''d made the connection myself. Amelia is very laid back about medical things, so I treat that as a normal part of her day, no big deal, no treat.

My friend uses reward charts with her 5 year old. Have to say, that chart has waaaaay more stars on it that I would have awarded, kid is defiant, unpleasant and down right rude. I expect Amelia to behave - if she doesn''t, it''s dealt with on the spot then we put it behind us. I sort of feel that if I rewarded good behaviour, I''d be implying that I accept it doesn''t always happen. She''ll get plenty of treats and she always gets a lot of love, but the treats are more random and the love is unconditional.

I''ll maybe revise my opinion when she''s older - as with all things parenting, I won''t know until I get there. She''s too young to understand a reward system at the moment, though. Overall, I''m not a fan.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/22/2010 2:00:41 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 2/22/2010 12:57:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m in interested in seeing how people are using rewards. I think it''s a viable method, but not something I was raised with. I was expected to behave, period.

I''ll be the same with Amelia. I can see rewarding her with something for a good doc''s visit (because of shots), or maybe using it to accomplish something (potty training?) But moving on once that event is over. I really never thought of using bribes/rewards on a large scale though.

Just thought about it because yesterday a friend told me that another one of our friends uses a reward system for her 5 year old son, who IMHO doesn''t have many boundaries. She basically gives him stars if he is well behaved throughout the day. The stars get converted to points/dollars he can spend at Target. I''ve never heard of such a system for broad, every day behavior and wonder if might A) cause more harm than good in the long run and B) is a normal method in today''s parenting?

Maybe be a little cautious of treats after something like shots. My mother made a huge deal of this and I have a needle phobia like I can''t begin to describe. My heart rate and blood pressure rise when I walk past the Dr or dentist''s office. I can''t say it was all my poor mother''s fault, but she did imply that these were dreadfully unpleasant things to be endured and (barely) survived long before I''d made the connection myself. Amelia is very laid back about medical things, so I treat that as a normal part of her day, no big deal, no treat.

My friend uses reward charts with her 5 year old. Have to say, that chart has waaaaay more stars on it that I would have awarded, kid is defiant, unpleasant and down right rude. I expect Amelia to behave - if she doesn''t, it''s dealt with on the spot then we put it behind us. I sort of feel that if I rewarded good behaviour, I''d be implying that I accept it doesn''t always happen. She''ll get plenty of treats and she always gets a lot of love, but the treats are more random and the love is unconditional.

I''ll maybe revise my opinion when she''s older - as with all things parenting, I won''t know until I get there. She''s too young to understand a reward system at the moment, though. Overall, I''m not a fan.

Hehehe, my mother didn''t make a big deal about shots, and I have a huge needle phobia too. But you''re right...I''ll rethink that.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 2/22/2010 2:06:07 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/22/2010 2:00:41 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 2/22/2010 12:57:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I'm in interested in seeing how people are using rewards. I think it's a viable method, but not something I was raised with. I was expected to behave, period.

I'll be the same with Amelia. I can see rewarding her with something for a good doc's visit (because of shots), or maybe using it to accomplish something (potty training?) But moving on once that event is over. I really never thought of using bribes/rewards on a large scale though.

Just thought about it because yesterday a friend told me that another one of our friends uses a reward system for her 5 year old son, who IMHO doesn't have many boundaries. She basically gives him stars if he is well behaved throughout the day. The stars get converted to points/dollars he can spend at Target. I've never heard of such a system for broad, every day behavior and wonder if might A) cause more harm than good in the long run and B) is a normal method in today's parenting?

Maybe be a little cautious of treats after something like shots. My mother made a huge deal of this and I have a needle phobia like I can't begin to describe. My heart rate and blood pressure rise when I walk past the Dr or dentist's office. I can't say it was all my poor mother's fault, but she did imply that these were dreadfully unpleasant things to be endured and (barely) survived long before I'd made the connection myself. Amelia is very laid back about medical things, so I treat that as a normal part of her day, no big deal, no treat.

My friend uses reward charts with her 5 year old. Have to say, that chart has waaaaay more stars on it that I would have awarded, kid is defiant, unpleasant and down right rude. I expect Amelia to behave - if she doesn't, it's dealt with on the spot then we put it behind us. I sort of feel that if I rewarded good behaviour, I'd be implying that I accept it doesn't always happen. She'll get plenty of treats and she always gets a lot of love, but the treats are more random and the love is unconditional.

I'll maybe revise my opinion when she's older - as with all things parenting, I won't know until I get there. She's too young to understand a reward system at the moment, though. Overall, I'm not a fan.

Hehehe, my mother didn't make a big deal about shots, and I have a huge needle phobia too. But you're right...I'll rethink that.

Honestly, I have no real idea where mine came from, so I'm considering all the angles to prevent it happening to Amelia. She's fine with needles so far. Shots and blood tests barely make her blink.

I was just talking to DH about the rewarding good behaviour thing. He looked at me like I was mad and confirmed that we likely won't be using that system. Good behaviour is praised, and that's the reward in his view. My friend's little boy pays no more attention to praise than he does to being told off. It's all just parental white noise to him. A star on the chart makes him (briefly) happy and stars being removed annoy him, but he understands the concepts. I wonder if the chart is cause or effect. He does spend a good portion of his day in time out.

ETA DH just added more of his wisdom LOL. He reckons that rewarding a particular behaviour in a new situation is a good idea, with advance discussion. Like, we're going to X place now, and here's what we want you to do there. (He's a bit hazy on how the reward for that differs from bribery...)

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I have a friend whose daughter has been learning about chores, she is 4 years old. I believe she gets "Butterfly bucks" each day she does all her responsibilities and then if she gets 5 at the end of the week she gets to pick out the movie the family rents for the weekend or gets to have her favorite meal the next week. I think it is good for younger kids but as they get older (7 or it should be expected imo

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Except I''m not sure how you''d break it to your 6 year old that next week is not only her birthday, but also the day she does chores for no butterfly cheques!

 

[somethingshiny]

JT got sticker rewards during potty training. Besides verbal praise, that''s the only reward system we''ve used. I expect good behavior daily. When he behaves well, I''m more likely to take him fun places, read extra books, build one more snowman, etc. So, in a way it''s a reward I guess. But I think it comes across as "when you play nicely and use kind words, other people want to be around you and enjoy your company." and "when all of our chores are done, we have time to play."

I think discipline goes hand in hand with rewards though. If you offer significant rewards, isn''t the discipline version significant punishment? Why give huge rewards and minor punishments? I think it just shows that if you mess up it''s just not that big of a deal but if you do well you EXPECT extravagances. So, for us it''s more a middle of the road route.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 2/22/2010 1:11:43 PM
Author: BeachRunner

Date: 2/22/2010 12:57:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m in interested in seeing how people are using rewards. I think it''s a viable method, but not something I was raised with. I was expected to behave, period.

I''ll be the same with Amelia. I can see rewarding her with something for a good doc''s visit (because of shots), or maybe using it to accomplish something (potty training?) But moving on once that event is over. I really never thought of using bribes/rewards on a large scale though.

Just thought about it because yesterday a friend told me that another one of our friends uses a reward system for her 5 year old son, who IMHO doesn''t have many boundaries. She basically gives him stars if he is well behaved throughout the day. The stars get converted to points/dollars he can spend at Target. I''ve never heard of such a system for broad, every day behavior and wonder if might A) cause more harm than good in the long run and B) is a normal method in today''s parenting?

I used to work with children/adults with Autism, MR, and developmental disabilites. I''ve seen these systems used for my clients. I thought it was a good way to motivate them to do tasks they may not want to do. Examples: taking out the garbage, cleaning up, and even not wetting the bed at night.

Using these reward systems for fully functioning individuals on a daily basis is something that throws a red flag. Are they going to want a prize every Friday when they complete a work week, etc?

YES! I absolutely expect to be rewarded for a week at work. It''s hard, you know? I get my reward in the form of a nice bottle of red wine.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 2/22/2010 2:56:11 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Except I''m not sure how you''d break it to your 6 year old that next week is not only her birthday, but also the day she does chores for no butterfly cheques!

touche, I think that might be the transition between allowance and special treat? For instance when I was little I had certain chores to do and if they didn''t get done, I didn''t get an allowance (which was 3.00 per week and I was given 1 dollar more each year until I reached the age that I could legally get a job). But I''ll tell ya, those weekends when I couldn''t ride to get an ice cream cone with my friends was unbearable, UNBEARABLE!!!! lol

 

[curlygirl]

This is all very interesting and I'm sure I will refer to this post more than once as I try to figure out how to raise my children!

All I know is that I never got an allowance and I always did chores! It was expected, just like I now expect my children to behave properly without the reward incentive. We try not to over-reward for every little thing. My older one went to the dentist for the first time and was a rock star but all she got from us were hugs and kisses and verbal praise. She's been awesome at the potty training (except with the poop, just like vesper's issue) so as a reward, she got new panties but really it's more of a practical thing because she needed them. I definitely don't use food as reward or bribery and my kids are at an age where they don't expect anything yet. For now, we give them hugs and high fives and that seems to work just fine. I know it won't last forever but I'm going to enjoy it while they're young and innocent!

 

[Pandora II]

Dr Sear''s book "The Good Behaviour Guide" has a load of stuff on this topic. His take (which we will use) is that general good behaviour should just be expected and doesn''t need to be praised or rewarded.

Specific things - like certain boring chores - can be done with a reward scheme.

My husband plans to do a weekly allowance from age 4 or 5 - a pound for each year of age (which I think is very generous - I didn''t get an allowance though) and there will be deductions for bad behaviour. This would have worked brilliantly with him, but not with me so we will see whether it''s a success!

Rewards for shots?? I get that thank you very much as I am far more traumatised!

 

[Kay]

Date: 2/22/2010 3:00:29 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 2/22/2010 1:11:43 PM
Author: BeachRunner

Date: 2/22/2010 12:57:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m in interested in seeing how people are using rewards. I think it''s a viable method, but not something I was raised with. I was expected to behave, period.

I''ll be the same with Amelia. I can see rewarding her with something for a good doc''s visit (because of shots), or maybe using it to accomplish something (potty training?) But moving on once that event is over. I really never thought of using bribes/rewards on a large scale though.

Just thought about it because yesterday a friend told me that another one of our friends uses a reward system for her 5 year old son, who IMHO doesn''t have many boundaries. She basically gives him stars if he is well behaved throughout the day. The stars get converted to points/dollars he can spend at Target. I''ve never heard of such a system for broad, every day behavior and wonder if might A) cause more harm than good in the long run and B) is a normal method in today''s parenting?

I used to work with children/adults with Autism, MR, and developmental disabilites. I''ve seen these systems used for my clients. I thought it was a good way to motivate them to do tasks they may not want to do. Examples: taking out the garbage, cleaning up, and even not wetting the bed at night.

Using these reward systems for fully functioning individuals on a daily basis is something that throws a red flag. Are they going to want a prize every Friday when they complete a work week, etc?

YES! I absolutely expect to be rewarded for a week at work. It''s hard, you know? I get my reward in the form of a nice bottle of red wine.

LOL, that''s just what I was thinking. And for a year of work I expect to be rewarded with something sparkly.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

I completely agree that it depends on the age, but if you think about it, kids even in elementary school get rewarded for doing good behavior. But at home it is totally different. I think that some kind of reward/punishment system works best, other than just punishment. At my daycare, the rewards only work for some children. I guess it also depends on the kid!