Rental house with my FF or my own apt.? Advice please!

[shihtzulover]

I secured a job in my FF's city and started there about a month ago. Since it is so close to the house that he rents, I started staying with him. There have been some issues, because I'm allergic to one of his dogs, and I also don't really like the house (for various reasons).

The house is actually two stories. It's kind of old, but it is very big. He used to live there with his mother, since she was sick. She had the top floor, and he had the basement floor (totally furnished, but dark and damp). That way, they could each have privacy, but he could also take care of her. She kept the pets upstairs with her, and when it was just him living in the house, the animals continued to mostly stay up there, while he continued to sleep downstairs.

Since we didn't spend much time upstairs when I visited, I never realized that I was allergic to the dog. We would take them out, feed them, and pet them a bit, and then we would go downstairs to watch movies and hang out in the entertainment room.

When I started staying with him, we tried moving upstairs, since it is sunny and warm up there, etc. As soon as I started sitting on the furniture though, I would itch like crazy. I later found out that his one dog was always on this furniture. We tried to get her to stop, but she has always been allowed, so she just does it when we aren't looking. If I sit where she has sat, even if it's on the carpet or something, I start itching like crazy. It doesn't happen with the other dogs. I also get a scratchy throat if he vacuums up her hair when I'm around - I guess that stirs it up.

I spoke with a doctor, who says that I'm probably having this issue because she is part basset hound, and basset hounds are known to one of the most common breeds to be allergic to. Unfortunately, it will probably just get worse.

Other than that, I don't really like the house because the neighborhood isn't that great to me, and also because it feels like 'his' house, and not mine. It is large, but it is older, with older appliances. Since it is too big for what we need, we want to move to a smaller (one story), more modern place, in a nicer neighborhood.

Of course, if we do that, I can't stay away from the dog inside (right now, we are back to living downstairs - so on a different floor from his dogs). His plan is to get a heated shed at our new place and to put a doggie door on it - both of the larger dogs will live out there together, and they will be able to go into the fenced-in yard whenever they want.

I feel so bad about him having to put them outside for me, but I'm not sure how else to handle the situation. I decided that I might want to get an apartment, so I just went to look. I found one place that I really love, and it is the only place around here that seems to be a good fit for me (low crime, newer buildings, good area, good online reviews, etc), but now they are pressuring me to sign a lease. They have only two units available right now, and they said that once one goes, the other will be more expensive (they become more expensive if only one is available). They also offered me a special discount if I put down a deposit today. I really miss my old apartment, and this one is absolutely beautiful. It's on the floor that I want, and the ONLY downside is that it faces the parking lot (I'd rather that it faced the back).

I LOVE this apartment, but I have been thinking - I still want to try to make it work at a new place with my FF. I mean, we are going to live together one day, so we are going to have to face this situation eventually. We have seen some really nice rental houses for reasonable prices, but I'm afraid that it won't work (he is a lot messier than I am, and he also has a couple of other pets that clash with my dog). I'm mostly just afraid that if I don't take this apartment now, they won't let me have one later (even without that discount - I would prefer to have it, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had to pay a little bit more).

I'm also not totally sure about my job security right now. I mostly like the job so far, but I do have some very stressful days, and I'm still in the three-month probationary period.

Does anyone have any advice? If I don't take this apartment now but want another one at the same complex later, do you think they would deny me (because I applied but changed my mind this time)?

 

[Steel]

Congratulations on your new job!

My gut says take your own place; providing the lease is not too long and you can comfortably afford it, taking for granted that you keep this job and that you actually like the job and area. Yes you are in probation but people lose their jobs and get news ones to pay rent. This is not the only job, ever.

How long have you been dating for?
Had FF offered to move the pets outside; get the place professionally cleaned etc? Even if you rent, unless he considered there you will never be able to comfortably stay at his place and I assume he has equity there, if not ownership? I doubt he will want to move. And if he has considered these, would this be enough so you 'could' move in?
Then, regardless of the above, if you are waiting for a formal commitment I say get your own place.



ETA: Is there a mortgage left on the property? Would you pay FF rent/contribution, and would that go towards the mortgage payment? So would you be ok with paying of the mortgage to which you have no interest, because renting gives you no interest in Title either? Just a thought.

And get him to have the place professionally cleaned, imagine sexy time on the sofa leading to a Dr's visit for a rash!!!!!!!!!

 

[shihtzulover]

It's just so complicated! He has offered to move (he is currently renting, and his lease term is over, so he is paying month-to-month), and we have looked at houses together. He has also said that he would move the two larger dogs outside, as long as they can stay in a nice shed that has heat in the winter. As far as his two other pets go: one is a very old, small dog. Since he is so old, he sometimes has accidents on the floor, but he is probably too old to remember his training anymore. He is actually being kept on the tile floor now, anyway. The other pet is a cat, and I'm worried about her because she doesn't like my dog and has hurt one of his dogs in the past. I'm afraid that she will hurt my dog somehow. I guess we could put her in a different room when we're not home or something.

He has the ring, and he is begging to give it to me, but I'm not sure what on earth I should do right now. I want the apartment, but it is expensive, and I'm not 00% sure about my job right now, just because I'm so new and I'm not even done with my training yet - and this job was very hard to find (it took months), given the economy. On the other hand, like I said, my FF and I have some differences that I am scared that we won't be able to overcome (his mess and clutter, amongst a couple of other things).

I feel like I should see if we can make it work now rather than run away and not know until we try again later. I also will have trouble, because I am working long hours right now, and if I have my own place, no one else will be there to take my dog out. But, I also feel like I do want to get away from this living situation right now, rather than try all of these things that might not work (putting the big dogs outside, keeping the cat away from my dog, complaining to my boyfriend and making him throw his clutter away, etc).

I am also very concerned that they will be upset if I say no after I already applied at this complex, and that they will deny me later
because of it (if I do choose the apartment).

 

[Steel]

First things first. Throw a question over the bow to the apartment complex along the lines of - I have an issue that might arise, but I won't know for a few weeks. If it did arise and I had to pull out my application or defer my place in the hopes that another apartment did come up a little later on, would you be sympathetic to that or do you only consider first applications? If you ask this then you know and can rule in or out that possibility.


Ohh! It must be exciting that FF has the ring! About the messy issues. Show me a couple that didn't work together to reach agreements and compromises and I'll show you liars. Men like women can be messy - this will not readily improve if the man is living alone but would probably improve with some gentle nagging. If he is a good all rounder apart from that and he loves you and you love him, then snap him up.


I'm glad he offered to shift the animals outside and cordon off the older dog & cat. That does seem like a workable option to me. You can train any cat with a squirty gun (water bottle) to leave your doggie alone when you are there and shut the cat or dog off when you go out. About your allergies - you can still have a clean house if you have pets. But you have to get familiar with the vacuum and duster!


It is sensible that you are worrying about your job security but you do have to take some issues for granted when progressing in life. If you did not have a FF you would have to rent anyway to keep this job - it does not make your renting any less a necessity, just your sharing with FF as a convenient 'luxury'.

 

[zoebartlett]

I don't think the complex would turn you down in the future if you decided not to take the apartment that's available now.

 

[rangerd]

If your FF can afford the house on his own, you don't have to worry about your job security should you want to get a different job. As far as your differences are concerned, it sounds like your FF truly loves you and cares about what is bothering you and is making an effort to change things to make you happy. I'd say go for it, if you truly love him and he truly loves you, everything else can be worked out.