wakingdreams53
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2010
- Messages
- 891
This was my "resignation letter" from the LIW list last night:
Never thought this would be the way I'd be getting off the list. I joined last August at 118. I'm in no rush, but I wanted to find out to what degree my rush-less-ness would be. Anyone who knows my story knows that he "proposed" October 2009, but it was a "secret" so I asked him to take it back. Since then I've researching all things ring and wedding-- as per the notion that he had proposed once already.
But not just my own insane notion, but of the fact that he fed me fantasies (getting married before 2012, 2013, 2014). I know he didn't intentional try to hurt me with that; he's apologized 100000x since I've told him how I felt about these empty promises (he stopped also).
Well today I just had to find out. Really, I was dreaming of some sort of timeline-- even if he'd say 3 years, I'd be content with knowing that theres some sort of plan. I explained how I was feeling that without any responses from him, it seems like I'm trying to secretly be engaged to myself. He responded with apologies and explaining that because he's not in a position to live with me yet, he doesn't feel obliged to buy a ring. Hey, that's fair-- I didn't expect much else. I explained that although I agree, it would save me a lot of energy (and nerves) if we had a timeline. His response: "If I knew It wouldn't make sense to wait. If I knew I could marry you in 3 years I'd just marry you or at least put a ring on your finger." I dejectedly complied and then he said "Please stop being a lady in waiting and just be *my name* and my baby too if you still can."
I didn't expect him to call me out as a LIW.. AT ALL. My heart basically stopped beating at that point (as I'm sure others here would too). So ultimately, I'm heeding that advice and removing myself as a LIW at #37. Shame, I'd gotten so far, lol.
I know there are people on this forum who think I'm fake, that my story is just that-- a story, that my writing is too flowery to be true. If I'm already posting my life on the internet, I really don't care of what they accuse me or my life.
Dust to all of the lucky ladies on the list!! I hope to return sooner rather than later, perhaps there'll be some familiar usernames still hanging around PS at that point.
_______________________________
Perhaps I sounded "cool" but I completely and utterly lost it. And he just didn't get it... at all. It got to the point of feeling nauseous. He said that he didn't have money and what I want is too expensive (last thing I sent him was a $10 topaz stone...)-- blatantly missing the point, since I was only looking for a stone/ring because he originally told me to (he said that a ring would make it real and we'd have something to show when we made an announcement to our families). The entire conversation above was online, so everything he said really is word-for-word. I really didn't want to talk to him afterwards, I just wanted to absorb it all and go (cry myself) to bed. He called me to say good night, and kept saying his @#$&ing usual phrase "it'll happen sooner than you think" Really? Sooner than I think? You can't say that it's a remote possibility in the next five years, yet it's sooner than I think? I know I sound bitter, but I am. I really wouldn't of wasted so much time if I knew it was all bull%$#@. Then (on the phone) he said something along the lines of sending him things makes him feel pressured and therefore makes it be the last thing he wants to do. So there was a lot of my own feeling stupid. But CHRIST! If he was just STRAIGHT with me and said "Look, I know that I want to marry you, but it's not in the cards in be engaged at all until I can live with you." Instead of his almost DAILY "I want to marry you. It'll happen sooner than you think." And each time I'd give a relatively REALISTIC year, like 2014, he'd say "It'll definitely happen before then, don't worry."
I'm not worried. I'm just sick of this. Immensely, retardedly SICK of this. It's one thing to fantasize, but don't disguise it as the truth. $#&*
Never thought this would be the way I'd be getting off the list. I joined last August at 118. I'm in no rush, but I wanted to find out to what degree my rush-less-ness would be. Anyone who knows my story knows that he "proposed" October 2009, but it was a "secret" so I asked him to take it back. Since then I've researching all things ring and wedding-- as per the notion that he had proposed once already.
But not just my own insane notion, but of the fact that he fed me fantasies (getting married before 2012, 2013, 2014). I know he didn't intentional try to hurt me with that; he's apologized 100000x since I've told him how I felt about these empty promises (he stopped also).
Well today I just had to find out. Really, I was dreaming of some sort of timeline-- even if he'd say 3 years, I'd be content with knowing that theres some sort of plan. I explained how I was feeling that without any responses from him, it seems like I'm trying to secretly be engaged to myself. He responded with apologies and explaining that because he's not in a position to live with me yet, he doesn't feel obliged to buy a ring. Hey, that's fair-- I didn't expect much else. I explained that although I agree, it would save me a lot of energy (and nerves) if we had a timeline. His response: "If I knew It wouldn't make sense to wait. If I knew I could marry you in 3 years I'd just marry you or at least put a ring on your finger." I dejectedly complied and then he said "Please stop being a lady in waiting and just be *my name* and my baby too if you still can."
I didn't expect him to call me out as a LIW.. AT ALL. My heart basically stopped beating at that point (as I'm sure others here would too). So ultimately, I'm heeding that advice and removing myself as a LIW at #37. Shame, I'd gotten so far, lol.
I know there are people on this forum who think I'm fake, that my story is just that-- a story, that my writing is too flowery to be true. If I'm already posting my life on the internet, I really don't care of what they accuse me or my life.
Dust to all of the lucky ladies on the list!! I hope to return sooner rather than later, perhaps there'll be some familiar usernames still hanging around PS at that point.
_______________________________
Perhaps I sounded "cool" but I completely and utterly lost it. And he just didn't get it... at all. It got to the point of feeling nauseous. He said that he didn't have money and what I want is too expensive (last thing I sent him was a $10 topaz stone...)-- blatantly missing the point, since I was only looking for a stone/ring because he originally told me to (he said that a ring would make it real and we'd have something to show when we made an announcement to our families). The entire conversation above was online, so everything he said really is word-for-word. I really didn't want to talk to him afterwards, I just wanted to absorb it all and go (cry myself) to bed. He called me to say good night, and kept saying his @#$&ing usual phrase "it'll happen sooner than you think" Really? Sooner than I think? You can't say that it's a remote possibility in the next five years, yet it's sooner than I think? I know I sound bitter, but I am. I really wouldn't of wasted so much time if I knew it was all bull%$#@. Then (on the phone) he said something along the lines of sending him things makes him feel pressured and therefore makes it be the last thing he wants to do. So there was a lot of my own feeling stupid. But CHRIST! If he was just STRAIGHT with me and said "Look, I know that I want to marry you, but it's not in the cards in be engaged at all until I can live with you." Instead of his almost DAILY "I want to marry you. It'll happen sooner than you think." And each time I'd give a relatively REALISTIC year, like 2014, he'd say "It'll definitely happen before then, don't worry."
I'm not worried. I'm just sick of this. Immensely, retardedly SICK of this. It's one thing to fantasize, but don't disguise it as the truth. $#&*
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