Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stories?

[Caramelfreak]

This has been such a lovely community.

So I have let the cat out of the bag that I am a doctor.
Paediatrics to be precise and currently in training, so doing all sorts of Paediatrics-related rotations.
In Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at present.

I do feel like I'm the most underperforming junior trainee. Everyone seems to get along well with the bosses. Some bosses just straight out ignore me. I am good with cannulation.. until last week on one night shift had a bad run then just keep having bad runs for the last 48 hours (can't cannulate a term baby when 2 weeks ago I was smashing them, even the pre-terms all). I had a run of nights with another trainee at my level who is, i think, very anxious about what procedures she has done. If you intubate a baby the first thing she would ask is "Did you do it or did the boss do it?" rather than ask about the baby well-being (similar to other procedures like resuscitation). I was too careful with replacing another baby's sodium (don't know the baby, don't know how high her sodium will jump and it had been okay previously) so the boss in the morning thought I could have gone up more on the dosing and I can hear that trainee behind me nodding, going "yup, yup..". And of course being boss around by other trainees my level. And after I asked for her help with one cannulation one night, she watched me like a hawk- (she didn't need to be there and the parents were watching too) for the next one and, of course, I failed. Too much audience pressure.

I don't need other trainees my level to "supervise" me but I think she perhaps thought I was incompetent as I would talk about my babies' ventilation settings (for the tubed babies) etc. with her... it was more like I thought we were both on nights, both junior, both alone in the neonatal intensive at night where I would have thought all the sickest babies around the catchment area are... duh... that we could be more collaborative and supportive of one another. And I haven't done much tweaking with Vent settings overnight whilst she appears to have a bit more experience than I do in that regards (more night shifts done) and may be more cognisant of what the bosses want to be called about, and what they would like us to handle on our own. Also one of her babies got sick. Whilst she was in mid-review, a category one caesar was called so I was about to go when she went "I'm going! Just get a chest x-ray for my baby" like i'm her junior- not a nice feeling. I have a feeling that she would leave her sick baby in my care to go to a Cat 1 c-section when I'm equally comfortable and trained to do those resuscitations because there is a higher chance the baby may be compromise and therefore needs a tube/ umbilical lines etc. (Baby thankfully fine).. and she would be the one who would get to do them all!

Thing is outside the work environment she is a lovely person.

We have a board up where people get congratulated on their achievements.
i haven't had my name up ever. Never chanced upon a baby who may need a chest drain, umbilical lines, intubations... and then now I'm failing at cannulation after a bad run.

After that run of nights with that trainee I just thought maybe these days I should just be a little more selfish? More like selfishly guard over impending deliveries etc which may end up with me needing to do lots of things for baby.

I don't know if it is because I just don't speak up as much nor try to show-off random knowledge. I also like to keep my thoughts to myself and think things through. I know my knowledge deficits and work very hard on it. i don't think I can study any harder (impending board exams!!!) Twice a week I watch this TV show called the Bachelor and it is my only guilty pressure. I don't go out anymore except once in a blue moon and my husband is working 12 hours away so any free days off I fly up to see him... and study while I'm there.

i don't know. Just a vent I guess. I hate medicine sometimes. Everyone just wants to outdo themselves/ each other. but I don't think they know how hurtful they can be sometimes by stepping on their colleagues toes/ indirectly crushing their colleagues confidence/ pride. We look after patients well. We are mindful of what we say to patients/ parents... we tell everyone else to have breaks, take time off for family etc. but we don't do it very well ourselves and I don't think our admin or support people watch out for us either.

But I do love cuddling little babies during night-shifts. And I kinda don't really want to do anything like intubation/ chest drains/ major lines... not because I don't want to (TBH these are very important skills. There is a huge sense of accomplishment if you get it right and it makes you feel safer when you are on nights with sick babies when you have such skills) but because that means a baby is very sick and I don't like seeing babies sick. I think babies belong with mommies, looking pink, sweet and happily feeding away.

So anyone else in competitive high-pressured jobs and really feeling shit about the way they are treated? Be nice to commiserate! On the same token it will be great if no one replies because then no one else is in the same shitty situation!

 

[missy]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

Hi Caramelfreak, What a rewarding career you have chosen and I cannot think of many that is as rewarding or as challenging. I am sorry you have such a lousy and stressful job environment and I am glad you love being around the babies and love doing what you do despite everything you have to go through.

I don't have any personal experience to add but only to say that I do know of other stressful job situations in many different fields where people are cutthroat and so you are not alone. It still sucks big time however and when you are finished with your training I hope you will find a more supportive environment in which to work. They do exist and thank you for taking all the time and energy to be in a field where you do so much good and help so many.

Good luck on your upcoming board exams!!!

 

[TooPatient]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

Caramel,

Sending you hugs. I know it isn't easy working in a place like that. I experienced stuff like that in my year at Starbucks (not to mention upper division math classes and engineering stuff!) and DH has been through that at different companies as a software engineer.

DH was in a smallish team at a big company for the last 10 years (minus this last year laid off with most of the department). He was Senior Software Development Engineer -- one of just a few in the entire department and the only on his team. First years went pretty okay then some manager came in and wanted to do an org chart. Basically, it was manager on top then the 5 guys under him. Just flat. One of the junior guys (at company a few months, out of college just a couple of years) started doing the watching and finger pointing that you describe. Not a fun situation. Thanks to how they changed the review system, the guy negatively impacted DH's review (hence raise for the next year, possible increase in title, and bonus impacted). Plus more besides.

Some people just do that. It is NOT fun to work with and can be miserable to try to address.

Have confidence in yourself. KNOW that you are good at what you do. Demonstrate that by being cautious and competent and prepared. (If your successful completion rides on things being impacted by her, you may have to talk with her or ask a mentor for suggestions.)


FWIW, if I were dealing with a sick baby I would much rather have someone like you taking care of my baby than someone like her. You sound like an amazing woman who puts the health and safety of the babies above any work politics. That, in my mind, is the sign of someone who should be a doctor!

 

[iLander]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

Not sure if this is helpful, but doing it anyway.

Let me give you the perspective of someone who was the boss for 20+ years, of over a dozen employees:

1- I have no idea what you're doing. I spend my days dealing with my issues and my work, and sometimes I'll check to see that you're on track, but basically I have no clue on your day-to-day.

2-I can only believe what people tell me. If someone says you're doing poorly, I will believe them. I do not have time to go back and check the facts. BUT, if you tell me you are doing well, I will believe YOU. Tell me many times, and I will believe you are a great worker.

3-If I feel that you are on my team, working to relieve MY workload or issues, I will love you.

4-If I feel that you've blazed through your work, and you ask me for more, I'm impressed.

5- If you don't know how to do something, and you don't ask for help, I feel like you're a slacker with potential to screw up my day with an error. I don't like that at all, and I am wary of you.

6- I don't care if you don't get along with a coworker. This irritates me, because we're supposed to be adults. Don't ever bring that up.

So, how to make this info work FOR you? Brag. I know it's against the concept of humility, but it works. Maybe come up to me in a quiet moment and say "I did x many procedures last night, baby x is in great condition," as a quick update. I feel like you're keeping me informed and I like that. Another quiet moment, say "I feel like I could be better at xx, I'd like to do this about it." DON'T bring me a problem unless you have a possible solution. Ever. Because I hate that, you’ve just added to my list of problems. No thanks. Even if your solution is dumb, I feel like you're trying and I will offer a correct solution.

Spread your base of support as WIIIIIDDDE as you can. Suck up to secretaries, nurses, other doctors, everyone your boss talks to. Flattery works great, but it has to be sincere and not too frequent. This is to cover you if your boss talks about you. Sometimes even a secretary can sway a boss’s opinion with a kind word. Make sure everyone knows and likes you.

The biggest mistake people make with their bosses is that they think bosses know what is going on. They really don’t have time to know the full story. Brag, make yourself heard. If you are shy about your accomplishments, I will assume you don’t have any. Because if you don’t, you can bet someone else will.

 

[Astra]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

As a RN who used to work in the ICU I can totally understand your situation. I have seen this more than hundred times (and also felt it on my own skin) and all I can say is - eventually your effort and knowledge will be noticed, but usually in a few years and/or another workplace.

After spending part of my life proving I am capable as everyone else, after doing things which aren't my job (e.g. inserting arteriar line, fixing vent settings etc.), after correcting mistakes made by my boss and colleagues I quite my job and started working in another place where I am more than appreciated.

Yes, my heart is still in the ICU, but this feeling I have right now...I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I guess it all comes down to waiting, proving and patience.

 

[tuffyluvr]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

Hi Caramelfreak--I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sounds incredibly frustrating. DH is a paramedic and he was so upset when he was learning how to start IVs. Some of the guys he trained with "got it" right away and he felt so defeated when he couldn't start a line. The more pressure he put on himself, and the more he beat himself up, the harder it was. I have a feeling that your problems with cannulation are likely due, at least in part, to being "psyched out" due to lack of confidence and this pest at work getting in your ear. High-pressure, highly-competitive training, as you are in the middle of now, unfortunately tends to bring out the worst in people. The way you have described this woman inside the hospital vs socially, it sounds like she is trying to put you down to try and make herself look better. As difficult as it is, I hope that you can try to block out the negativity and don't allow yourself to give negativity and negative people power. I know you must be incredibly busy, but have you ever considered guided meditation? I know that it has helped DH and I in many aspects of our lives.

 

[tuffyluvr]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

I like these sort of things: http://youtu.be/hi3mFcn81F0 and I LOVE Pema Chödrön!

 

[wildcat03]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

Here's the best part of residency: it gets over.

I just avoided my braggy residency classmates, but luckily that was just a couple out of the whole program. Is there a senior or a fellow around you can ask questions of rather than your classmate?

If a classmate tried to scut me out like yours did, I'd just say, "Gosh, sounds like you have too much going on here. I'll go to the delivery." And just go. Don't wait, don't ask, don't make a big deal of it.

PS - as for the procedures, we all have runs of bad luck. They can be self-perpetuating. Try sitting down in a quiet moment and visualizing the procedure from start to finish. Do this a couple times a day. When you go to do a procedure, make yourself comfortable. If you can afford the time, go pee before you start. Have everything together. Make sure your positioning at the bedside is comfortable (stool/chair, bed up to the right height, etc).

 

[JDDN]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

Caramelfreak, I totally feel your pain! Nothing is worse than having a colleague who is competitive. I really feel it's so unnecessary because it's not like medicine isn't hard enough. Think about how enriching and motivating it is when you get to work with a colleague who is supportive. That's when the best learning and growth occurs (in my opinion).

Like Wildcat said, residency ends, yea!! If there is any way to avoid working with this person then I would avoid her. Also, remember your surgery rotation? Well pile on another layer of thick skin (as if you haven't already I'm sure)! Maybe try being more assertive. When she orders you to do something for her (as if you are her junior-how irritating), then say casually, "No, I will do X or, No, you have your patient, I'll do it." And then GO, don't wait around for a response. She will soon get the message that you can't be ordered around or that you won't be allowed to be second. She'll get the message.

As far as getting recognition for your achievements. Try working an accomplishment into a story. Maybe tell your chief about a patient you had in a learning point way and then work in how you did something successful. It can be said in a non-bragging way, but you are putting your accomplishments in their minds.

And also agree with WC, make yourself comfortable before doing procedures. Get the right chair or step stool or whatever. Take a deep breath and try and enjoy and relax. If with a senior, don't be afraid to ask questions if you feel it will help you.

I was on rotation as a med student with a girl who was so confrontational but I feel it was because she felt insecure and scared. It was too bad b/c she was nice outside of the rotation, but she was so punchy all the time and she made negative comments in front of the attending. Just remember that it ends!

Good luck to you. Come back and vent anytime!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

Working in a hospital I have seen some horrible "hazing." The higher more specialized the doctor, the rider he/she seems to be to residents and students. Sometimes when I am going through a difficult time, I remind myself "this is not forever." I think you will be a BETTER doctor from your experiences and am sure you will pay it forward.

 

[GliderPoss]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

I'm not in medicine but I do work in a professional environment which can be quite competitive at times. Best thing I can think of it to be CONFIDENT in yourself - you're qualified, be QUIETLY AUTHORITIVE in what you do and how you response to requests/comments - don't take BS from anyone but be polite at the same time and BRAG when you do something great - seriously women need to do this more else you just get trampled under everyone else. Everyone makes mistakes but make sure your boss knows your wins too! Best of luck.

 

[GliderPoss]

Re: Rant about job- competitiveness between colleagues. Stor

*Sorry accidental double post*