Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Rant about engaged friends

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

wolftress

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2006
Messages
847
I am a bit annoyed about two friends (A & B) who have recently got engaged. FI and I are having a relatively small wedding, so we only invited family and close friends. A & B were among the ones we invited. Money is really tight for us, and we are paying for everything ourselves, so we were very strict with ourselves about who we should invite. Only people who were special to us.

Imagine our outrage when FI and I found out that we haven''t been invited to A & B''s engagement party, when all of our other mutual friends have been invited! I know you should not expect to be invited to anything, but FI and I really did want A & B there at our wedding, and it hurts that they did not even think of inviting us to celebrate their engagement with them.

Am I being petty? I know FI and I don''t deserve an explanation, but it just makes me sad that we overlooked other friends to have A & B there with us on our wedding day.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
If that is really the case, then you have a right to be hurt.

But just to play devil''s advocate, if they sent out invites/emailed invites, is it possible that they simply forgot you? I know this sounds horrible, but when we were doing our guest list for our wedding I forgot to include my MOH the first few rounds! If I had been sending out invites to something I would have missed her by mistake.

But if you know it was intentional, that really sucks!
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
Messages
1,446
I think you are trying very hard to insure that you are not over reacting, which speaks highly of you. I think if I were in your situation, I would be hurt and a little confused too. BUT, hopefully neatfreak is right, and it''s just an oversite. I know I forgot people every time I tried to make out guest lists for anything (different people each time). And every time I forgot someone, I''d think, "Oh my gosh, how could I have forgotten her? I adore her!" and feel kind of guilty about it.

Let us know what happens.
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
I wanted to "third" what neatfreak and fancy have already said in regards to it being a possible oversight. FI and I continually remember people who we really really want at our wedding and we do feel guilty. We hope they haven''t already heard about so-and-so being invited when they hadn''t been yet!!
This, in fact, is how we''ve gone from 75 to 108 people! I actually forgot 4 of my mentors (mentors, I say!!!) from my undergrad years!!! I guess because they and I speak on and off, I didn''t instantly recall them when coming up with an initial guest list
I was so horrified that I had forgotten a few people who I can honestly say are apart of who I am and people I have grown to cherish (!!!). But I was SO relieved that I did remember and that now they''re attending
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
I would feel hurt too...

but how can you go about determining if it was an oversight or not? Tough position to be in...
 

wolftress

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2006
Messages
847
Thank you for the reassurance


I really do hope it was an oversight and wasn''t intentional. I have been thinking about what we could have done to offend them, but haven''t been able to come up with anything.

Oh well, whether we are there at the party or not, I''m glad they''re getting married. They are nice people who deserve happiness.
 

ladyciel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
1,769
Oh, isn''t that one of the worst feelings in the world? I do hope it was just an oversight, cuz it really sucks when someone you think of as a close friend, somebody you really respect, etc, doesn''t actually return the feelings like you thought they did.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Date: 4/12/2007 12:06:06 AM
Author: wolftress
Thank you for the reassurance



I really do hope it was an oversight and wasn''t intentional. I have been thinking about what we could have done to offend them, but haven''t been able to come up with anything.


Oh well, whether we are there at the party or not, I''m glad they''re getting married. They are nice people who deserve happiness.

I hope so too!!! If it''s possible better to give them the benefit of the doubt. If so, and you guys are close, I expect that she''ll bring up the party to you sooner or later, esp. if you were supposed to RSVP and you didn''t.

If they really didn''t invite you then that is LOW...and quite frankly I wouldn''t want a friend that would be that passive aggressive!
 

dtnyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,088
Date: 4/11/2007 11:09:14 PM
Author: neatfreak
If that is really the case, then you have a right to be hurt.

But just to play devil''s advocate, if they sent out invites/emailed invites, is it possible that they simply forgot you? I know this sounds horrible, but when we were doing our guest list for our wedding I forgot to include my MOH the first few rounds! If I had been sending out invites to something I would have missed her by mistake.

But if you know it was intentional, that really sucks!
Also playing devil''s advocate- is it possible that they were not hosting their own engagement parties- but that someone else, family member or friend was the organizer and host and did the inviting?

Or perhaps their engagement party was just family and members of the bridal party?

Engagement parties are nice- but they are not the wedding- and while I know that gifts aren''t mandatory at them, most people do take something- so think of it as being a chance to save money (for your wedding) by not having to give them an engagement gift.
 

starryeyed

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 6, 2006
Messages
2,398
Hi Wolftress. I''m sorry to hear your felings have been hurt.

I think dtnyc brings up a good point - if A & B are not the ones organizing the party, it may have been an oversight on the planner''s part. Perhaps the planner is someone who felt he/she should have been invited to your wedding and is getting back at you. Sounds petty, but many people are petty.

You have a few different options for how to handle this. You could mention it to one of the "mutual friends" who is invited. Just say you are surprised and hurt. I suppose it might be awkward if that mutual friend is not invited to your wedding.

The other thing you could do is talk to A & B and simply ask why you weren''t invited. I would say that my feelings were very hurt. If A & B know that money is tight for you, maybe they didn''t want to put you in an awkward financial position. Or manybe the engagement party is for the people not invited to the wedding. Who knows.

Bottom line, say something. If there was an oversight, you''ll feel better. If someone was being a jerk, you will expose their true colors. Don''t absorb the burden of awkwardness yourself - you are the magnanimous one here.
 

dtnyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,088
Date: 4/12/2007 10:57:03 AM
Author: starryeyed
Hi Wolftress. I''m sorry to hear your felings have been hurt.


I think dtnyc brings up a good point - if A & B are not the ones organizing the party, it may have been an oversight on the planner''s part. Perhaps the planner is someone who felt he/she should have been invited to your wedding and is getting back at you. Sounds petty, but many people are petty.


You have a few different options for how to handle this. You could mention it to one of the ''mutual friends'' who is invited. Just say you are surprised and hurt. I suppose it might be awkward if that mutual friend is not invited to your wedding.


The other thing you could do is talk to A & B and simply ask why you weren''t invited. I would say that my feelings were very hurt. If A & B know that money is tight for you, maybe they didn''t want to put you in an awkward financial position. Or manybe the engagement party is for the people not invited to the wedding. Who knows.


Bottom line, say something. If there was an oversight, you''ll feel better. If someone was being a jerk, you will expose their true colors. Don''t absorb the burden of awkwardness yourself - you are the magnanimous one here.

Good advice- also adding to this- if you approach A&B couples saying something along the lines of, we would have loved to celebrate w/ you, I would send them a congrats on your engagement card, if you haven''t already done so and also perhaps give them a token engagement gift. Typically if someone is close to me, I give them a small engagement gift of some kind before anyone even has a chance to throw them a party.
 

FireGoddess

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 25, 2005
Messages
12,145
It could be an oversight - I sent a save the date to someone and apparently she never received a wedding invitation (though I recall sending her one)...found out through another friend that she was confused and hurt she hadn''t received an invite. I wouldn''t have known she didn''t receive one until the RSVPs came and I saw she never responded had nobody told me.

I fear you won''t know whether it is an oversight or not until the wedding invites come out and you either get one or don''t. Or unless they ask you if you''re coming to the party and you say ''what party?'' Otherwise, not much you can do.
 

oshinbreez

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 16, 2006
Messages
1,135
Why not send them a card congratulating them on their engagement? Hopefully it is an oversight and the card can be just the reminder they need.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,761
Wolftress, is it at all possible that, being close friends of yours, they know you are planning a wedding as well and are paying for everything and are on a tight budget, therefore maybe they wanted to cut you guys some slack knowing that getting them an engagement gift would be an extra expense you didn''t need right now? Otherwise, I would think it HAD to be an oversight, due to the fact that you have mutual friends who were invited and they have to figure you will "find out" about this e-party. I agree with other posters who say it would be appropriate to send a card if you have not already done so, but I do think you can skip the engagement gift.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    Lucky Alhambra Bracelet
    Lucky Alhambra Bracelet
    Handmade diamond studs
    Handmade diamond studs
    5 Diamond Misconceptions: Part 1
    5 Diamond Misconceptions: Part 1

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.

New posts

Top