ramblings

[ckrickett]

So my SO and I had a talk the other night on letting me pick my engagement ring (or at least having a HUGE hand in the decision), which is what I'm happy about. Then he asked me if it would be ok if he proposed to me without a ring. I said yes (of course) because to me him ASKING me is the thing I really want, and then we can pick out the ring together, and get it whenever we have the funds, and find the right stone/setting/vendor and whatnot. When I said yes he said "well then you might only have to wait a few more months rather then a year" which made me happy, sort of.

I mean I would say yes in a split second, but I want him to do it when he is ready to, not something he is just doing for me. We have had a similiar discussion about timelines not to long ago where he said he felt we should wait a year because he knew he loved me but he wanted to wait a bit longer just to make sure everything was still good (his longest relationship was 2 years, I think he wanted to break it). I'm TOTALLY ok with respecting his timeline. We are also still young, I'm 24 and he is 27. But we aren't "fresh" (if you know what I'm saying). I mean I want to marry him, but I want him to propose because he wants to marry me, not you know like something he is doing out of the goodness of his heart to make me happy.
I'm excited that we talked about it, that I get to pick out the ring, and I might not have to wait as long. I just hope he doesn't think all i want to do is marry him so i can say I'm married. i want him to know I want to marry him because I LOVE HIM!

 

[mrscushion]

I''m sure he knows that, ckrickett, otherwise I bet you he wouldn''t be talking so seriously about getting engaged. I think he''s just being realistic that getting the ring can take a while. I know my SO had to get to the "ready to be engaged" stage first, which was probably somewhere around mid-Fall, and now he''s been on the hunt for the right stone for a couple of months already. I think you gave the right answer -- have him propose when he''s ready to do so (knowing that you are ready now, and again, I''m sure he knows it''s because you think he''s "the one") and then start shopping for the ring as a leisurely, fun activity!

 

[ckrickett]

Yeah, I mean for awhile I got so caught up in "the ring" that I forgot what this is really about, which is US!
the ring will come. I''m more worried about us growing in the right direction

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I think him asking in a few months would be when he was ready, perhaps he was only waiting longer for the actual ring to present. It doesnt sound like he''d be doing it just to make you happy, but because he really wants to propose to you. I think you just gave him the "ok" to do so regardless of having the funds to present you with a ring at the same time. Dont over think it, I think it''ll be just as perfect as your imagining

 

[tlh]

grrr... MEN!

I totally get the frustrating part of this. Just makes you want to pull your hair out! I see both sides, and totally understand.

From my DH''s point of view, it just takes men longer. His opinion is that because a man is expected to drop $$$$ with a proposal, they take a long time to seriously think this over. Because a woman does not have this.... investment, if you will- they are ready, SOONER.

Sounds like your man is coming around and you''ll have your own thread in SMTR very soon. Best wishes! xoxo

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 1/20/2009 4:34:46 PM
Author: tlh
grrr... MEN!

I totally get the frustrating part of this. Just makes you want to pull your hair out! I see both sides, and totally understand.

From my DH''s point of view, it just takes men longer. His opinion is that because a man is expected to drop $$$$ with a proposal, they take a long time to seriously think this over. Because a woman does not have this.... investment, if you will- they are ready, SOONER.

Sounds like your man is coming around and you''ll have your own thread in SMTR very soon. Best wishes! xoxo

Oh I hope so. He likes to drive me nuts, and he teases me about it till no end~!

 

[caribqueen]

Sounds very promising.

 

[fieryred33143]

C--When I read your first paragraph and read what he said, this is how I interpreted it:

He wants to marry you but is worried about the cost of the ring. Now that he knows that the ring is second to you (proposal being first), its made him more excited about it because he can propose when he feels its right without having to factor in the search for the ring. He probably said "in a few months" because that''s how long it''ll take him to figure out his proposal plan.

To me, that entire conversation was a good, positive one that showed how much he does love you and how he really is ready.

I find jumping up and down in circles screaming "yay" to be a very effective method of releasing all the happy into the world

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 1/27/2009 12:56:31 PM
Author: fieryred33143
C--When I read your first paragraph and read what he said, this is how I interpreted it:

He wants to marry you but is worried about the cost of the ring. Now that he knows that the ring is second to you (proposal being first), its made him more excited about it because he can propose when he feels its right without having to factor in the search for the ring. He probably said ''in a few months'' because that''s how long it''ll take him to figure out his proposal plan.

To me, that entire conversation was a good, positive one that showed how much he does love you and how he really is ready.

I find jumping up and down in circles screaming ''yay'' to be a very effective method of releasing all the happy into the world

Thanks!

That''s what I truly think. But sometimes I think he would want to wait longer. I know he wants to, I mean he calls me his "future fiance" all the time

, we talk about wedding details (we have our honeymoon planned out already). But I have to get it through my skull that GUY time is longer then Girl time! Which is easier said then done!