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Becky P

Becky P

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2006
Messages
272
Kind of a slow week here on the forum... Just wondering where people are at?

1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
 
hey becky, great questions! make sure you answer too...

1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating? 3 yrs
2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)? about a month ago in full. about a week ago with me just "checking in". He thinks I bring it up constantly, I feel I''m pretty disciplined..ahh, the joys of he said/she said.
3. What was the outcome of the conversation? he assured me he was "working on it" and that he wants to move things forward just like i do. he said to be a little patient while he worked on the details. when pressed for a timeline, he told me "a couple of months".
4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away? hmm, that''s the million dollar question. I''ve told myself one more month. Realistically, by the end of the year. We live together in an apt he owns and we are both furnishing, so walking away needs some advanced planning.
 
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Haha, yeah, I should answer my own questions, huh?

1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating? 4 years this time, known each other for almost 9 yrs

2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)? This weekend when we were in Michigan visiting my family. He actually initiated the discussion two or three times while we were driving - I think he likes to talk when we''re not just staring at each other... lol

3. What was the outcome of the conversation? He''s still considering the whole North Carolina move. We had some really in-depth discussions about what that would be like. What our expectations are, etc. He definitely gets that I won''t move without being engaged. So, if he wants me to move with him, we''ll have to be engaged. If he''s not ready to propose (I don''t want to force him into it), then he can move by himself, and I''ll stay here until we''re engaged. I think I''ve accomplished what I wanted to because he is definitely thinking about the future and how he sees things happening. And, in the middle of one of the car talks, he asked about a friend of ours who manages a jewelry shop - what''s she up to? is she still working at jewelry shop? etc. Don''t want to read anything into it just yet, but the bottom line is he''s thinking about moving to NC, he sees me coming with him, therefore, he knows he needs to propose.

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away? Well, if we are moving to NC together, that would happen right around the first of the year, so we could conceivably be engaged within the next 2 to 2 1/2 months. March 31, 2007 is my deadline for walking away...
 
1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
Almost 10 years!! Although there was a 6-7 month break about 2 years ago with no contact / seeing other people. Then he decided he couldn''t live without me and I decided to give him another chance.

2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
Last week I did a "checking in" and I think we had a big discussion in August?

3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
He told me we were still set for our 2006 timeline -- and that everything was in progress

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
well - we have a 2006 deadline (set by him) and I told him that New Year''s Eve was NOT a good idea. So sometime before then?

I guess if he flakes on his own deadline I would move to my mom''s house for a while to think things over.
 
1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
2 years, 9 months

2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
About a week ago

3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
He said his biggest obstacle is paying for the ring, because he wants to get the perfect one (and knowing my tastes, that''s beyond our means right now!). He wants to be engaged by a year from now, I''ll be happy if it''s within two. So I guess our timelines are compatible!

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
I think we''ll be engaged by next May or June, but we''re both really young, so if it doesn''t happen within a year I''m willing to wait longer. We''re not in too much of a rush, but I''d like us to be married within the next 3-4 years. If it doesn''t happen after that... then I''ll reevaluate. That''s a long time from now though
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Date: 10/17/2006 11:45:22 AM
Author:Becky P
Kind of a slow week here on the forum... Just wondering where people are at?


1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?

2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?

3. What was the outcome of the conversation?

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
Click to expand...

1) a little over 2 years
2) on Saturday
3) same old, same old. wait until January, then assess the financial situation. The goal is to buy the ring by March or April, but if he needs to save for longer then we can wait. we also discussed the ring budget again, which will affect the timeline. i ask about it at least weekly, even though i already know what he''s going to say.
4) maybe a proposal by next April, if not, before the end of 2007 for sure. i''m still in school so there''s no huge rush. it never crossed my mind to walk away, the only hurdle is the cost, not the commitment
 
Date: 10/17/2006 11:45:22 AM
Author:Becky P
Kind of a slow week here on the forum... Just wondering where people are at?

1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
Click to expand...
1. We''ve been dating a little over 2 yrs.

2. This past weekend which was the first time in awhile.

3. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and needed to be sure he understood that we''re only talking about a year or so until we move out of state (his deadline in terms of wanting to move) so that is pretty darned soon! And that a lot of things have to be done w/in that time. Also, I don''t want to be planning/doing more than one big thing at a time and need planning time in between each thing, for e.g., don''t want to take the bar while planning a wedding, don''t want to plan a wedding while plan a move out of state, etc...
I feel he understood the importance of what I was saying and that this is all only 1 year away. We both know that we want to be married before our move out of state.
Also, since our move in together has been postponed since I couldn''t sell my condo, he stated that him proposing isn''t dependent on us living together. That is good b/c we won''t be living together until at least this March and if we''re also getting married on ''07, that doesn''t leave a lot of time.

4. I think it will be sometime next year. He wants everything to happen all at once, rather than step by step so I think he''ll wait longer to propose and then want a quick engagement. I want a summer wedding so I''d say I''ll wait until sometime around March.. after that it becomes hard to plan and we''d have to move back the out of state move deadline.
Before I walk away.. haven''t thought about that and I hope not to.
If nothing happens around January, I''d probably bring it up and need something more specific from him rather than the generalities we''ve discussed so far.
 
Almost 3 1/2 years

last time we talked about it was mid August

The outcome was very good i think. I told him i would like something to happen with in the next 2 years..and he said it would be before that.. So he has until August 2008. I told him if no progress then... he would be sorry! :)

I personally think maybe with in the year or so (hoping!!)... i am in no real rush.. i love him he loves me..
I dont know when i would walk away... if it seems our relationship is not growing or we arent learning from each other or having fun.. then i think i would because then the relationship would seem stale.. but as long as our relationship is strong i am stickin around :)
 
Date: 10/17/2006 11:45:22 AM
Author:Becky P
Kind of a slow week here on the forum... Just wondering where people are at?

1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
Click to expand...
1. We''ve been dating approximately 2.5-3 years. We''re not sure as we were best friends before we started dating and it''s hard to define that blurry line between friends and ''dating.''
2. We discussed it on 9/24 so about a month ago.
3. The outcome was that he promised it would happen in the near future, and clarified that he meant in the next couple of months.
4. Since he has already talked to my dad, and since he gave me a specific time frame, I do expect a proposal within the next couple of months... say by the end of the year. I haven''t gotten to the point of having a walk away time frame.
 
We''re together over seven years.
Had the last talk about half an hour ago-it was a big discussion though as a couple of weeks he was a bit scared of the whole thing so I wanted to have a proper discussion and we did and got everything out in the open and we both feel so much better about it and he was excited about the whole thing when he dropped me home. Although we''re both 99% sure that we will go for the Lucida ring,he wants to have a look around at home again just to see is there anything as beautiful as it.
We''re still on for New York next July and I really hope that he does it while we''re over there and doesnt tease me too long. Although he says that as he pays so much for it, he gets to tease for a while
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Date: 10/17/2006 11:45:22 AM
Author:Becky P
Kind of a slow week here on the forum... Just wondering where people are at?

1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
Click to expand...
first of all..hi Ladies, I hope you week is going fabulous!
1. We have been together for 1 year and 4 months.
2. The last time we discussed the whole engagement thing was about 1 week ago. We has previously decided on an end of year engagement. He owns a shipping business and keeps teasing me by telling me that he has 6 states that he can look for rings in (I guess I better cancel the private eye
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)
3. It was positive, he told me that things were on track.
4. I haven''t been waiting for that long...and at this point I have NEVER though of walking away.
 
1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
2 years; currently separated/broke up for half a year.

2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
He brought it up two nights ago.

3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
He wants to go sow his wild oats until we can be together, but doesn''t want me to see other people. When we can be together again, we''ll get married. I''m not sure what I think of this yet.

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
Depends on the outcome of 3, but 3 years will be the longest.
 
1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating? About 7 months.
2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)? We have yet to have a serious discussion about timelines. We have talked about "when" we get a place, "when" we get married. Our last mention was after a wedding, about what kind we would have.
3. What was the outcome of the conversation? I feel like we will definately be getting married in the future. As to when, I have no idea.
4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away? I think he will propose sometime next year. My thoughts right now is that I wouldn''t walk away. I love him, we have a GREAT relationship. And I know we both want to be married someday. I don''t think he will want to wait a REALLY long time either. I hope I can keep that mentality.
 
An interesting observation... of the ladies who replied, those who have been dating less than 2.5 years have not really ever thought about when they would walk away. Those who have been dating more than 2.5 years have given it some thought, or have a specific time in mind when they would cut their losses... very interesting...
 
1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating? 7 months

2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)? last night!!! He called me late and said he wants me to marry him "soon", but he hasn''t even oficially proposed yet, lol

3. What was the outcome of the conversation? We both agreed it would be "soon"

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away? I''m pretty sure he will propose in by the end of the year, but it could be as late as Valentines Day. At this point, I don''t think I could ever walk away. Besides, he is as anxious to be married as I am!
 

I''ll do my best...


1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating? 3 years 4 months


2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)? Last weekend. Talked about moving, where we will live etc. No marrige talk though. Leaving that alone for now.

3. What was the outcome of the conversation? We are looking for places to buy, move in next year.

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away? I''m not walking away. I''m confident that he know''s I''m the one. As of now, there is no end date. I guess that makes me hopefull for a proposal before mid next year. Who knows though. I''d like to get married before the end of 2008.
 
1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating? 2 years and 3 months

2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)? We just joke around and talk about the future all the time....like it''s a given!.

3. What was the outcome of the conversation? No outcome, it''s just implied that it will happen soon

4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away? I will wait until I feel happy waiting...the moment I don''t feel comfortable or secure then I''m walking away....not as an ultimatum, but I want to be with someone that wants to marry me as much as I want to marry him...if I don''t see that happening then I would have to walk away. As long as things are like they''re now, I could wait a while longer hoping we meet our 2006 timeline!!
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Date: 10/17/2006 9:20:02 PM
Author: JulieN
He wants to go sow his wild oats until we can be together, but doesn''t want me to see other people. When we can be together again, we''ll get married. I''m not sure what I think of this yet.
Click to expand...
SAY WHA??????
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Have you decided what you "think" of this yet? It only took me one second to figure out what I thought of it.
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Hum, JulieN... Are you saying that he''s expecting you to just sit there sagely while he goes to "sow his wild oats" before getting married?? Does that sound reasonable to you? Is that what you want from your future husband?

My intention is not to be rude or mean, but... just think about it.
 
he''s really young, a little younger than me, so I can understand not being ready to get married for a while. and we''ve been long-distance for over two years now. not trying to defend, but I do understand what it''s like to be lonely, and I think it''s possible for the heart and the physical side to not be connected.

he''s not ready for marriage now, and we are separated (but still act like a couple, just on a more limited basis.) He has the right to do whatever he pleases. I see it as him being protective (possessive) and I don''t mind that.

So that''s all the understanding I have for him.
 
Date: 10/19/2006 3:34:08 PM
Author: JulieN
he''s really young, a little younger than me, so I can understand not being ready to get married for a while. and we''ve been long-distance for over two years now. not trying to defend, but I do understand what it''s like to be lonely, and I think it''s possible for the heart and the physical side to not be connected.

he''s not ready for marriage now, and we are separated (but still act like a couple, just on a more limited basis.) He has the right to do whatever he pleases. I see it as him being protective (possessive) and I don''t mind that.
Click to expand...

Aren''t you lonely too? Or is the little you''re getting "good enough". And if "heart & physical" aren''t connected ... why don''t the same rules apply to you?

Please think this through to a possibly unpleasent ending: in which he decides one of his other girls is now the chosen "future wife" - and you''re out of the picture, after having "waited" for him to be ready.

I''d guess MOST of us have been in a similar situation (or at least had it requested of us) in the past and have LEARNED THE HARD WAY that "protection" is "control" and "we''ll get married after I sow my oats" is "i have no idea what''ll happen in the future but for now i want my cake & to eat it too". And that not wanting you to date others is ALL ABOUT HIS OWN EGO and not a sign of how much he loves you.

Young, long distance for two years, he wants to see other people. Why not just break up for now ... date other LOCAL guys yourself & remember what it''s like to have a hands-on, face-to-face, loving, mutual, 100% "on" relationship. Why settle for less? NO ONE is worth that. NO ONE.
 
JulieN,

Well I have to admit that I know nothing about your situation (I just know you as diamond-cut/knowledgeable extraordinaire.) Even with the "who am I" thread, I found I had even more questions for you. I think of you (may be totally off) as a traditional Indian girl who has a very, very powerful brain. But that's only because you mentioned Indian mangoes, so excuse me if I'm totally off.

In any case, I don't know how old your guy is but I do know that there seems to be a certin desire for guys to sow their wild oats (I found it really crazy during 21-24 years old) of course there are exceptions to everything. In any case, I was in a situation like this and did find that my ex wanted me to sit at home and do nothing while he did all sorts of things. It was really hurtful terrible (and I have to admit that I really did sit at home and do nothing, so he got what he wanted
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So I can't give you any any advice, only to say that I did that too.

I find this kind of strange double standard exists sometimes, where they want to be with other people, but they want to make sure that you are still waiting. And lastly, I had a friend (a wonderful, amazing, giving, loving girl) who was long distance with a guy for 3 years, in any case, he cheated on her half way in the relationship. She said the same thing to me "I understand lonliness so I forgive him" In any case, they got married last summer, and she moved to Eygpt to be with him. In any case, I hope that you are at peace with the situation.
 
ally, my parents were born in Vietnam. I just know a bit about India.

yes, it seems weird, but I am ok with however it turns out. definitely hoping for the happy ending, though.
 
1. How long have you and SO (significant other) been dating?
8 yrs! we met when we were 18 though, so marriage was not really an option earlier on with both of us in college. I went to grad school so that prolonged stuff as well. Now we are 26 and both doing well financially and I am ready ready ready!
2. When was the last time ya''ll discussed everything (future, timelines, etc)?
A few weeks ago I told him I''d like it to happen before the new year. He seemed surprised by this but he may just have been trying to throw me off. I really hope it is within 6 months, although next week would be better! =o)
3. What was the outcome of the conversation?
He wants it to be a surprise. I was getting kind of annoying with bringing it up all the time. He told me that the more i talk about it, the more he wants to wait. He blamed me for taking the fun out of it. So, I am trying my best to keep my mouth shut hoping it will happen sooner that way!
4. How much longer do you think you''ll be waiting? for a proposal? before you walk away?
I think I will be waiting 6-8 months?
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But if he waits that long I would definitely be disappointed. I haven''t really thought about how long it would take for me to walk away. I can''t really give an answer for that one, I hope it never gets to that point!!!
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Date: 10/17/2006 9:20:02 PM
Author: JulieN
He wants to go sow his wild oats until we can be together, but doesn't want me to see other people. When we can be together again, we'll get married. I'm not sure what I think of this yet.
Click to expand...
I think HELL no. Can't have his cake and eat it too....what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I'd never accept that in a million years. Never. Imagine sitting at home alone when he's out meeting other women? Don't. Think. So. If he's so secure in your relationship, then he should be willing to accept the same terms that he's asking YOU to accept. That's my 2 cents.
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But I'm not the one potentially marrying him in the future.
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