Question regarding MOH duties

[KatM]

I''m still over in LIW, but i''ve been asked by one of my close friends to be a MOH for her. From the things that she''s said, I''m getting the feeling that she''s going to want me to probably plan a shower and a bachelorette party for her, as well as pitch in with general wedding stuff. For the most part I''m fine with this (but there''s a tiny part of me that worries that she''ll go overboard), but I have no idea what to do, or when.

How far out do most people have showers and bachelorette parties? Has anyone planned one? How do they generally go?

I''m not sure what I''m supposed to do exactly, and I don''t want her to be disappointed if I missed something I didn''t know I was supposed to do.

TIA!

 

[Octavia]

You should start planning several months in advance, especially if it''s a large bridal party and/or if people will be coming from out of town. I was in a wedding with four bridesmaids, and when the MOH started planning the shower/b-party weekend 5 months in advance, we still had a really hard time finding a date when everyone was free. The details can wait, but choose the dates as soon as you reasonably can!

Also, please please pay attention to what the bride says she wants and doesn''t want. It''s understandable to scale back if she wants something extravagant that nobody can afford, but if she''s a low-key bride and wants a spa day for her b-party, don''t force her to go out clubbing with a fake veil on (or vice versa)...speaking from experience, it doesn''t make for happy times. At all.

If you''re worried that she''ll go overboard, I''d also sit down with her ASAP and discuss exactly what she expects of you, and what you are willing, physically able, and financially able to do. Getting this out of the way upfront can help save you both lots of stress later on, and if you''re not able to do what she expects of you, it gives you a chance to bow out before it escalates into a big problem.

Good luck, and I hope it''s a lot of fun for you both!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I consider the following to be typical MOH responsibilities:

show up to the wedding in appropriate attire on time. (arrive when the bride asks for pictures etc)
attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
plan the bachelorette party
coordinate a shower or make sure that some else is hosting a shower
offer to help stuff and/or address envelopes
occasionally check in to see if the bride needs to vent or needs any help
offer to go dress shopping
attend most, if not all, of the showers if more than one is given in her honor. You will be invited to all showers, but you are not expected to give a gift at each shower.

Cost:
You should assume that you will be paying for your bridesamid's dress, and that you might spend a little money on either hosting a shower or attending a shower. Also, plan to spend money on attending the bachelorette party. You are not expected to pay for the entire bachelorette party or a shower, just do the legwork of coordinating things with her other friends and bridesmaids. Usually, all the b-party attendees spilt the cost of the party, so you have to take their budgets into account unless you are going to pay for everything yourself. The cost of the showr is divided between the hosts. You can ask the other bridesmaids if they would like to host a shower together and then discuss the budget. How much money you spend on the parties is totally up to you and your budget, and a good friend and gracious bride would not demand or expect that you spend more money than you are comfortable with on these things.


Being a good MOH is more about time than money, imo.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I would sit down with her and ask her to lay out for you what her expectations are...this will be, by far, the most practical way of getting to the bottom of things--and not to mention, allows you to avoid any miscommunications...

Every bride is different. Some brides will wants a MOH that is completely and totally hands on...she'll want to take full advantage of your commitment to her wedding and think of you as if you were her clone. Other brides will be far more laid back, they will focus more on the *fun* stuff, like dress shopping and beauty treatments. Some brides wouldn't even think to ask a MOH or BM to plan a Shower or Bachelorette party because an Aunt or Grandmother has already called "dibs" on that honor. Some brides want a MOH only for traditions sake, and that really she plans to be a lone ranger when it comes to pulling her wedding together.

But, most importantly, remember being asked to be a MOH is an honor. It speaks so well of your friendship and bond...it means she trusts you, and thats really special. So yes, you'll shell out money and time and feel stressed, overworked and probably under appreciated...but its a nice sentiment shared between friends.

 

[Clairitek]

I''m also a MOH for a wedding this year. So far these are the things I''ve helped her do: (though, I think I would have helped her regardless of my role in her wedding)
:::Keep in mind that I am long distance MOH! The bride lives in New England and I live in the Philly area:::

- I''ve done a lot of internet research for her in regards to venues, photographers, dresses (bridal gown and BM dresses), and decor.
- I coordinated our bridesmaid dress shopping weekend in Boston.
- I have gone to a bridal salon a couple of times with her to help her find a gown if I was home the weekend''s she went to look around.

Things I know she will want help with/me to do down the road:

- Plan her bachelorette party with the other bridesmaids. She has told me she wants to help with this and that she doesn''t expect me to do it alone. I''m happy about this because I want to make sure its something she wants to do.
- Plan her bridal shower. I am going to start on this soon. The wedding is in October but since I''m a little removed from the whole thing I want to make sure it goes well. I have a feeling her stepmother will want to help with this. Which is welcome.
- Help with DIY projects, if any. Invites, favors, other decor.

Additional things I plan to do:

- Organize some sort of bridal party gift with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen provided we are all open to this. I figure it would be awesome to pool money for one really kickbutt large gift rather than all getting them small stuff from the registry.
- Show up on the Thursday before her wedding (a Sunday) to help out with the last minute details.

I do try to return her phone calls/texts/emails promptly. Sometiems shes actually just calling to ask me about my own wedding stuff but I never know if shes in the throes of making a major decision with the wedding and just wants my opinion or advice. I feel like this is helpful to her and I hope that she appreciates it.

I was also asked to be MOH for another good friend''s wedding that is actually only a month and a week before this one. Unfortunately I will be out of the country at this friend''s wedding so my role as MOH is a little strange. I know that she asked me because out of her closest friends I am the most responsive and willing to plan the shower and bachelorette party. This is the second time shes been engaged to this guy and the first MOH has since become really busy and just doesn''t have the time so my friend chose me instead. She has pretty much made all of the wedding choices already having previously planned a wedding. If she asks for help with anything else I''ll gladly help her but it seems like shes pretty much got everything under control.

 

[elrohwen]

I would sit down with her and walk through specifically what she expects because I''ve learned that every bride is different. Some seem to want their MOH to be there all the time and do every wedding planning activity with them. Some (like me) just expect the MOH to show up on the day with the right dress on. Haha. Having her lay out her expectations (and what you can afford to do or have time to do) will help everything go smoothly.

 

[KatM]

thanks for all of your help. it''s not that i don''t think of it as an honor, i really do, i''m just feeling overwhelmed at the initial thoughts of it. i dont know anyone else in the bridal party (we''re childhood friends that have moved to different places). i guess you''re all right, i should sit down with her and just ask.