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Quagmire of Indecision

Discussion in 'RockyTalky' started by natasha-cupcake, Jan 11, 2019.

  1. natasha-cupcake
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by natasha-cupcake » Jan 11, 2019
    I’m going to try and be brief. Upfront admission—I am horribly indecisive and struggle with the anxiety of making a “wrong” decision. I have two diamonds-- .82 E VS2 CBI and 1.11 I SI1 OEC. LOVE the CBI, not entirely thrilled with the OEC—I LOVE the OEC’s positive attributes, don’t like some of its less desirable qualities and ultimately would really prefer to have an OEC that I adore completely. I’ve gone back and forth on the OEC options—sell it; recut it; or set it, wear it, and see if I grow to love it completely. I keep getting stuck on some of the potential negative issues. The ones causing me the most anxiety include the following—

    1. Selling is hard (and frankly, I’m afraid to try);
    2. What if I decide I really do want to sell it and it doesn’t sell;
    3. How would I ship with adequate insurance without announcing “hey, here’s a small valuable item—come steal it!”
    4. What if I do sell it and can’t find another one I like more than this one, that's in my budget;
    5. A recut is risky and will most likely sacrifice too much weight to justify fixing the issues that could be minor in someone else’s eyes;
    6. It’s expensive to set a diamond that I may not want to keep in the long run;
    7. If I do set it, do I choose a simple inexpensive setting in case I don’t grow to love it unconditionally, or do I set it in a more expensive setting that I really, really love?

    There’s more, but you get the drift. I like the idea of having both an OEC and a CBI. I also justify having two because I’d like to have a diamond to leave to each of my daughters when I’m gone. But lately, another thought has been creeping into my head. I originally wanted to have my white gold CBI wedding set and a yellow gold OEC wedding set, to switch on and off. Should I “consolidate” instead? Maybe one bigger diamond would be better. As much as I love variety, taking my rings on and off is a bit of a chore. I have the dreaded Big Knuckle Syndrome which I imagine will only get worse with age. Will I want to switch out my wedding set five or ten years from now? I could sell my OEC and put the money towards a CBI upgrade. Or, I could sell my OEC, take advantage of HPD’s buyback and put the combined funds toward a bigger, better OEC.

    Basically, I’ve just complicated my indecision issues by giving myself more options. Am I insane?? Yes, yes I am. Are these 1st world problems? Absolutely, I feel guilty even worrying about the whole thing. But I’m at the point in my life where I want to indulge in things that bring me joy and a gorgeous diamond is one of those things. The OEC is sitting idle because I can’t seem to make a decision. It’s shameful and a total waste to do nothing with it, so I really do want to make a move. Does anyone have any thoughts, ideas, or inspirations to help me work my way through my self-imposed quagmire? i could really use some perspective. Thanks!

    I guess I wasn’t that brief… (sorry :oops2:)
     
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  2. marymm
    Ideal_Rock

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    by marymm » Jan 11, 2019
    I read your post above, and found your thread on the OEC ... it is pretty clear you do not love the OEC, and enough time has passed that if you were going to grow to love it, you would have by now. Realistically, based on your OEC thread I am thinking selling it may be difficult ... perhaps it would be worthwhile to email Brian Gavin to see what he thinks about a recut? Perhaps it would result in a super-idea-quality diamond close to the carat weight of your CBI, which you could have set in Yellow Gold, and then you'll have your dream two sets in two metals (and have a set to leave for each of your girls).

    FWIW I do understand indecision re: diamonds/gemstones/jewelry ... been there and done that, and currently there and doing it right now. For me, I've learned to take more time in making decisions and in making changes; if you are not sure what to do, then wait, sit on your hands, and at some point I think an answer will come to you that feels right and that you can live with.

    I look forward to hearing how other PSers deal with these types of decisions and choices.
     
  3. nala
    Ideal_Rock

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    by nala » Jan 11, 2019
    I can’t advise you based on what i would do Bc based on your post, you and I have vastly different tolerance levels for risk.
    Here’s what I think will work for you. I think you are afraid to sell and that fear is keeping you from pursuing what you really want. Most of these fears have a solution.
    I think you have a fear of being disappointed if it doesn’t sell, but most stones can sell if the price is attractive enough. So have you set your bottom line and is it worth selling at that point?
    As to shipping and selling, etc. Have you considered consigning it to avoid this anxiety? They will give you step by step directions.
    As to the recut. Here’s the thing. You have to absolutely be so dissatisfied with your stone that the risk is worth it. It doesn’t sound like you like risks, so I say eliminate that option.
    Don’t think about resetting. It doesn’t sound like you love it. Settings don’t change a diamond that drastically.
    Finally. Back to what you really want. One ring to rule them all and i think it’s a cbi Bc that is the safest route. Let go of your fear, consign it, take a loss and start fresh. Or you will never be truly happy.
     
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  4. Snowdrop13
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    by Snowdrop13 » Jan 12, 2019
    Good advice above!

    Sell the OEC- I’m sure I read somewhere else here that if you consign with the likes of JBG they send you labels to ship? Maybe I’m wrong, you’d have to check the terms.

    Use the funds to upgrade your CBI to a larger one, maybe going down in colour to help the process?

    Good luck with whatever you decided! Nice dilemma, in a way!
     
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  5. sledge
    Ideal_Rock

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    by sledge » Jan 12, 2019
    A few questions. How old are your girls? If old enough have either expressed interest in either stone? They are different size, color and styles. Your idea works great if one likes CBI and the other likes the OEC. It gets more difficult of both like the same thing.

    Also what bothers you about the OEC? The chunky facets, color and/or cut quality?
     
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  6. kipari
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by kipari » Jan 12, 2019
    I think putting up a listing on Loupetroop.com is free and easy. You have nothing to loose.
    You can use a Pricescope apparaiser as a proxy. I'm sure he could also send you an insured shipping label. I don't know how much those fees will be, but I think it's less than consignment.
    To me it seems like a foolproof and very safe, but straightforward transaction. Given that you both are comfortable with the apparaiser, whose reputation must be impeccable.
     
  7. Lykame
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    by Lykame » Jan 12, 2019
    Hello lovely @natasha-cupcake,

    Please never feel guilty for these 'first world problems' on this forum. To be fair I have felt like that before myself, but you know, you do deserve these joyful things. I'm sure you have prioritised many other things in your life first over and above yourself.

    @sledge, this is the original OEC thread for your reference. @natasha-cupcake got rather burnt, and I'm sure that is adding to the quagmire she has found herself in.

    @natasha-cupcake, you have received such excellent advice already. I have to agree - you clearly are not loving the OEC, and I also don't think setting it will change your feelings much on the matter, and I think that would count for any setting, be it ring or necklace. I know it has features that you really like, but I don't think it's the right OEC for you.

    In that regard, it seems a shame to keep it, especially as there probably are other people out there who would get a lot of joy from that stone. You'll take a loss by selling it, but there are ways to sell it in a way that reduces the risk for you.

    I'm sorry, I know I always self-reference in posts to my own limited experiences, but it's to share a level of understanding. It took me five painful months to sell my previous ring. I am like you - I am not a risk taker. I don't like risk, and I was afraid to go through the process. I put off the process for a long time. I couldn't bear the thought of selling via eBay or any method where someone might take my ring, then pretend there was something wrong with it, and then I would end up with no money and no ring. That would be just my luck. I spent a lot of time on Pricescope, and my desire to change my ring grew and grew and grew and there became a point where the risk was worth it. Suddenly I became obsessed with trying to sell my ring, and it did for a long time feel like it wasn't going to happen - but you can do it!

    I ended up taking a large loss (literally about 50%, which was very painful, although some would say I likely did well. I got double what most of the quotes I received for it were, so that helped, and I had also enjoyed my ring for eight years, so that helped spread out the cost of the loss, too).

    I spoke to numerous (>20) jewellers and investigated consignment. I live in England but even investigated GOG consignment (which I liked, and their customer service was excellent). I ended up not doing that simply because I could not bear the thought of shipping my ring to America and all the hassle that would involve. To be honest I also wasn't keen on the fact it might take years to sell - I couldn't wait that long. I even ended up putting my ring up for auction to see how it would do there and I (and when I say I, I mean the lovely @Maisie) found a jewellery shipping company who would ship the diamond with insurance (although as mentioned, it may be that you can work with someone else who can take that on for you). In the end, I sold my diamond ring through a company in London who gave me the second best quote I had received. I haggled with them a bit for my own mental well-being, and that worked, too.

    There is no risk in asking around and looking into these options, it's just a bit of a tedious and painful process. I always got asked "what do you think it's worth?" and I refused to answer that question. I had in my head a value that I was willing to accept for it. As time went on that value went down a little, and I received that value - and it was significantly above most of the quotes.

    I guess with all that what I'm trying to say is that you CAN sell that diamond, there will be a loss but you just need to figure out what you're comfortable with. I think that would be something really clear to you. If I had sold my ring privately I might have made a bit more money but I may not have, and over time I figured out what was important to me - I wasn't loving my ring and I wanted a different one. That would involve some loss. What is loss anyway? Sorry to get philosophical, but aren't you losing more than money having a diamond that is sitting unloved in a drawer and giving you all of these negative feelings about it?

    As I myself have never looked into buying an OEC, I'm not an expert at all, but is it possible to consign with someone like Jewels by Grace? I don't know if she does part exchange - maybe there's an OEC on her site you can part exchange for. I don't know. You have so many options, I know that can be overwhelming but it doesn't have to be a bad process.

    I think we have established that it's not worth recutting the OEC. :geek2:

    Hmm, in regards to the CBI vs Plus OEC vs larger CBI vs The One OEC To Rule Them All... what a delicious decision. I think you should do what is right for you currently, don't try and figure out what you think you will want in ten years' time when you can no longer easily exchange your rings. Your tastes may change anyway. I think first step would be to sell your OEC that you currently have and maybe then you'll have a feeling about it all. I do think however you're really keen to have an OEC, so I'm not sure I can really imagine you no longer having an OEC in your life. And if you no longer have a CBI in your life how will you feel then? Buying back from CBI, you still lose 20%, which isn't so much no but that's still a loss on a diamond you're happy with...?

    Anyway, lots of food for thought, sorry not sorry about my essay response. :kiss2:
     
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  8. natasha-cupcake
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by natasha-cupcake » Jan 12, 2019
    So much helpful advice! Thank you everyone. This is so incredibly helpful. Some of this was hard to hear, but necessary. My real problem is to get past the paralysis to actually make a move—any move. I think you hit the nail on the head @marymm about my hesitation in selling the OEC. It would be difficult to sell it to a knowledgeable and discriminating OEC buyer, because it doesn’t fit a PriceScope definition of a desirable OEC--which is exactly why I’m not in love with it. I don’t think it would be impossible to sell because the stone has many positive qualities—large spread, great color, beautiful snowflake pattern and excellent sparkle--that may appeal to some buyers (the negatives include indistinct petal pattern under the table and girdle reflection in bright sunlight). It’s admittedly not a great stone, but frankly, I’ve seen a few OECs on PriceScope that look less desirable yet posters seem quite happy.

    I’m okay with taking a loss. Only a fool would buy jewelry expecting it to keep full value and frankly, if I’m not doing anything with it, it’s worth nothing to me. You are so right, @Lykame, I’ve already lost the full value if I allow it to remain sitting unloved in a drawer.

    @sledge, my daughters are 19 (twins) and are delightful, mature and loving. I would not have a problem with them appreciating my jewelry, no matter how I divvied it up. Even if I sold one diamond, I still have my gorgeous padparadscha ring (and a few other colored stone rings that I hope to acquire!), so I don’t have to worry about equitable sharing. I think I can stop worrying about having one diamond for each girl and removing that issue will help me to move forward.

    @nala, I think you are right about my risk tolerance and my fear of not selling. And yes a recut is risky, too risky for me at this point. I think I would reconsider the recut only if I tried to sell it and was unsuccessful.

    @kipari, your advice seems to be a good way to move forward. I had not thought of combining Loupetroop with using an appraiser. It would mitigate some of the fear I have about selling private person to private person. I want any potential buyer to feel safe and happy about making a transaction.

    I'm not sure I'm completely ready to move forward, but I feel as though I'm making progress. I'm completely open to more suggestions and input. And again, thank you all for helping me.
     
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  9. Lykame
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    by Lykame » Jan 12, 2019
    I had a browse through Jewels By Grace earlier, as I have done occasionally in the past. Oh my gosh, some of the ugly ducklings that she is magically able to sell! Honestly, there's a buyer out there for pretty much everything. I think you may be surprised - there are definitely people out there who would think your diamond is a treasure and worth owning. :geek2: Certainly something about it appealed to you to begin with. Please don't believe all is lost - it certainly isn't. :kiss2:
     
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  10. leukolenos
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    by leukolenos » Jan 12, 2019
    Have you ever seen an OEC that gave you heart palpitations? As others have said you clearly don’t love your current oec, but I feel like it’s more relevant to figure out if it’s even worth pursuing as a category in the future.

    I am very indecisive myself and absolutely fear making the wrong decision, so I’m totally sympathetic to that plight. Buying all of my stones about gave me a heart attack every time! It’s truly hard. I feel like learning your taste in old cuts is a difficult venture because there are no numbers to guide you. If you really love your CBI, there’s nothing wrong with that! Embrace it!
     
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  11. natasha-cupcake
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    by natasha-cupcake » Jan 13, 2019
    So, with the help of all of you who so kindly offered me advice and support, I think I have a game plan for how to move forward. I’ve decided that you’re all right, if I haven’t fallen in love with my OEC by now, I probably never will. So I won’t be setting it. I’m going to try and sell it, first through Loupe Troop, most likely using a local appraiser, as suggested. I might try consignment after that. If it sells, I’m leaning towards upgrading my CBI, to a larger stone, rather than looking for another OEC. If it doesn’t sell, I’ll decide between revisiting the recut option or revisiting the idea of setting it. What I won’t be doing, is let it sit unused.

    One of the things I’m realizing is that I need to make one decision at a time. Part of my paralysis is due to overthinking and trying to find answers to all possibilities at once. I’m going to put a post in Preloved, followed by a Loupe Troop listing later this week and hope for the best. Wish me luck!
     
  12. Lykame
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    by Lykame » Jan 13, 2019
    What an excellent and sensible, well thought out plan!!! One step at a time. :geek2:

    The best of luck to you!!! Keep us posted!!!

    :kiss2:
     
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  13. sledge
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    by sledge » Jan 13, 2019
    Sorry @natasha-cupcake, I started asking some Q's but never finished my other thoughts.

    Either way I think you have a solid plan. The OEC seems to cause you heartache for one reason or the other. The only way to rid yourself of that is to find it a new home. Once you do that, you will be in a spot emotionally and financially to explore new options.

    I really like the idea of listing on LT and here, and then using a local independent 3rd party appraiser to complete the transaction. Not only does it ease your anxiety but it also provides some reassurance to a buyer that their purchase is being handled professionally.

    Fingers crossed for this segment of the journey that you find the right buyer in a reasonable time frame that you are able to work a fair deal with for both you and their benefit.
     
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