Proposing to HIM!

[CNOS128]

Has anyone out there done this? Or thought about it?

I think about it all the time, but (a) I don''t think BF would take me seriously and (b) he said if I propose then I don''t get an engagement ring. I don''t want to be shallow or anything, but c''mon -- no ring?!

If I did ask and I managed to convince him I was serious, I know he''d say yes; but I''m pretty sure he''d also feel cheated out of being able to create a big romantic surprise for me as he''s planning to do (someday, eventually). Still, it''d be nice to feel like I was more in control of the timeline. Of course, I''m one of those people for whom it''s healthy to relinquish some control once in awhile . . .

Anyway, I think if I were to propose I''d whisk him away to a romantic B&B for a weekend, take him for a walk, and give him a diamondless ring. Or, I might forget about the ring and give him something like tickets to a basketball game, which he''d treasure so much more.

Would you propose to your guy? Would not getting an engagement ring bother you like it would bother me? Would you get him a ring? Would you want it to be a surprise? How would you ask?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I like the idea and I think it takes the pressure off some guys, plus they will likely get far more of a surprise than the girl anyway. I seriously considered it and we both knew it would happen in Europe either way. They thing was that I was studying abroad and he was living with me but totally dependent on me for lidging, food and money while we were there do to the way the arrangement came together. It was fairly emasculating as it was and if I had proposed it would not have helped matters. Before we planned for Europe I brought it up and he had no trouble with the idea though, so it was really just situational.

 

[Circe]

Heh - I think I post on every single thread about girl-guy proposals that comes up! I love to see 'em - it's a nice sign that the times, they are a-changing.

I proposed to my guy spur of the moment: we'd been doing the long distance thing for a while, and I'd just landed a position out in his part of the world. So we were talking about the future and how awesome it would be, and we both kept using "we": thing is, I'm a commitmentphobe (or I used to be, anyway) and a nit-picky language person, so the indefinite future thing started to bug me. I mentioned that I'd rather we didn't dream pie-in-the-sky dreams before anything was decided, he expressed a desire to spend the rest of our lives together, I concurred, and before I knew it, I was blurting out, "So, will you marry me?" No forethought, no down on one knee, no nothing. Half an hour of "Oh my GOD, we're engaged!" later, I asked if he wanted a ring, and he replied in the negative, but said that he'd like me to have one, and a week later, it was on my finger.

(He'd been picturing a traditional engagement ring, guy-sized, so I can see why he refused, but he was quite delighted with the woven band I gave him on his next trip out: in Sweden, men and women wear matching metal bands until the wedding, and *then* the diamonds come.)

If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing: the spontaneity of it was a terrific counter to my usual over-planning, and, frankly, the fact that it never occurred to him to think anything of the "role-reversal" only reinforced that he was the guy for me.

 

[choro72]

Date: 3/13/2008 9:47:33 PM
Author:TheBigT
I think about it all the time, but (a) I don't think BF would take me seriously and (b) he said if I propose then I don't get an engagement ring. I don't want to be shallow or anything, but c'mon -- no ring?!

If I did ask and I managed to convince him I was serious, I know he'd say yes; but I'm pretty sure he'd also feel cheated out of being able to create a big romantic surprise for me as he's planning to do (someday, eventually).
Still, it'd be nice to feel like I was more in control of the timeline. Of course, I'm one of those people for whom it's healthy to relinquish some control once in awhile . . .

Anyway, I think if I were to propose I'd whisk him away to a romantic B&B for a weekend, take him for a walk, and give him a diamondless ring. Or, I might forget about the ring and give him something like tickets to a basketball game, which he'd treasure so much more.


Would you propose to your guy? Would not getting an engagement ring bother you like it would bother me? Would you get him a ring? Would you want it to be a surprise? How would you ask?

If I proposed to my BF, I would buy myself a ring instead of having him buy me one. I would get a meaningful gift for him too, just because he isn't a jewelry person. Or, the engagement ring I would get him would serve as his wedding ring.
But I wouldn't do this because I just know that he will be disappointed in not being able to do what he calls "the one thing I really want done right in my life"

Cicre, your story is beautiful!

 

[CDNinNYC]

Date: 3/13/2008 10:54:42 PM
Author: Circe
Heh - I think I post on every single thread about girl-guy proposals that comes up! I love to see ''em - it''s a nice sign that the times, they are a-changing.

I proposed to my guy spur of the moment: we''d been doing the long distance thing for a while, and I''d just landed a position out in his part of the world. So we were talking about the future and how awesome it would be, and we both kept using ''we'': thing is, I''m a commitmentphobe (or I used to be, anyway) and a nit-picky language person, so the indefinite future thing started to bug me. I mentioned that I''d rather we didn''t dream pie-in-the-sky dreams before anything was decided, he expressed a desire to spend the rest of our lives together, I concurred, and before I knew it, I was blurting out, ''So, will you marry me?'' No forethought, no down on one knee, no nothing. Half an hour of ''Oh my GOD, we''re engaged!'' later, I asked if he wanted a ring, and he replied in the negative, but said that he''d like me to have one, and a week later, it was on my finger.

(He''d been picturing a traditional engagement ring, guy-sized, so I can see why he refused, but he was quite delighted with the woven band I gave him on his next trip out: in Sweden, men and women wear matching metal bands until the wedding, and *then* the diamonds come.)

If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn''t change a thing: the spontaneity of it was a terrific counter to my usual over-planning, and, frankly, the fact that it never occurred to him to think anything of the ''role-reversal'' only reinforced that he was the guy for me.

Awww, I love your proposal story! I think it''s great you were so spontaneous and in the moment!!!

In Portugal, it''s also somewhat customary for couples (who are dating) to wear very thin matching gold bands on their RHR finger until they get engaged/married.

 

[absolut_blonde]

I like the idea in theory, it''s just not for me. For SO & me, it''s one of the few things that we are a little old-fashioned about. It is, however, something I could totally see my (female) best friend doing someday!

 

[sunnyd]

On the leap day this year, I asked him what he would do if I proposed to him right now (because traditionally it''s only day a woman can propose to a man). He said he would''ve said yes, obviously, but been sad that he wouldn''t have gotten to do it himself. I almost had a Circe moment where I just wanted to blurt it out, but in the end, I want him to do it.

Last weekend he told he was anxious to do it too!

And that he thinks about how we''ll tell our families and everyone that we''re engaged...ahhhhh I swoon just thinking about it! Hehehe!!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 3/14/2008 11:42:14 AM
Author: sunnyd
On the leap day this year, I asked him what he would do if I proposed to him right now (because traditionally it''s only day a woman can propose to a man). He said he would''ve said yes, obviously, but been sad that he wouldn''t have gotten to do it himself. I almost had a Circe moment where I just wanted to blurt it out, but in the end, I want him to do it.


Last weekend he told he was anxious to do it too!

And that he thinks about how we''ll tell our families and everyone that we''re engaged...ahhhhh I swoon just thinking about it! Hehehe!!

AWwww. That''s adorable! I have a feeling you''re gonna be one of those women who glows for months after getting engaged...

 

[sunnyd]

Hehe thanks T! I''m so proud to call him mine.

 

[sandia_rose]

My guy is a man''s man. He''s not "macho" in the jerky sense of the word -- he''s very particular on what constitutes "a real man" and has a lot of old-fashioned viewpoints on what men do verses what women do. For example, I''m perfectly capable of changing my own oil in my car, changing tires, changing spark plugs and putting a new battery or replacing the headlights. But, he won''t let me! He has said, "Now, what kind of man would I be if I let you do that?"

Having said that, my proposing to him just would not fly. I could see him saying "no" just on principle.

We have talked about marriage here and there, and he has said, "I have my own way of doing things, and when I am ready, I will do it in my own way." So I will wait. He is also the kind of guy who does not like the idea of women picking out their own rings (suggestions are fine, but not actually picking it out). Which is fine. I WANT to be surprised.

FUNNY UPDATE: The being buzzed incident of the other day seems to have blown over. No more mention of it at all. But I thought this was funny. I went over his place yesterday after work, and he was in his basement mixing music (he is a musician and has a full studio set-up). Gave him a kiss and asked him what he was doing. He said, "Mixing what we recorded the other night." So I listened for a couple minutes and then he said, "Oh yeah. I got something for you." And I said, "What?" And he said, "Close your eyes and open your hand." So I did. He put something round-edged into it and I almost hit the floor....until I opened my eyes and saw (see below). I laughed and said, "So...does this mean we''re engaged?" He laughed, too.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[sunnyd]

LOL Bridget!!! I get those too.

"Put out your hand"
"NO!"
"Just do it!"

beer lid. Thanks.

 

[Circe]

Thanks, Choro72 & CDNinNYC! Also, I kind of love that I''m a noun phrase with "Circe moment." Hee.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 3/14/2008 1:35:38 PM
Author: sunnyd
LOL Bridget!!! I get those too.

''Put out your hand''
''NO!''
''Just do it!''

beer lid. Thanks.

It''s kind of like my 8 year old doing the "pull my finger" joke. The first time he did it, he walked up to me with a blank/deadpan look on his face (like below). I was not expecting it and said, "Gee, thanks...." as he burst into hysterical laughter. Men of any age seem to find these jokes funny...

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[designchica]

I don''t understand why you wouldn''t get an engagement ring eventually? The ring isn''t just about the engagement but its about the overall committment, plus it tells other guys that you are spoken for.

 

[Hera]

Date: 3/13/2008 9:47:33 PM
Author:TheBigT
Has anyone out there done this? Or thought about it?

I think about it all the time, but (a) I don''t think BF would take me seriously and (b) he said if I propose then I don''t get an engagement ring. I don''t want to be shallow or anything, but c''mon -- no ring?!

If I did ask and I managed to convince him I was serious, I know he''d say yes; but I''m pretty sure he''d also feel cheated out of being able to create a big romantic surprise for me as he''s planning to do (someday, eventually). Still, it''d be nice to feel like I was more in control of the timeline. Of course, I''m one of those people for whom it''s healthy to relinquish some control once in awhile . . .

Anyway, I think if I were to propose I''d whisk him away to a romantic B&B for a weekend, take him for a walk, and give him a diamondless ring. Or, I might forget about the ring and give him something like tickets to a basketball game, which he''d treasure so much more.

Would you propose to your guy? Would not getting an engagement ring bother you like it would bother me? Would you get him a ring? Would you want it to be a surprise? How would you ask?

There are two negatives to proposing to him in that you''ve cheated him out of his moment and you don''t get a ring. The only win win is to wait for a proposal (which some men also fantasize about) and to get the ring you want.

 

[mayachel]

For a long time, I thought about proposing. Then, in my feminist ways thought about why couldn''t we both propose? I knew two rings, were not going to be his thing, but he does have occasion to wear really nice cuff links. So, I found gorgeous, garnet/silver/gold cuff links. I was trying to wait until he proposed, and then I''d respond in kind, but didn''t make it. SO, when I did give them to him, I said something akin to "this doesn''t take the place of you asking me, but I wanted to let you know, that I''d love for you to agree to marry me." and he excepted. Plus it got the ball rolling about how serious I was that we start moving forward.

If however, he has strictly said it is his preference to do all the proposing, well, how do you feel about that? Is that something on a gut level you are ok with?