propose with idea/cheap replacement/diamond?

[questionsRus]

I was planning on ordering my diamond today (7/19), and getting a setting and proposing shortly thereafter, but my employer messed up my direct deposit, so i have to wait to wednesday, but that's not imporant. The setting i have been planning on getting is over $3k. It is my pick of choice, not hers (she doesn't know) and i was wondering if perhaps i should propose with a very inexpensive band and then have her see my planned one and verify she loves it, or let her chose by herself? Is a proposal ever done with a diamond? also, another reason i am a little iffy about getting it set in the setting first thing is because it can't be resized, and that kind of makes me nervous. Does anyone have any suggestions other than the three i mentioned?
Thanks in advance, my questions always get answered

 

[bar01]

I am not an expert, but I have some comments since I am looking to propose soon too.

"The setting is over $3k" Well - that sounds about average for most engagement rings according to articles I have read.

"Should I propose with a simple band?". NO! This is your time to knock her socks off. Make sure the place you buy the ring from has a 30-day exchange policy. If you sense she does not like it - you can always ask her to go with you back to the store to pick out something she likes better.

"Is a proposal ever done with a diamond?" YES ! This is the classic proposal. A nice diamond (.5 - 1ct) Solitar in gold or platinum is THE STANDARD.

" Because it can't be resized". NOT TRUE! The store should offer to resize for free - this is very typical.


Good Luck !

 

[jenwill]

here is my .02- I would go with the generic setting- I am awaiting the proposal/ring from my honey, and while I would love it if what he picked out was my hearts desire in settings, I know for a fact that unless I help him pick it out it won't be. I can give all the hints I want, but while he is a lovely man, he is also the kind of guy who likes way more 'sparkle' than I do. So, I am hoping for a generic setting that we can change. I would love it if he showed me what he thought would be a great setting, as this would show even more of the thought he put into it, but since I have to wear it, I would liek final say.....along the lines of me telling him I am going to buy him a car and letting him pick it out vs. me just presenting a car witha bow on it. And a car is only going to be around for 5-10 years.

Plus, if you are getting an expensive setting, that cannot be resized- I would definitely wait to get iit on her hand to try.

Bar01- there are many rings that cannot be resized for one reason or another- Tension set, eternity band of diamons, etc. So before making the investment- make sure she will be happy with it. Best of luck- she is a lucky girl that you care so much about this decision!

 

[questionsRus]

you are correct Jenwill, it is a tension setting, and they can't resize it. As for proposing with a diamond, i meant just the lose diamond, and letting her choose the setting , however i want something to put on her finger! I would like the proposal to be a suprise, and it's been long enough that we talked about what she likes that she isn't expecting it, so that means either i get her parents to give them her ring size and hope it's exactly right, i propose with a lose diamond, or i propose with the diamond I'm getting in a generic setting so she can make sure she likes what i really picked. by $3000, i meant without a center stone, just for clarification. Thank you for your comments, I appreciate them greatly, and you can make as many more as you want

 

[chialea]

If I were getting a tension setting I'd want to get her ring size several times to account for time-of-month bloating, time-of-day bloating, and so forth... it's certainly a lot safer to go with a temporary setting. You probably also want to check if she's comfortable with it, since it's a BIG setting. I couldn't wear one, even though they look stunning, since I can't get my fingers anywhere near each other with one on!

 

[questionsRus]

hm. how much do fingers bloat? right now i'm leaning towards a temp. setting, so i can put it on her finger, and so i don't have to worry about sizing issues. AND if she decides she likes another setting more, chances are it'll be lots less than 3k.

 

[reena]

When you were discussing her likes/dislikes, did she tell you that she likes tension settings? If not, I might consider going with the simple setting for the proposal and then getting her input on the setting. Others might disagree with me, but I think the tension setting is sort of a unique look that not everyone might want. If she said she likes them, though, and you can figure out the sizing issue, then go for it!

 

[questionsRus]

i was watching a tv show recently, and she was reading a magazine, and it showed a steven kretchmer ring, who makes the one i would like to get, the one in the mag. was very similar so i subtly asked her about it, and she likes them. i think she may think it's a little too expensive since it's in a magazine though, so she's put it out of consideration.

 

[chialea]

regarding bloating... it's something that varies by person and salt intake and weather and level of activity. personally I'll vary from a 4.5 up to a 5.25 or so. I had my size taken enough times that I think I made a good guess at it at 4.75, but that won't let me take it off when my hands get really swollen after hiking for hours in the middle of summer... *crosses fingers*

(come to think of it, mine might be somewhat extreme, because I have to maintain a high salt intake to make my blood pressure higher, but the principle still holds. I'd want to check before I got one of those settings.)

why don't you cut out a picture of that, put it in the ring box (wrapped up in a ribbon under the ring?) and say "this is what I want to get for you, but I wanted to get your opinion and be very exact about your ring size"? make sure she tries one on first, though, so you can tell if she's comfortable with the size!

and make sure to post pictures

 

[questionsRus]

i like the picture idea, i might do that in combination with a cheap setting. and don't worry about pictures, i have found that the cardinal sin on here is not posting pictures after talking about your purchase for so long

 

[jenwill]

I think the picture idea is great...

My size changes from 8 to 8 3/4 - I do a lot of traveling for work, and my feet and fingers swell enormously. So I agree on getting sized several times over a month.

As for the largeness of tension sets- they are much more substantial than other rings, and I had thought that I wanted one- because in pictures it is difficult to tell how large a ring is in proportion to hand size- when I tried them on , I too had a difficult time holding my fingers together.

So, I would definitely go with generic setting with picture- safer all teh way around!

 

[bar01]

Sorry about my post- I was thinking $3000 was for the whole ring - not just the setting! Wow !

Also about the resizing thing - I was thinking of a basic/classic ring. At least that is what the places I have been talking to have been telling me - that they can resize the type of ring I am looking at - a one or three stone ring.

I was married once before and proposed without a ring - and let her pick out exactly what she wanted for the engagement ring and later of course - the wedding ring.

This time I was thinking I would go the "Holloywood route" with the guy opening the box to reveal a stuning engagement ring.

I don't know now - after reading some of the other posts. Maybe I will have to rethink this.

 

[JimDiamond]

Those are very good questions. I just dealt with those issues for myself.

Are you buying the setting online? If so, be sure to look at settings locally--both similar and disimilar. I found that what I thought looked good online was very different in person. I ended up buying a loose diamond and then had it set locally. That worked really well because I got the best of both worlds.

You said that the setting cannot be resized. I did not know that tensions settings cannot be resized. I'm not an expert on rings, but even if you are absolutely sure of her size now, her fingers will change size over time (and bear in mind even if you have a ring that fits her, unless she wears it on her ring finger on her left hand it won't be the same size). I personally would not want to have a setting that can't be resized.

As to the temporary setting idea: I thought of that one too, especially since my now fiancee doesn't wear too much jewelry. I didn't have much to go on so I was concerned about getting one that she would like. Since I know her I realized though that she would not want to "change" what I had given her so in the end I decided I would have to pick a good setting and stick with it. Some women might be fine with the idea of putting the diamond in a "real" setting that you pick out together, but you have to know her. If you think that will work for you it might make your life a lot simpler and will make her choice one she loves.

There was another reason that I wanted the ring to be "complete" in its final form when I gave it to her. I knew she'd be showing it to LOTS of people. That's when everyone is most interested. I'm sure she'd rather be showing her "real" ring and not a halfway complete ring. If you think she might be willing to keep the engagement on the down low for a few days or a week or two while you work out setting details then that might work.

If she has any friends or family that can keep a secret you might try letting them "approve" the setting too. Even someone (probably female) that she doesn't know could help.

Well I don't know if I helped. I probably just muddied the waters...

 

[questionsRus]

I will be buying the setting online, but traveling to michigan first with her to see if it's something she would like...assuming i propose with a temp. setting. as far as fingers changing, i've asked a ton of people if they ever had to have their rings resized and a huge majority said no. i hadn't thought about her being so excited and wanting to show it to people *right now!!!* but i think she would be most excited about the fact that we're finally engaged. I can ask her family if they approve i guess, but one of her wishes is that people don't know it's going to happen so she can suprise them i guess, and that would mean the ring too. thanks for your comments


bar - when are you planning on proposing? if you end up doing it before i do, let me know if you liked the hollywood style or the ringless style better

 

[bar01]

Well,

I am a long range planner/thinker as far as the marriage proposal. I was married before, and I want to take my time to make sure this is right. I am thinking sometime on (or before) our 1 year "first date" anniversery - which is Thanksgiving.

I don't know how long most guys think about getting engaged - but what is 4-5 more months when you are thinking about a lifetime together?

However - she is droping lots of hints these days (actually more than hints) about getting married soon - -"I am not getting any younger !" "wouldn't something look nice on this hand??" LOL !


Good luck on your proposal.

 

[questionsRus]

Haha, those are funny hints. Thanks, and good luck on yours (however far away) as well

 

[JennWit2Ns]

I would get the whole ring that you are planning on first. She will appreciate the fact that you took the time to look around and made the choice on your own. The fact that you want to choose the ring and surprise her with it, I think is absolutely romantic.

Back in December my boyfriend and I went on a south caribbean cruise. while on the islands we did in fact look around and we both fell in love with the same ring. but even though we did window shop together and i have a basic idea on what it will look like. the fact that he will take the time to look and see which setting he likes best, means more to me than him asking me with a cheaper band then saying now u can pick out what u want.

As for the sizing. If you are unsure of the size just get the ring big. It's tons easier to take the band down than to make it larger and it won't change the appearance of the ring.

 

[questionsRus]

i can't get it big, because it can't be made smaller. i am afraid i'm stuck with the temporary setting option. i would like to give it to her, but there is a chance that even if she loves it, it will be a big ring and her fingers won't be able to come closed. if that's the case i have a backup setting

 

[chialea]

----------------
On 7/20/2004 4:15:32 PM JennWit2Ns wrote:

I would get the whole ring that you are planning on first. She will appreciate the fact that you took the time to look around and made the choice on your own. The fact that you want to choose the ring and surprise her with it, I think is absolutely romantic.

As for the sizing. If you are unsure of the size just get the ring big. It's tons easier to take the band down than to make it larger and it won't change the appearance of the ring.----------------

You misunderstand the issue. He is planning on getting a setting which CANNOT be resized, only remade, and is quite expensive. Also, this setting may be uncomfortable on her hands, since it's rather big. Don't you agree this would be a rather risky $3k investment?

 

[Hest88]

Get a cheap temporary setting. It's the most practical thing to do and certainly not uncommon. However, if your diamond is a H&A that comes with a viewer and all sorts of neat equipment she might like to see it un-set as well. Either way she's going to be happy.

 

[glitterata]

I don't understand this obsession with being surprised by a proposal, anyway. If the proposal is a REAL surprise, that means the couple hasn't been communicating. If it isn't a real surprise--if she knows you're going to propose--why do the moment, the circumstances, and the ring have to be a surprise? The whole thing seems completely arbitrary and artificial to me.

 

[chialea]

----------------
On 7/20/2004 6:30:51 PM glitterata wrote:

If it isn't a real surprise--if she knows you're going to propose--why do the moment, the circumstances, and the ring have to be a surprise? The whole thing seems completely arbitrary and artificial to me. ----------------

My SO and I have spent something upwards of 4 months now picking out rings. He's now bought one, with what I'm told is a lovely sapphire and setting that we both like (I'm several thousand miles away at the moment, and I trust his judgement). However, he dearly loves surprising me. He hides little plastic dinosaurs around the kitchen and bathroom for me to find at unexpected moments. He's being myseterious about when the ring is going to be done (other than "more than a month from now", since it's Tacori), and I think he's going to try to surprise me. (Of course, he wanted to surprise me when he started looking, and he managed to keep it a secret for... oh... 5 hours) I never saw it as a negative thing. I thought it was more in the spirt of the silly things we do for each other, where we like to see the smile light up the other's face at odd times. Sure, plastic dinosaurs and rubber duckies with shaving-cream hairdos are somewhat arbitrary and odd, but they are cute, and finally getting formally engaged is going to make me even happier than that.

I'd be more than thrilled without a surprise, but I also think it's cute that he wants to go out of his way to do something interesting. He's thoughtful like that. Of course, I'm also very happy that he seems mostly incapable of keeping secrets

 

[glitterata]

If you have a tradition of surprises in your relationship, then I suppose it makes some sense to me to continue it. (Chialea, your honey sounds adorable and thoughtful, and the way you write about your relationship makes my heart glow.) But probably that's the exception, not the rule, and the way people go on about making sure it's a surprise, as if the moment would be ruined if it weren't a surprise, still really puzzles me.

 

[questionsRus]

I don't think the moment would be ruined by it not being a suprise, however I do think it would be more exciting

i need a "buddy icon"

 

[JimDiamond]

Glitterata wrote: I don't understand this obsession with being
surprised by a proposal, anyway. If the proposal is a
REAL surprise, that means the couple hasn't been
communicating. If it isn't a real surprise--if she
knows you're going to propose--why do the moment, the
circumstances, and the ring have to be a surprise?

Glitterata,

You're missing the point. Yes, if a proposal were a total shock it may indicate a lack of communication and would not be a good thing. The surprise--the fun--is not from being unaware of the possibility of a proposal but rather from from not knowing exactly when it is coming. There are many people here who have surprised their girlfriends by letting them think the ring isn't ready, they haven't saved enough money yet, or they're too busy right now etc. Then they find a romantic way to propose and it makes for a very special moment that is "unexpected". I think, and apparently many others do to, that it makes for a very special and memorable event.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 7/21/2004 12:16:12 AM questionsRus wrote:

I don't think the moment would be ruined by it not being a suprise, however I do think it would be more exciting

i need a 'buddy icon'----------------

I concur.

There has been quite a bit on this board about tension settings. I know you said she liked the SK setting; but, the real question is would she like it for an engagement ring.

I like the design of the ring. I don't know if I would want it for my engagement ring though. ...just a thought.

I'm glad you are going w/ the temp setting give the nature of the sizing issue.

 

[glitterata]

Well, I guess I'm never going to get the deal with the surprise--it seems silly to me, rather than romantic--but it obviously means a lot to a lot of people, so clearly I'm the one who's missing something here.

However, I think the surprise should definitely not include a ring that doesn't fit, feels uncomfortable, and can't be resized, so I strongly concur with the folks who say if you're going for a surprise, save the tension setting until afterwards so you can make sure she likes it and it fits.

 

[roadpupp]

Well, this was over a month ago but I guess I will chime in.

I too am surprising my girlfriend with a ring. Besides an image she ripped out of a magazine and "accidentally" left laying around, I am flying blind here.

What I did was find a good Brick and Morter store and I bought the setting I am pretty sure she will like (it is very very similar to the one in the magazine and by the same designer) and a great stone.

I had the stone set but the ring is unsized, with a ring guard. The B&M will refund the full cost of the setting and exchange the stone if need be. I am hoping she will love the whole thing, and then we will just have her ring sized or order a factory made setting in the right size and swap the stone in the store.

Good luck.
Chad